Original Author: Kini-Ainotsuki
Fandom: -Man
Pairing: Kanda/Allen.
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: Over all fic is M; chapter 15 is rated T
Warnings for this chapter: Mpreg, slight OOC, fluff, violence, drama, action, and blood.
Summary: The Black Order's trust on Allen is quickly diminishing, and he's willing to do anything to not be seen as traitor. Even if anything means allowing them to use his body to create new exorcists.
T/N: Exactly nine months since I last updated...there are no words to explain my absence, or how crappy the lateness of this chapter makes me feel. Real life...has been, overall, real life. If any of you are still reading this after such a late, fail absence, you will notice that this is the chapter I posted in my LiveJournal nine months ago. Chapters 16-17 are fully translated, but I wanted to post this chapter first to keep it up to date with my LJ. I like the formatting here better, too. And, I have a fondness for this place.
Chapter 16 will be up by the end of the week, before the new year. I will not abandon this fic, not when it is what brought me back into the fandom after my passion for it waned, and when I love it so much. I will be re-writting/editing/re-translating the whole fic throughout the week, and I hope to update it every month, if possible. Senior year is a tough year, but once again, please accept my deepest apologies.
Apostle of God
XV—Remembering, Forgetting
No matter how hard he tried, or how many times he tossed and turned, sleep would not come to him. It wasn't healthy. It had been four days since he'd last had a peaceful night of sleep. Four days since Kanda had left.
Allen rubbed his eyes when he felt the tell-tale signs of incoming tears. Damn, stupid hormones. This was not the first time he'd had to endure Kanda's absence; in fact, he 'd gone long periods of time without seeing Kanda in the past. Yet it was now that he couldn't bear to be away from Japanese exorcist. He felt as if he would never see Kanda again.
Allen shook his head, throwing the bedsheets over himself, tossing and turning again. What rubbish. Kanda was a strong exorcist; Allen was positive the day he would be promoted to the rank of a general wasn't far off. Kanda would never let himself come to any harm; he'd promised Allen and Kanda was a man of his word. Besides, he was with Lavi. The Bookman Apprentice would help him even if Kanda refused to accept his assistance. Exactly. Allen shouldn't worry about that, because he himself was an exorcist, and he knew of the obligations one had to fulfill as God's apostles.
But he couldn't stop crying. The damn tears wouldn't stop coming. Treacherously, the would fall and tumble down his cheeks, and try as he might, he could do nothing to stop them. Allen had to sleep: Kanda would be furious with him if he found out Allen wasn't sleeping right. It was bad for the baby, after all.
Allen placed his right hand over his stomach, patting it gently. He smiled.
"At least you're sleeping," murmured Allen, taking care not to disturb Link's sleep, who laid calmly on the futon at the foot of his bed.
Allen could feel very light movements, but he was sure the baby was sleep. Because when awake, the baby was so hyperactive; moving, kicking him, almost as if he were performing miniature somersaults inside there. Plus, he seemed to miss Kanda just as much as Allen did. Every day, exactly on the dot—meaning, of course, the usual time when Kanda and him had their "little reunions"—the baby kicked a lot harder, as if to complain about Kanda's absence, impatiently waiting to hear his father's voice. Allen could not replace such a thing. After all, Kanda was the father of this child.
Tossing and turning again, Allen tiredly settled on sitting up, struggling a little to hold himself there. He leaned against the wall, sighing. Even Timcanpy seemed to be sleeping; he laid next to Allen's pillow, his tail curled around his little body. Allen ran a finger over the golden sphere, petting Tim gently so as to not wake him up. If he were here, Kanda would have told him that golems didn't sleep, and that he was being an idiot for treating something that wasn't even alive with so much care. But Tim snuggled against his finger, making Allen smile.
He stretched his legs, trying in vain to relax. It was futile, just as he knew it would be. Petting Tim with care, he glanced at the window. It was still dark. Allen knew he would fall asleep in the morning, during his treatment. A bad idea, for he knew he would hurt himself with the I.V like he'd done so many times in the past. Now it was Lenalee who was in charge of taking him to the infirmary despite Allen's insistence that it wasn't necessary for the girl to accompany him. But she had been stubborn, and Allen had accepted without much of a fight because, in a way, he understood her. Komui had not yet returned from his trip to the China Branch. At the very latest, he would be returning by the end of the week; and Allen knew Lenalee needed her brother. Everything would be so much simpler if the Grand Generals would allow him to operate the Ark. The Chief would have already been here and the Exorcists would finish their missions much sooner. And, for some reason, Allen wanted to return to it— to the Musician's room. Even though that shadow did nothing but stare at him from across the mirror.
He left Tim alone (who'd stayed still and silent the whole time) to place both hands on his stomach. Allen didn't want to wake the baby up, which was why he was staying so still, doing his best not to disturb the little creature inside of him. He continued to stare at the window, as if waiting for something to happen, for something to rid him of the feeling of melancholy flooding his chest. Never in his life had he ever felt so stupid, worrying so much over that idiot.
Kanda would return, he'd promised Allen he would.
Although the stupid imbecile hadn't even bothered to call him. Allen scoffed, his eyes slitting in anger as he remembered. He should feel guilty for thinking such thoughts, after all, Kanda was off on a mission and probably didn't have much free time. Allen was behaving selfishly and childishly again. He sighed, closing his eyes. Going through this was embarrassing, as were the humiliating feelings he felt. Of course he blamed it all on the pregnancy, but the truth was he no longer knew what to blame. Allen hated this, which was why he decided to stop thinking about it and concentrated on the little moonlight he could see through the window.
"I hope you're having better luck sleeping, Kanda."
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Kanda had been unable to sleep for the past three days (four days counting today) ever since he'd left the Order. It was all that fucking rabbit's fault and his constant blabbering and, of course, this damn mission—which was less of a mission and more of a never ending maze. A stupid old wife's tale.
"We've seen the whole damn forest. I'm getting tired of this," scoffed Kanda. He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the hard trunk of a tree.
"Come, Yu-chan. According to the witnesses' descriptions and the disappearance of various of the town's people, we're dealing with an akuma, or perhaps even the Innocence."
