Chapter 3

I was running. I wasn't running from something. Nor was I running away from something. I was just running. Before the shooting I always used to like running. I miss it. I remember being able to run so fast around the dirt track at school that I feel if I jumped up I could fly, up and away from everything.

But now, I can't run. It hurts; just too damn much too even try. Then I stopped just running. I was running away now. I could feel someone behind me. Closing in. I couldn't see them. But I knew they were there. I wish I could run a little faster.

Then, it started hurting. I had my cane again. And I was trying to run with it. I tripped and fell. It was coming. It had me. I tried crawling away. Dragging my leg behind me. It had me. Whatever it was, it had me I tried screaming but couldn't. I looked and saw what had me, what I had been running from. It was Spooky.

I woke startled. I had bolted up and sat straight up on the couch. I was breathing hard. As if I had actually been running hard. I looked around. The clock said it was about noon. It was Saturday and I guess Giggles had left already to do something with Embry. Ever since I painted the two Sleepys up on the wall they had been together almost nonstop. Now they both had it, had it real bad. I got up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen to get something to drink. I had been dreaming a lot lately. Some were good. Like the ones where I was snuggling up to some faceless man and just happy with how I was. And some were bad. Like the shooting, or this most recent run. With me running.

I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water from the sink. I leaned against the counter than pulled myself up to sit on it. From where I was sitting I could get a good view of my 'bed'. Lying on the coffee table that was next to my couch was my cane. I stared at it wide eyed. I hadn't used it to walk from the couch to the kitchen. I wanted to scream. My knee had been burning bad for about a week now. I thought it was just something about the weather. But I guess, that I, I guess I'd actually been healing. I stared at the cane a little more.

It was too good to be true. I knew it had to be. Maybe I was just running on adrenaline from the after effects of my dream. I lowered my feet slowly to the floor. I tested my weight on both knees. I stared at my bad knee. Even the scar seemed to have faded. I took a step. Felt no pain. Then I took another. I expected for all the pain to rush to me but it didn't. I took a couple more steps. Which brought me to the door. I tested my step once more. Then, I flung open the door and started running. I ran down the stairs, through the kitchen and out the doors into the café. I ran through the diner and out the front doors, not hesitating even when I heard someone call after me.

I must have looked like a psycho running down the streets with no shoes on and nothing but a simple pair of boxer shorts, a tank top, and then an oversized sweatshirt that hung of one of my shoulders. It fell all the way down to my mid thigh and the sleeves were way to long on my. But right now I didn't care. I could feel the wind blowing through my hair and I felt the familiar sensation of flying. I really didn't know what to do with my new found ability to walk, to run, but I kept going. I stopped for a while, and rested my hands on my knees, breathing hard. Almost on instinct, I didn't really feel the need to breath all that hard. I remembered how I heard Embry tell stories about how when it was warmer him and his friends would go cliff diving. Cliff diving sounded fun right about now. It wasn't that cold out.

I started running again. This time towards the cliffs. I wanted to do this. I really did. I hadn't been able to run in a long time, or swim in even longer. The water might be cold. But I don't care. I need to do this. I need to do it right now. I didn't know how long I had been running and I simply didn't care until I made my way towards the edge of the cliff. I could see how about a hundred yards in front of me the cliff abruptly ended. I sprinted towards the edge. There was no turning back now. I made it to the edge and pushed off hard with all my might and pointed my body perpendicular to the water. I ignored yet another yell form behind me. This yell sounded like it came from a guy.

I enjoyed the brief moments of free falling until I saw the ocean rush up to meet me. I took a long deep breath and felt my body plunge into the water. For it still being winter the water really isn't that cold. I swam down deep. Testing myself to see how long I could stay. I pushed hard until I felt something hot and burning grab hold of me from behind. I turned abruptly to see none other than Paul staring at me with concerned eyes. I glared at him and was tempted to yell but didn't since I was underwater and didn't want to waste my air. He held me close and stared swimming towards the surface with me in tow. He held me by one of my arms.

I struggled to get myself away from his grip and swam down more. Further away from him. I needed to just stay here and relax for a moment, okay? Then you can play prince and rescue me. Paul tried to catch up with me but I again pulled myself away from him. It was an underwater game of cat and mouse. But finally he must have run out of air because he returned to the surface. While he was gone I took this opportunity to get away from him. I swam as hard and as fast as I could then stopped. I waited, just floating there. I was expecting the feeling of breathlessness to come soon. I don't know how long I'd been underwater but I knew it was long enough for Paul to need to leave me and take a breath. Why had he followed me here?

