So I'll try to keep going with this story.

A HUGE THANKS to my beta, Raspberry63, for her kindness and all her good advises, without you I would have give up on it...

Chapter 4

The following Wednesday came quickly and Emily felt a gentle warmth rising in her at the idea of the coming dinner. That was quite a while since she had spent time with Gillian besides of working hours, and she began to cruelly miss their personal conversations.

Emily arrived slightly early that night, arms loaded with a bottle of Chardonnay and an imposing flat of red fruit crumble that she could not help making.

Gillian loves crumble...

Her father, who had watched her arrive through the window, hastened to lend her a hand.

- "My darling what the hell did I told you on the phone last night?" Cal growled.

- "Do not bring anything but your delightful presence." Emily chanted in a tone of first class. "But dad I'd point out to you that my delicious presence, as you say so, unfortunately won't be enough to fill our stomachs at the end of dinner." She pointed with accuracy.

- "I told you that I cooked didn't I"? Cal secured.

- "That's what you mentioned actually, or if I remember correctly you said that you have prepared very accurately, and I quote: 'parfaits with orange cage love'..." Clarified the girl.

- "Bold choice on my part I grant you, but I still see no problem." Cal frowned confused.

- "Daddy I appreciate your many talents without discussion, but you must admit that taming fruits in the kitchen is far from being one of them... Do you remember your last attempt of Flammkuchen with banana and pistachio nuts? Emily inquired innocently.

- "Simple error of course" ... Said Cal with bad faith. "And I would appreciate a little more confidence on your part. After all we have to live dangerously my darling, and since when having dinner without dessert is a crime?"

- "It's perfectly fine with me but not with Gillian ... A meal without dessert isn't living dangerously for her, this is downright suicidal!" Emily replied, recalling her father the unconditional love his colleague had for sweet foods. Cal looked at his daughter with a grin.

- "We did well, your mother and me, to include ' brain option' to your genetic code during your conception!".

- "Thanks Dad, I think I prefer to forget this disturbing comment on my conception and imagine instead that you just did me a compliment!" Quipped the girl.

Following this brief verbal joust, father and daughter were working hard to make the meal that Cal had already begun. And to be perfectly honest, Emily had to admit that the rising fragrance of subtle flavors of duck with mango was enough to open the appetite.

Predictably, the 'perfect with orange cage of love' was a bitter failure and Emily could not restrain a few small well scathing hostilities which were cut by the sound of the door's bell.

- "I'm going to open!" Threw the girl already in the hallway.

- "If our guests are professional kidnappers tell them that it's out of question that I pay any ransom for you!" Cal screamed.

- "I'll tell them!".

Emily finally opened the door to discover Gillian dressed more casually than at work but still very class.

Emily felt a long shiver at the sight of the beautiful body standing right before her.

Help me God...

In a second time which lasted in reality only a few fractions of seconds, Emily noticed the large rectangular dish Gillian was holding firmly against her.

- "Dessert?" Questioned the girl playfully.

- "I would say 'B plan'." Gillan clarified. "It's a chocolate cake as I heard your father mention on the phone yesterday something about a dessert with oranges ..." Justified the young woman.

Emily could not suppress a chuckle.

- "Good thing for us believe me but wait a few minutes to point this out to dad, I think the subject will be sensitive for some time..." Emily took the dish from Gillian's hand, before guiding her toward the kitchen.

- "Count on me" Gillian whispered with a knowing look entering the scene of the disaster.

- "Good evening, Cal ... But what a delicious scent of orange I smell!" She threw doubtfully to the cook still mumbling who replied with a single grunt of frustration.

The evening promises to be good ... Emily thought amused.

The evening continued actually in the good mood in which it had begun. The conversations were sometimes slight, sometimes serious but mostly revolved around two areas: Emily's studies and life at Lightman Group.

The Lightman Group which was just about to celebrate its 10th anniversary, an event highly anticipated, and this, in two weeks.

If the magnitude of the feast to come titillated Gillian more than ever, Cal was already complaining for having to make a thanking speech to "all the generous hypocrital donors anxious to keep their secret bond or small embezzlement '.. .

- Cal, all of our donors do not pay us just to cover themselves ... " Gillian replied tiredly.

- "You really want me to give you a list?" Cal threw with an air of defiance.

- "No thank you" declined her friend too aware of the dangerous way in which she might engage. To prevent this futile discussion, she began to take the empty plates to the kitchen, immediately followed by Emily.