"Che. Nothing but a bunch of drunks getting lost on their way home."
Lavi let out an amused cackle, which did nothing but increase Kanda's terribly foul mood.
"We're a bit too anxious to return to our Moyachi-chan's side, eh?" teased the bookman apprentice, smiling.
Kanda said nothing; he looked towards the opposite side, waiting for once and for all for that fastidious ghost the town's people insisted killed anyone who crossed its path to show up. The idea wasn't that farfetched; he'd seen stranger paradoxes in his nine years as an exorcist. Many of those thanks to the stupid Moyashi. Kanda scoffed, fuming.
"It's almost morning, I don't think anything will happen now. After all, ghosts only come out at night. Let's go back! I'm dying to take a bath."
For the first time in a long time, Kanda agreed with the rabbit. He took Mugen and sped up past the redhead despite the taller exorcist's complaints. The Finders were still questioning the town's folk despite that each and every one of them refused to cross the "Holy Company"(1) and face its wrath. Damn superstitious idiots, a whole lot of help they were. Finally they reached the place they were staying in, hoping to sleep even if fora couple of hours before they had to continue with the mission. Kanda would kill Reever as soon as he the imbecile again for daring to give him a mission—and a stupid one at that—when he was supposed to stay by the brat's side at all times.
Kanda didn't even stop to think about it anymore, he'd simply accepted the fact that the Moyashi took up a lot of his thoughts. He took off his coat and undid the collar of his uniform—and the rabbit let out a shrill scream at his side. Kanda turned to glare at him, his expression one of murder.
"What?"
"You're cheating on the Moyashi! Look at that hickey on your neck! You're a bad husband, Yu."
"Che. You've only just noticed?" said Kanda, turning around, hands busy with his uniform.
"That you're a bad husband? No, I noticed that a long time ago. What I didn't know was that you were cheating on the Moyashi; he's waiting for you back home, five months pregnant, and yet you're here sleeping around with some floozies. You should be ashamed of yourself."
Usually, Kanda cared little to nothing about the garbage Lavi spewed out, but he knew the idiot wouldn't shut up until Kanda made him shut up. Kanda scoffed, undoing the cord holding his hair up. What he wouldn't do for a bath right now.
"You're an idiot, rabbit. Your 'innocent, baby brother' gave me this. It's not like you not to know these things."
Lavi fell silent; Kanda was silently grateful for it. Not that he was expecting the silence to last long, but he was glad he would at least have a couple of seconds of silence tonight.
"Dear God! You're corrupting the Moyashi-chan awfully fast, dare I ask how you do it?"
Kanda grinned.
"Are you sure you want to know?"
He smirked again when the redhead paled. It was difficult to believe the lecherous rabbit turned green at the thought of Kanda's intimate life. After all, Lavi had been the one who'd given him advice on how to fuck the Moyashi. Although Kanda supposed it was because for Lavi, it would be easy to imagine Allen as a girl. Such was the kind of person Lavi was: the kink of it beat out all inhibitions. Throwing a towel over his shoulder, Kanda closed the bathroom door before the redhead could start another rant.
He opened the faucet. Cold water, he needed it. He obviously wasn't going to take care of his needs here, not with the stupid rabbit on the other side of the door. Kanda didn't want the idiot mocking him about how he couldn't control his urges. He was supposed to keep his composure, but doing so was proving to be frustratingly difficult, even more so because he was traveling with an imbecile.
"It's lucky Panda's off in the China branch with Komui, don't you think so, Yu?" he heard Lavi from outside. Kanda click his tongue in disdain. Was it too much to ask to shower in peace? "This way I can read in peace."
Read? Wasn't that what the idiot always did, forced to or not forced to by Bookman? Kanda preferred not to answer, the freezing water beating down on his back soothing his tense muscles. He grabbed the bar of soap. Suddenly, he recalled something Allen had said to him not too long ago, while the boy had been carefully carding through his long hair as they laid in bed together—something about washing his hair with shampoo instead of soap. Kanda didn't even remember when or how the event had happened, just that it had and that it hadn't bothered him all that much. He did remember, though, that afterward he'd had a good lay with the boy, who was apparently still unaware of how many of his actions did nothing but inflame Kanda's libido.
Regardless, he washed himself with the usual soap. Besides, the Moyashi had confessed (very shyly might Kanda add) that he liked Kanda's black hair and that's why he should take care of it. Baa, that was probably why the brat wanted to shave it off and sell it. Kanda would also one day end up cutting off that old man hair of his and sell it as a rarity. Kanda grinned. He was remembering such stupid shit, as if they would help get rid of his frustrations. The sooner he finished this mission, the sooner he could return to that little idiot's side and screw him.
He rinsed off the soap from his hair, wrapping a towel around his waist and drying his head with another one. Perhaps the rabbit would leave him alone while he showered, though Kanda doubted the redhead would shut up, drowning or not. The door shut behind him, and he noticed Lavi was being oddly quiet. Kanda could have taken a couple of minutes of his precious time to wonder why the redhead was acting so out of character, but he decided he'd much rather enjoy the silence, no matter how strange.
Soon enough he saw the reason for the rabbit's eerie silence: the idiot had fallen asleep, still dressed in his uniform. The moron hadn't even taken off his coat. Kanda scoffed, no bothering to be quiet while he looked for something to sleep in. Lavi wasn't the Moyashi after all. If the brat had been in the redhead's place, Kanda would have loved to undress him. He smirked. Once Allen had the baby they'd both be able to go on missions together. They'd both be alone in the same room. And they could make as much noise as they wanted; the brat wouldn't be able to whine about keeping quiet if they did it in a place no one would care to remember them. For the first time, missions with the Moyashi would be more that fights and bickering arguments. Well, those aspects would probably stay, but they would only be another type of fun.
Once he was done dressing and was ready to go to bed, he saw it. There was an open folder lying next to Lavi, a few papers sticking out from here and there. Kanda's interest rose when he saw they were some type of reports. Curiosity won out; he grabbed them, and realized what they were.
"No fucking way…"
"Yu-chan?" called the bookman apprentice, rubbing his eye. Kanda ignored him. "Ah! Yu-chan's raping me!"
