It's actually kind of pathetic – here I am, on a Saturday afternoon, doing my homework. And diligently, too, like I actually want to get a good grade or something. I haven't even bothered to change out of my pajamas yet, curled up in my blankets with a textbook balanced on my knees. I'm studying for a test that's not until next Thursday, I'm looking up extra terms in the back of the book, I'm doing example problems, I'm re-reading chapters and highlighting and stuffing my brain full of numbers and definitions and equations, all so I don't think of you-know-who.

She avoided me for the rest of the week. She didn't so much as glance my way and I felt even more pathetic than I do now because I spent all of my time training my eyes on her. I just wanted a sign of ... something. I'm not sure what. Just a sign. Anything. Her eyes were far away and even though her body was right there, it was like she wasn't. I wasn't the only one who noticed, either – Beck was sending her looks of concern almost as much as me. She didn't speak unless spoken to. She didn't walk down the halls with her usual strut. She didn't look much at anyone, especially me.

But what I noticed most of all was that she hadn't kissed Beck. I mean, he kissed her, but it was just ... empty. It was just something he did out of instinct, like a reflex, but she never kissed him back and she never initiated any touch. It's like she was trying to avoid him as much as she avoided me. Even though we have several classes together and our lockers are only a hallway apart, it's like we have no contact whatsoever. Just yesterday I bumped into her in the bathroom and she didn't even mutter something snappy, like "watch where you're going" or "move it, Vega" which is pretty preferable to her silence, in all honesty. And when Beck brushed back her hair at lunch and mumbled his worry into her ear, she just shrugged.

She's so hard to read. She's a foreign language. She's an alien, and I'm trying to figure her out and you'd think that after two years with Beck, he would know how to fix her, how to read her and do all the right things, but from where I stand, it's almost as if we both have no idea who she is. She's one person with him and another with me and who knows who she is when she's with her parents and when she's alone. How many Jades are there?

Her name slams against my ribcage. I shake my head, having found myself staring blankly at my bedroom wall. I huff, burying my face back into my History book. I need to focus and study and remember all of these insignificant facts so I can pass my test next week, so I can not spend all of my free time dwelling on a certain West I know. I have to have some sort of independence, right? I have to have a spine, even if its weak, even if it barely holds me up. I have to at least be able to block her out for a time and do other, more productive things.

But she's growing on me like some sick fungus – no, a cancer, and she's eating away at me with razored teeth. She's the shadow behind every thought, the ghost of my dreams when I manage to sleep at all, the constant running in the background. I just want her with me all the time; I want her in this bed with me, with her arms around my waist and her chin on my shoulder. I want her to whisper something sweet and funny in my ear, I want to feel her laugh against my back. I want her to run her fingers through my hair and to turn me around and kiss my neck and then my lips, I want her sliding the books away and pushing me onto my back and straddling me and -

Good God.

I shut my History text and push it away, rubbing my temples. This is ridiculous. I hate myself for not being able to function without her ... it wasn't like this before, before Jade broke the rules, when she was still the predator and I was the (willing) prey. At the time, it was just fun, the kisses hurt, everything was harsh and hot and fast and left bruises that lingered for days but now ... in the car, that wasn't fucking. That wasn't the Jade that kissed me the night after we cleaned the auditorium. That was a new Jade, one that let me touch her and please her and kiss her and that meant something, that was someone my heart wanted to know.

It sounds stupid. It is stupid, really, but it's not like anyone can really reason with their heart. I start searching for my phone, intent on calling her. I don't know what I plan to say or what I'm going to do, but I've convinced myself that hearing her voice will be enough for me.

Before I even get a chance to push 'call' on her name in my contacts, there's a roll of knuckles on the door. I pause, lowering the phone and calling out.

"Yeah?"

"Jade's here." It's Trina on the other side, her not-interested tone clearly evident even from the other side of the door. I feel my stomach drop into my feet as I roll off of the bed, opening my door and fleeing down the hallway. Trina barely makes it out of the way, making a comment about my apparent rudeness, but she's long gone before she can finish. I'm flinging myself down the stairs, only to stop on the last step to see Jade leaning on the arm of my living room couch.

She's so gorgeous, I forget how to breathe for a minute. Her hair is all tumbled onto one shoulder and today she's wearing red extensions in the midst of her almost-black hair. I've never seen Jade in white before – the cotton v-neck makes her look so much lighter, much more ... open. Her hands are hovering over her stomach, picking at the cubicles on the opposite hand until her green eyes flick up and see me. She pauses, full lower lip becoming victim to her upper teeth and then she's pushing off the couch, jerking her head toward the door.

