Disclaimer: Let's have a change of pace—Sasuke, you do the disclaimer!
SASUKE: -with a pained sigh- Yes, Naruto owns me.
-blinks- That wasn't quite what I… Wait. What happened to Masashi-sama?
SASUKE: He has been dealt with accordingly.
… Um…

Pairings: SasNar (we're getting there!)

Warnings: Mature language, and yaoi later on; gentle smut in this chapter (don't ask me how smut can be gentle, though…)

Chapter 6: The Morning After

The bright rays of the sun slipped through the blinds of the window, piercing the air with their brilliance. The rays' luminance highlighted gold with such a dazzling intensity that any onlookers would have shaded their eyes.

When Sasuke's eyes fluttered to life, the first thing he saw was said dazzling gold. Immediately he closed his eyes, disgruntled. When he opened them again he saw dark spots clotting his vision. He almost groaned as he tried to roll over. He found himself unable to do so, however, by a dead weight that was planted on his stomach and midsection. Looking down, he noticed a certain unconscious blond lying serenely on him, looking more than comfortable. Even worse, the brilliant gold was his damn hair, reflecting the sun.

Immediately, Sasuke roughly shoved Naruto off as casually as one swats at a fly and sat up to stretch his back.

Naruto, awakening upon impact with the hard floor, looked around, dazed. "Sasuke-teme," he greeted roughly, rubbing his eyes blearily and yawning widely. "What'ch'ya doin'?"

"I apparently slept here," Sasuke responded coolly, not pleased. The ooey-gooey happiness from the night before was completely sapped from him, and in its place was a vicious anger. How could he have left his guard down and blabbed off about so much? Mentally kicking himself, he straightened his clothes, fingered his hair down, and headed for the door.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Naruto called, confused. "Where are you going?"

"Leaving," Sasuke replied tersely, slipping on his shoes and grabbing his bag.

Naruto grumbled to himself and stood. He went to the door and reached to open it for Sasuke, who had finished tying off his laces. However, Sasuke had also been going for the door handle and their hands collided momentarily, Naruto's hand being pushed into the door and Sasuke's on top.

Something warm flared up, shooting up his arm, slamming into his shoulders and flooding down his back—

Sasuke snatched his hand away, giving Naruto a cold and scathing look. Naruto, in turn, opened the door and kept his gaze on the floor for a second longer than he needed to. He then regained his composure. "You don't need to be an ass, ya know," he reminded.

Sasuke didn't reply and started off.

"And you could at least say good morning!" he shouted after the retreating figure.

Silence was the audience to his yelling. Growling in frustration, Naruto turned and stormed to his room, putting on some clean clothes. He was too hasty, though, and bumped his face several times, causing him to wince. His bruises and scrapes weren't nearly as bad as they had been, almost completely healed, in fact, but they were still a little tender.

Truth be told, Naruto was more than a little surprised that Mizuki hadn't come home late during the night, crashing in (possibly drunk), causing a commotion and demanding Sasuke leave and then take some more anger out on the blond. In any case, Naruto was more than happy at the fact that he was home alone.

So happy, in fact, he pretty much skipped to school, much to Gaara's chagrin.

Naruto's brows were furrowed together.

"—the reciprocal of the tangent to the nth degree squared negatively by i—"

Ibiki-sensei kept talking, but his vocabulary left Naruto spell-bound.

"And there you have it," Ibiki finished, stepping back so the class could get a good look at the problem overall. "It looks tricky, but really it's—"

"Sensei?" Naruto interrupted.

"Yes?"

"What's a reciprocal?"

"… Excuse me?"

"Reciprocal. Sounds fun. I want one."

Ibiki rattled off a simple definition, eyeing Naruto up all the while.

"Oh," was the simple response.

Ibiki grunted and turned to face the white board again. "Anyway, you can also do this with—"

"Sensei?" Naruto interrupted again.

"Yes, Uzumaki?" the teacher responded again.

"What's a… 'enth' degree?"

Ibiki blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"The 'enth' degree thingy. Do I count out my alphabet and see what number n is? Cuz that would be annoying, ya know."

Once more eyeing the boy up, Ibiki rattled off a simple explanation.

"Oh," Naruto's simple response was again.

"Anyway," Ibiki continued. "This can also be graphed on your calculator. If you would please take them out now—"

"Sensei?" Naruto interrupted once more.

"Yes, Uzumaki?" the teacher responded once more.

"Why is sin mentioned in our text? I mean, I know math is the root of evil and all, but…"

Ibiki was confused at first. "You're talking about sine, correct?

"Maybe?"

"… It's the abbreviation for sine, Naruto," Ibiki explained.

"Oh," was the response once more.

Ibiki watched Naruto, waiting for more questions. The boy seemed placate enough, so Ibiki turned to pick up his marker once more. He had barely grasped it and uncapped it when—

"Sensei?"

"I suppose you're going to want to know what the number i means now?" Ibiki questioned, exasperated.

"That, too." Naruto agreed. "But also. In the homework, this e negative one and f negative one thing kept showing up, as well as these weird symbols, like circley symbols and stuff"—he made his point by drawing exaggerated circles with his finger—"are those numbers, too?"

"I do believe," Ibiki responded, "that you're talking about sine, cosine, and tangent. And I have no idea why you're even in this class if you don't know what they are."

"Oh, okay. Sign, co-sign, and tangerine." Naruto systematically wrote that in his notebook as he repeated them.

"Tangent," Ibiki corrected. He looked ready to cry.

"Right, that. Thanks. I'm done now. You can go back to the half-circle now."

"That's—" But before he allowed the boy to give him a heart attack, he nodded, still looking heartbroken. "As I was," he started instead.

Naruto fell asleep before he could hear the rest of the sentence. Despite Kiba's persistent poking, he remained asleep for most of the class.

It was around the time he entered Iruka-sensei's class that he realized Sasuke was walking around in touch-me-and-I-will-eat-your-kitten-for-breakfast mode.

And so, being Naruto, he marched right up to the bastard and told him as much. "Oi, bastard, what the fuck is your problem?"

Sasuke didn't even acknowledge him, deciding instead to flip open his text to the current lesson, skimming it over thoughtfully.