"Che. What's the meaning of this, stupid rabbit?" he asked, not paying the idiot's comment any heed.
"Hey! Those are the reports I stol—…eh. I mean, that I borrowed. You don't have a right to take them until I'm done reading them. Panda never gave me a chance to read them; I've been so busy at the Order until now," scoffed the junior bookman, whining childishly. "Can you give them back?"
"These reports have to do with what's being done to the Moyashi, am I wrong?" Kanda glared at him, and Lavi nodded in defeat.
The dark-haired exorcist sat down on his bed, the folder still in his hands. It was a thin stack of papers. Actually, Kanda's own notes about his 'special mission' were far much in number. He opened the folder again, determined to find once and for all what this whole mess was about.
"Yu, you really shouldn't…"
But Kanda wasn't listening, he was already flipping through the pages. His eyes widened in surprise; he skimming through the paragraphs quickly, only reading the surface, double checking to see if he'd read incorrectly. Although the result was the same, the exact same. Kanda closed the folder, leaving it at the side. A tense silence took over the room until, surprisingly, Kanda himself broke it.
"Did anyone survive?"
"I told you, I haven't finished reading it. It'll tell you when I'm done—"
"Were there any survivors?"
Lavi looked at the ceiling, cracking his knuckles nervously before answering:
"From what I've read, no. But I haven't finished! Besides, those exorcist had no one to help them like you're helping the Moyashi-chan."
Kanda cocked an eyebrow. Did Lavi really think he was helping Allen? Since when? The only thing he did was fuck the kid. Nothing more, nothing less.
"You have a lot of physical contact with him. God, you even kiss him and hug in front of me like it's nothing. The others," he said, pointing at the folder next to Kanda's side, "also had a partner, but apparently none of them ever had that kind of bond with the 'carriers,' or mummies, as I prefer to call them."
Lavi was smiling, for fucks sake. As if that would solve everything. Kanda knew the damn experiment wasn't safe from the very beginning, but he'd never imagined that the majority of those exorcists died in order to give birth to another. Where was the logic in that? Gain an exorcist at the risk of losing another? And if this was nothing but a death sentence for Allen for being a traitor? Yes, they probably wanted to squeeze every last, useful drop out of the little idiot before killing him like the cowards they were. Kanda gritted his teeth.
"But the Moyashi-chan's pregnancy is going really well, as natural as that of any woman's, isn't it? He doesn't have fainting spells, or nausea, and he's never been bedridden either. He can even walk around like normal. Hell, if you ask me, he even runs pretty fast for someone in his condition."
Kanda's dry glare could have shriveled lesser men. Was the stupid rabbit trying to cheer him up? Fuck, for some reason, that really pissed him off. Though he had to admit the idiot had a point; besides, Kanda hadn't read what the other already knew. Perhaps he should stop thinking about it and focus on finishing the mission so he could keep his promise. So he could return to the boy's side as soon as possible. He could take care of the Grand Generals later if something happened to his Moyashi and his girl.
"Who would've known?" Kanda's gaze flickered back to the redhead, who was smiling quite stupidly—and annoyingly. "I never thought I'd see you this worried over someone who wasn't you, Yu-chan."
"Che. Stop calling me that or I'll kill you." Mugen was unsheathed in the blink of an eye, the blade brushing dangerously close to the delicate flesh of the bookman apprentice's neck.
"Ah! Yu is a secret axe murderer! Help!"
He took a step back, to which the other exorcist breathed a sigh of relief, his blabbering coming to an end. Kanda ignored the redhead's undignified pout. He sat back down on the bed, taking the stack of papers to throw them on the rabbit's bed despite his complaints about how Kanda shouldn't treat something that was supposed to return to the bookmen's hands safe and sound so roughly.
"Finish reading that crap. You're going to give me a full report on it when you're done."
"Alright, Yu! But I'm going to sleep first, I'm dying of…" The junior bookman fell silent at Kanda's heated glare. "Come on! I really am sleepy!"
"Che."
He would let the subject drop, but only because he was supposed to not be thinking about it. What he should be doing was going over the Finder's mission reports. And Kanda was also tired; he couldn't blame Lavi for wanting to sleep. He flopped down on his bed, ignoring Lavi's commentary, something about how today was his lucky day. The stupid rabbit loved to test his luck.
Although now that he was ready to get some sleep, far from forgetting Allen, his thoughts brought him back to the boy. Kanda reached inside his pocket for the anzan omamori again, holding it up to his face, propping himself on his elbow. Carrying the little shit around was making him feel like he'd made a big mistake. Kanda should have thrown it away as soon as the old man had handed it to him.
"An omamori! Where did you get it? Oh, is that what I think it is?"
Goddamn it all; Lavi's smile spelled bad things to come. Kanda clicked his tongue, giving the other exorcist his back. Sadly, Lavi was impossible to stop once he got started.
"It's a luck charm for pregnant women! 'Easy birth', eh, Yu? You really do worry about the Moyashi-chan. Where did you get it? What with what happened to Japan and all, I thought your culture would stay dead for a while."
"Shut it. Didn't you say you were tired?"
"Ho, Yu-chan. Just tell me when you plan on giving the Moyashi-chan his present. Have I ever told you you're very sweet?…Yu? Hey! Answer me!"
Kanda feigned sleep, not wanting to deal with the meddling ball of stupidity that was Lavi. He could have threatened to kill him again, just for kicks, but in his current mood, Lavi's survival instincts were probably all but non-existing. Kanda tried to sleep, to relax so come tomorrow morning he could be done with the damn mission and return to what was truly important to him.
"Moyashi."
Kanda wondered if the little idiot was sleeping properly, if he was making his treatments treatments on time, if that damn inspector had done anything to him. Kanda frowned.
If he knew what was good for him, the imbecile better be okay once Kanda returned.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Lenalee had taken on the duty of making sure Allen was well. She took him to the infirmary, to the cafeteria, and she even massaged his back sometimes despite that the boy complained he could handle the soreness. She knew how bad the Briton had it. Not only because of his pregnancy; Lenalee knew Allen missed Kanda.