I floated there for a little while longer trying to push the limits I didn't seem to have. How long had I been down here? 2 minutes? 5? 10? I still hadn't felt my body running out of air. Was there something wrong with me? Is that why I didn't feel the need to come up for air yet? I had grown board of hiding out in my underwater lair so I swam up to the surface. As soon as my head breached the water my ears were assaulted by the sounds of yelling. I looked to the beach and saw a whole pack of people jumping around, screaming at me. I swam towards the shore. I tried taking my time but apparently that wasn't slow enough because eventually I had made it to so I could feel sand under my feet. I pulled myself up from the pull of the waves and found myself on dry land. I expected pain to come. A lot of it. But it didn't. I smiled widely. And walked, without a limp. Paul ran up to me and grabbed me up in his arms. I wasn't all that cold so right now, I was too happy that I could walk normally to care what the hell happened to me at this moment.

"Beautiful day don't you think?" I remarked. Paul looked down at me. He didn't look to happy. Wonder why.

"Porque ton serio?" I said to him still smiling. He looked a little bit happier. His arms burned wherever they touched me. I jumped down and started running again. I ran past a crowd of people and kept going. I kept running, until I was tackled. As soon as I was tackled I was assaulted by the smell of wet dog. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. It's touching me. It's touching me. Why is it touching me? My mind flashed to the dream I had woken up to this morning. Spooky? Did you find me? I struggled to get away from whatever had me. I really did. But it held me down. I tried harder. Then, I growled. I don't know why, I don't know how. But I did. I growled. I mean, who the fuck growls? The thing struggling to keep me from running away froze. It was a girl. The girl that I saw once upon a time that I thought I would get along with. The angry one. I was feeling playful. Still giddy, because, hey, I can fucking walk now! I slipped from her grip and stood up. Everyone was staring at me. I could feel it. Why though? I didn't have the cane. Was it the growling? All the guys were standing protectively in front of their girls.

"Um…what did I do?" I asked. No one answered. Although, Paul took a monstrous step forward. I stood right in front of me and reached a hand out. I flinched right out of his reach, but he kept coming. He placed a hand protectively on my shoulder. I was soaking wet. The wind blew hard. I didn't even shiver. He ran a finger on the spot on my neck that was extra sensitive. I gasped. My scar. I reached a hand around my neck, hoping to feel the familiar scarf. But I felt nothing but skin. He saw my scar. Oh crap. They all see it. Paul stared at it.

"You-You've been bitten" he said sadly.

"Yeah, so? You sound straight out of a zombie movie. So what if my ex had a biting fetish?" why was I making excuses to this guy? He started doing that shaking thing again. "Now, if you'll excuse me. But, I can run. I can walk, I can swim! For Christ's sake, I can run! And I'm gunna enjoy it, because I don't know if it'll last forever. Bye" I said and started running. I didn't even really look where I was running I just ran. I took a quick glance back and everyone pretty much just stared at me. I pushed myself hard. I went faster, faster than I ever thought I could go. So fast that I could see the trees and stuff stared to blur past me. There was still snow on the ground, but I couldn't feel the cold even with bare feet. I guess my socks had worn away, gross. I let my mind wander, my thoughts moving faster than my feet.

I can run. I can run. Run. Run. Run. This is Charlie. See Charlie run. Go Charlie Go! I smiled widely. But then some not so nice thoughts creeped up behind me. I wonder where Spooky is. Why did he say 'I'll see you in three days'? Those three days had long since gone and I was still worrying that I would see him behind every corner. I expected to see him every time I woke up. See him every time I stepped outside. Every time I opened my eyes, I expected him to be there. But he wasn't. Did he forget about me? Which would be good. But I felt that that wasn't it. What if he was looking for me? But he just didn't know where to look. What if he knew where I was and was just sitting back and watching me? Did he want me to get all nice in comfortable with life in La Push then just swoop in and ruin everything?

I had been too busy dealing with my paranoia that I didn't notice where I was really going. I slowed to a stop and looked around. I had stopped in a clearing. That was covered in untouched snow. I started smiling like a little kid, now I would finally get to play in the snow! I bent down and grabbed a handful of snow. I explored the feel it had in my hand. I always expected snow to be, well, cold. But this really wasn't all that cold. It felt more like someone had left some leftover Chinese out for too long, not like it was actually frozen. I molded it into a ball and then added some more snow. I continued doing this until I got a round ball about the height of my knees. I made to more balls of varying sizes and stacked them on top of the large one.

I could feel eyes on me again. But as soon as I felt them, they were gone. So I paid it no mind. I continued on, building it better. I placed a hand on my hip and surveyed my work. It was missing something. I remember in all those books and pictures I had seen snowmen with weird top hats, and carrots for noses. And some weird stuff stuck to the face for eyes and mouth. I wish I had bought some of that crap with me, so I could make it perfect. I looked at it sadly then threw myself backwards into some snow. I started moving my arms and legs back and forth across the snow. Enjoying the slight chill it brought me. I smiled, enjoying these subtle moments every child should have. I never got to enjoy things like that.

