I like to think that I hate academics as much as the next person, but today in particular, I can't pay attention. I can't even pretend to pay attention. You'd think that practicing to be an actress would make me (and the rest of us) really good at acting like we care about stuff that happened two hundred years ago. But today I'm slumped in my desk, my head held up by one hand, the other pressing against my bruised collarbone. I wince as I rub it through the fabric of my shirt, frowning, eyes falling to my desk.

I've tried so hard to push what happened last night in the farthest reaches of my mind. Usually I did a pretty good job of keeping my two lives separate; there was me everyone else, and then there was me in the bed with the predator. It was simple then. I was happy and hanging out with friends like a normal high schooler, I would do homework and dance around my room, I would go shopping with my mom and take care of my witch-sister when she got her wisdom teeth removed. And then there was me when I was Jade, a trembling mass of flesh and whimpers and pleasure and she seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, so I thought we were both getting what we wanted.

The rules were set. I knew what I could and couldn't do. She was in charge. She would lead and I would follow. It was hot and blinding and over much too quickly, but that's the way it was supposed to be.

But last night ... last night was different. She kissed me, and I mean really kissed me. My eyes close, the history lecture floating far away and I can almost feel her kissing me like she did the night before, my legs wrapped around her waist, her hand on my cheek. My heart starts fluttering, and not that it didn't before when I thought of Jade like this, but this is different. I saw a soft, careful, almost kind side of her and the look in her eyes wasn't the sick glee I was so used to seeing. It was new. It was like she was really looking at me.

My fingers curl over the neck of my shirt and brush along the bruised skin of my collarbone where she bit me. It turned a sick purple this morning and before I left for school I stared at it for a time before covering it up. I didn't want to look at it, because that was the mark of a rough Jade I had always known, and the tingling on my lips was from the soft one I've just met, and I couldn't decide which I was more comfortable with. My neck is still littered in old hickeys, which I have to promptly cover up with cosmetics every morning. That didn't usually bother me; it was a tiny sacrifice for what I got in return, but this morning it almost felt ... wrong, hiding them.

I haven't seen Jade yet today. I have Sikowitz with her next hour, but usually I see her hanging around Beck at his locker in the morning and today, she was absent. I wonder if she chose to skip all together and the thought makes me feel kind of queasy, because I know it's because of me. Us. Whatever. Something changed last night; she took off her shirt, for one. She asked if I wanted to touch her. She came really close to giving me the opportunity, and then she ... she kissed me the way she did, and that made everything so much more.

I never thought of Jade as anything more than a good time and I wonder if that's how she's always looked at me too, and gears of the cosmos decided to change both of our minds, because suddenly I just want to see her out of hope that it will calm my pounding heart. I want to look her in the eyes and study her lips and have her kiss me again. I want to ... I want to do all of those mushy things I've wanted to do with boys in the past, but nowadays, I hardly notice boys anymore.

"Ms. Vega? Might you join us here in the world of the living?"

I jerk awake, my eyes flying open to see that everyone is staring curiously in my direction. I slip my hand from the collar of my shirt, awkwardly touching my hair and straightening my back. "Yeah, yeah, sorry." A blush of embarrassment crawls to my cheeks as the teacher nods and turns back to the board, my eyes struggling to stay open, focusing on my desk. This didn't use to mess me up so badly. It wasn't complicated. But now the softness of Jade's eyes can't be unseen and now everything that meant so little before is blowing up and ... and ...

I don't know. I'm so confused. And it's not like I can just walk up to Cat or Andre and be like, "Hey, Jade and I are having sex but now I feel like it's more than that, what should I do?" Because they would probably look at me like I was a lunatic. I know that what Jade and I are doing is ... odd, abnormal, whatever, but it never felt like that to me. It was just fun, and nice, and felt really good. I couldn't explain in words that these guys would understand. No one can help me - no one but Jade, and we've never really discussed what we're doing. We just do it. There were never many words involved. I huff, exasperated, picking at the sleeves of my sweater. I still can't get over those few, accusing glares she sent my way, like ... like this was my fault, like I asked her to have sex with me or something. The thought had never crossed my mind! I'm the prey here, that's it. The innocent bunny. She's the wolf.