Naruto's eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms huffily. "Oiiiiiiiiiiii! You can just ignore me, Sasuke-teme!"

Sasuke did just that.

Vein throbbing in his temple, Naruto planted his hands on Sasuke's desk, leaning down so that he could be more level with the bastard to look him in the eye. "Are you having a hissy fit because you told me something that you don't like talking about last night? Is that it?" the blond growled lowly. Though he was upset with the Uchiha, he kept his tone lower so that no one but Sasuke could hear it.

"I don't see why you would care, dobe."

"Hey!" said dobe shot back defensively. "I thought we were getting along—you know, like actually becoming friends—!"

That was what made Sasuke's eyes flash. "I don't want friends," he sneered. "Now get away from me."

Naruto stared at Sasuke for a few seconds longer, heated anger and frustration blistering his throat with a thousand retorts. The raven resumed skimming his text and Naruto decided to take his seat, forcefully swallowing the acidic comebacks and taking a deep breath.

He decided Sasuke was merely a PMS-ing woman.

But his mood was brightened when Gaara stepped into the room. It was damper-ed slightly when Gaara stopped at the desk next to him and gave the guy sitting in the seat a look which sent said poor boy scrambling away, whimpering to himself.

"Gaar- ra," Naruto chastised, "you can't just waltz around and scare people—you're going to give yourself a bad reputation!"

Already got one, dingle-bat.

"I already have one, dingle-bat."

Naruto wrinkled his nose. "What's a dingle-bat?"

"You."

"Oh." Naruto thought for a second. "Then dingle-bats are good?"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Hey, Sasuke," Naruto stage-whispered enthusiastically, proud of his new title, "I'm a dingle-bat!"

The raven didn't even glance at him.

"Alright, class!" Iruka-sensei piped suddenly. "I'm going to give you a paper with your next project on it. I'm going to put you in pairs for it. The project is quite simple, really—"

"Iruka-sensei!" Naruto cried suddenly. "Can Gaara-chan be my partner?"

Iruka shook his head. "Unfortunately, I already made the pairs. Listen up now! The pairs are pretty much alphabetical, so I'm sure you'll be able to guess as to who your partner is—"

Alphabetical, Naruto repeated to himself. Uzumaki… who has a last name close to Uzumaki—?

"—with Uchiha Sasuke—"

Well… Sabaku isn't too far away. S and U… those are kinda close to each other, right…? Narrowing his eyes, he glanced around, filing everyone's last name (at least those he knew), trying to calculate who his partner could possibly be.

Everyone started shuffling toward their assigned partner, some more reluctant than others. Blinking in surprise, Naruto looked around wildly, confused. His confusion turned to heartbreak when he saw a wide-eyed girl sit down near Gaara, trembling so bad the paper in her hand vibrated.

Then—? He continued to look around curiously. No one came near him, and everyone was sitting in pairs.

"Iruka-sensei," Naruto whined, "I don't have a partner and I dun wanna do this alooooooone!"

"Nonsense," the teacher replied merrily. "Uchiha Sasuke is your partner. Didn't you hear me call your name?"

"I wanna do this aloooooooooone!" Naruto wailed, flailing his arms. "Please, Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka shook his head. "Naruto, you need a partner for this project. Uchiha Sasuke has been assigned to you. Work well, you two."

"Hn."

"Noooooooooooooooo!" Naruto's forehead met the wood of his desk.

It wasn't until Naruto left the school building after detention, crawled down the steps (completely slack-jawed and dying inside) that Lady Luck kicked him in the butt again. Not even Genma had been able to phase him as much as Iruka forcing him into a project with Sasuke, and then—

"Uzumaki Naruto." Green eyes crackled. Arms tightly crossed. A foot tapped a beat of agitation.

Naruto merely sighed and looked at the girl who stood at the foot of the stairs, waiting for him. "Yeah, yeah, what now?"

"As president of SUFA, I must convey the feelings of the club to you. First of all, you have been charged with a crime against humanity to the first degree—"

Naruto blinked. "I what now with who?"

The girl sighed, tossing a pink lock over her shoulder. "Simply put, dingle-bat—"

Naruto instantly brightened at his 'title.' "You think I'm cool, too?"

"—you've been charged with purposely putting Uchiha Sasuke-kun into a predicament which led to penal repercussions. In this case, detention. SUFA will not stand by and allow you to do such things—"

"Uh, lady? I don't know what you're talking about I really need to get home."

"In terms an idiot could understand, you're the reason why Sasuke-kun got a detention." Her green eyes narrowed accusingly.

"Unh-hunh. What about it?"

"This is the first detention Sasuke-kun has ever received and it's because of the likes of you that he was forced to go through such a humiliating traumatization!"

" 'Traumatization' isn't a word," Naruto responded simply, parroting what his homeroom teacher had informed him on his first day. "Believe me, I've tried using it before. What's your name, anyway?"

The girl bristled. "Not that it's any of your business, but my name is Haruno Sakura—"

"Oh!" Naruto's eyes brightened. "I remember you. You're that weird Sasuke-teme fan! You and Miss Blondie are at least, right?"

"SUFA is an organized club. We're close to a break-through with the school. They're going to let SUFA become an official club of the school, complete with funding!" Sakura's chest puffed up proudly at the declaration.

"Uh… what do you need money for, anyway?"

Sakura started ranting so fast Naruto couldn't catch her words.

"Naruto."

Sakura cut herself off abruptly, freezing in her dramatic posture. The addressed blond turned to face Gaara, who apparently had waited around for him to finish with his detention. "Oh, hey," he greeted. "I was wondering where you were. I thought you ditched me for a moment."

The redhead didn't responded, instead focusing on Sakura. "Is she being a problem?"

Sakura took a wary step back, eyes still wide. "Like I said, Uzumaki Naruto," Sakura started to conclude, planning on bolting as soon as possible.

"Cut her a break, Gaara-chan. I offended her holy Master Got-A-Stick-Up-His-Ass. Plus, I think Sakura-chan's kinda cute!" He smiled adorably at her, eyes closing with mirth.

"—charged with crimes against humanity to the first degree and this is your—I'm what?" She gawked at the blond, unable to comprehend.

