A/N: Hey again! Thi, I think, was the second story I came up with after "Dinner with the akatsuki" (which, surprisingly, became popular quite fast. ^-^; Anyways, this was another idea that appeared to me after hanging out with my "twin". Actually, I included her in this chapter. Her user name is "Aesir" (well, half of her username) on DA and the original story, I had used her real name but since I decided to post it on some pretty popular websites, I decided that I should just use part of her username as a censor... Thing... So, anyways, it was near Christmas around the time I think, but then again, I can't really remember since it's kind of old... ^_^;; So, anyways, enjoy! XD
The Akatsuki Play in "A Christmas Carol"
"WHAT THE HELL?" Hidan shrieked angrily.
Pein winced as he repeated, "Yes, we recieved a fan letter from a girl who signed "Aesir", a request for us to play "A Christmas Carol.""
"When will she come?" Hidan asked as his eyes twitched.
"Right... About now..."
Suddenly, an Asian girl popped into the room in a red cloud of smoke.
"What a dramatic entry," Hidan commented, suddenly impressed.
"Yo! So, you're going to play "A Christmas Carol" I'm comin' up with the parts an' stuff so bye!" The girl exclaimed, then rushed out of the room.
"Cool entry, lame exit."
Pein shook his head in disapproval at his group member.
"What? It's true!" Hidan exclaimed.
"This will be a long play..." Pein said warily.
As the fan girl named Aesir rushed down the hall she accidentally bumped into someone.
"Watch it you f*cking retard!" She was about to list off more swears when she looked up and met the red eyes of none other than Itachi Uchiha.
She gasped as she squealed, "ITA- kun!"
Oh no, another obsessed fan chick! Itachi thought panicked. Take cover!
"Uh, h-hello..." Itachi stuttered, already beginning to inch away from the scene.
"Like, OH MY GOD! IT'S ITACHI!"
"Um... Yes... Yes I am... And you are..."
"Don't tell me you've forgotten my name... HAVE YOU?" Aesir asked in a dangerously sweet voice. Itachi cowered compared to her, as her form grew taller and he shrunk to a chibi.
"Um.. N-no, o-of course not. You are... Aesir- chan?" he asked, his voice a bare whisper.
"Good..."
"Um, s-so where are you heading?"
"To the stage I'm handing out all the parts."
"I'm going to the stage too..."
" Well then, let's go!" She grabbed him by the sleeve and basically dragged him to the stage.
"Ugh... where the hell is the "director" Anna or something like that?" Sasori asked in a monotone voice, he hated waiting, and he had a pile of puppets that needed to be worked on in his room.
"Almost here un'." Deidara replied. "Oh, just a reminder, she goes by the name "Aesir" and I've heard that she has a nasty temper that tends to get out of hand if you call her anything else... Yeah..."
"I don't like to keep people waiting like this... And do you really think I care?"
Deidara shrugged.
"Tobi think this will be fun!" Tobi said enthusiastically.
"I hope I won't look like a freaking idiot on this probably screwed up play. I DON'T WANNA DO THIS!" Hidan cried, looking up to the at the ceiling and clasping his hands, as if he were praying to "Jashin".
"I'll only do this if I'll get paid." Kakuzu remarked to Konan, who obviously ignored him.
"This'll be fun." Zetsu's black side said sarcastically.
"Yeah! Believe it!" Zetsu's other half replied.
"This is just awful..." Konan said, placing her hand on her forehead in failure.
"Hi everyone!" shouted Aesir, throwing the doors open. "I've got your parts." She handed out huge stacks of paper, watching everyone's expressions.
"Tobi is a lamp post!" Tobi said happily, though a large sweat drop slid down behind his head.
"I'm a snowflake? AND THE DEAD FRIEND?" Deidara shrieked unhappily.
"WHAT? I'M A FREAKING CHRISTMAS TREE?" Zetsu cried, he grew the leaves at his side around him so it covered his face. Muffled voices could be heard, as Zetsu spoke to himself.
"I'm the awesome rich guy Scrooge," Said Kakuzu, obviously proud.
"Eh? I'm the ghost of Christmas present?" Konan said in surprise.
"Can Tobi be your present Konan- chan? Tobi wants a present Tobi wants a present!" Tobi said.
"I'm ghost of Christmas past..." Pein muttered to himself.
