And I'm back! Thanks for the reviews! Did you know that I had to type about half of this chapter again since it got deleted? But then I added more stuff anyway. :)
Twilight Down the Toilet – Part Two: The Ending
Emmett's POV:
After my awesome prank at Edward, I went to Carlisle's study and went to his chair that went twirly- twirly. I loosened the screws, so when Carlisle sits on this- SPLAT! I placed a whoopee cushion on the chair, and voila, I was finished. His study had two entrances- so I placed a bucket of red water on top of the doorway he frequently used. So to review this awesome prank: Carlisle goes in, and he gets wet. His first reaction will be to sit down- so the whoopee cushion goes PRRT! And he goes SPLAT!
I was about to leave when the rigged door opened...
...causing the bucket to fall on Rosalie's head.
"What the hell is this, Emmett?" Her hair was soaked with red water, along with her stained clothes. Following my gaze, she looked down.
"What the hell? Emmett!" she exploded. "Do you know this is designer? And it took me months to find this? Her white boots were stained and soaking, so she sat down on the chair I just tampered before I could warn her...
...Prrt!...
...and she fell flat on her butt as the chair fell apart.
"Rosalie!" I exclaimed. "Now you ruined my prank meant for Carlisle!"
She glared at me and hit my head- hard. "I'm getting my revenge right now," she said acidly. "From now on, I am off-limits. For a month, no touching, no kissing, no NOTHING."
She stalked away angrily before I could even reply. She went out using the other door, slamming it hard. I winced.
Emmett - 4, Rosalie - 1
The rigged door opened, and Carlisle stepped in.
"What hap- ow!" Carlisle slid in the red water and hit a wall.
"What is this?" he asked, baffled. "Is this blood?" He took an experimental sniff. "Nope. Its just colored water."
I snickered and went out before he could ask me what I did.
Emmett – 5, Carlisle – 0
As I was walking, I bumped into Esme. I steadied her as she staggered.
"Oh, Emmett! I saw an open bottle of lice powder in the bathroom. Do you have lice?"
"No, after all, I was the one who planted it there," I wanted to say. Instead, I said, "No, of course not! But maybe you should go ask… say, Jasper?"
"Ah!" she exclaimed. "So it was you who placed it on poor Jasper's head!"
Busted. In one fluid motion, Esme had dumped the entire bottle on my hair.
"Hey!" I yelled. "What did you do that for?"
She just laughed, running away quickly. Who would have thought Esme of all people would put lice on your hair?
Emmett – 5, Esme – 1
I stopped by in my room to get a bag. Then, I went to Eddie's room. No one was there, thankfully. I opened my bag and started scattering the fur everywhere. Yes, fur. Fur that belonged to Jacob, because whenever Jacob phased, fur would fly everywhere. He was only too happy to help me with this, especially when he found out the prank was for Edward. Edward will be under the impression that Jacob was here, he got mad, and phased. He'd have a heart attack…
Emmett – 6, Edward – 0
I suddenly spotted my baseball cap on his table, half hidden by all the books. I grabbed it and placed it on my head. Just in time to feel something cold move.
I shrieked and threw it to the ground. I peered at it. Whew. It was just a lizard. Ooh… That was good.
Emmett – 6, Edward – 1
I picked the lizard and placed it inside the CD case labelled 'Bella's Lullaby'. How's that for revenge? I thought I'd lost my cap, since it was gone for a month already!
Emmett – 7, Edward – 1
I noticed a big black book sitting inconspicuously on the table. I picked it up and glanced at Bella's enormous book shelf. Sure enough, there was a space big enough for the book. I looked at the title.
twilight
THE #1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER BY
STEPHENIE MEYER
It had a picture of pale white hands holding an apple. Seriously, an apple. How boring. Unless… maybe the story is like Snow White! Like the older version of it! She could have been holding the apple! That would be so cool… Eagerly, I looked at its back cover.
About three things I was absolutely positive.
First, Edward was a vampire.
Second, there was a part of him-
And I didn't know how dominant that part might be-
that thirsted for my blood.
And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably
in love with him.
DEEPLY SEDUCTIVE AND EXTRAORDINARILY SUSPENSEFUL,
TWILIGHT IS A LOVE STORY WITH BITE.
Well, that sucked. There's no mention of Snow White! Instead, it's all about Edward and vampires! Well, no wonder she's reading it!
But still. I prefer Snow White to some love story involving Edward, of all people!
I had a quick flash of inspiration. I went to the bathroom, book in hand. I hung my cap on the doorknob, so that it wouldn't fall. I opened the toilet seat and dumped the book inside. I flushed it. I watched it as the water swirled around, but the book didn't go in. Huh. I tried flushing it again, but nothing happened. Oh well.
Emmett – 8, Edward - 1
I left it there and went downstairs, where I started preparing for yet another prank. This one was going to be a big one! Just as I finished, Bella appeared.
I froze, thinking that I was caught in preparing my prank.
"It's okay, I won't bite you," she said sarcastically. "We're getting our revenge later anyway."
Oh… so she thought I was scared of her. Ha! As if!
"Bella, would you mind sitting with me here for a while?" I asked. "Please? I need to talk to you about something." I gave her my best puppy dog face. (A/N: Cute!)
She sighed. "Fine."
I began. "Edward has… problems." Bella nodded, bored. "He is… vain."
She snorted. "The only was Edward and vain would fit in one sentence is 'Edward is not vain'."
"Yes, he is," I argued. "He said he's sexy."
Bella gaped at me.
"So is he?" I asked her.
She started stuttering.
"Wait-" I interrupted her as I ducked under the table and swiftly tied her feet together with a piece of string.