In the past, she would have never believed it. Never. In the past, Allen had tried on more than one occasion to make friends with Kanda, and in the end he'd declared that it was impossible and that he'd much rather keep on fighting with the Japanese exorcist than to befriend him. Kanda was the only person Allen didn't get along with; the boy even got along better with Lavi, who out of everybody else, teased him the most. That was why Lenalee had never expected to find Allen in Kanda's room, on the floor, sitting next to a little table adorned with a lone lotus flower sealed in a simple hourglass. It was the only personal touch in Kanda's otherwise bare room, and Lenalee had always been curious about it. (She'd never dared to ask Kanda about it, after all, her only answer would be either a noncommittal grunt or a simple shrug of the shoulders.) The English youth had fallen asleep on a particularly painful position, but he looked a lot calmer than usual.
Lenalee tenderly patted the boy's snowy head. She felt terrible for Allen, who had to go through something so difficult and without any help. He was her friend and she cared for him, which was why her heart broke every time she saw him in any sort of pain. Lenalee was positive Allen didn't like being seen in these conditions, especially by Lenalee, but what could she do? She'd promised Kanda she would take care of the boy in his stead.
She smiled at the memory of the Japanese teen, of how he'd actually shown concern over Allen despite his claims of hating the boy, and it was then that Lenalee's mind hit a cluster of images, sounds, smells. Kanda and Allen. Kanda and Allen together—Lenalee hastily shook her head, mentally scolding herself for actually daring to have those kind of thoughts.
Lenalee searched for something to get rid of the images; she'd just finished talking with her older brother. Komui had told her he would probably take longer than he'd originally planned to return. Lenalee hadn't been able to contain her sadness. Despite that, she'd answered cheerfully, assuring her older brother that he shouldn't worry about her and to take care of his work first. It had been the opposite of what she'd wanted to say. She wanted to beg him to come back to the Order as soon as possible; to say that she needed him at her side so much her desire to have him here, next to her, was a physical ache. She hated being so selfish; she hated her selfish wish to have her precious people close to her and only her. Although, that selfishness wasn't what had made her stay so close to Allen ever since Kanda left.
Lenalee sighed, finished delivering coffee to the science department. She was on her way to the cafeteria, where she knew Allen would be after his daily treatment. When she entered the large room, her eyes automatically looked for the palest head of hair.
Once she found him, Lenalee didn't know if she should smile or be angry. Allen was carelessly fast asleep, an empty plate of food next to him. The blond inspector was sitting in front of the Briton, calmly taking notes, unfazed by the state of his charge. Lenalee patted the boy's head, lips quirking upward. Link looked at her briefly before returning to his work. Lenalee gently ran her fingers through the boy's hair, feeling relieved when the younger exorcist relaxed further more at her touch. She should take the boy to his room, it couldn't possible be good for Allen to sleep on a table in his condition.
"Has Allen-kun been sleeping well, Link-san?"
The blonde looked up to meet her gaze once more, analyzing her. She was seconds away from pouting when the inspector answered her:
"Walker doesn't sleep at night. It's as if he needs to be in Yu Kanda's room to be able to rest properly."
"In Kanda's room?"
Lenalee blinked, a bit surprised by the news. She took her hand back, Timcanpy replacing her fingers on top of Allen's head. But the Chinese girl paid no mind to that; she was still processing what the blond had said. Then it was true: Allen did sleep better in Kanda's room. When Komui told her the boy would spend two nights a week in the dark-haired exorcist's room she had been worried. After all, both boys claimed to hate each other and putting both of them (or by themselves) in a small space was asking for total chaos. She'd thought the idea dangerous for both Allen and the baby girl, even for Kanda if the situation lost control. But apparently it had been a good idea and the Briton actually felt better when he was with the father of his baby girl.
Was the bond they shared over that little creature really that strong? It was a beautiful thing without a doubt, although Lenalee would've liked being the 'father' of Allen's baby. But she was happy: Kanda and Allen were on better terms now, and no longer would she worry as much when they went on missions together.
"Lena-lee?"
She started a bit; Allen was looking at her through his pale fringe, slouching against the table. He looked adorable, the tired look on his face made the girl want to hug him and scold him for his messy sleeping habits. She smiled, watching him wipe a bit of drool from the corner of his mouth. He immediately straightened up once he came to himself, his cheeks flushing slightly at the state she'd found him in. Lenalee's smile brightened when the boy's stomach came into view. Allen looked more and more pregnant as the days dragged on, a fact Lenalee would never point out to him; Lavi was in charge of that. She knew the young boy didn't like being reminded of his state and she supposed that was normal: Allen was a man after all. He was probably terribly embarrassed over the whole ordeal .
"Allen-kun, sleeping on a table isn't good for you, it's better if you sleep in a …"
Lenalee stopped. Allen wasn't saying anything, he was simply staring at something she couldn't see. Something beyond her. She frowned, a pout making its way to her lips. Preparing herself to deliver a good, lengthy scolding to the boy, she stopped when Allen finally looked at her.
"He has the hiccups."
She blinked.
"What was that, Allen-kun?"
"I think—I think the baby has the hiccups."
Allen had an undecipherable look on his face. It wasn't happiness, it wasn't sadness. It was something Lenalee couldn't identify.
"How do you…?" She bit her bottom lip when the boy lowered his gaze to the floor, visibly embarrassed.
Lenalee smiled. How was it possible that Allen was only but a year younger than her? He was so adorable, like a small child, although a lot of it probably had to due with his pregnancy. She caressed the side of his face sweetly, making the boy look her in the eye again, Lenalee's violet hues meeting Allen's silver. Without saying anything, she moved his hand to Allen's stomach, feeling the boy shiver slightly. She moved her hand gently, so as to not cause the boy too much discomfort.
Lenalee laughed softly. She could barely feel it, but yes, it was there. She'd asked the head nurse about babies and the older woman had said that hiccups occurred during the third trimester, yet here was this baby girl, practically telling her parents she would be born an overachiever. Lenalee wondered if, once the girl was born, she would learn to walk and talk with ease.
"Lenalee."
"Eh? Ah, sorry."
