A/N: I've got a lot of stuff going on at the moment which has delayed this one soooo much! I knew this 'stuff' was going to happen so I really should have made sure my multi chapter fics were out of the way before it all started getting on top of me. Totally my fault and I do apologise. I hope to be able to finish this soon - 4 chapters planned after this.
This one is from Bella's point of view.
Had it not been for the chorus of birds singing outside and the light streaming in through the curtains we had forgotten to close I don't think I would have woken so early. It had been a very odd 'sleep'. I knew that I was semi-conscious, vaguely aware of the night slowly edging towards morning, but still part of me felt like it had entered the dream world. A very deep and all consuming day dream masquerading as sleep.
As I woke from whatever state I had been in I became painfully aware that something was lacking, another thing that I had been pleasantly aware of throughout the night - Carlisle was nowhere to be seen. Almost in a panic I sat bolt upright, scanning the room only to find it empty, something which my subconscious instinct already knew. Disappointed not to wake to find him beside me I rolled over to stare at his vacant spot on the bed where I found a note lying on his pillow.
"Emergency at the hospital - sorry I had to leave you but I think you'll find something downstairs which will cheer you up."
I squinted at the piece of paper wondering what on earth he'd left for me when suddenly I heard it. A gentle thundering of footsteps on the stairs, racing down the hall in a way which even sounded elegant. Before I had time to gather my thoughts or work out who it was the door flew open and 'it' landed with a soft thud on the bed beside me.
"Bella" Alice screamed, drawing me into a hug.
"It's good to see you Alice." I said as I deepened our hug, so pleased to see her again - we saw less and less of each other once she'd gone off to college. "What are you doing here?"
"Well someone has to look after the newborn and do I need an excuse to visit my sister?" Her face was lit up with happiness. We'd always considered each other as good as family and my being a vampire only served as yet another thing we had in common.
However, at that moment I realised exactly why Carlisle had called Alice in. The burning in my throat had never subsided but somehow, in the chaos and then utter calm of all that had happened, it had seemed to linger only on the surface of my mind. Now I was all too aware of the fire in my throat which seared as my very being ached to satisfy the unquenchable thirst. Alice was there to make sure I didn't slip up.
Alice's smile seemed to fade a little as the realisation crept over me. "I hope you're not offended that he asked me to come, Bella."
"No, no not at all." I knew he trusted me and Alice being here was as much a comfort as it was a precaution.
Satisfied with my genuine response she positively bobbed up and down on the bed as she said her next words at a speed I was sure I'd never have caught if I were still humane. "So what's going on with you and Carlisle?"
"What? Nothing? Why do you ask?" I tried to sound both calm and yet surprised but somehow it came out squeaky and a little too defensive. In truth nothing had happened apart from our kiss…
"Me thinks you protest way too much and bear in mind I did see that kiss." She wiggled her eyebrows in implication, "Didn't look like nothing to me." She finished with a wink and I couldn't help but giggle a little. Did I just giggle? What is wrong with me? I was behaving like a love struck teenager.
"Have I told you lately how much I hate your foresight?"
"Not lately…but come on Bella! There is definitely something between you and I think you already know that. You're just afraid to say it out loud."
Suddenly serious I whispered, "I'm not afraid Alice. I'm only afraid of losing someone I love…that's the only thing I'm scared of."
"What about Carlisle? Aren't you afraid you might lose him? I know he's fallen for you Bella, I can see it in his eyes. His mind has never been quite so made up. He sees his future with you."
"Well I'm here now Alice so we're not exactly going to lose each other are we? I'm one of you now…we're family."
"That's all it is on your part? You're sure that you don't feel something more? Something deeper?" She knew the answer of course, I was always convinced Alice had more than just the power of seeing into the future for she just seems to know exactly what you're thinking.
I paused for a moment, toying with the idea in my head even though I knew that I did indeed have feelings for Carlisle. How could I not? For a good number of years now he had been a constant in my life, in recent years a rather more distant one but he was always there for me. If he weren't so repulsed by the idea of human blood I knew for sure that he would make the perfect vampire. For all that every single vampire I'd ever met was beautiful, Carlisle just had something about him which drew you in more than any other I'd ever met...even Edward. While pondering this thought I realised that the burning itch in my throat that I so desperately wanted to scratch subsided ever so slightly, as though Carlisle was the one thing that held me back from embracing the darkness within me.
"It was just a kiss Alice. We're both lonely creatures…I know Carlisle feels something for me but it's…I don't know." My voice trailed away feebly at my lame attempt to justify the relationship Carlisle and I had.
"This is about Edward isn't it?"
I stared into her ochre eyes, so full of brutal truth yet completely understanding. Something behind those eyes made me want to open up, release the feelings that had been building up in my mind.
"Yes, it is. I don't think I can do this to him Alice…it feels like such a betrayal. Then there's Esme and all of you, more importantly Rosalie who already hates the ground I walk on. It's just…not right."
"I accept your feelings Bella but you're forgetting one thing. We all love you and Carlisle, yes even Rosalie," she said, understanding my disbelieving look, "and Edward and Esme did and always will. What is the one thing you always want for someone you love?"
She finished triumphantly, knowing full well that she had beaten me, the answer blindingly obvious.
When I didn't reply she became insistent, "I want an answer Bella."
I rolled my eyes. "Happiness. Happiness is the thing you want for someone that you love."
"We all want you to be happy Bella and if you'll be happy with Carlisle then we'll be over the moon…for both of you"
"Even Rosalie?" I laughed.
"Even Rosalie." said Alice, who also chuckled lightly.
I had abandoned all pretence now and Alice clearly knew that I did care for Carlisle…perhaps even suspected that I loved him but, even after my pathetic attempts to cover this fact up, I wasn't bothered by it at all.
She put forward the perfect argument and I felt powerless to respond. Maybe she was right and this wasn't so wrong…maybe Edward and Esme would be happy for us.
More than anything I realised the one thing that I wanted most - I wanted Carlisle to be happy.
A/N: I'm not as happy with this chapter as I was with the last one but it gives Bella some time to deal with her feelings. She's now a little more sure thanks to dear Alice and I think the final line shows that.