"Sorry about that- itchy foot," I lied. "Now, is Edward sexy?"
"Wait- did he really say that?" she asked dubiously.
"Well, no," I admitted. "It was in a note in his back."
"So he didn't put it there! So this was all a prank!" she said triumphantly. Wow, Bella, real slow of you. You just caught that now?
I decided to play with her some more. "Yes, Bella. This was all a prank set by me and Edward." I pretended to be defeated. "You caught us. He's there behind you, about to poke you."
Just as I thought she would, she jumped and whiled around- no Edward. What did happen is that she tripped on the rope holding her feet. She staggered, and fell down, only to activate my prank by landing on the rope. Honey poured on her and the electric fan turned on, scattering feathers everywhere.
She looked like a chicken. No more lion and the lamb.
And so the lion fell in love with the chicken.
"Why am I covered with feathers?"
I laughed and got out of there before she would realize that the rope holding her feet couldn't last against a vampire.
Emmett – 9, Bella – 0
I went back to my room. I got some butter and… leverage. I went back downstairs and did some stuff. Once I finished, I decided I still had some time for another prank call.
Just as I was about to pick the phone up, it rang. I picked it up curiously.
"Hello?" I said.
"This is the police department. You are under arrest!" A female voice said. I heard giggles in the background. Alice, Bella, and Rosalie's giggles.
"Oh yeah?" I challenged. "What for?"
They were quiet. I heard some shuffling and another voice yelled into the receiver. "For hunting grizzly bears when it's not hunting season!"
"Well, mountain lions are no irritable grizzly," I pointed out.
"Well, why don't you just eat Sugarloaf?" another voice piped up.
"No way!" I yelled. "I love Sugarloaf!"
I heard some muffled voices.
"Who's Sugarloaf?" I heard Alice ask.
"It's Emmett's stuffed leopard," Rosalie answered.
"Give me the phone!" Bella demanded.
"We have Sugarloaf under arrest!" Bella threatened. "And if you don't apologize to us, we're going to kill him!"
I rolled my eyes. "Yeah right. Go kill him. Bye, Bells! Tell Alice and Rose that I'm not scared of them." I hung up. You know how I know that they didn't have him? Easy. He's with me. That's right. I bring Sugarloaf everywhere with me. That's our little secret, okay?
Emmett – 10, B.R.A. – 0
(A/N: B.R.A. – Bella, Rosalie and Alice. Get it?)
Yeah… from now on, I'm going to call them the B.R.A.'s! Now that is the best nickname ever! I am a genius! G-I-N-Y-O-U-S!
I decided that it was time to mess with Rosalie.
"ROSALIE!" I boomed from the bottom of the stairs. "Your precious scarf is on fire!"
Well, it worked immediately.
The door banged open, and Rosalie came out, a wild look in her eyes. Her gaze fell on the scarf I was holding in an I'm-about-to-rip-your-scarf-and-there's-nothing-you-can-do-about-it position.
"NOO!" she shrieked. "Not my Denny and George scarf!"
She took one step forward-
-and London Bridge came tumbling down.
Well, not really. Rosalie came tumbling down. I placed butter all over the stairs. She managed to get a hold about half way down, but she moved a bit, and she started slipping again. "Emmett!" she managed to yell. She soon gave up trying to get a hold of herself and just fell down- free fall, since she'd probably do more damage to the ground.
When the flight of stairs ended, she fell right in my waiting arms.
She opened her eyes slowly. "I'm alive!" she gasped mockingly. She paused and glared at me. "Put me down this instant, mister!"
"Nope," I said, enjoying watching her squirm.
"I said put me down right now!!!" she yelled, pounding on my chest. Good thing I'm strong. It has a big advantage.
"Sure," I said. "Right after this." I leaned in and kissed her lips. She stopped trying to escape and kissed me back, in spite of her 'rule'.
After a five minute make out session, she broke away. I let her down.
"You had better enjoyed that. That's the last kiss you'll receive from me for a month. You're not forgiven yet." She walked away, smirking.
Emmett – 11, Rosalie – 1
Crap. And I thought I had her. Why else do you think I released her? If I knew that she would escape, I would have never released her! I would have attacked her with my kisses, hugged the life out of her, showered her with praises-
My ranting was interrupted by a shrill shriek. "EMMETT! WHY THE HELL IS MY 'TWILIGHT' DOWN THE TOILET!?!"
Crap. How did she know that I did that?
Oh right… I left my baseball cap hanging on the doorknob. I forgot to get it!
Huh. Guess sometimes the Great Emmett is sometimes stupid. Sometimes.
Okay… this is the end, guys! I hope you had fun reading it! I was supposed to end it with some fluff, but then I thought, 'This is Emmett! The ending should be funny or something!" And he finally admitted he's stupid. :D I had fun writing this chapter… In all, the whole thing must be about four thousand words! Oh yeah, Sugarloaf is the stuffed leopard of Kellan. And roosters don't lay eggs. ;D
-0-
Jen: Review!
Emmett: Yeah, review, or else…
Jen: Sugarloaf dies!
Emmett: *eyes pop out of head* WHAT? I never allowed that!
Jen: *rolls eyes* Yeah, well I say he can. I control you, you know. In my next fic, I can make you jump off the cliff like Bella and die!
Emmett: *sulks*
Jen: Now review… or Sugarloaf dies!
-Backstage-
Emmett: I QUIT!
Jen: *gapes at him* But you just got rehired!
Emmett: But not if my leopard dies! I want him to live a long and happy life, and have little cubs, and… blah… blah… blah
Jen: *tunes him out* (again)
-0-
Poor Emmett… :D Now, don't you want Sugarloaf to live?
Jen