"Cute!" Naruto repeated happily enough.

At first, she didn't know how to respond. Any proper woman would feel flattered and turn down the admirer gently—

"How dare you say such things to me after what you did to Sasuke-kun! As I was saying, this is your one and only warning. Next time you will be punished! Remember that!"

—but Sakura wasn't always a proper lady. As she stormed off, more peeved than before, Naruto turned to Gaara.

"I have no luck with girls," he sighed to his redheaded friend.

When Naruto got home and there was still no sign of Mizuki, he mentally cheered. However, the sun slipped behind the horizon and hours went by and still, there was no sign of Mizuki. Confused but not complaining, Naruto continued with his daily activities (goofing off and planning out some shit-tastic pranks to pull on people—oh, no, he wasn't thinking of torturing a certain raven-haired bastard, nihihihihihi—er, uh, no, he was too… mature for that. Yeah, mature. That's the word. Mature.) and was about ready to go to sleep when he heard the front door open and someone shuffle across the house.

Suddenly up and awake, Naruto was listening attentively, deciphering where exactly the person—more than likely Mizuki—was heading.

Due to the fact that he was listening so hard, he was more than surprised when his bedroom door exploded open.

Clutching his chest and sitting up in his bed again (he had not jumped under the bed, goddammit, he had lost his balance and fell… somehow mysteriously landing under his bed) he was even more surprised to see Mizuki was genuinely smiling at him.

Naruto eyed him warily. Smiling was never good, no, never good at all.

It was Mizuki who broke the silence. "Tsubaki is pregnant."

Inwardly, Naruto shuddered at the thought of a naked Mizuki getting in on. Gross. "Oh?" was his verbal response. "I thought she said that she had a, um—ya know—miscarriage."

"She tried again," the older one snarled. "Are you calling me a liar, you little shit? Cuz I have the damn test with me that the doctor gave us. She's pregnant, god dammit, and she's going to stay at the hospital so she can be monitored. She will not be losing this child."

Naruto nodded, wondering all the while why Mizuki was wasting so much time divulging so much information to him.

His answer soon came:

"And! For the time that you're here, you're going to do everything for her, understand? She can't strain herself or she might lose the child. And if anything happens to either of them, you are dead. Clear?"

"What the hell do you mean—'for the time that I'm here'? Where'm I going?" Naruto crossed his arms.

The next time he blinked, he was on his hands and knees, staring at the floor, his cheek sizzling.

Mizuki shook his hand, his knuckles tingling from the blow. "I said: are we clear?"

"Crystal," Naruto spat out, not looking up and not bothering to move.

"You're leaving soon. Thank the stars for that."

"Where am I going?"

"I dunno. And I don't care, really. The first place I can find most likely. In any case, prepare to move out."

Naruto didn't respond and he didn't pick himself up until he heard his door shut.

"Fucking bastard," Naruto grumbled to himself. "He's almost on par with Sasuke-teme…"

Though Naruto didn't know, Mizuki had gone downstairs and emptied the refrigerator of its many cans and bottles of beer, guzzling them down merrily, deciding he deserved to celebrate. By the time Naruto was settling into bed a few hours later, Mizuki was passed out, sprawled across the couch with a beer bottle between his legs.

Lady Luck once more kicked Naruto in the butt.

For some reason—some unexplainable reason—Naruto's demented boom box—which was the whole way across the room—suddenly blared into life, playing just as loud and obnoxiously as it had when Sasuke had been over before. Naruto's eyes snapped open and he scrambled to turn it off.

Not more than a few moments later, a furious Mizuki slammed his bedroom door open, snarled, and attacked the younger boy, his blows and verbal strikes more furious than usual from severe intoxication.

It had all been a ploy. The perfect ploy. There were no feelings attached—there were never feelings attached. It was perhaps one of his more maniacal ideas, but it was genius nonetheless.

But he had let some emotions slip into the mix. No one could accomplish anything with emotions in the way. Things got muddled. Plans got mixed up. The goal got confused.

Taken off guard.

He had been taken off guard.

But with his guard back up and emotions tied up tightly and neatly tucked away, he decided he was back in the game.

Naruto tried not to limp. In fact, he was so concentrated on not limping that he ran head-on into someone on the way to school.

"Son of a sea monkey!" the blond exclaimed, landing harshly on his bottom. When he looked up to verbally batter the person who had dared to step right in front of him, planning on the crash, he was surprised to see a very rotund boy staring down at him, nibbling on some sort of meat that was strung up on a wooden stick.

"I'm Chouji," the round one murmured. "And I was supposed to give you this as a present from a secret admirer. But it was too good to resist."

Naruto blinked. "You were supposed to give that to me?"

Chouji, chomping on the delicacy loudly, nodded.

A thin, golden eyebrow twitched. "You mean you ate something that my secret admirer wanted me to eat?"

Another nod.

Another twitch.

"What the hell?" Naruto exploded. "You don't eat things that belong to other people! Someone fucking slaved to buy me that with their money and you're eating it like it's nothing! Some poor girl is now crying her heart out because of you!" He paused to sigh and raked his fingers through his hair, posing into what he figured was the dark-and-sexy pose. "Oh, well… it can't be helped that I must break another poor girl… I can't allow her to—"

He was cut off by a sharp jab in the stomach.

"Oof," he grunted, looking down and accepting the stick that was being held out to him. "… What's this?"

"You can keep the stick. I can't eat it," Chouji told him, almost reluctantly swallowing the last delicious bite of his scrumptious breakfast.

Once more the brow went a-twitchin'.

"Now you're giving me just the stick?" Naruto exploded.

Chouji nodded.

Insert more twitching.

For a while, all Naruto could manage to say was: "…"

Chouji, perplexed, responded by asking: "…?"

"You ate it," the blond clarified one last time, just in case he had been made temporarily insane and-or deaf—or hard of hearing. Whichever better served the cause.

"Yes, I did," Buddha incarnated answered guiltily. As though it would make everything a little better and the sun shine a little brighter, he tagged on, "It was quite good!" and beamed.

Naruto crossed his arms, still holding the stick in his one hand. "I think I deserve to know the name of my secret admirer after all the pain and suffering I've been forced through."