She took her hand back, and it was her turn to be embarrassed. But she couldn't help it, there was something about Allen now that made her want to touch him; it was a mutual feeling in the Order ever since Allen's stomach had grown. The bad part was that Allen didn't like being touched so easily. Lenalee had known from the very first time, how the boy felt uncomfortable and uneasy when others touched his stomach. Lenalee caressed his face again before hugging him, making sure her body didn't come in contact with the Briton's stomach.
"You're going to go to bed, Allen-kun. I'm not taking no for answer," said Lenalee before Allen could complain.
She helped him stand up, handling him gently. Allen looked embarrassed, taking careful steps while Lenalee guided him. Timcanpy settled on her head this time, making her smile. Timcanpy had become very overprotective of the boy as well; Lenalee rarely saw him away from his owner and the golem seemed to watch him constantly even when Allen was with Kanda. She stopped suddenly, causing Allen to run right into her.
"I'm sorry, Lenalee!"
"Oh, don't worry. But you shouldn't walk with your head in the clouds, you could hurt yourself." Allen turned around, abashed, playing with the sleeves of a sweater that did not belong to him. Kanda's sweater.
"Ah, but this isn't my room," pointed out the boy, cheeks a tad bit flushed still. "T—this is Kanda's room."
"I know."
She smiled kindly at him. The look of confusion on Allen's face was quite endearing. After all, he'd managed to sleep on the cold, hard floor of this very room with ease. Perhaps if he actually slept on Kanda's bed he would feel a lot better. The baby and him both needed a good rest, and they had to sleep even if the Japanese swordsman wasn't here. Lenalee would take care of Kanda later for not even bothering to call and ask about Allen's condition. That man, he was so irresponsible at times.
"You'll sleep better here, right? It'll do you some good if you rest here and I don't think Kanda would mind. If he did, he wouldn't have left the door unlocked."
Lenalee saw him nod slowly, hiding the blush on his cheeks behind his pale hair. She wondered about that, why Allen reacted so strangely when Kanda was brought up. Many reasons passed through Lenalee's mind, but she knew they were wrong, completely wrong.
Timcanpy abandoned the nest he'd made in her hair, preferring Allen's head this time. Lenalee's smile widened.
"Sleep well, Allen-kun."
She turned around, leaving Allen by himself. If he felt comfortable in Kanda's room, than Leanalee had no problem with it. Although those strange, suspicious thoughts refused to leave her head.
But they were foolish thoughts; her friends wouldn't do that, right?
Lenalee shook her head, smiling sweetly, locking her hands behind her back.
Even if her silly thoughts were more than just that, silly thoughts, it wouldn't matter. She would take care of her precious people no matter what.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Allen wondered if Lenalee was right. If he would be able to sleep better now that he was in Bakanda's room.
He looked at his surroundings, at the bed, at the coat hanger (new, he'd learned from Lavi that its predecessor had been destroyed during one of Kanda's attempts at his life), the window, the table. The hourglass. The pink flower floating inside of it. Allen took a step towards it, brushing his fingers over the glass without caring that Link was there with him. He closed his eyes, leaning against the wall, his fingers continuing their exploration. This room had Kanda's scent. It made him feel more relaxed and happy.
And it was stupid. He knew, of course he knew. But he couldn't help feeling like this. Allen opened his eyes; he looked at the bed, neatly done, just like Kanda had eft it. He yawned. Damn, he was really sleepy, these past four nights without sleep hadn't helped either. Taking off the borrowed sweater, he climbed onto the bed. Allen inhaled deeply as soon as his head hit the pillow. It was a strange scent, a scent that made him feel both safe and embarrassed at once. It was strange, but then again everything was strange when it came to Kanda. His whole relationship with Kanda was nothing but contradictions and ludicrous logic. Allen still remembered they way the dark-haired exorcist had said goodbye to him: with chaste kiss to the scar on his left eye.
With care, his left hand traced the scar Mana had left him. Allen didn't know why at times Kanda seemed to be so fascinated with it when in the past, it had been the reason why he'd refused to touch him. Stupid Bakanda and his capricious attitude.
Allen made himself comfortable on the bed, on top of the blankets, like Kanda had left it.
Suddenly, he felt the baby kick him; once more, as if to ask Allen where his other father was, recognizing the room. Allen didn't know how to explain to the baby why Kanda couldn't be here with him, and that Allen missed him, too—even if he would never admit it to anyone. To anyone who wasn't Kanda's baby, that is. He patted his stomach; and it was his way of telling the baby that while Kanda was gone, he would take care of him. Although it wasn't the same.
Allen felt Timcanpy land on his stomach, almost as if he were trying to feel the baby's kicks too. He smiled. Allen knew his golem didn't miss Kanda one bit, after all, they both seemed to dislike each other extremely. But perhaps Allen could do something to make Tim feel more at ease with the relationship he and Kanda shared.
He closed his eyes again, determined to sleep.
"Moyashi."
Allen started. He could almost feel the simultaneous jump from inside his stomach. He sat up. That had been Kanda's voice. It had finally happened; Allen had finally gone crazy because of that stupid imbecile.
"Kanda? Where…?"
"Che. Under the bed, idiot."
Allen blinked, doubtful. But in the end he obeyed, lifting the pillow to find a small transmitter underneath it, one very similar to the earring Bak had given him. He grabbed it with trembling fingers, not sure what would happen when he put it on.
"Kanda?" he asked again, softly.
"Who else, stupid Moyashi?"
"My name is Allen, Bakanda!"
Allen laughed, thankful that Kanda couldn't see him—because he felt tears form in the corner of his eyes. He hated crying, of course. He hated getting so sentimental over hearing an idiot's voice.
"Whatever. Hey, you, shitty inspector. I know you're there, get the fuck out of my room. My time with the little imbecile starts now."
The Briton glanced at Link, who'd drawn a very undignified look on his face. Although he looked more horrified than anything. The inspector probably couldn't believe that even when he wasn't here, Kanda still behaved like a complete barbarian. Regardless, he left, though Allen saw that he simply stationed himself outside the room, next to the door. Well, it was obvious that he wouldn't leave his post; watching Allen was part of his job after all.
Allen sighed, although he gasped when he heard Kanda's voice.
