A/N: how we all love Christmas. XD I really wanted to use a chapter with the Akatsuki getting drunk and all, so I decided Christmas would be the best time to do it. XD Here we have some yaoi references, you know, a little ItachiXSasori stuff here and there, a sprinkle of Uchihacest (not really) and some Pein/NagatoXKonan stuff. And, some other crack pairings so, it's a real riot! XD I wish I could spend my Christmas with Sasori... Under the mistletoe... XD ha ha ha. jk jk.

Christmas with the Akatsuki

"YAYYY! CHRISTMAS!" Tobi shouted cheerfully. His large black eye sparkled as he began to wrap tinsel around himself.

"Oh shit it's that time of year?" Hidan cried, panicking. He had totally forgotten about Christmas. Hey, he's a Jashinist, what need does he have to remember a Christian holiday?

"Presents!" Pein yelled gleefully.

"Money!" Kakuzu grinned, "Money..." he murmured to himself again.

"Fireworks!" Deidara grabbed his best kits of fireworks and tried to decide which one to use.

"Eggnog!" Itachi sang. He remembered quite well his first time with eggnog. He remembered how he liked it, but the rest was a blur.

"Pocky?" Sasori asked.

"Wrapping paper to make origami!" Konan heaved a sigh as she glanced over at the beautiful paper used to wrap presents.

"Meat!" Kisame began to drool as he peered into the aquarium the Akatsuki had. They had nine fish, plus a dead one. Each fish had been named after a member of the Akatsuki, and the dead one used to be known as "Orochimaru" but now everyone just called him Guppie.

"Mistletoe!" sang Zetsu. The room grew silent at this, noticing the little green plant hanging above the doorway upstairs leading to their rooms.

"Dammit Zetsu, did you really have to hang that shit right over where everyone has to go?" Hidan asked angrily.

"Hmph, if you don't like it then go take it down." Zetsu said indignantly.

Hidan walked to it, but he couldn't reach it. He grabbed his scythe and tried to prod it, but it still hung tight.

"Need some help?" Zetsu grinned knowing that Hidan wouldn't ask for help because that would mean two people under the mistletoe. Pride would get the best of him.

"No." Hidan shrugged as he walked away.

The group went on celebrating Christmas, now opening the presents and ignoring the plant hanging from the ceiling. More to the point of forgetting about it entirely.

As for gifts, Itachi's highlight of the day was the eyeliner he received from Konan, (to look even more obvious and to protect the idea of his appearance from theft like than he already was). Sasori recieved many Barbies, Pein's gift from the group were sequined earrings and jewelry and such, also some "Bedazzler" from Tobi (which he explained cheerfully "So we could have a more sparkly and pretty Leader-Sama.") Deidara received a ballerina tutu (which he set aflame immediately), Kakuzu received fake money from a joke store, Hidan received a plastic knife (so he could pretend to cut himself, still look cool, and keep his fan girls), Tobi got a shojo manga, and Zetsu was bought "a mate" which was simply a lily. (Last time Zetsu had gone off on vacation and had left his pet Venus flytrap in the care of Tobi. When he returned he found out his huge mistake, finding a wilted venus trap, and an overly cheerful Tobi) and finally, Kisame began munching on his swedish fish.

"EGGNOG TIME!" Tobi cried cheerfully, grabbing from their refrigerator two large cartons of egg nog.

"Itachi you first 'un." Deidara grinned as he shoved a carton of eggnog into Itachi's hands.

"Whatever." Itachi replied monotonously as he grabbed the carton. Although he appeared calm on the outside, on the inside he was quite ecstatic to drink eggnog. It had been several years since he had been able to taste some, since the last few Christmases everyone "forgot" to buy it.

"CHUGGA CHUGGA CHUG!" Tobi called enthusiastically.

For several minutes after Itachi had gulped down half of the carton's drink, he wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his cloak and everyone was silent. Finally, without warning Itachi hiccuped and giggled, "PONIES!"

"Shit. He is now drunk.. on eggnog... crud... we forgot about that..." Hidan face palmed while Pein reminisced.

"Oh yeah..." he said monotonously. "I forgot about that. Now I remember why we never bought it all those Christmases... Hm... Who would've thought?"

"W00t! Is it hot in here or is it me?" Itachi said as he started unbuttoning his collar. Now that he was on eggnog, his normally low voice had risen several pitches, and now sounded like Tobi, only maybe a little lower.

"Oh God... I can't believe we forgot about this "little" detail..." Sasori said, also face palming.

"What problem? I feel..." Itachi hiccuped here, "Great..." He smiled in an insane manner as he wrapped an arm around Sasori, and draped on him like a rug.

"Get off me you idiot." Sasori said monotonously as he pushed Itachi off him. Itachi fell and giggled, Sasori rolled his eyes.

"Yay! Another friend like me!" Tobi cried enthusiastically. He sat down in seiza next to "his new friend" and he and Itachi then randomly began playing patty- cake.

"YaaaY!" they cheered. A large bead of sweat dropped behind Sasori's head.

"Sasori no Dana, why don't you join them 'un? Everyone else is already drunk too, yeah." Deidara laughed.

It was true, the rest were all lazing around, joining the patty- cake game with Tobi and the high Itachi. Deidara was already half drunk, handing Sasori the carton of eggnog. In their drunken states, Konan was making annoying origami birds that flew around the room and sang swears, Pein danced around like a belly-dancer and flirted with Konan. Hidan danced along with his leader, naked and cussing every swear he knew in between hiccups. The white half of Zetsu was crying for no apparent reason while the black side was swearing at a wall. Kazuku mumbled "dude" every so often in between hiccups, Deidara thought he was a girl and tried to steal Tobi's dress, and the eggnog had really no effect on Tobi since he's already pretty much drunk normally. The only difference now was that he was now suicidally annoying. Sasori sighed and rubbed his temples, he stared at the eggnog, rolls his eyes again, and chugs down the rest of the drink. Several minutes later Sasori is found wandering around head quarters pointing at items and stating the obvious such as, "Wow, I never knew tables and chairs had four legs!"

Sasori then walks up to Itachi and shouts, "OMFG! You have a face!"

Itachi, not understanding Sasori's words just asked, "Where's a fan girl when I need one?"

"OOOOHHHH" the other members gasped when Sasori and Itachi had just wandered under themistletoetoe, going upstairs to take naps. They looked at it, almost 100% sane now and they glared at each other.

"You now have to kiss because you're under the mistletoe!" although his words were constantly interrupted by hiccups, Deidara's message came out quite clearly to the drunk members.

"Awww Tobi wants a kiss Tobi wants a kiss!" Tobi whined.

Itachi and Sasori continued to glare at each other for a moment, then finally they shrugged their shoulders, leaned in and-