The Round One shrugged. "Secret admirer means secret. Sorry for eating that, though. It was just too good!"

"I will personally kick your ass!" Naruto yelled, pointing a finger to add emphasis on just which ass it was he was going to kick. He didn't want any passerby to get confused and flee home, whimpering like a scared dog with his tail between his legs.

He was too considerate for that.

Chouji was unfazed. "Have fun with that. I did my job. I'm outta here."

"You better run, you coward!" Naruto called after the retreating brunet. "I am a force to fear! Roaaaaaaaaar! Hear me roar? Rooooooaaaaaaa—"

"Not surprising you talk to yourself."

Naruto whirled to face his new adversary. "Teme! I will personally kick your ass for sneaking up on me!" He pointed a finger to add emphasis on just which ass it was he was going to kick. He didn't want another passerby to get confused and flee home, whimpering like a scared dog with his tail between his legs.

He was too considerate for that.

Sasuke was just as unfazed as Chouji had been. "What are you talking about?"

"Ahah! You accept the challenge!" Naruto howled.

"I accept the fact that you're nuts. It's time that you start to become comfortable with the idea, too."

A new voice chimed in. "It looks like someone forgot to tie up the dog and he got loose. Someone better catch him before he hurts himself."

Naruto turned to Gaara. "Gaara-chan! I will personally kick your ass for being you!" He pointed a finger to add emphasis on just which as it was he was going to kick. He didn't want an innocent passerby to get confused and flee home, whimpering like a scared dog with his tail between his legs.

He was too considerate for that.

Gaara didn't even acknowledge the blond. "What are you doing, Uchiha?"

The addressed raven allowed his lips to slip into a small smirk. "What does it look like?"

"Gaara-chan! Don't just ignore me! Pay attention, dammit! I've threatened the health of your ass! Aren't you going to try—"

"It looks like you're causing trouble."

Sasuke's eyes didn't even flicker. "I'm doing no such thing."

Naruto continued as though someone were listening. "—to do anything to stop me? This is your ass we're talking about and you need that thing, dammit! It's what you sit on; everyone likes to sit!"

An unfazed grunt: "Hn."

A mirroring noise: "Hn."

"Ya know, it's amazing how alike you two are," Naruto commented out of no where, suddenly sitting on his heels right between the two and glancing at both of them.

They didn't acknowledge him once more: Too consumed in a very serious Glare of Doom contest which was never to be disturbed for any reason.

Naruto decided to join in, staring at one and then the other at random intervals.

People passed by. Cars zoomed by, hurrying off to no where and everywhere. Someone bought some sukiyaki at a nearby stand. Another stopped to watch the trio as he licked at a cone of ice cream which he shouldn't have been eating for breakfast. Said boy soon left when his sanity was slain by boredom.

And then, finally:

"Ah hah! You blinked, teme, I win!"

And victorious, Naruto linked his arm with Gaara's and skipped to school, dragging the redhead behind him (who just so happened to be appalled at being seen near such behavior) and leaving the raven behind, not even giving him a second glance.

Once they were in the building and sitting in homeroom, Naruto pulled out his stick and proudly held it up to show off.

"Lookie, Gaara! A secret admirer gave it to me!"

Gaara looked at the prize. "Quite impressive." Not an ounce of sarcasm laced his words.

"Isn't it?" Naruto oozed, almost stroking the large toothpick with a dazed expression. He stroked the smooth texture of the wood—

"Ew, ew, ew, ew, ewwwwwww! There's fucking spit all over it!"

Promptly, he ran around the room, desperately hunting down a napkin or tissue of some sort that he could use to dry his precious stick.

Gaara might have sighed if he wasn't used to such behavior.

So due to the fact that Naruto had completely forgotten about being careful on his one leg and had hopped, jumped, and had a party on said poor leg that morning in his pre-school activities, every step he took for the rest of the day shot jolts of lightning-quick pain up his leg.

"I need a tutor."

This little factoid did nothing to keep him from standing tall and proud as he admitted—out loud—that the great and mighty Uzumaki Naruto might just need a little help when it came to certain subjects.

"You just now realize this, Uzumaki?" Ibiki raised an inquisitive brow.

Math was at the top of the list-of-things-that-didn't-come-naturally-to-the-poor-soul. What may or may not have tipped Naruto off that he needed help was when he saw that his math text was in a new language full of circles and lines—things Ibiki-sensei called tangent, sine, cosine. (And Naruto called the circle-y thingy that liked sin and had a tan with a cos.) (1)

"Kinda…" Naruto admitted. "So can I have one? Please?" Imploring eyes looked up at the older man.

Ibiki had known long ago when he received homework with explanations on why the function of twelve divided by the square root of thirteen raised to the negative seventh equaled sin (something about the evilness of square roots and exponents, if his mind served correctly) that the boy needed holy intervention.

"Of course, Uzumaki, but seeing how poor you are at math and how weak your basic mathematic knowledge is—"

It was then that Naruto's attention span reached its limit.

"—blah blahblah blah blah. Blah blah blahblah, blah blah, blah blahblah. Blah blah?"

"That works!" Naruto cheered when Ibiki stopped talking and gave him a look that begged for an answer.

Ibiki seemed dubious. "You… really don't mind? Iruka blah blahblahblah blah blah… blah blah?"

"Tooooooooooootally," the blond assured, nodding.

The teacher looked a little surprised at the easy victory, but wasn't going to question his student's decision. "Then it's settled. Please take your seat. Class is going to start soon."

And so, his math grade secured, Naruto skipped over to Kiba (who was busy trying to flirt with some girl) and sat, took out a notebook, and waited, excited to start fresh! He was going to become a math whiz! The best there ever was!

Ibiki took his place in front of the class. "Alright, class. Today, we're going to go over blah blah. Blah blah blahblah?"

Naruto fell asleep around that point, drooling on the pages of his fresh new start.

"So let me get this straight… a secret admirer gave you a stick? Does that seem right to you?"

Naruto beamed at Kiba. "You're just jealous that the girls fawn over me instead of you."