"Is he gone? He better be."
"Yes, but you didn't have to be so rude with Link-san. It's not his fault that…"
"Che. I know, runt."
"Hey! Don't call me that, idiot!"
Allen pursued his lips. Was that all? Were they going to start fighting like always? He leaned against the wall, trying to ease the pain on his back. Timcanpy made himself comfy on Allen's head, interested in hearing what Kanda had to say. That is, if he had anything to say.
"H—how are you? How's the mission."
"Who cares about that."
Allen frowned.
"How did you know I would be in your room, today of all days?"
"I didn't."
Allen bit his lower lip. Had Kanda been waiting for Allen to come to his room, waiting for some sort of signal so he could talk to him? That was wrong, right? Kanda was supposed to be focusing on the mission, not on Allen. Stupid Bakanda.
"Kanda, you…"
"Are you taking care of yourself, Moyashi? Because if something happens to you I'll kill you, understand? You have to take care of my daughter too or you'll regret it, little idiot."
Well, that was the nicest thing Kanda had ever said to him. Allen smiled, his cheeks flushing. It was nice, talking to Kanda like this was nice. And he laughed, because it was stupid to feel happy over something as ridiculous as this.
"Oi, Moyashi. Stop laughing like an idiot."
"Kanda," began Allen, laughing again because he couldn't stop.
"What do you want?"
"Will you talk to me until I fall asleep? Please?"
There was a long silence, where the only sound that was heard was a faraway voice that sounded uncannily like Lavi's. But Allen said nothing, waiting for the older exorcist's answer.
"You've gotten even more girly since I left, Moyashi. This pregnancy is really bringing out the real 'you'."
"That's not true, you idiot!" snapped Allen, angry because Kanda knew just how to push his buttons. Damn it. Allen scoffed.
"Che. I'll do it if it's what you want, but go to sleep already. Because I'm sure you haven't been sleeping properly like I told you, or am I wrong?"
Allen swallowed thickly; he'd asked for that. It had been stupid on his part not to expect Kanda to notice right away, although Allen himself hadn't noticed his lack of sleep showed itself through his tired voice.
"You're an idiot."
"Shut up, Bakanda," muttered Allen, a tiny bit abashed.
"Just go to sleep and be quiet."
The pale-haired boy obeyed, laying down on the bed, turning around at the same time Tim monopolized the pillow next to his head. Allen closed his eyes, listening to the sound of the older exorcist's voice.
Kanda was complying with him, even if Allen didn't know what the hell the Japanese exorcist was saying and was sure most of it compiled of a lot of profanity and cusses. But he didn't care. He simply listened to the tone of Kanda's voice, how the older teen muttered things Allen would never hear.
Because before long, he was fast asleep, smiling despite himself.
It had been a long time since he'd slept so well.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
She didn't know if she should be mad or sad. She wasn't even sure why she was acting this way. Although, she was a selfish person, so that was probably why, right? Lenalee nervously ran her fingers through her short hair. She hoped no one would notice her odd behavior.
Komui had called. Reever had let her talk to him for quick second before taking back the phone, something which made Lenalee feel uneasy. Her brother said he still couldn't return from the China branch, that it would take a lot longer than he previously thought, but he'd promised her presents and sweets; as if Lenalee were a little girl who could be bought with cheap gifts. She'd told him not to worry, that it was okay, that she had Allen and all the others from the science department with her to make her feel safe. She'd smiled despite that she'd shed a few tears. She felt like an idiot; Komui would return, sooner or later they would be together again. And when he did, Lenalee wouldn't be able to have a moment's peace because Komui would refuse to be separated from her side again.
Lenalee laughed softly, in a better mood as she walked to the cafeteria to fetch the science department's coffee.
She waved to Jeryy, taking the cups of bitter black liquid after setting them on a tray. Before she could leave, her violet eyes fell on a distinctive snowy head. Allen was eating as much as always, practically stuffing his mouth without chewing. That made Lenalee feel a bit better. Allen was becoming more like himself, which meant that it had been a good idea for him to sleep in Kanda's room (with Link sleeping at the foot of the bed, not once leaving the poor exorcist's side). More than a week had gone by since Kanda and Lavi had left, and she missed them as well, but it was the young Briton who seemed to be taking Kanda's absence the hardest. Although she also noticed that, for some reason, the young boy wasn't wearing Kanda's sweater today. Strange. He'd been stuck to the garment like glue since Kanda gave it to him.
Lenalee made her way to Allen's table, her mood no longer as blue.
"Allen-kun."
Allen greeted her back, with a mouth full of food, though Lenalee heard her name somewhere in the incomprehensible grunts. He finished swallowing his food, apologizing for his rudeness, although Lenalee saw no problem with it. How was it possible that this boy could be so mature, yet so childish at the same time? Lenalee had no idea, but she was fascinated nonetheless.
"You've been sleeping better, haven't you?" she asked him, smiling still.
"Yes. Thank you, Lenalee," muttered Allen, shyly meeting her gaze.
The Chinese girl was touched to know that Allen was like her, that he too had someone who was precious to him. She wondered if Allen missed Kanda like she missed her brother, after all, they were both bonded, even if not fraternally like she was to her brother. Allen had a baby inside of him that was as much his as it was Kanda's. In a matter of speaking, they were a family now. She was going to say it, tell Allen he now had a real family with Kanda and; even though Kanda wasn't the easiest person to get along with, she knew the Japanese exorcist cared for Allen in his own special way.
But she couldn't, the words died in her throat when she saw Allen's face.
More specifically, when she saw Allen's left eye.
Lenalee chocked back her scream.
"Akuma."
"H—here? How?"
Lenalee couldn't believe it. How was that possible? They were in the Order! The Order was a safe place! The Gatekeeper would never let an akuma get inside the Order. Allen's eye had to be wrong, right? She broke out of her fear when she saw Allen had left, guided by his cursed eye.
"Allen-kun!"
He stopped. Allen's eye had never been wrong in the past. So was it true? Was it really happening?
"Lenalee!"
She turned around. It was Johnny and Tup, guided by Reever. Lenalee didn't want to hear what they had to said, because she knew. She knew what they would say.
