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Chapter 9 "You Cannot Tell Anyone" Changes by 3 Doors Down

the darkness fell over her like a blanket of snow

burying her deeper then she ever had been before

the air grew dense and dank, making it hard to breathe

her eyes were wide open but she could not see

heart beat faster with every step, farther into darkness she crept

no sound could be heard, no light could be seen

just the presence of darkness, covering everything

Nick paced Catherine's office impatiently. Sara had left two hours ago and she still wasn't back. The storm outside had grown much worse, as had the tension inside the lab. By now the word had spread that something had happened between Grissom and Sara, something big.

As now, Catherine was the only one who knew just how big that something was. And she was doing her best to keep it that way for as long a possible.

"Catherine, come on! The storm has gotten worse outside and you said Sara went for a drive?! She knows better then to do that. Let me go out and look for her! And everyone keeps talking about how somethin' went down between her and Girss. And-"

"Nick!?" Catherine said distressfully.

"What?" He asked, looking at her.

"Just relax okay."

"How am I supossed to relax when-"

"Nick!" Catherine was already trying to calm her own nerves and she didn't need him freaking out too.

"Look, Cath, I'm sorry, but I'm just really worried about Sara."

"I know you are, Nick. But you need to get a grip right now. Please?"

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. It was bad enough that Catherine wouldn't let him go out looking for Sara, but it was much worse being kept in the dark about the whole situation.

Catherine looked at the younger man. He was Sara's best friend. He deserved to know what was going on with her. But then again, it wasn't Catherine's place to tell him.

She sighed and hoped that she was doing the right thing. "Nick, if I tell you something can you promise me to keep a level head and not tell anyone? And by anyone, I mean anyone. If you tell a single soul I swear you will not walk out of this lab."

"Of course, Cath. Why? What's wrong?"

"Grissom..." She paused, wondering if it was better to tell him flat out and take it slow. She decied to go with the first. "He cheated on Sara."

Nick's face went compleately white with shock. "He what?!"

"Sara found out tonight that he-that he cheated on her. There was an 'insident' in the parking lot between Grisom and Sara. I was there when it happened and Sara told me she needed to go for a drive to clear her head. And I'm worried about her to, Nick, but right now she just needs time to prosess everything. God knows I'm still having trouble dealing with this whole mess."

Nick wasn't hearing a word she said. Grissom cheated on Sara. The words felt like poisen to his soul. This was his mentor. The man who had taught him everything he knows and he had cheated on Sara, his best friend. Sara had always been there for him. When he needed her most, when he needed to talk. The two were so close that just a glance could say a thousand words. When a single moment could be a lifetime.

She'd pulled him out of the darkness a countless number of times. And now, when it was her life that needed saving, he wasn't with her. She'd been trying to tell him, that's what it was about in the locker room. He felt so stupid now, thinking back on. She had been trying to tell him that her heart was broken and he'd just made some joke about chicken soup.

How could he have been so stupid? To not see his closest friend, standing shattered and empty before him, and he did nothing. He didn't press her, he didn't dig deeper. He just let her walk away without a second thought.

Brass sat across from Grissom, astonished. "Look Gil, I don't agree with what you did in the slightest way, but that doesn't mean I'm doing to stop being your friend. But I can't tell you what to do. That's something you need to figure out yourself."

"Jim, please! I need someone to just point me in the right direction. I don't know what to do-"

"And you think I do?"

Grissom sighed. "No. I don't think that. I just I'm so lost right now."

"I can't, Gil. You know that. You need to figure out what to do. This is one road people have to travel by themselves."

Nick walked briskly through the lab. He had to do something. Either find Sara or Grissom, whichever came first. But he could not sit around and do nothing.

"Nick, man, where's the fire?" Warrick said jokingly as he passed.

He didn't laugh. In fact Nick didn't even smile. Instead he pulled Warrick into the locker room hurridly. Warrick gave him a look, wondering what in the world it was all about.

"You cannot tell anyone, okay?" Nick said, solemly.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course."

"Well Cath told me Sara went for a drive. I thought it was pretty stupid of Sara to go 'for a drive' in this weather, but I let it go. Well it's been two hours and she still isn't back."

Warrick cut in, "Well have you called her?"

"That's the thing, Cath didn't want me to."

He looked at Nick quizzically. "So what happened?"

"I pressed Cath to tell me what hell was going on and...well what she told me-it just I can't believe that he would do it. But it's not like Catherine would lie about something like this. I mean come on, it's Cath we're talkign about here and-"

"Nick! Who is 'he' and what did he do?" Warrick asked, becoming anxious.

"Griss cheated on Sara...At least that's what Cath told me. I guess the two had a confrontation in the parking lot and Cath was there. Sar said she needed to take a drive to clear her head, but that was two hours ago and she's still not back."

Warrick looked infuriated. The look on his face was one of pure and raw vengance. Nick could tell Warrick's blood was boiling with anger. The words that came from his mouth were to soft. To relaxed.

"Where is he?"

The rain had finally started to let up as Sara pulled into the parking lot. She looked at the lab through the rain spattered windsheild. How could she go back in there? How could she even work there, if it meant working with him?But it wasn't like she could just up and leave. She would be leaveing everything she knew behind. She couldn't do that. But then again, could she work side by side with the man that betrayed her?

Sara had to admit she was scared. But she was Sara Sidle, who wasn't suposed to be afraid of anything. The fearless woman who could look death in face and not even flinch. But right now she felt more vulnerable then ever. Truth be told she wasn't superwoman. So maybe she could look down the barel of a gun and keep calm, but that was only on the outside.

The woman beneth the surface was scared out of her wits. She always tried her hardest to keep everything under control. To keep her emotions hidden behind a wall that could very seldom, if ever, be overcome.

No one could really understand what she was going through. Catherine understood to some extent what she was going through, but then again everyone is differnt. We all handle things in a different way, our opinons and emotions are differnt. So how could anyone truly understand what she was feeling?

Sara sat there, the pain inside making her numb. She kept having to remind herself to breathe, but air just didn't seem to fill her lungs. Darkness seemed to surround her; suffacating her. His words were still echoing in her thoughts. Every word cutting to the bone. Making her bleed. Sara almost wished there was blood. Some visiable sign for all of the pain.

Her life had changed so drastically in such a short amount of time. She just prayed it would change again soon. Only this time, for the better.

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