The brunet shook his head. "I dunno, man… that seems a little shady. Are you sure it was an admirer? Coulda been a girl trying to make fun of you. Lotsa girls do that. Fuckin' bitches…"

"Well… it wasn't always just a stick, ya know. It had food on it. But someone ate it."

Kiba looked at him like he had grown an extra appendage somewhere on his forehead. He opened his mouth to give a smart reply, but before he was able to, Genma whirled out of nowhere, leaning on Naruto's desk and peering down at the blond.

"Hello, Naru-chan. I must say, you look even more splendid than usual—oh, what's that you have there?" he asked, noticing his adorable boy-toy-student was cradling something.

Naruto looked down at the stick he was still holding and then promptly his eyes widened and he pointed at his teacher with said stick. "Are you my secret admirer?"

Genma blinked. "Am I your what?"

"Secret admirer," his student repeated obediently.

A smirk spread across his face. "Like I said, Naru-chan, no bed warmer is worth my job! Although when you graduate—"

"NO SHAME!" Kiba interrupted abruptly and loudly.

"There's nothing wrong with mutual attraction," Genma defended modestly.

"No shame, no shame, no shame I say!" Kiba reiterated in a chant.

Genma turned his attention back to Naruto and almost pouted. "It looks like the mongrel is ruining our fun. Oh, well. Just remember my offer, yeah?"

Though he wasn't sure, Naruto was sure Genma winked at him before starting class.

Needless to say, he left that class wide-eyed and horrified and nowhere closer to finding out just who his secret admirer was.

"The project is due in two weeks…"

"Two weeks!" Naruto squawked. "How are we going to get it done?"

"That would be fourteen days, dobe," Sasuke explained.

"We're doomed," Naruto clarified, hanging his head and shaking it sadly.

"Hn."

There was a pause as Sasuke allowed Naruto to simper and snivel. Then:

"I'll simply come over to your place and we can work on it there today and tomorrow. It's Friday, so—"

And suddenly the shower of self pity came to an abrupt end. "I'd rather we not do it at my place. I wanna see Sasuke-teme's place!"

The Uchiha graced Naruto with a look, all the while saying: "…"

"Well?" the blond goaded.

"No."

All the cheer was immediately sapped away and a long whine in the form of "Sasuke-temeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" was issued.

"No," the Uchiha firmly repeated.

Another whine. "Temeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Sasuke stiffly tried to put Naruto in his place. "Usuraton—"

Instead of giving in, Naruto's whine only became higher and louder: "TEMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Fine. I swear you have the maturity of a gnat," Sasuke growled, not amused in the least.

Naruto brightened once more, squealed "Yay!" and did some weird jig.

Sasuke, reeling in his patience, coolly looked back at the paper Iruka-sensei had given them on their project. The teacher had graciously given them a whole period to plan the project.

"Sit down," the raven quietly ordered monotonously.

Sticking out his tongue, the blond complied and took a seat next to the Uchiha.

It must have been the lighting. As Naruto rambled on and on about how evil stupid teachers were and how big of a meanie-face Iruka-sensei was for handing out such a stupid and annoying project, Sasuke couldn't keep his attention away from that fact that the sun, seeping in from the window which wasn't too far away, highlighted the stupid dobe's hair, giving him an almost ethereal appearance. And when he looked up at Sasuke, emotions (mostly annoyance at afore mentioned teachers) sparked life into beautiful cerulean orbs; the sun danced in them, lighting them up, making him

(breath-taking)

look even more like some sort of intangible ethereal creature… The sun reflected off of his eyes, bringing out the different shades of blue of his iris—so many shades of blue, all canvassed together, the many blues blending, blending, swirling; a beautiful chaos of color—

Of course, it was then that he (Naruto) opened his mouth to speak, and his annoying voice grated against the Uchiha's ears, completely destroying the entire illusion—which was just that, an illusion. Naruto was nowhere near

(breath-taking)

It most definitely must have been the lighting.

"Like bloody fucking hell."

Naruto blinked in surprise, not expecting—oh, who was he kidding? Of course he was expecting a violent reaction.

"Come on, Gaara-chan," Naruto goaded, rolling his eyes, "it's not that big of a deal. What's he gunna do?"

Behind Naruto's back, Sasuke silently smirked at Gaara.

"No. I don't trust him." The redhead crossed his arms to emphasize the non-trusting.

"I wonder why you don't trust me," Sasuke murmured, obsidian eyes gleaming.

Gaara's emerald-green eyes narrowed in response. "I don't need to state reasons that are already obvious."

And another Glare of Death competition ensued.

Naruto stepped toward Gaara so that there was less than a foot separating them. He crossed his arms to show his disapproval. "Gaara-chan, you can't control my life. If Sasuke-teme does one thing that seems out of the ordinary, I'll tell you and you have my personal permission to send him flying for the stars."

Gaara debated the invitation—it was quite hard to pass up.

Naruto softened a little then. "I'll come over later tonight, kay? We can do that 'hanging out' that I was talking about."

"Fine. But you will tell me everything that happens."

Deciding not to tell the redhead that what he just said sounded like a stereotypical gossiping teenage girl response, he instead said, "Of course, of course. Toots."

"Sweety," Gaara immediately retaliated.

And it was like that the Naruto found himself bidding farewell to his best friend and heading off to the house of his arch-nemesis-maybe-a-friend-but-an-overall-bastard.

"Sasuke-teme?"

"Hn."

Naruto's brow creased. "Didn't you say that you lived near me?" Without waiting for a response, his head tilted in confusion. "Then where are we going exactly?"

Without an answer, Naruto continued to trek with Sasuke down the sidewalk. He was just about to whine about how it wasn't polite to be ignored and how immature it was—

"HOLY SHIT!"

"Hn."

—but everything that he had prepared to say shrunk and withered, blowing away with the wind. They had turned the corner of the square and at the end of the block was a castle. 'Castle,' indeed, summed up what it was. It was the largest house Naruto had ever laid eyes on. From where they were, it looked to have three or four stories, and it stretched over half of the world!

Okay, exaggeration on his part, but it was still fucking huge! Naruto's eyes boggled as they took in the huge house.

He was so surprised that he had stopped walking, frozen in place. Sasuke, on the other hand, had continued on, reached the tall iron gates, and was punching in a code. He then pressed his thumb to the pad.