"Wanna go ... do something?"

I blink at her, my mouth falling open only to close because I don't know what to say. I think it's too much of a wild dream to think that Jade West could possibly be asking me out on a date – I mean, we've had sex. Aren't you supposed to go on dates before the clothes are discarded? It just seems so backwards, so ... not her, but then I remember that there are a lot of things about her that I really don't know, that there are more Jades that I haven't met.

"Uhm." I gesture stupidly before I hold up one finger. "Just a minute."

I spin back up the stairs, hurling down the hallway and into the bathroom. I all but knock Trina over, her shoulder slamming into the wall.

"Hey!" She scowls at me but I ignore her, scrambling for a hairbrush and yanking it through my hair. My heart is pumping so hard I can barely hear my own thoughts.

"What the hell, Tori? You, like, totally bruised my shoulder." Trina rubs her arm, pouting at me. I glare at her reflection, pushing her again to reach for the make-up. "I need this shoulder – both of them, actually. Not everyone has perfect shoulders, you know. I'm blessed, and I don't need you ruining them because you're in the middle of some psychotic episode."

"Trina. Kindly shut up." I push her again as I snag the mascara. If I can look half as nice as Jade does right now, then I'll be happy, but I don't need to listen to Trina whine about her 'perfection' in the meantime.

"What's with you?" She flings her hair back and purses her lips at me, hand on her hip. "Why's Jade here? I thought you guys, like, hated each other."

"We do. I mean, not really, I mean – it's complicated." Of course Trina wouldn't notice until now that Jade has come over several times, though it was for much more ... intimate reasons than this. I take a deep breath, studying my reflection as I put on lip gloss; it's boring compared to the goddess in my living room, but it'll have to do. I run my hands through my hair, fluffing it around my shoulders. I wonder what Jade sees when she looks at me. I always thought I was rather dull – brown hair, brown eyes, bronze skin ... at least Trina has hips, and Cat has that exotic hair, and ... I guess I just never understood why she'd pick me of all people.

I push out of the bathroom and into my room, rummaging through the nearest drawer. I almost kill myself trying to get my sweats off, tugging a pair of dark blue jeans up my legs. I tear off my baggy pajama shirt and thumb through my closet, suddenly hating everything in it. I grunt in exasperation before I find a long-sleeved black top and yank it on. I sprint back to the bathroom, bumping into Trina again. I check myself once more in the mirror, not completely satisfied, but too pumped up to care.

"Tell Mom I'm going out and I'll be back before midnight, okay? Thanks, Trin!" I hug her briefly, to which she gives a snort before I burst down the hallway and go down the stairs again. Jade's leaning on the arm of my couch once more, her thumb between her teeth. I hesitate on the stairs, feeling my chest hitch when she turns to look at me. Her eyes linger on my mouth, my eyes, before sliding down my chest. I start trembling just feeling her eyes on me and – God, I am pathetic.

"You look ..." Jade pauses, pushing off the arm of the couch. I can see a struggle in her eyes, some kind of inner decision she's trying to make, and then her lips twitch upward. "Nice," she finishes.

I'm going to melt into a puddle on the floor. "Thanks." My voice is weak, barely a whisper. I clear my throat and try again. "Thanks. So do you." I swallow, descending the few final steps and gesturing toward the door. She nods slowly, moving toward it, grabbing the handle and pulling it open. She waits, watching me expectantly.

Is she acting like a ... gentleman? I muffle a smile behind my hand as I move through the door, feeling her close behind me. I eye her car in my driveway, remembering our last ... escapade that took place in the backseat and I feel my gut start to warm up. I round the car and climb into the passenger seat, watching as she dips beside me. The door closes and we're trapped in silence and for a minute neither of us move, Jade's fingers running along her keys. She glances at me and I don't even dare to breathe, half expecting her to change her mind and throw me out or something.

But then she starts the car, takes a deep breath, and backs away from my house. I release a breath I didn't know I was holding, relaxing against the seat. My poor heart is seriously going to fail me one of these days. I pull my seatbelt on and watch as my block passes by the window, the silence still stretching between us. I open my mouth to question where we're going when she suddenly speaks;

"You haven't been to that new Italian place, have you?"

I blink at her, surprised. Jade's taking me out to eat? If this isn't a date ... I swallow, rubbing my neck slowly as I shake my head. "No. Is it good?"

"Let's find out." She turns to look at me and when our eyes meet she grins and there go my lungs, not functioning.

I let out a long breath as I lean against the seat again. "You're going to kill me."