- "Leave it!'' Ordered Cal. ''I'm taking care of that, and meanwhile I leave you two making fun of my dessert, and schedule ponies and poodles shows of which only the two of you have the secret to celebrate the 10 years Lightman Group as it should be! "

- "I think that's a sarcastic way to let us rest as we are 'guests' while he's taking care of all housework and coffee." Emily replied very conscious of the proximity of his father.

- "I totally agree, and I find it very touching ..." Gillian went on mocking.

- "It's definitly time for me to leave!" Cal dropped falsely jaded when his best friend and daughter settled comfortably on the sofa.

Once Cal was in the kitchen out of sight, Gillian stretched at full length, eyes closed, against the stall in the back of the sofa, releasing a sigh of satisfaction.

Emily smiled inwardly at the sight of the show and allowed herself to contemplate her a little closer. Gillian looked so relaxed, dropping the professional mask she put on at work ...

She is more beautiful than ever in these times ... When we are alone, she lowers her guard and she becomes so natural, giving me the delicious impression of being perfectly comfortable and confident.

Gillian finally opened her eyes and turned to Emily.

- "Your crumble was a success and it has definitely gotten the better of me ... I feel that I will regret reusing myself twice after the first part when I should choose a new dress for the evening ... "

- "Your chocolate cake defended itself quite well either. And see the bright side, you would always be able to hide behind a pony." Emily suggested by imitating the facial expressions of Cal.

Gillian smiled for an answer and send her a cushion.

- "Careful young girl I think you start to look a bit like your father, I feel that we need to take radical steps to avoid it!"

- "I think it's a lost cause he has already invaded half of my genetic code." Emily remarked.

- "Seriously" ... Gillan said. "I really need a new dress for the party and I though you could come shopping with me. I do not know if you want a new outfit, but I'd be pleased to spend a moment alone with you. We do not really had the opportunity lately. Unless of course you have anything better to do this week, which I understand perfectly ... "

Something better than speding time with you?

- "It's quite the opposite, I had also planned to go shopping for the occasion." Lied Emily who had already sent one of her dresses to the cleaners. "Go for shopping seems to be an excellent plan ... Why not Wednesday, I finish the course earlier. Is it okay for you?" Questioned the girl, hoping that her voice would not seem too eager.

- "One of the advantages of being the boss is being able to pay myself free hours from time to time ..." Gillian smiled mischievously.

- "Even when it's to go shopping with a simple student?" Emily teased. "You could be accused of making favoritism."

- "You're right, I had not thought of it." Gillian replied in a falsely worried tone. "We should take Heidi and Joe from security, to avoid those kinds of rumors!"

- "I'm sure Joe will be very elegant in a blue nightdress ..." Emily decreed the least serious of the world. The two girls laughed at the same time.

- "I still can not realize that it will make 10 years that your father and I founded The Lightman Group." Gillian went nostalgic. "A decade ... It seemed to pass in a flash."

- "You've come a long way yet, I still remember Dad and you, sitting at the table in our old kitchen, making plans for funding and local arrangments which I did not understand. "

- "Yes I remember that period. After the first difficult year, things soon light up, the group expanded, the customers came from all sides ... I remember the party for the five years of the group, regardless after we got our first contract in excess of one million dollars ... " Gillian continued by remembering those years more or less difficult.

"The celebration of 5 years really was a success: the atmosphere, the decor, the guests. I was still married to Alec at the time ..." Gillian's gaze got lost a bit more into the void when her voice became more grave.

"Five years ago ... My own company was taking a nice flight, I had a solid and happy marriage, I had just decided to make a baby ..." Gillian paused and Emily respected her silence, wondering how the conversation had taken a turning point as painful for Gillian.

"When I think of this feast to come, sometimes I really wonder if I advance. Alec remarrid barely two months ago... Of course I love my work but there are moments when I think that this may not be enough and that I probably missed something ...". Gillian raised her head on Emily and seemed to be aware, at the same time, of the moment of weakness she had to surrender.

- "Oh sweety I'm sorry, I did not want to bore you with all of that." She apologized sincerely.

- "You do not bore me Gillian I assure you." Promised Emily. ''I just hate that you can think such things about you ... ". Replied the young girl taking on her to hide her grief." Do you miss Alec? "

- "Not really. I miss the idea of Alec sometimes. You know, just knowing that somewhere, someone is thinking of you and is eager to find you home ... Even when I knew I was wrong and that Alec was cheating on me, I still had this feeling, and now I miss it a little ... But not Alec, no. "

If only you knew, that to me, you're the only thing I can think about... all the time ...

