A/N: Thanks so much to DonStella, everhsort and krissy90210 for the reviews. Reviews motivate me to stop actually watching NCIS: LA and start writing. I still don't own NCIS: LA or It's A Wonderful Life.

Chapter Three

Callen smacked his hand against his forehead. He hated the idea that he could potentially cause everyone he cared about so much pain. He hated the feeling of helplessness.

" Fine!" Callen exclaimed, wheeling desperately. " God, I wish that I'd never been born!"

Clara raised her eyebrows. " Really?"

Callen stuffed his hands into his pockets. " Yeah. It would just take away a lot of damn pain that I've cause everyone."

Clara gave an annoyingly superior laugh. " Callen, you have no idea what you are talking about."

Callen glared at her. "Oh, yeah? Did you see their faces? Did you see her…did you see Kensi?" He almost whispered. " If I hadn't been there, she'd be smiling and laughing again…she'd be so much happier if I wasn't there. They all would."

Clara shook her head. " Wish granted, G Callen."

A warm wind swept across the graveyard. The sky became overcast and Kensi's figure shimmered and disappeared, Callen Deeks fading with her.

" Wait..." Callen stared around. His gravestone was gone, replaced with a small patch of green grass. " What's happening?"

" This is the world as if you had never been born." Clara replied. " What do you want to see first?"

Callen didn't have to think. " Kensi."

One side of Clara's mouth twisted in a sad smile. " Kensi it is, then."

She took his hand, and the graveyard vanished, replaced by the bullpen at NCIS: OSP. To his relief, Callen saw Kensi, Deeks and Sam sitting at their desks. There was another agent sitting at Callen's desk, a woman with shoulder-length blonde hair.

Sam was saying something. " You should have seen Agent Calloway take out that Russian arms dealer. Like a ninja, right Lisa?"

The blonde woman, obviously Lisa, smiled and laughed. " Sure, Sam."

" She seems okay." Callen said. It was strange, knowing that the team had no idea who he was. They would never know.

" But she's no you." Clara reminded him. " You'll soon find out why."

Callen's heart sank. " Why? Does something bad happen?"

Clara sighed. " It might be easier to just skip to the end of this one, Callen."

Callen paced, unseen out the doors of NCIS. Standing on the familiar street, he felt panic seize him.

" Why, dammit?"

" There's an explosion. A bomb. Nobody saw it coming." Clara sighed.

Callen's eyes widened in fear. " Who gets hurt?" He demanded. He saw the grim look on Clara's face and knew that it was something far worse.

" Who dies?" He asked. Clara just took his hand. Callen felt trapped and nervous. Actually, he was scared out of his wits. The familiar outside of NCIS changed to a sporting arena.

" The Colosseum? By the Natural History Museum?" Callen asked. " Oh, god…" He trailed off. He knew the dramatic events that had taken place there. Taking down the Russian mobsters with Sam while Deeks and Kensi took on a room full of lasers.

Clara gave him a nervous glance. " Sam and Lisa try to take on the Russians by themselves, since Kensi and Deeks are trying to figure out how to stop the lasers from detonating the bomb. But Lisa isn't as good an agent as you are…she's wounded in the firefight. Sam has to call an ambulance, she's passed out and losing blood. While he's saving her life, Deeks and Kensi are fighting their own battle. She's almost to the last laser and she and Deeks think they have a plan. But then the Russians come. Sam and Lisa couldn't hold them off long enough with her being injured."

Callen tensed. " But she's okay. She and Deeks get out. They have to. She told me..."

Clara gave him a pitying glance. " That's in your world, Callen. You and Sam were the best agents in that world. You're able to take down all the Russians and let Deeks and Kensi get out of the laser room. In this world…"

She was interrupted by the horrible sound of glass breaking and an explosion.

" But she said that the building blew up anyway…" Callen said desperately. Clara put a hand on his arm.

" Maybe it would be easier if you didn't see this."

Callen shook off her hand. He rushed forwards, sprinting across the cool marble floor and towards the laser room. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the destruction. The room had been completely blown apart. A Russian mobster was standing over two bodies with a gun in his hand. Both of the bodies were badly charred, but Callen knew instantly that it was Deeks and Kensi.