"What? I'm not even speeding."

"No." I laugh, shaking my head. "I mean, you just ... you make vital organs in me stop working properly."

Jade pauses. I look at her, eyes focused on the road in front of her as her hands smoothly guide us through the streets. Finally an eyebrow perks, the metal of her eyebrow ring glinting in the sun.

"Which ones?"

I smile, glancing down to see my finger twirling in my hair. Jesus. I clasp my hands in my lap and look out the window, trying to avoid her studying stare. "Like my brain, for one. My thoughts get all ... stupid."

Jade chuckles. "That it?"

"No. My lungs." I take a deep breath that happens to hitch when I notice the slope of her collarbone disappearing under the V cut of her t-shirt. Great. "They decide to, you know, quit on me."

I snap my eyes back to her lips to see that she's smirking, apparently pleased.

"Aren't you proud," I tease, my arms crossing.

"It's a powerful feeling knowing I make your body do all kinds of things." She glances at me again, green orbs tucked into the corner of her eyes before they slide back to the road. "Very god-esque." She shifts in her seat and I wonder what she's thinking about. "You're blushing."

"Hm?" I touch my cheek, blinking as I realize it's all but burning under my fingers. I turn away again, staring out the window. "Yeah, well, you mess with my blood pressure, too."

"You mean your heart?"

I feel the mentioned muscle slam hard against my ribs. I turn over my shoulder slowly, meeting her eyes. I can't tell what I'm seeing in them, the sharpness, the sudden seriousness hanging between us. I try to breathe, try to form something in English, but all I manage is a nod. I want to say yes, yes, Jade, you mess with my heart, you make it twist and turn and roll over itself, you make it tie itself into knots and ache and feel wonderful all at the same time. You make it jump and cartwheel and fold.

The car pulls to a stop. I hadn't realized we had already crossed town. Leaning to look out the windshield, I see a tiny, cream-colored building with a heavy auburn door. The sky is starting to lighten and the windows of the little restaurant are burning orange. I twist to look at Jade but she's already half out of the door. I unbuckle my seatbelt, fumbling with the door handle only for it to open for me, Jade sweeping her arm out.

"C'mon, Vega."

I study her outstretched hand, my mouth opening and closing.

"I see I affect your speech, too." She cocks another grin, finally reaching down to snag my wrist and pulling me out of the car. I stumble, my feet catching on the concrete so I have to grip her shoulder. She glances down. "And your feet."

We're very close now, mostly because I can't bring myself to move any farther away. I could kiss her, right here in this parking space, in front of the people passing by on the sidewalk, in front of the windows of this restaurant. I could and I want to, but she steps back, the moment passing. Breath rattles out of me and I lean against the door for a moment, steadying myself.

"Let's go." Her hand slips from my wrist to my fingers and they entwine, filling the spaces all too well. She pulls me toward the door, not releasing my hand even as we duck into the dim-lighted restaurant. It smells of pasta and sauce and faintly of wine. I blink, my eyes swimming around the interior – the walls are the color of sand, decked in various paintings. The carpet is a deep brown, intricate leaves made of wire winding their way along the border of the ceiling.

"Jade. I don't have any money." This place is far too fancy for me – all of my dates have taken me to the nearest pizza shop or fast food joint, and I've usually had to pay for my share.

Jade laughs again, tugging me toward a woman in a uniform behind a podium. "I'm not expecting you to have any money. I'm paying."

"But -"

"Tori." She glances at me, holding a finger to my lips for a moment. It's brief, but the skin-on-lip contact is enough to suck all of the oxygen out of the room. "There are things about me you don't know – one of which is that my family is filthy rich. Like, disgustingly loaded. So, trust me when I tell you that this won't thin out my wallet, okay?"

I honestly don't have the brain function to argue, so I just nod. She smiles, which is a phenomenon I'm still trying to comprehend, turning back to the beaming hostess behind the podium. "I made a reservation for two. Jade West."

I nudge her elbow. "You assumed I would say yes?"

Jade smirks, the tiniest of gestures, and yet I can barely have a coherent thought when I see it on her lips. "Maybe."

The woman welcomes us as she scoops up two menus and instructs us to follow her. Jade's hand is still in mine and I'm still struck in awe that this is happening, that Jade is taking me to a restaurant. To be honest, when she asked if I wanted to do something, I thought she meant having a nice fuck in the back of her car again or something. Not ... dinner. Especially not a dinner like this, in a restaurant that would probably suck up all of the allowance I made in a month. The Jade I knew, the Jade I thought was the only one that existed, was quick to snap and almost always angry at something. She was short, bordering on cruel the way she treated me or Cat or Andre or Robbie, even Beck.