Lenalee barely heard the alarms ringing, frozen as the Australian scientist organized the Finders in the cafeteria, preparing them for battle like a general on the theatre of war. This wasn't happening. The Order had no exorcist to protect it, only Hevlaska, her (who didn't have her Innocence), and, and Allen.
Lenalee paled.
"Quick, Lenalee! We have to keep you and Allen safe!" Johnny said, before asking in a much louder voice, "Where's Allen?"
Lenalee ran as fast as her legs could take her. Allen was no idiot, or was he? She'd been careless, wasn't she supposed to be taking care of the boy? Allen was her responsibility, she'd promised Kanda she would keep him safe. Lenalee could hear the scientists calling her name while she ran, but she never slowed down.
Luckily, she found him.
The blond inspector was holding him back, the young exorcist fighting to get free despite that Timcanpy was also trying to stop him.
"Let me go! I have to go to them!"
Them? Allen was referring to the akuma. Lenalee had almost forgotten how much the boy loved the akuma, how he was willing to give up everything for them. She bit her lower lip, not stopping until she reached his side. Lenalee would smack some sense into him, just like she'd done in the past. Hadn't he learned his lesson yet? Had Allen forgotten that he wasn't alone? That he didn't have to fight alone?
"Please!" begged Allen, still fighting against Link's hold.
"Allen-kun! What do you think you're doing? Think about your baby!" she snapped, her hands trembling.
Allen turned to look at her. Lenalee fell silent, covering her mouth with her hand when she saw he was crying. He was crying for the akuma? For those lost souls?
"Let me, Lenalee. I have my Innocence, I can fight!"
Lenalee wanted to hit him again, but she contained herself. She'd never seen the boy like this, so anxious and desperate.
"They're only level One and Two. I can take them. They're asking me to help them, to free them. Lenalee, please."
Why was he trying to convince her? Johnny and Tup were trying to bring sense back into him and, still, he said nothing. Link's hold stayed strong, not letting the boy escape. Lenalee was silent, her mind trying to keep up. They were under attack; she could hear the chaos around here, the troops moving, even the explosions. But all of her attention was concentrated on this trembling, sobbing boy who was asking again and again to be allowed to fulfill his reason for living. To free damned souls.
"I'll take care of Kanda's baby. I'll take care of him!"
"She's your daughter too!"
He angered her so, so much. The way he spoke, it made her so angry. She disliked the way Allen kept behaving, as if the little innocent creature he was carrying didn't belong to him. She'd noticed before, but she hadn't given it much thought because she'd thought it was normal. But this was different, Allen had to understand. And the boy had fallen quiet, silently crying, looking at her with eyes full of pain.
"I—I can keep my Innocence activated for 15 minutes. If I fight, 10 minutes at most, but that's enough to hold them while you evacuate the tower. I'll be fine, and Kanda's baby will be fine. I promise."
Again, he asked her. Saying her name again and again. Why did the responsibility have to fall on her? She didn't want Allen and her baby to get hurt, but she also knew Allen was the only one who could buy them some time. Lenalee looked at her surroundings, not knowing what to decide.
She pushed Link away and hugged Allen tight to her body. She hated how her life changed so quickly, from one moment to another. The only thing she wanted was to stay with her friends, her family. And this life as an exorcist; she hated this life as exorcist.
"Lenalee, please. I'll be very careful, I promise."
Lenalee was crying, she too, unable to stop the tears. But there was no time for that. She pulled away from him fto look him in eye. There was pain in Allen's face, yes, but there was also determination. Determination the likes of which only Allen could show. If Lenalee said no, what would happen?
She muffled a scream at the same time she pulled the other tight against her body when an explosion nearby made the ground tremble. The doors closest to them were now destroyed and a couple of level one akuma could be seen through the broken remains, staring at them with dead eyes. Allen answered them with a light smile, as if he could already see himself freeing their trapped souls.
"You have eight minutes."
"Eh?"
"You have eight minutes, you have to finish them in eight minutes! You have to come back after eight minutes or I will never forgive you."
Allen smiled, a smile that didn't fit their situation. Lenalee pulled back, watching his Innocence activate. Crown Clown looked particularly majestic, covering the boy's swollen stomach. Lenalee swallowed, wiping the tears away with the back of her hand.
When she opened her eyes, the akuma that had been closest to them had been destroyed. She was awed to see that Allen still retained some of his old agility, and that his strength had remained. The scientists were calling her, but the world had seized to exist, and all that was left were those silver-plated eyes. Allen was happy, alive like never before. He was an exorcist, Allen was an exorcist. And her? What was she? She brought her hands to her chest, biting her bottom lip.
"Please be careful, Allen-kun," she murmured before the boy disappeared to deal with the rest of the akuma.
She gasped when he heard Link call her name:
"I'll go with Walker. I will take care of him, Lenalee Lee."
Lenalee was so close to breaking, but she smiled at him nonetheless. The inspector worried about Allen, too. Lenalee felt Timcanpy paw at her face. It was almost like the little guy was telling her he would take care of Allen as well, like he always did. Lenalee nodded, in certain ways relived.
But the feeling of apparent calm evaporated when the blonde inspector and Timcanpy were stopped by a great black door, shooting up from the floor suddenly and unexpectedly. From out of nowhere.
"W—what is that?"
Lenalee's legs buckled beneath her and she fell to the floor before Johnny or Tup could reach her. Allen's golem tried to find a way through the wall while Link stared at it, muttering something through gritted teeth that Lenalee didn't quite hear. She saw how Tim suddenly stopped his futile attempts to get past the wall to return to her, hiding between her clothes at the same time something emerged from the thick, black mass.
Lenalee's eyes widened in surprise.
"Hello, my lovely doll. Do you want to play again?"
"Road."
What was happening? Lenalee's fingers dug sharply into her scalp, not being able to believe the Noah was here, inside her home, smiling cheerfully at her while she licked a lollipop and played with the Earl's golom. Road leered at her, licking her lips.
"What do you want…?"
"Oh, this time it's not about what I want, Lenalee," said Road, smiling brightly while more and more figures emerged from the other side of the black wall. The Chinese girl crumbled again; those were akuma level Three. "This time, Tyki has some business to do with my Allen."
