* I want to thank all the ones I've chatted with for encouraging me to sit down and write this story. It is based on an actual event that took place in my own life three years ago. While I did write poetry at the time to help deal with it I never really sat down and 'got it all out'. Thanks to my Beta Reader too—though all mistakes are still my own. (You'll recognize a very small portion of the conversation between Amanda and Gene actually comes from "Night of the Wolf") Any songs I use in this story I got off a site that has songs that are in PUBLIC DOMAIN-Gene just gets credit for the ones used for the sake of the story.

Always in My Heart

CHAPTER SEVEN

SCENE TWELVE

Gene was just about to mount his horse when he saw her. Amanda was riding towards the ranch. What the blazes did she want? "I'll be right with you, Nick." Gene jumped on his horse and rode through the open gate and met Amanda a good fifty feet from the fence line.

"What are you doing here?" he stopped his horse and glared at her. She did not budge an inch.

"You're either going to listen to what I have to say or I'm waltzing right past you and talking to your family right now!" She had been up most of the night thinking and was in no mood for games.

Gene stared at the look of defiance that was on her face; one he knew well. "What is it and make it quick. Nick and I are going back up the northern pasture."

She took a deep breath, "That old man was wrong and I was wrong not to tell him so; when I found out that is. You've got no right to do the same thing to your family! People think you're acting 'out of character' because Sarah died; not that a portion of you isn't grieving. I'm sure you are. If they knew she was up in the mountains after the fight the two of you had they'd probably say guilt was a part of it too. Only, thanks to those pages in that book, we both know different." She took another breath and continued on; as she was afraid if she stopped he wouldn't let her continue. "You might as well know I saw your brother, Jarrod, yesterday," she held up her hand when a look of suspicion came onto Gene's face, "I didn't talk to him about 'it'; however," she leaned forward in her saddle, "Something he said stuck in my head. I spent most of the night trying to remember where I'd heard something along the same lines. I finally did…about five o'clock this morning. Do you want to know what I recalled?"

Gene wasn't sure he wanted to, but figured he wasn't going to get her to leave until he let her have her piece. "What?"

"The day Sarah, you and I went to the post office and you'd gotten a letter from Heath. I know you got many from every member of your family only you actually read this one to us." Amanda quit talking and looked at Gene to see if he was remembering that day or not. For a second it didn't look like he did but then he stiffened and sat up straighter than she'd ever seen him. "You do remember. Tell me the part that, at the time, we all agreed with. Say the words then I'll ride away from here." 'Not that I'm missing that social. I only promised not to talk to them about it. I never said anything 'bout not giving any of them any message though any songs'. She added to herself.

Gene's shoulders slumped slightly, "Heath said that Jarrod told him, 'Whatever trouble he's in, his family has the right to share it with him; that it's our duty to help him if we can, and it's his duty to let us, and he doesn't have the privilege to change that. Do you understand? Tell him to come on home. Tell him Pappy said so'."

Amanda leaned even further forward in her saddle and barked softly, "Jarrod was right. They are your family. They do have the right to share in your troubles and it is your duty to let them! If, for whatever reason, you don't want to face your 'pappy' with the truth, then so help me, talk to Heath or Nick at least!" She spun her horse around and rode off.

"What was that all about?" Nick rode up beside Gene greatly alarmed by what seemed to be one royal chewing out.

'Whatever trouble…Tell him Pappy said so'. He looked at Nick- , Jarrod wasn't home, but Nick was. Gene shook his head and asked, "How fast a ride do we need to take to the northern pasture?"

SCENE THIRTEEN

By the time Jarrod drove the buggy in through the gate the sun had set. He'd left home early in the morning and was just now getting home. He hadn't expected to see anyone out only, to his surprise, Nick and Heath were both leaning against the corral fence. Jarrod climbed down from the buggy and walked over to where his brothers stood. When they turned to look to see who had come up beside them Jarrod could tell both men had been crying. Nick then turned his face back and continued staring off into space.

"You know?" Jarrod's own eyes were still red from the many tears he'd shed, once he'd gotten away from the social that is. He'd driven the buggy home slower than he'd ever driven it. He was still in shock over the fact that Miss Hunter had stood up, changed songs on the pianist and then sung the song she had. It had him so shaken up he had to hurry and get away from everyone so the tears could fall.

Heath sighed, and shook his head, "This afternoon, after that gal came by and chewed him out for not telling us the truth from the beginning. He told Nick as they rode to the north pasture. Why didn't he tell us? Why keep something like that from us?" He didn't know whether or not to be angry with his brother or not.

Jarrod turned around and leaned against the fence, "It's not that hard to figure out. Think about it. He knew what a ride we've had these past few years. I mean, first Nick here is shanghaied and we go through hell not knowing whether or not we'll ever see him again. Then he comes back and we go through hell again getting Thatcher. After that settles down you have that accident and have to go through months of therapy to walk again. Two weddings and the birth of a baby have felt like heaven, we've all said as much on more than one occasion, and in front of Gene. My guess it was two things. One, he didn't want to be the one to 'ruin it' and, two," he shrugged his shoulders, "He probably didn't want us hovering over him. He would mostly likely feel like a caged bird."

Nick shook his head, "He still should have told us." He put his face in his hands and let the tears fall again.

Fighting his own tears Jarrod asked, "Has he told the rest of the family?"

"No," Nick uncovered his face, "He was so tired when we got back I told him just to go to bed. I told him I'd deal with it only…" he turned his head; Jarrod could see the torment his brother was feeling in his eyes. Truth be told, Nick could probably see the same thing in his, "How am I supposed to tell Mother? How am I supposed … tell her …" he voice cracked pain shooting through every inch of his heart, "How do I tell her… our brother is …dying?"

Jarrod felt as if every nerve of his body was on edge, still, he was 'Pappy', had been for many years, "I'll handle it," He stepped away from the fence and headed for the house, "You two stay out here and pull yourselves together. Gene needs us now more than ever."