I blink as his name surfaces. Beck ... what about him? What happens? I try to snuff him out of my thoughts as we reach our table, a booth off to one side of the restaurant. I slip into the seat, glancing out of the window beside us. Across the street is a bookstore, and further down the road is one of the taller towers of Hollywood Arts. I wonder where Beck is, what he's thinking, what happened ... what's happening right now. Jade has her menu propped up and the waiter asks me what I want to drink. I don't even remember what I told him because he's gone as soon as he appeared and I'm left staring blankly at the menu in my hands. The words swim together, the prices making my brain short circuit.

"Jade, this is so expens-"

"Tori, I already told you. I could spend twice as much as this in a day and my parents wouldn't even notice."

I frown at her, trying to find the cheapest meal. "I feel ... lame."

"You are lame, but that's beside the point. Trust me, Tori. It's fine."

"At least let me make it up to you." I pull my lip between my teeth when she looks at me, eyebrow cocked.

"How?"

I rub my suddenly burning cheeks again. "Uhm. I don't know."

She smirks at me again, glancing away as the waiter sets our drinks before us. Apparently 'water' was all I told him. I bring the glass to my lips to give me some time to come up with a meal, considering I couldn't really read any of the words because of the immense prices. Jade gives some kind of pasta name I've never heard of and when the man turns to me I gesture stupidly, scanning my eyes over the menu.

"I think it's safe to get her spaghetti," Jade says, laughing behind her fingers. The waiter eyes me as I die of embarrassment, mumbling the order back at Jade before he disappears.

"I shouldn't be allowed out in public." I laugh nervously. "Sorry about that. I've never been in a place like this."

"Not a problem." Her hands fold on the table and then she's leaning across it, her eyes narrowing on me. I watch her, her eyes scrutinizing. I want to ask about Beck. About us. About the other day in her car, about now, about everything, but I don't. I just let her study me with her far too intense gaze and let her figure out whatever is going on her mind. I have things to figure out myself, so I mimic her posture and stare right back at her.

She's been so many things to me in such little time. Enemy, acquaintance, fuck-buddy, and now ... what? Romantic interest? That sounds stupid, considering I've had sex with her already, but ... taking into account the leaps my heart is doing in my chest, it's hard to think of her as anything less.

I take a deep breath, trying to (as calmly as I can) come to terms with one undeniable fact; I like Jade West. I like like her. I like her a lot.

That truth doesn't bother me as much as I thought it was going to. I relax slightly, never breaking eye contact with her, even when I ask, "What are we doing?"

I don't know what I expect her to do – maybe get angry, maybe come to her senses and dump me out on the street and race to Beck's house, maybe drag me into the bathroom and fuck me senseless. I really don't know. She's completely unpredictable to me.

But she only smiles. She shrugs her shoulders and falls back against the seat. "Figuring out what this is." She flattens her hands and gestures between us before folding them on the table again. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Is that what you want?" I throw the question back at her and get another raised eyebrow in response. "Everything changed so suddenly."

"That's probably my fault." Jade purses her lips and toys with her hair. "I have this whole facade built up, you know, that I'm, like, made of ice or something but ..." she trails off, her shoulders lifting and falling again. "I'm not."

And she isn't. She's flesh and bone and blood and muscle and heart, just like me. She makes mistakes and hides things and opens up and shuts down and tells lies and takes risks like every other human. And we're not all that different, you know? We really aren't. We're both girls with hearts that don't know how to speak in a language that's recognizable to our brains. We're both lost and fragile and right here, this, this is thin ice we're treading on. I don't know where to step and she doesn't know how to lead me. Maybe it's the other way around.

We talk about innocent things then for a while, about grades and our crazy teachers and trying to find jobs before our food arrives. It was probably the most delicious spaghetti I've ever had in my entire life, and for about ten minutes I simply gush about the sauce and the noodles and I'm so animated I flag the waiter down and tell him to send my compliments to the chef. It's something my mom has always done – if you really like the food, you should let the cook know, right? Mom always said little things like that can really turn days around.

"You're a lot ... nicer than I thought." Jade dabs her napkin on the corner of her mouth as soon as the waiter walks away. She's smiling at me, her hand propped up on her elbow.

I make a face at her, finding that the earlier tension that had paralyzed my body has finally relaxed. "What did you expect? That I was some witch?"