New tears formed in her purple eyes.
Lenalee had made a mistake. A horrible mistake.
-o-o-o-o-o-o-
Five minutes were up and he was done finishing the remaining akuma. Allen smiled. The souls had thanked him when he'd freed them, and fresh tears had spilled down his cheeks when he'd heard them. It had been so long ago since he'd last done this, he'd almost forgotten what it was like to be an exorcist.
"You're fine as well, aren't you?" he murmured, caressing his belly. He could return to Lenalee now and thank her for letting him fulfill his reason for living.
But he was so focused on the akuma that he hadn't noticed Link wasn't with him, or that Tim wasn't fluttering by his side like always. At least not until now. Allen looked at his surroundings, confused by the sudden silence. But he stopped thinking once his eye activated again.
He barely turned around in time to block the attack with his sword, being careful not to take any damage. He kept the weapon in place, tilting his face to look at the level three akuma in front of him. Allen could see its soul, corrupted, black, and so far from salvation. This wasn't part of the plan. Allen bit his lower lip.
He could win against this akuma, who smiled mockingly at him while he giggled the details of how Allen would die, the way his body would break once the akuma was done with him. Allen attacked, determined to end this as soon as possible when another level three joined the first, just barely dodging Allen's Innocence.
This was bad, really bad. Allen leaned against the wall, breathing hard, watching the akuma close in on him. He'd been stupid, how was he supposed to get out of this? What would he tell Lenalee? What would he say to…
"Noah-sama said the all of the Order's exorcists were absent, but it seems there's still one worm left," cackled one of th akuma, showing off its sharp teeth as it cornered him.
But Allen was stubborn, and the akuma wasn't fast enough to dodge being pierced through the chest by the young exorcist's sword. The Briton knew his new Innocence was much more powerful, that his previous one would have been useless against a level three. Allen felt hope again. He'd destroyed one, he could finish the other one even though his vision was beginning to blur and he felt weaker by the second. Allen only hoped Lenalee and the others were safe.
Allen dodged the akuma's attack, trying to take it by surprise; but the monster trapped him from behind, forcing him to drop his sword. He drowned a hiss of pain when he felt the akuma's sharp claws dig into one of his shoulders. Another cackle. Allen began to feel dizzy.
"You're the exorcist with white hair, the one called Allen Walker, am I right? Noah-sama said not to hurt you, but if you keep this up, I'll forget myself, kid."
The akuma's tongue licked his cheek with gusto, enjoying Allen's look of pain. He tried to reach for his sword, to finish the akuma, to free its soul even if the akuma refused to be saved.
"You don't give up, do you?"
The akuma squeezed the exorcist's shoulder, making Allen scream out in pain. He was so close to deactivating his Innonce, to fainting. But he was struggling to stay awake, to reach his sword despite that he could barely keep going.
"What will you do now, Allen Walker?"
Allen's bit his lower lip, his voice soft but sure:
"Clown Belt."
He felt the akuma's hold loosen, the white ribbons piercing through the mechanical doll ruthlessly. Allen fell on his knees, his Innocence and eye deactivating seconds after. And he smiled. That had been the last of the akuma nearby, he could return to his friends and let Lenalee scold him for going over the time limit. He'd have to ask for her forgiveness; he might have to beg, but he'd do it. He was dying of hunger, and he knew the baby was hungry too because of the way he was kicking.
The peaceful train of thoughts stopped when Allen heard footsteps. It wasn't an akuma. Allen barely had enough strength left in him to turn around to see a tall man with long ,wavy hair walking towards him.
Silver eyes widened in surprise.
"Tyki Mikk."
"Oh, how kind of you to remember me, boy." The Noah smiled charmingly. "I, too, haven't forgotten you."
Allen screamed when Tyki grabbed him by the neck, slamming him against the ground. The Noah was standing too close to him, examining him with those golden eyes. But what made Allen freeze was the hand the man ran down his body, stopping at the place Allen least wanted the Noah to touch. He squeezed his eyes shut, turning his head to the side when he baby responded to the touch with a little kick of his own, innocent, not knowing he was answering the enemy.
"Adorable, simply adorable. Lulu was right after all, but she never mentioned how lovely this felt."
"D—don't hurt him on I swear I'll…"
The amiable smile on Tyki's handsome face didn't disappear, not even when he squeezed Allen's neck tighter.
"I don't think you're in any position to threaten me, boy. Road beat me, you know? I bet you wouldn't be stupid enough to endanger yourself like this, but I see I was wrong. Oh well, she knows more about you than I do, after all, you're the one she likes."
He was right. The Noah was right. Allen had been stupid to do this; but his damn hero complex, the one Kanda always complained about, had made it impossible for him to think with reason. The love he felt for the akuma had blinded him. Allen tried with all his might not to shed any tears, not to show any weakness in front of Tyki, but his trembling could no stop.
"Allen-kun? Where are you? Answer me!"
Allen's eyes widened at the sound of Reever's voice. He'd forgotten he was still wearing the transmitter on his ear. He looked up at the Noah, surprised to see the wide, amused smile drawn on his face. Before Allen knew what was happening, the earring had been ripped away from him, and destroyed to pieces before his very eyes.
"I don't think we'll be needing this, boy. We won't be needing it at all."
Allen closed his eyes, cursing himself, cursing his blatant stupidity.
Cursing, because he'd forgotten something much more important.
He'd forgotten the promise he'd made to Kanda.
Allen drowned a furious scream. Furious at the situation. Furious at himself.
Furious because, once again, he'd broken a promise.
To be continued—
(1): The Santa Compaña ("Holy Company") is probably one of the most deep-rooted mythical beliefs in rural Galicia, and also in Asturias, where it is called Güestia. The band of ghosts visit the house of people who are about to die. For more information, or if you're curious, you can google it.
T/A: Again, my deepest apologies. If you were to see me right now, I would be groveling. And flinching at the horrible grammar/translation errors in the past 14 chapters. Ouch. Just, ouch. Those need to be fixed before I die of embarrassment. Please expect a new chapter and many, many editing of past chapters by the end of the week.