A/N: Here is the next chapter for you all! Hopefully it lives up to your expectations; I'm a little nervous about this one. So if you could let me know how my characterizations are and what could be improved, I would be forever greatful!

A/N2: I found it ridiculiously hard to write Finn. I kept wanting to use words that I don't think would be in his vocabulary...

Chapter Five

Rachel had called an emergency meeting for New Directions Saturday night. Once the last person to arrive, Puck, was seated in her living room, she banged a gavel for attention.

"Is that the gavel from the Celibacy club?" Quinn asked suspiciously, glaring at the offending item. "It's been missing since last year."

"Never mind that now," Rachel shot back before addressing the whole room. Everyone was still talking amongst themselves. "Now that everyone's here, we have to discuss a problem-"

"Hold up," Mercedes interrupted, looking around the small room. "Kurt's not here yet."

"Kurt's not coming," Rachel said loudly. "He's actually part of the problem we need to discuss!"

That got everyone's attention.

"What do you mean?" Tina asked.

Finn stood and cleared his throat to turn the room's attention to him.

"Kurt had a date today." When everyone gave him questioning looks he elaborated. Or at least tried to. "The guy he went on a date with is from . . . Uh . . . That all boys school we're competing against at sectionals."

"What Finn means," Rachel explained, "is that Kurt is dating someone on the Dalton Academy Warblers."

"So?" Puck snorted derisively. "Why do we care if Kurt is getting freaky with some prep school guy?"

"Because, Noah, he is 'getting freaky' with the competition!" Rachel stamped her foot in indignation. "Do the words Jesse St. James mean anything to anyone?"

"You mean the spy from Vocal Adrenaline you brought into our midst?"Santana replied sarcastically. "What's he got to do with anything?"

"I think this Dalton guy is a spy," Finn broke in before Rachel could respond to Santana. "Kurt's only known him since we sent him to spy on their glee club!"

"He actually went to spy?" Puck interrupted in delight. "That's totally badass!"

"Not important, Puck!" Finn nearly shouted. "Listen, this kid totally reminds me of Jesse! He's older than Kurt, and, like, totally slick and stuff! We think he's . . ." He turned to Rachel with his normal confused expression. "What did you say earlier?"

Rachel sighed in exasperation. "We believe that this boy is taking advantage of Kurt's inexperience and loneliness to spy on us. Kurt just can't see it because he is blinded by attraction. It's the same thing that happened to me with Jesse last year."

Everyone sat in silence for a few minutes processing this new information. Finally, Sam had to break the quiet.

"Who exactly is this Jesse guy that you all keep talking about?" he withered a bit under the fierce glare Rachel shot in his direction.

"I'll tell you about it later, babe," Quinn said softly, patting Sam gently on the knee.

"So what are you suggesting we do?" Mercedes asked, frowning at Rachel and Finn. "Set up an intervention like we did to you? Tell him that unless he breaks up with his boyfriend, he'll be out of the glee club?"

"We can try that first," Rachel agreed, crossing her arms in front of her chest, "but I highly doubt it will work. It didn't work for me, and Kurt and I are very similar. So I believe we have to come up with a back-up plan when that fails. Something to show him that he's not alone. Does anyone have an idea?"

Puck leaned back on the sofa were he was seated with Brittany and Santana, and smirked. "I have good one."

"Well? What is it?" Rachel asked impatiently.

"Get him laid."

"That's your good idea?" Rachel rolled her eyes. "I should have known it was something completely idiotic."

"Hey! It's not idiotic!" Puck leaned forward again and rested his elbows on his knees. "You want Kurt to feel less lonely? Find a guy for him to have sex with. Or, at least, make out with."

"And where exactly are we going to find a guy willing to make out with another guy?" Rachel countered smugly. "Kurt is the only openly gay teen in town."

"I vote for Puckerman," Santana said without looking up from filing Brittany's nails. "He's like the biggest manwhore in town, so it would be believable that he would want a guy."

"That suggestion does have merit," Artie agreed thoughtfully.

"No way!" Puck jumped out of his seat and scowled at Finn. "I vote for Finn; everyone knows he's in love with you, dude."

"He's totally not anymore!" Finn cried in a panicky voice. "Anyway, with his dad and my mom dating, it would be creepy and gross. I think it should be Puck!"

"I used to throw him in the dumpster every morning! There is no way Kurt is gonna want to even think about making out with me!"

"What about Sam?" Mercedes interrupted the two boys and looked at the blonde. "Kurt had a crush on you not too long ago."

"What?" Sam looked surprised at this revelation.

"He thought you were gay, that's why he asked you to sing with him for the duets competition," Mercedes shrugged.

"That's it!" Finn shouted excitedly. "Sam will seduce Kurt!"

"Excuse me!" Quinn flew off of the loveseat she was sharing with Sam to give Finn a small shove. "Why don't you ask me, as Sam's girlfriend, how I feel about this? Or, better yet, why don't you ask Sam?"

"It's what's good for the club, Quinn," Finn said pleadingly. "We can't survive another Jesse problem! And Kurt actually likes Sam. It's perfect!"

"Wait," Sam broke in slowly, "you want me to seduce Kurt? Isn't that a little, I dunno, cruel? Like, I'm playing with his feelings? I kinda think that would be worse than whatever happened with this Jesse kid."

"Sam's right, you guys," Tina said softly. "This plan does seem cruel. Don't think Kurt would feel even more alone once he finds out that it was all just some scheme to make him break up with his boyfriend?"

"That would probably be even worse for glee," Mike added solemnly. "I think that Kurt would probably feel used and quit the club."

"It's the best we got," Finn pleaded desperately with everyone. "Who says he'll find out?"

"The fact none of us can keep a secret to save our lives?" Mercedes replied sarcastically.

Rachel banged the gavel down on the table to get everyone's attention. "Let's start with talking to Kurt first, and when that doesn't work, because I am certain that it won't, we will discuss implementing this whole moronic, senseless, cruel plot to seduce him. So maybe we can have another emergency meeting after school Monday. Does that sound good to everyone?"

"I think we should decide now!" Finn argued.

"Finn, sweety," Rachel said soothingly, wrapping her arms around waist, "it's best if we talk about this later. We might come up with a better plan by Monday. So let's deal with it then, hmm?"

"Fine," Finn muttered sullenly, wrapping his arms around his tiny girlfriend.

"Then this emergency meeting is adjourned!" Rachel reached for the gavel once again, but Quinn whisked it away.

"This is going back to the Celibacy Club," she told the brunette girl as everyone left.