- "Are you happy?" Asked the girl, fearing the answer.

- "Yes." Gillian assured anxious to catch up. "Yes of course. I'd tell you that I love what I do. No life is perfect, but I assure you that I love mine. And then there's your father and you ... Having both of you is a great chance that I am very aware of. " Gillian smiled with sincerity before sliding a hand through Emily's hair. "And see the beautiful young woman you are becoming, so bright and full of life ... It's a real happiness." Enthused Gillian approached a little closer of Emily, as to enjoy more of this complicity.

That my shine and my life are entierly due to you...

- "And I can not wait to watch all the doors open in front of you, or see you fall madly in love ... and believe me it happens sooner than you think." Promised the young woman.

That I'm already wildly and unreasonably in love, and the only door I'd like to see open is the one of your heart.

- "It seems indeed". Emily contained with pain. "Either what happen or what you think... I do not want you to be different... I think you're just perfect this way ..." She finished, barely whispering.

Whatever.. you're a thousand miles from doubting anything, no matter that I confess a little of my weakness too ?

An angel passed and a surprised expression crossed Gillian's face, who was about to answer, when Cal made its way into the living room, holding a tray filled with cups of coffee in his hands.

- "Do not tell me that I'm interrupting one of your discussions on crappy novels!" Cal rebelled vaguely aware of the heavy atmosphere of the room.

- "You interrupted a very serious discussion of girls, but certainly not on the books." Gillian stated in a tone of wanting to be more lightweight. "We were talking about shopping ...'' she ended by throwing a quick glance at Emily, the usual small eyes which meant that Cal did not needs to know everything. Look to which Emily replied with a nod.

- "So it's almost worse than I thought" mumbled Cal defeated.

The evening finally touched to its end and it was Gillian who obviously reluctantly left the house not without kissing Cal and Emily, thanking them for this great time and wishing them good night.

After Emily had finished placing the plates in the dishwasher, she joined her father in the living room and opted for the armchair across from his.

- "Gillian is right it was a very pleasant evening and I must confess that I had almost forgotten how much I appreciated it: Gillian, you and me ... We should definitely do this more often." Cal thought aloud.

- "We see each other almost every day." Pointed the girl.

- "It's different."

- "I know. The last time we had dinner together goes back so long?" Emily questioned falsely familiar with the answer.

There was almost a year, for my 22 birthday. Gillian gave me my leather bag, the same she had been offered when she had her degree in psychology, she had promise me that it would bring me luck in my future and long career ...

- "Yes there is quite a time, I will not say how long exactly but between you in college and my busy schedule, we had really lost the habit ..." Cal painfully remembered. Emily was content to acquiesce.

- "And speaking of college, I must also fit, I have school early tomorrow." "Added she, rising.

- "You could sleep here and leave early tomorrow morning ..." Cal tried.

- "Nice try dad, but I think you've had your quota of nostalgia for today ..." Emily took her jacket and kissed her father tenderly before retrieving her bag. "We do not see each other until Tuesday morning, then spent a good weekend and do not let Gillian organize the party alone." Anticipated the girl.

- "I promise ..." Yielded Cal. "Good night darling and see you on Tuesday."

With that, Emily finally left the house and got into her car towards her apartment.

There we are. Another evening spent handily, but lord the skill is exhausting. I feel drained of all strength.

I always have a little trouble following moment like tonight, not knowing which state I am in. I'm still bathed in this strange but warm thought of the complicity, increasingly strong, that I share with Gillian. On the other hand, I feel my heart torn apart at the thought that I have nothing else to wait from those stolen moments, when I look at her quietly, when I let her pass her hand through my hair, without a clue the meaning of her gesture to me.

Be nothing more for her than the daughter of Cal, and this, forever.

We're so close... and at the end, so far. I feel fulfilled in her presence, and also paradoxically never so desperately alone.

Each of these small moments make me realize a little more cruelly what I already and hardly know: I'll never have Gillian ...

I declined the offer of my father to stay home for the night. I need to be alone at home because I do not have to pretend, to desperately hold myself together ... Just lie on my bed and cry because there is nothing else I can do.

Next week, I will help Heidi decorate the lobby of Lightman Group, I will remove upsetting comments from my father's speech, and I'll choose a dress with Gillian, because that is how things should be, and it's for the best ...

The only thought that comforts me and helps me to justify this aweful game, is to know that Gillian will never know anything.