The huge gates creaked open.

Naruto was suddenly right in front of Sasuke, looming over his ominously, eyes still wider than basketballs. "This is YOUR place?" he yelled, on the verge of a heart attack.

Sasuke took a finger and swiped his cheek disgustedly, cleaning it off Naruto's flying spittle. "Yes, usuratonkachi. Now please shut up. You're going to shatter the windows. And that would be a feat indeed—they're bullet-proof."

Naruto was more than ready to be inside the castle. "I thought you said you lived near me! This isn't near me!" he whined. Sasuke, of course, ignored him.

Just as they reached the huge doors to the house, they opened… all on their own. (This issued another gasp of wonder from the blue-eyed boy.)

"Yo," a silver-haired man greeted, flipping the page of his book and not even bothering to look up. "I see you've brought a friend home, Sasuke."

"Hn," was the raven's noncommittal response. He then slipped by the older man, who was under Naruto's scrutiny.

The man was wearing a large, jet-black turtleneck that came up and covered the lower half of his face. Over that, he wore a forest-green jacket. Loose dark pants and nondescript shoes completed his outfit.

That wasn't why Naruto was squinting at him like his eye had been stabbed repeatedly, however.

"Do I know you?" the blond asked bluntly. "You look familiar…" He leaned forward, closing the space that separated them and popping the man's personal bubble.

The man took a step back and lifted a hand to keep the blond back, his eyes closing in a nervous smile. "Maa, maa, I think you might recognize me as a teacher."

Naruto blinked. "Teacher?"

A nod. "I'm your history teacher, Naruto."

"No, really," Naruto continued stubbornly, eyes narrowed in thought. "I recognize you."

Kakashi blinked his confusion before repeating himself, much more slowly this time: "I'm your history teacher, Naruto."

Naruto hmmmm'ed for a few seconds before shaking his head. "No, that's not it… Dammit, I know that I know you from somewhere—" He cut himself off, eyes widening and his mouth dropping into an 'o.' "Kakashi-sensei!"

Kakashi almost rolled his eyes. "Yes, Naruto. And hello to you, too."

Sasuke appeared out of no where to give his guardian a peeved look. "We have a project. You're not helping us to get it down by distracting the King of Distractions." With that, he grabbed Naruto's sleeve and tugged him inside.

"Teme," Naruto whined, "I'm thirsty! And hungry! Feed me!"

"You can feed yourself later when you go home," Sasuke snapped, unpleased. "You're here so we can do work."

"But I can't work when I'm hungry!" the other moaned obnoxiously.

Sasuke whirled and pinned the blond with a deadly glare. "If I feed you, you have to promise that you will not do anything else that I consider annoying, obnoxious, bothersome, infuriating, irksome, aggravating, or frustrating for the rest of the night while you're here."

"That's a lot of adverbs." Naruto's eyes were wide again.

"Adjectives," the Uchiha corrected impatiently.

"Adjectives, then. Same thing."

Sasuke didn't say anything, deciding instead to walk away before he was charged with brutal manslaughter to the first degree, to which, of course, he would plea insanity.

Naruto followed Sasuke oblivious of the inner struggle (thinking the Uchiha was heading for the kitchen) and gaped openly at the mansion, gasping and ooh-ing when necessary.

When they reached the (much larger than needed) kitchen, Naruto continued to gape. "You'd have enough food to feed an army for years!" he commented, turning in a full circle to take it all in. His whole house could fit in the one room.

"Che," was Sasuke's only response. "What do you want?"

"Rameeeeeeen!"

"We only have instant," Sasuke smartly responded, pulling out a package.

After a small pout, Naruto decided it was good enough and got to work on making it. There was about ten minutes of pots clanging and water spraying before he turned to his host. "Um… how does it work?"

Sasuke, exasperated, took the pot from the boy and filled it with water. He then ripped the instant ramen package open and plopped in the huge mass of noodles, followed by the seasoning.

"Now let it boil," the Uchiha ordered, placing the pot on the stove and messing with the knobs.

"Now what do you have to drink?"

"You really don't waste time getting what you want," the raven muttered darkly. "Look in the fridge and see for yourself. The cups are over there in the cupboard." He gestured toward the mentioned cupboard.

It took Naruto a full ten minutes to look in the fridge, gape and squeal over what was inside, pick a drink, gape and squeal over what it was, go to the cupboard, gape and squeal over the many different thousands of assorted cups and glasses, pick one, gape and squeal over the fact that it was crystal, pour his drink, gape and squeal over how much he could fit in one glass, put the drink back where it belonged, and once more gape and squeal over what was inside the fridge. Of course, afterward, he also took the time to gape and squeal over the room once more.

Sasuke, patience long-since snapped, sighed and gave up trying to tell his oh-so bright guest to check on his scrumptious dinner. Deciding he didn't want ramen to be the cause of his burnt-down house, he got up and stirred the pot.

It was then that Lady Luck kicked him in the butt, all because he decided to help out the idiotic usuratonkachi.

Naruto turned, not paying attention, gulping down his drink, and ran right into Sasuke (as he had, in fact, planned on attending his lovely ramen). The glass jerked out of his grasp and spilled all over Sasuke's lovely shirt before hitting the ground and breaking. Sasuke, who had been holding the handle of the pot, was jerked sideways by the impact. The pot was also jerked and the hot contents was thrust upwards and landed on Sasuke's head, the boiling juice running off his hair and splashing onto the ground and a hurdle of noodles slipping off his head and splattering around his feet.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, teme!" Sasuke heard from far away.

A voice whispered from Sasuke's left shoulder to kill the blond and dump his head in a boiling pot of noodles. A voice from his right shoulder told him to just go take a shower and ignore the whole damn thing.

Without a word, too afraid that if he said anything he would blow-up in a very ungraceful manner, Sasuke left the kitchen and went to take a shower. Naruto continued to splutter apologies, but Sasuke didn't hear them.

Once more, the voice from his left shoulder sneered, "He'd be even more apologetic if it had been him that his dinner had landed on."

Sasuke refused to accept the fact that a certain idiot was driving him schizophrenic and decided he was not growing shoulder angels as he trekked up the stairs, his scalp tingling from the hot juice.