Jade shrugs, twirling her fork around her food. "I don't know. When you first got here, I just – you're really pretty, and talented, and I couldn't tell if your kindness was an illusion or not. I'm a pessimist, so of course I assumed the worst out of you." She shrugs again, bringing her pasta to her lips and of course Jade can make eating noodles some kind of sexual thing. She licks some sauce from her lips before dropping her fork to her plate. "I'm terrible, really."

I shake my head, still trying to wrap my mind around the subtle compliments Jade had injected into her words. I knew those didn't come lightly, so I tucked them away and into my heart for later. "No, you're not. To be honest, I saw your eyebrow piercing and your extensions and assumed you were some druggie in a gang, if it makes you feel any better."

"We both judged the books by their covers."

"And the first pages."

Jade smiles as the check is put on the table. I blink, suddenly remembering where I am and what I just consumed and I blush again, burying my face in my hands. "Jade, I can't even imagine what kind of price is on that receipt -"

I hear Jade snort on the other side of the table. "This is nothing, Tori. My mom spends twice this much on a daily basis. At the spa."

"What do your parents do?" I lower my hands, wincing as I watch Jade slide a few bills into the holder, setting it on the corner of the table.

"My mom doesn't do anything – when her parents died, she inherited their whole estate, which was worth a shitload. My dad is a brain surgeon." She shrugs, apparently bored with this information. "I don't see either of them much. A whole section of the house is practically mine. They never go in there."

"Wow." I touch my cheeks again, feeling them burn. "That makes my life sound terribly boring."

Jade shrugs. "It's lonely."

The waiter sweeps by and takes the bill, thanking us for coming. As he walks away I study Jade's eyes, downcast into her lap, and ... it's almost like I can see it. The loneliness there. But hasn't she had Beck for two years? Wouldn't that help her with things? I chew my lip as she starts to stand and I reach into my pants pocket, finding a few dollar bills. I start to fold them on the table before Jade's hand pushes mine away. I glance up, frowning.

"I can do the tip, it's not a big deal."

"We're not leaving that creep a tip." She scowls, eyes flicking over my shoulder where the waiter disappeared. "He stared at your chest the whole time. He's lucky I don't go over there and smash a glass over his head." Jade shakes her head sharply and I feel her hand twist into mine. I try to say something as she drags me out of the restaurant, but I'm too blinded but what she said. She was ... she was being protective, even possessive, and ... I can't say I didn't like it. My heart swells, my cheeks practically bursting into flames as we make our way back to the car. The sky is dark now, the sun long since dipped in the west. It's colder, but Jade's hand is warm in mine, and even as our fingers slip apart so we can get into the car, I can still feel the warmth between my fingers.

"Thank you." I say it as soon as she gets in the car, but she doesn't reply until we've pulled away from the restaurant.

"I'm glad you liked it." Her hand falls across the arm rest and her fingertips are on my thigh. I hitch a startled breath, studying the innocent fingers for a moment before I reach down, scooping her hand into my own. I run my thumb along the back of her hand, smiling faintly.

"I loved it."

"You did say you were going to make it up to me." She smirks, her fingers flexing in my hold. "So, you pick, Vega. Where to?"

I blink, turning my eyes to her and almost panicking. Where could I take her that would be half as impressive as an expensive Italian restaurant? And then it hits me, slams into my frontal lobe and I swing my free arm out. "Turn here."

She obeys, eying me as we start back toward my house. She looks confused as I tell her to park in front of my house, but before she can ask I lean across the seat and press a finger to her lips. And I see her freeze up and I wonder if her organs are as effected by my presence as I am by hers. I feel her breath wash against my finger. "West, have more faith in me, all right? I'm not so boring that I would bring you to my house." I give her a smile before crawling out of the car. I note that it takes her a moment to gather herself before she joins me. I wait for her to round to my side, eyes still skeptical as I reach for her hand. I pull her close, closer than necessary, and even though my breathing is frantic and my heart is going much to fast, I manage to keep my voice steady as I whisper in her ear.

"There are things about me that you don't know," I say, mimicking her earlier words. "One of which is that I'm not entirely opposed to breaking and entering if the circumstances are too good to pass up. So trust me when I tell you that we're sneaking into my neighbors' backyard."

There's a moment of silence and a brief shard of clarity flickers past my brain, trying to tell me that Jade is going to back out, but then her hand is on my hip and I feel her chuckle breathlessly into my hair.

"Okay."

A/N: Hey, all! Sorry this was a bit of a later update - I went to visit some family out of state and they're, like, cavemen and don't believe in the Internet. While I was away, though, I wrote this and started on the next chapter.

Hope you enjoyed it! If you did, you should totally review, as a late Christmas present to moi.