" NO!" He rushed forwards, but Clara appeared behind him and grabbed his arm.

" Callen, you don't need to see them. Really." He looked back, and saw that her eyes were filled with tears. She gave his arm a little tug, and the scene blurred.

Callen blinked. They were standing in a graveyard. The same graveyard that he had been buried in. There was a new grave. Six figures were standing around it, dressed in black. Sam and Lisa were standing with their hands clasped in front of them. Lisa's arm was in a sling. Nell was sobbing into Eric's chest. Nate's head was bowed. Hettie looked heartbroken. One by one, they filed away across the emerald grass. Callen saw the name on the gravestone. Kensi Blye: 1982-2010. Below that, in smaller lettering was a quote: Heroes are not braver than an ordinary man, they are simply braver for five minutes longer –Ralph Waldo Emerson.

" No!" Callen cried, rushing forwards and dropping to his knees in front of the gravestone. Six roses had been tossed onto the freshly turned soil where the grave had been dug. He felt tears fill his eyes and realized that it was the first time he had cried in years. " No…" He whimpered. Deeks had been a good man, and Callen knew that he didn't deserve to die, but it was Kensi's death that had saddened him the most. He thought of all the things that had gone unsaid between them.

Several minutes passed. Callen stood, feeling slightly ill.

" I want to go back. Back to reality." He choked. " I don't want to be dead anymore."

Clara shook her head. " I can't do that. Only you bring yourself back."

Callen stared at her in horror. This was his worst nightmare come to life. His best friend, Kensi, dead, the team falling to pieces. Kensi…dead, because he wasn't there to save her life.

" Fine." Callen wheeled in terror and ran from the cemetery. He ran for blocks, knowing that he could never escape this one. He remembered something someone had said once, that NCIS had an agent who could become anything at any time. Except, he thought, the man that he wanted to be.

Callen found himself back on the bridge overlooking the Los Angeles River. He stared down at the dark water, his heard pounding furiously.

He thought of Kensi lying dead in that cemetery, of Deeks lying with her, of Sam and Eric and Nell and Nate and Hetty, of their broken hearts. And he could feel his heart breaking too.

" I want to go back." He whispered. " I want to make it right." Callen closed his eyes.

He felt a light rain begin to fall. He opened his eyes to find that his world was exactly as he had left it. The river still seethed beneath him, the city lights still glowed against the rain in the background.

" Callen!" He heard a familiar voice shout. " Callen, what are you doing?"

He wheeled around to see Kensi hurrying towards him. Callen thought that he had never felt such relief.

" Kensi!" He rushed forwards, and before she knew it he had swept her into a tight hug.

" Oh, God, I missed you." He felt her mumble something into his shoulder. She pulled away from him and gave him a narrow-eyed stare.

" Callen, you left the OSP half an hour ago." She looked from the bridge to her friend and back again. " Why are you even here? Oh my God, were you going to jump into the river?"

Callen let out a slightly forced laugh. " No!" He replied. "No, of course not."

Kensi smiled. " Good. I'm glad."

A silence passed between them. Then Callen spoke.

" You know, Kensi, I've been thinking. About the cases we've been through, all the danger…and all I could think about the whole time was you. And how if anything ever happened to you, my life would be over."

Kensi stared at him, her eyes full of wonderment. " Callen, you really feel that way about me?"

Callen was about to reply when she kissed him. Callen had found himself thinking about this moment, fantasizing about it, for a while now. But this was nothing like his dreams. Kensi wrapped her arms around her neck, and he put his arms around her waist and they stood there on a bridge over the LA River and kissed like it was the most natural thing in the world. And, Callen thought, maybe it was.

They broke apart after some time. Kensi's eyes were bright.

" Well, it's Christmas Eve." She glanced at her watch. " Oops, no. It's Christmas Day."

Callen put an arm around her shoulders. " Then let's go."

Kensi looked sideways at him, sliding an arm around Callen's waist. They had walked like this many times undercover, but now it felt natural. Almost more natural than being people they weren't. Callen thought that he preferred this much better.

" Merry Christmas, Callen."

" Merry Christmas, Kensi."