Guilt-ridden and feeling very sorry for his stupidity, Naruto decided to clean the whole mess up all on his own. Unable to think of a better way to clean up the noodles, he used his hands and picked up the slimy things, throwing them in a trash can that took him several minutes to find. (Of course he was close to tears when he realized that he couldn't eat it for sanitation purposes—but that didn't keep him from wishing.)

It was when he had squashed half the noodles (the other half in the trash can) and smeared the ramen's juice all over the marble floor that he decided a mop would work better. Peering out of the kitchen, he looked both ways for Kakashi. Not seeing the weird man, he sighed and decided he would try upstairs.

Controlling himself from standing awestruck in the middle of the hallway, Naruto steeled himself, reminding himself that he was a man on a mission!—like a ninja. And so, playing the role of a ninja, he snuck silently down the hallway, humming a ninja-like theme song for himself (despite what any passerby would have said, it most definitely wasn't the Terminator theme song).

Despite any amount of steeling, when Naruto poked the bathroom door and peered inside, he was once more awe-struck at its size. His bedroom could fit inside several times over.

What soon caught his attention, however, was Sasuke, reaching out from within the (gigantic-humungous-ginormous) shower, grabbing a towel, and then stepping out a few seconds later, the afore mentioned towel tied haphazardly around his waist. His hair was damp, and unlike its usual perky appearance, it was now slanted downward from the weight of the water. Wandering rivulets plip-ed from the tips of his raven locks and landed lightly on his chest, slipping between the grooves of Sasuke's pale-cream skin, traveling between well-toned muscles. The droplets continued to crawl downward, dancing over his pale, smooth stomach and along his navel, wandering lower and lower, then disappearing behind the fluffy towel, down—

Sasuke turned his back on Naruto, opening a cupboard and rooting around, looking for something, most likely more shampoo or soap. Idly, the boy wondered why he was paying so much attention to Sasuke's newly-exposed back; how creamy the skin looked, so pale and lustrous. He wondered why he was so entranced by how the Uchiha's muscles tensed and flexed, fluttering beneath his gorgeous skin as he continued his search. He wondered how soft the other boy's skin would be if he touched it, if it would put a girl's baby-smooth hands to shame. He wondered over how beautiful Sasuke was naturally—more than any girl he knew, that was for sure. He also wondered if the Uchiha knew of this natural beauty. He then wondered why he couldn't stop wondering over such an asshole…

Wonderment and awe turned to something else—something hotter and more intense when Sasuke finally found what it was that he was looking for and turned back to the shower, undoing the towel that kept him modestly covered, and pulled it off, throwing it on top of the towel rack.

Despite anything Naruto could do to convince himself to look away, look away now and despite the blaring loud alarms that screamed in his mind, brilliant blue eyes remained entranced, and took the opportunity given to further appreciate what was exposed, and, without any premeditation, he found his eyes traveling lower, to Sasuke's creamy-white bottom.

When an intense heat suddenly consumed him, Naruto scrambled backwards, finally managing to tear his eyes away before tainting himself with thoughts of Sasuke's ass. Sitting on his bottom and leaning back on his hands, Naruto realized he had forgotten to breathe for his entire voyeur session and he gasped for air, lungs hungrily sucking up as much as possible. His mind clouded and he thought that, with the combined oxygen deprivation and the sudden onslaught of heat, he was going to pass out.

Several moments later, trembling, shaken, and a little scared of himself, he quietly scrambled downstairs to find the mop on his own.

Vivid snapshots of what he had just seen—of how Sasuke looked when Naruto had been spying on him—assailed him the moment he stood up. Naruto tried to shun the images away, and found it one of the hardest things he had ever done. He had done one of the worst things possible—degrading Sasuke in such a way as to spy on him. As Naruto mopped up his ramen, reflecting over what he had done, he couldn't help but feel so incredibly…

… dirty.

Sasuke reflected briefly.

He hadn't acted outrageously charitable to anyone.

He hadn't given any large donations to admirable charities.

He hadn't helped any old bugger cross the road.

Hell, he hadn't even gotten around to paying Kakashi the previous week's wage.

In other words, there shouldn't have been any gods smiling down upon him—none. Zip, nada. Sasuke was very confused, then, as to why they had felt the need to make the blond idiot go mute for the night. Well, not completely mute. But Naruto hadn't made any noise unless probed since Sasuke had showered himself clean and gingerly set about checking his abused skin for possible burns, even going so far as to massage ointment over the area (no, there weren't any burns yet, but dammit, it the principle of the matter that counted).

Back to the point. While Sasuke would in no circumstances complain, he couldn't help but allow himself to grow suspicious. Maybe it was the work of some sadistic god? Or maybe someone was just smiling down on him?

"Oi, dobe," he growled, flipping open his text.

Naruto jumped out of his skin, eyes widening. Mutely, he turned his attention to Sasuke. For some reason, Naruto wouldn't look him in the eye.

Hm. Weird. Oh, well.

"I said," Sasuke ground out, not liking that he had to repeat himself, "did you even paying attention to the assignment?"

Naruto shook his head, also flipping through his text to find the right section. He chewed his lip nervously as he searched.

"Of course you wouldn't have been paying attention. Usuratonkachi." Sasuke sighed. "We need to read this short story, write an opinion on it, and then compare opinions. After that, we need to write a critique."

Normally, Naruto would flip out and lay claim that "the evil bastards of the school all 'gainst me, dammit…" But there wasn't even a peep out of the boy. Strange. So very strange.

"Just read the story," Sasuke instructed. "We can draw up opinions on it when we're done."

And so, it was with dumb foolishness that Sasuke didn't check to make sure that his idiot companion had done as instructed. Instead, he concentrated fully on the task at hand. In fact, it wasn't until he had read the three pages that he decided to check on the idiot's progress—

And, of course, Naruto's book wasn't even on the right page. Rather than take the time to read, he was staring straight ahead, out the window, at the sinking sun.