"I'm definitely gonna look like a freaking idiot," Hidan moaned, slapping his forehead. "I'm the ghost of Christmas future damn it."
Sasori sighed, "My part isn't too bad I guess... It's not like I'm on stage, all I do is control the puppets."
"I'm that guy that works for Screw. I mean, Scrooge! I think his name is Joe Crochet. No sorry I mean Bob Cratchet!" kisame said awkwardly.
Everyone looked at Itachi quietly waiting for him to share his part. He looked up quietly.
"I'm an angel!" he said, enthusiastically, studying Aesir's reaction carefully.
Deidara looked at Aesir in confusion.
"What I think he's cute enough to be an angel. Got a freaking problem with that?"
"N-no?" Kisame stuttered.
"Okay good let's start practicing!" Aesir smiled threateningly, as shadows crept behind her giving an scary and intimidating appearance to her.
~~~~~~ 2 weeks later~~~~
"Eww I hate Thanksgiving!" Kakuzu shouted.
"Christmas you idiot!" Aesir hissed to him behind the red curtain that hung at the side of the large stage.
"Yes Christmas!"
"But why Mr. Screw? I mean Scrooge!" Kisame asked, the brown sideburns slipped off his blue ace, and he rushed to stick them back on.
"Cuz everyone expects me to spend cash to get stuff fer them." Kakuzu replied.
"But Easter is wonderful!"
"CHRISTMAS!" Aesir hissed again. She slapped her forehead and swore under her breath.
"Whatever." Kakuzu said, he turned and began to walk down the stage to the "outside" set of stage
Kakuzu walked past the place where Tobi the lampost was supposed to be, but Tobi was missing since Deidara was busy strangling Tobi for the trick he had pulled on Deidara when they all had dinner together (remember remember? :))
Kazuku walked past Zetsu the Christmas tree and Aesir then throws Deidara from the ceiling, who was wearing a dress that was supposed to look like a snowflake, but resembled the likes of a cotton candy puff more than anything. "Ow... I'm alright 'un!" he called back.
Kakuzu ignored him as he walked past random puppet people controlled by Sasori from the balcony overhead.
He then walks past- "Oh CRUD WHEN THE HELL AM I COMING IN?" Hidan yelled.
"Shut up!" Aesir yelled back. "Just keep going dammit!"
Kazuku sighed, "I'm sure nothing eventful will ever happen to me. I bet no ghosts will come and visit- OH CRAP A GHOST!"
Deidara appears popped onto the stage in a cloud of gas as he coughed and sputtered, "Yeah well you'll be visited by three weird and deranged ghosts tonight so have fun." he coughed as he tried slapping the smoke away.
He disappeared.
"Whatver. OH CRAP ANOTHER GHOST!" Kakuzu yelled.
"Yeah... I'm the ghost of Christmas past nice to meet you I'm gonna show you some stuff."Konan said as she too appeared in a cloud of smoke. She wore a white dress with a strange green tinge to the cloth, as she whipped out a paper made kunai. "That was your Christmas past good bye now..."
Aesir slapped a hand to her forehead, and sighed in aggravation.
Pein and Itachi comes then appeared and Pein said in a monotone voice, "Hello, I'm ghost of Christmas present and this is my side kick Ita- I mean... The sweet angel from above."
Itachi was wearing a ridiculous dress that was all white and had a yellow (spray painted gold but instead changed to a sick shade of yellow) halo. "Hi..." he said lamely.
"That's it nice to meet you..."
Finally Hidan comes with his scythe and shouted dramatically, "FEAR ME BOI! FOR YOU SHALL DIE NEXT CHRISTMAS AND- OH CRAP IT! SCREW THIS STUPID PLAY I'M LEAVING! THIS WAS A FREAKING WASTE OF TIME!"
"Yeah 'un..." Deidara said, still stuck in the snowflake costume .
"BUT BUT TOBI HASN'T GONE YET!" Tobi started to sob.
"Awww Tobi I'm so... NOT GONNA CARE!" Aesir shouted at him, she punched him hard in the shoulder. If anyone, he was the one Aesir hated most.
In about 2.2 seconds, the whole room had been cleared and everyone went back to their daily lives.
And so now the Akatsuki never accepted fan mail again. But, who said Aesir ever stopped sending them mail?