The bell erupts. Kids scramble past me and I slowly follow suit, scooping my books in my arms. I can feel the teacher's eyes on me, but before he can get a chance to say my name and call me over, I'm ducking out of the room in a sea of other students, blending in with a hundred different bodies. I glance through the kids, peering over shoulders and tall hairdos to try and pick out the one brunette I want to see, confused at the sudden pounding of my heart. What's wrong with me? It's like the veins of my heart have decided to rearrange themselves, tightening and loosening at random, all in accordance to Jade. I chew my lip as I dodge through the crowd, making my way to my locker with a frown. I glance toward Beck to see him standing there alone, headphones in his ears, bobbing to the music.

I frown at him as I turn my combination. Beck and I are friends, sure. We've never been all too close, and we don't hang out often, but he's a nice guy; at least, from what I've seen of him. He's funny and cute and puts up with Jade's snarky attitude, so he has to be a great boyfriend. Right? I would have killed for a guy that looked and acted like Beck a few months ago.

Now, I just want his girlfriend.

I gasp at the initial thought, twisting my eyes back to my locker. No, no, I don't want Jade. Not romantically. I just like having sex with her.

...I'm not sure if that's better or worse. I groan to myself, shoving my books in my locker and readjusting my purse. I shut the metal door, turning to make my way toward Sikowtiz's room, only to freeze with one foot raised. There she is. She's leaning on her elbow by Beck. His back is blocking most of her, but I can see a shock of blue hair extensions over the peak of his shoulder, and I can make out the glint of her eyebrow piercing as she talks. I don't move, just watch her, watch them, and this odd, nagging sense starts tugging at my heart again. I scowl at myself, lowering my foot, stepping slowly to the side to better my angle. I can see her face now, eyes focused on Beck, her eyebrows down. They look like they're bickering but that's really nothing knew; they're always fighting. I swallow, focusing on Jade; the brightness of her green eyes, framed by smokey black shadows, I study the slope of her lips I've seen and had a dozen times on every part of my body, biting and nipping and sucking but suddenly they look different because now I know how they feel when she really means it.

I don't know what drags her eyes to mine, but she jerks her gaze over Beck's shoulder and sees me. Her back straightens. I blink curiously at her, contemplating what to do - wave? Ignore her? We don't interact much outside of my bedroom, and when we do it's in a group and we just act casual, as if there's nothing more between us than a very tense friendship. Jade's eyes flick slowly between Beck and I, who has apparently not noticed that his girlfriend isn't really paying attention to whatever he's saying. Beck's a lot more oblivious than I thought, actually.

And then she reaches up and touches Beck's cheek. Her eyes flick toward me once more before closing, and then she's kissing him.

I've seen Jade kiss Beck a hundred times, before and after we started ... whatever you want to call it. Our activities, or whatever. And it never bothered me before; Beck is her boyfriend. They're together. They're romantic. Beck has feelings for her and I liked to think that Jade had feelings for him. I always understood that and I easily overlooked them when they were being affectionate, assured that I would simply have my time with Jade when she decided to act upon it. There weren't strings attached. The rules were still in play.

But now I have strings, and the rules are blurred, and I just stand there in an odd kind of shock, like ... like Jade's cheating on me or something. Which is stupid because she's not - we're not together. I'm not her girlfriend. I never was her girlfriend. What we were - are - doing, it's just sex. That's it. There aren't feelings involved. Right? The rules ... the rules made sure of that.

And while I know all of this, and the rational side of my brain is fully functioning, my heart doesn't understand. It refuses to. It just sees this girl who kissed me with uncharacteristic tenderness, this girl who has an entirely different side to her, and she's sharing that same soft kiss she gave to me with someone else. I touch my sore collarbone over my shirt before I spin on my heel and whirl down the hallway, blinking my eyes hard to keep tears at bay. This is so stupid! Jade never belonged to me - if anything, I was hers, and I'm not supposed to feel so ... betrayed.

I swing into the nearest bathroom, ignoring the curious stares of the freshman as I fall into the closest stall. I drop my purse to the floor and perch on the toilet, my feet bouncing off the floor. The bell screams through the speakers in the ceiling and the girls scatter, leaving me alone, the only sound the ticking of a clock somewhere out in the hallway. I rub at my cheeks, breathing in and out and trying to steady myself, to reason with my heart. Jade was hardly ever my friend, let alone any kind of romantic interest; she's just a good lay. She was just fun to me.

I grit my teeth. This is her fault. If she hadn't kissed me like that, if she hadn't broken the rules, then none of this wouldn't have happened. Everything would still be relatively normal. Hell, she started all of this. She came onto me, she brought me into this, she lured me to the dark side. I'm innocent, right? I didn't do this?