The immediate reproach died in Sasuke's throat before his lips could even form any of his scathing words. Sitting there, chin propped on his palm, crystalline eyes reflecting the sun's final rays of the day, Naruto seemed deep in thought. Dark eyes absorbed every detail about him—the way the sun's rays not only emphasized the different shades of blue in his eyes, but also highlighted his honey gold hair and made it simply lustrous.

It was the sun. It had to be the sun. Yes, that was it—the light of the sun. Just as before, the sun managed to accentuate his features in such a way that the boy actually appeared almost—almost ethereal. His mysterious silence was also working some sort of magic. That had to be it: Because Sasuke hadn't heard the grating, annoying voice for some time, he was temporarily bewitched by the temporary splendor of the blond. A simple explanation. He, Sasuke, was not being played at his own game. It was all a trick of the light, literally. The idiot wasn't attractive in the least.

Right, Sasuke reassured himself dumbly, unconvincingly.

Naruto didn't even notice the unwarranted attention—he continued to ponder to himself obliviously. Sasuke, however, found a sudden excess of saliva in his mouth and had to swallow.

There was no way the blond idiot knew what he was doing—surely he wouldn't seduce Sasuke—foolish. Never. The Uzumaki brat didn't even know—

"Usuratonkachi," the Uchiha rasped, his voice too forced, his pitch off ever-so-slight—did he sound strained, even?

Naruto, apparently, didn't hear him.

Sasuke wasn't sure if he was relieved that his companion hadn't heard the turmoil in his voice. Steadying his tone, he tried again: "Dobe."

A brick wall would be more likely to answer.

Growing annoyed, Sasuke reached out to grab the boy and give him a good shake. As soon as his fingers grabbed a shoulder, however, Naruto immediately snapped back into reality and acted completely out of reflex. He snatched Sasuke's wrist and whipped around in his seat, jostling Sasuke out of his.

A chain reaction set off. The end result: Both boys on the ground, rolling and wrestling, scrambling to gain control of the situation.

After much cursing and tiring tumbling, Sasuke gained the upper hand and pinned Naruto to the floor, his knees on either side of the blond's hips, hands splayed across the idiot's wrists, pinned down above his head.

Obsidian eyes smoldered—glowered—down. "What the hell, dobe?" the raven hissed. And then, just like that, all his anger disappeared.

Defensive sapphire eyes gleamed up at him, strong emotions playing within their depths. Usually Sasuke could decipher the thoughts that eyes betrayed, but for some reason, there was something hidden within those cerulean orbs that had him baffled. And—dammit all to hell—once more, Naruto was illuminated by the light the permeated through the window, looking simply—simply glorious.

He was a full foot closer to Naruto's face before he even realized that he was moving, dipping his neck down gracefully, swooping down to—to what exactly? Sasuke wasn't sure, but he didn't really care, either, at that moment.

Narutos's expression, which had twisted with the force of his forming retort at the outburst, instantly froze when Sasuke started moving. His blood pounded in his veins, pumping fiercely in his wrists, singing beneath Sasuke's palms. His breathing hitched, then stopped completely when he realized what Sasuke was going to do. His eyes widened just a fraction.

And still, Sasuke descended and crashed his lips down upon the blond's. Searching, coaxing, teasing, his lips moved against Naruto's. Heat burned at their lips, causing a fiery explosion within Sasuke. He continued to move against Naruto, and then, confusingly enough, he felt a response. The golden-haired boy replied to the hungry attack with fervor, confused but unyielding. Sasuke gently nibbled on the blond's bottom lip and without hesitation Naruto returned the action and parted his lips so that their tongues could clash.

And then Sasuke shifted, his chest bumping Naruto's—

And Naruto ripped his mouth from Sasuke's and hissed through his teeth.

Sasuke's dark eyes burned into Naruto's as he rumbled, "What's wrong, dobe?"

And then, acting as though they hadn't performed any intimate act, Sasuke casually sat up and pushed up Naruto's shirt. The shirt didn't even make it up to his chest.

Naruto, cheeks pink from what had just transpired and breathing erratic, didn't understand at first why Sasuke was staring at his stomach. Lifting his head to see what was so fascinating—everyone had a belly button, didn't they? or was Sasuke the one exception to the fundamental biological rules (Naruto wouldn't put it past the Uchiha…)?—he hissed again, a sharp intake of breath, when he saw that the tan skin of his stomach was riddled with dark splotches of angry color—mostly black and blue.

Sasuke's eyes met his and he withered. "What happened, dobe?"

"Nothin'!" the blond bit out. His eyes flashed as he shoved his shirt down and sat up.

"Something happened," the raven drawled.

What was that in the raven's voice?

"Not that it's any of your business, but I fell!" Naruto snapped.

Indifference. Sasuke didn't actually care how he had gotten the bruises—and for some reason, Naruto felt pissed at that. Especially after what they had just—

"We have work to do, usuratonkachi," Sasuke reminded him, climbing to his feet.

Naruto grunted and followed the raven's example, taking his earlier vacated seat, resuming his silent contemplations.

Sasuke snarled silently that the gods could go to hell with their sadistic ways as Naruto silently flipped to the correct page. Despite everything, something was different when the idiot didn't talk—he seemed so much less annoying and grating. Hell, earlier he had been so perfect with how the dusk had highlighted his handsome features—so splendid—so—so…

… beautiful.

(1) Forgive Naruto's ignorance when it comes to math. It's going to be relevant the entire story that math is cancerous to him. XD?

Delay was caused by my hectic life. Very sorry. :/ I'll try harder. I'm changing the rating on this to X soon. Don't be surprised—but don't expect immediate SasNar action, either. Right now, it's going to be mostly for the language (bad potty-mouth!Naruto!) and for the extent of the SasNar relationship in later chapters.

So. The kissing scene. What did you think? I don't know what I think, personally… Comments on this chapter greatly appreciated. Seriously. It's the only thing that's going to get me inspired enough to write the next chapter. I get wonderful praise from some of you. :) You spoil me (keepituppleeeeease).

This chapter isn't extremely edited as I'm almost disgusted with it. But I did look over it. Still, I'm not perfect, so ignore any mistakes that cause eye-bleeding?

P.S. Rosa, as a law, is not a fan of straight quotation marks. Saying such, FF-dot-net's new love of them makes her eye tic.