Everything had been normal, there were nine people living in our apartment. I shared a mattress with my cousins. And then my mom got sick. Then my dad expanded is operation to try and make more money for her treatments. Then his money stopped going for her treatments. Then went to feed his new found addiction to nose candy. Another reason I hated the shit. Then came his incident with the cops. He went away after that. And the landlord kicked the rest of the family out because apparently since the lease holders were no longer present in the household he couldn't let us stay there. Which I thought was bull. The family went to Chicago; I guess they heard it was good up there. Which left me all alone in Echo Park. I didn't want to leave; I had my dad's operation to take over.

I heard the snow crunching from some ways away. I sat up from my recently made snow angel. I looked around, expecting the worst. I kept hearing the snow crunch. The wind blew and my nose wrinkled. I could smell that wet dog smell again. Except it was different this time. It was a little woodsier, kinda nicer. I remember, I always hate it when people where too much cologne. But this smelled nice. I turned towards the smell and saw something making its way towards me. It looked like a person, as it got closer I saw that it was Paul. This guy just doesn't give up, does he? He was holding a bag. It seemed pretty full of stuff. I rushed up to meet him, and cocked my head to one side. He seemed surprised to see me, I guess I had made it over to him pretty quick, I must'a startled him.

"What'cha got there?" I said gesturing for the bag he held in his hand. He looked at it surprised, like he had forgotten he had it.

"Oh, um…just some stuff for your snowman." He said. I lit up. I would get the perfect snowman! I grabbed the bag and ran over to stand in front of the snowman. I went through the bag and pulled out a carrot. I stuck it smack dab in the middle of the smallest ball of snow. I felt the heat radiating off Paul as he stood next to me. I looked up at him, damn he was tall.

"Wanna help?" I asked, childishly I might add. I smiled at him. He smiled back. I grabbed some more stuff from the bag and hand him a little baggy full of coffee beans. He started applying the trademark snow man smile and eyes. I placed the scarf around its neck and set a nice wool cap on its head. Paul had finished with the smile and I stood back. I still feel like something is missing. It had no arms! I ran over to the nearest tree and pulled two empty branches off it. I placed them gently in the sides of the snowman and admired my work. Well, mine and Paul's work.

"Y'know, this is the first snowman I ever made. It's the first time I ever got to play in the snow, too." I said. He kept smiling like a fool. The wind blew again. And once again I smelt the wet dog, deep down in my chest I felt something, some primal instinct trying to kick in. I pushed it down and smiled along with him. I felt like relaxing so I plopped down in the snow and looked up at Paul. I blinked up at him innocently.

"Take a seat, stranger" I said to him. Which he did. He sat right down next to me, and this time I didn't really mind when he put his arm around me.

"Charlie, please don't ever do something like that again." he said out of the blue.

"Do what?" he gaped at me when I said that. I think I knew what he was talking about.

"Please, don't ever try and hurt yourself like that." He said, stressing ever. He sounded a little angry. Damn, he's weird.

"You think I was trying to hurt myself?" I said. I stood back up and glared down at him. "No fucking way in hell! I'm not a fucking coward! That shit is the easy way out. Nothing, and I mean nothing is so bad that killing yourself is the answer. People who do that kinda shit are cowards!" I yelled. Pacing around doing wild hand gestures. Got that just pisses me off. Suicide! Really? I saw how much that shit hurt people. This girl in my gang had offed herself. W e called her 'Lady Joker'. I was never her biggest fan but when she died it tore a hole in all of us. Especially her parents. She had her parents, and she did that to them! I 'member her note to. All it had said was 'I love him'. Nobody knew who the 'him' was. She never told us anything about a guy. But whoever he was, I hope he was dyeing inside because of what he caused.

"If you weren't trying to kill yourself, then what the fuck were you trying to do!" he yelled, also getting up from the ground. I took a couple of deep breathes. This day has made me go from extreme happiness to hopeless anger.

"You don't understand do you?" I asked. He looked about to answer but I held my hand up to stop him. "Have you ever lost something, something that you didn't really ever even think about? Have you ever lived your life normally and then have something taken away? Something when it was gone you felt so empty because you never even thought of being without it. And then you go so long without it thinking 'oh this is just something I'm gunna haf'tah deal with now' and then all of sudden, without warning, you get it back. Do you know the feeling again every time I take a step, or whenever I feel the wind blow through my hair? That wondrous feeling that you feel if you lose it again you just might curl up and die. Do you know how that feels?" I said, coming close to tears. It was true. Everything I had just said was true. I heard him mumble something.

"Excuse, me? I didn't hear that. Do you know how it feels, or not?" I ground out.

"I said, yes. I know how it feels to have your heart break every time you don't have something. And then see it again only to have it leave again. I know. Okay?" He said. I must say, didn't really expect that.

"Well, then. You of all people should understand." I finished and then stalked off in the direction I had come from. Following my tracks in the snow to get to where I needed to go. I took off running again, but this time my joy felt bittersweet.

Translations, just one this time:

Porque ton serio?- why so serious?

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