My heart isn't listening. It never does. It pounds painfully against my ribs as I picture Jade kissing Beck over and over with the same gentleness she showed me. It isn't fair. Is anyone special to her? Is everyone disposable? Does anything matter? I close my eyes and jog my foot against the floor and try to rationalize with myself; no, I don't matter to Jade. I was just a good time. That's all she was to me last night, before she messed everything up. There was nothing else. Just sex.

Before her, I had done little in the ways of physical interaction. Sure, I've made out with my share of boys, and one time a guy got halfway up my shirt, but, I mean, I have self respect, you know? I wanted to be totally head over heels in love with someone before I got even close to taking off my clothes. Those were my rules. I obviously didn't uphold them very well, but ... it wasn't my fault! Jade all but flung herself at me, and the girl ... she knows how to touch. She knows a body, knows the strings to pluck to make me sing. And I gave into her because ... because I did. Because it felt right at the time, I guess. I'd never been touched like that before, and she made it perfect. I didn't even care about the love rule. I just wanted Jade's rules.

I just wanted Jade.

When I first got to Hollywood Arts, she hated me. She hated me so much, she practically created steam every time she saw me. I was lucky that we got to the point that we could be in the same room with her without her trying to set me on fire. I just figured it was because she was, well, programmed to be mean or something. Some people don't need a reason to be angry all the time. And then I thought that she thought I was interested in Beck. I did kiss him that one time, but we were just acting, it didn't mean anything. Besides, Beck's nice, and cute, but ... he's Jade's, and I'm not like that.

The bathroom door opens. I squeak, pulling my legs up from the floor and balancing them on the edge of the toilet. I hear boots click on the floor, watching them through the gap in the door. They stop and cross and then there's silence for a time. I panic, thinking it's a teacher, not knowing what else to do but hold my breath and pray they'll leave.

"Tori, I can see your purse."

The voice makes me both melt with relief and cringe at the same time, jerking my eyes to my purse laying on the floor. I mentally curse as I scoop it off the floor, shouldering it as I stand and slowly slide the lock on the bathroom door. I open it up to see Jade, decked in all black this morning, leaning her back on the sink. Her arms are crossed, eyebrows up, her skin a ghostly white under the fluorescent lights.

I bite my lip, shrugging my purse and shifting my feet awkwardly. She doesn't say anything and the silence is obviously bothering me more than it is her. I toy with my hair to give my hands something to do. "Do you need to use-"

"Sikowitz sent me to find you." She tilts her head at me, lips somewhat pursed. I study them for a moment, licking my own before tearing my gaze away. Now isn't the time.

"Oh," I say flatly, staring at everywhere but her. "Well, I'm fine. Thanks for ...uhm, checking."

She doesn't move. I don't know what I really expected her to do - we're rarely alone at school. We're rarely alone period, and when we are, I'm usually naked. I blush furiously, rubbing at my neck before deciding I should just leave. What else is there to say? I'm still trying to get past the image of Jade kissing Beck so tenderly in the hall, which bothers me so much and I don't even understand why. I start to move past her, my head ducking, only for fingers to curl around my elbow and jerk me back. I stare at her in surprise, her mouth set in a firm, flat line.

"What?" I raise my eyebrows at her, trying to look completely perplexed, but I sound kind of breathless. She's touching me, and ... and it's like I've been trained to react a certain way when she does. My heart is slamming against my sternum, lungs are working at full capacity, my brain is spinning and it's not even skin on skin contact, for Christ's sake.

"Last night," Jade says slowly, studying my eyes. I wonder if I'm as easy to read as I think I am. God, I hope not. "What went wrong?"

It's an odd question - we've never talked about us before. We've never talked about what we do. We just do it. I don't know how to answer her, my tongue struggling to come up with whatever it is she wants to hear, flapping around my mouth until I shut it with a loud click. I look at the floor, shrugging. "I don't know," I finally reply, shaking my head slowly. Strands of brown hair fall from my shoulders, shielding my face from her and I'm lucky she can't see my eyes because I'm sure they're just radiating hurt.

"Look at me."

I glance up, just as her arm extends and pale fingers curl around my hair, pulling it back. Our eyes meet, her startling green locking with my brown and I'm paralyzed for a moment, frozen in place by her stare. I never really realized how pretty they were when she wasn't using them to glare daggers at someone she didn't like.

"We can stop." Her eyes dart between mine, her hand lowering from my face, the other still holding my elbow. "If you want."

"No." I say it too fast, shaking my head too quickly. I know there's too much desperation in my voice, but ... but I don't want her to stop. I don't want her to not touch me the way she does because I don't think I'll ever find what she can give me from anyone else. I don't want it from anyone else. I bite my lip, struggling to hold her eyes. I feel like an idiot, like a total moron, but I don't want her to leave me. "No, I don't want to ... stop." I stare at her silently, feeling my heart stop to droop. "Unless, you want to."

Jade's silence isn't very reassuring, her face marble stone, showing no emotion at all. Her hand slips down my elbow to circle around my wrist. She pauses there, a twitch of a frown coming to her lips, only for her hand to lower again, fingers entwining with mine. I blink, shocked - Jade West is holding my hand. I try to say something, anything, but then she's tugging me to the handicapped stall of the bathroom, pushing me gently inside the door. She closes it and locks it with her free hand before turning to me, the hand not tangled with mine raising to brush featherlight fingertips against my cheek.

My heart seizes.

She urges me backward, my back meeting the tile wall softly. I can already feel my knees growing weak as she rests against them, eyes scattering over my face. My purse falls forgotton on the floor. Her hand falls from my cheek, following my neck and slipping under the collar of my shirt. She pulls it down slightly and I feel ice slide over the bruise from her teeth, a hitch of breath catching in my throat. She stops for a moment, eyes snapping back to mine.

I can't read her at all. I can't tell if the look in her eyes is guilt because she bruised me or because she feels bad about Beck or because she feels bad about me, I don't know. Her eyes are bottomless and there's a thousand questions in them and I have no answers.

"Tori ..." She bites her lip, glances at the floor, then back to me again. I wait for a moment, not knowing what she's trying to say. She doesn't usually talk to me at all; our interactions involve very few words. But now she's looking at me like she's trying to figure something out, like an answer lies in my eyes except I'm just as confused as she is.

I don't think. I just do. I lean forward and capture her lips with mine. I just want to kiss her and have her kiss me like she did in my bedroom last night, and to my surprise, she doesn't hesitate. She doesn't pull away. She kisses me back with the same shocking tenderness that blew my mind last night, and there go my thoughts, right out of my ear. Her hands rest on my hips, but not the hard clutch she usually uses, she just ... she just lets them sit there, holding me gently to her own. My hands raise carefully, just skimming over her chest as I circle my arms around her neck, holding her closer, increasing the pressure behind the kiss. Instead of forcing its way inside, her tongue seeks permission, swiping over the opening of my lips and I part them eagerly and shudder. Her hands puddle in my lower back, pressing me forward. My hands curl around the back of her neck, thumbs next to her ears, fingers sliding into her waves of hair.

And we're in a smelly bathroom stall in the middle of a school day, but there isn't anything more perfect than this that I can think of. She can kiss Beck a hundred times and I doubt he's ever felt this.

She breaks it first, which is probably a good thing, because I suck in some much needed air and had she not stopped me, I might have simply passed out. Jade's hands hold me up, my eyes glazed, and when I look at her, she looks dizzy, too. Her eyes blink down at me, a quirk trembling the corner of her mouth.

"You going to make it, Vega?"

I laugh breathlessly, my hands still on her neck, holding her close. I don't want her to go. I don't want to leave this smelly bathroom stall. I don't want to return to the world of rules, the boyfriend, the confusion. I just want her here with me and I want to explore all those questions in her eyes so I - we - don't have to be torn up anymore. "Maybe. Just ... stay here for a little bit, okay?"

She smirks. "Sure."

I stroke her hair. Her hand slips under the back of my shirt and rubs the small of my back, the cold tips of her fingers sending heat up my spine. We stay there for the rest of the hour, her arms never once leaving my waist and my hands tracing the back of her neck and her hair and we talk, we talk of all kinds of things; of school, of home, of our friends, of our future, and it's like we're not in the middle of a bathroom stall. We kiss. We kiss a lot.

We don't ask any questions, but I get a lot of answers. Not the ones I was looking for, but it's ... it's like Jade was just an outline before, and now she's gaining details.

She was a sketch and now she's a painting.

And when the bell rings, we leave the bathroom and go separate ways, but I can still feel her against my lips, on my waist, against my lower back, in my chest.

A/N: ...Yes. I'm updating the day after I posted the first chapter.

I have a life, I swear!

Anyway, reviews. Those would be lovely, if you could spare the time. Tell me you loved it, or hated it, tell me if you wanted to kiss it or throw it out the window.