Hey everyone. I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update. Life has been well not so great. There are some health concerns with my dad and lets just say we are not out of the woods yet. He's been in the hospital over two weeks now and will be there a while longer.

I have two more chapters already written up so I will do my best to post them soon. This week my goal is to write at another chapter or two. But don't worry, I'm not going to stop writing. The chapters may be few and far between but I'm going to finish this story no matter what.

Thanks for the reviews. Enjoy,

Kj

Chapter 11 "Real, Hard, Powerful Love" Fallin by Alicia Keys

a life with out love is like a flower with out color...it's like a poem without words...like a face without a smile...a day without sun...it's completely and utterly pointless....

Keeping silent felt like the wrong thing to do but then again, were there any words? There is no hidden answer key in the back of the book of life that tells you what to say and how to say it at any given moment. There were just some things in life that could only be met with silence.

Greg looked at Sara, hoping she would say something to break the intensifying silence. He expected her dark brown eyes to be on the verge of tears again or at least have a look of discombobulation on her face.

But instead her face was almost...content. It showed no sadness, anger or pain. Like she was relaxed. It was as if her sudden, and quite unexpected, outburst of thoughts and emotions had somehow helped her let go of the inner turmoil that was, or rather had been, plaguing her every thought.

He found it odd that Sara could seemingly let go of everything without even really talking about it. During her whole so called 'rant' she never once touched the subject of Grissom and the situation at hand.

"What are you staring at, Greg?" Sara asked, making him jump a little at the sound of her voice.

"You."

She laughed a little and rolled her eyes. "Yes I know that, Greg. But why?"

"Well if you wanted to know why, you should have said 'why' in the first place. Instead of saying 'what'." Greg said smiling. "I was looking, not staring, at you because...well, you look really peaceful right now. It just sort of took me by surprise is all."

"So, I can't look peaceful without grasping your attention?" She asked, raising her eyebrow at him.

Greg sighed drastically, earning himself a small smile. "No, you just..." He stopped, becoming serious. "You looked almost...happy. I just-it was nice. Tonight has been, well it's been hell for you and I was happy to see you looking-"

"Peaceful?"

"Yeah...Sara?"

She turned to look at him. "Yeah?"

"You know you can talk to me right?"

"Of course, Greg. What do you call what we're doing right now?"

"No, I mean about serious stuff. Not just the every day chit-chat...I-I can be serious you know? I'm not just the crazy haired lab tech, who cracks inappropriate jokes at the wrong time. I can and want to be the guy you can come to and talk to about stuff."

Sara smiled at him faintly. "I know I can talk to you about serious things, Greg. It's nice that I have a friend to talk to about everything else, you know? Someone who I can joke with at inappropriate times and even when I'm having a horrible day...I'm not saying that you will, but it's nice to be able to talk to someone who won't look at me differently because they do know all the drama going on in my life."

"Then it's not because you don't trust me with things?"

"I trust you with my life."

"You really mean that, don't you?"

She smiled at him. A true happy and warm smile. Something he hadn't seen all night. "Greg, I would never have said it if I didn't mean it. And I do. I really and truly do, Greg."

"Good. Cause you know if you didn't trust me then we'd have a serious problem on our hands, you know? Seeing as how we risk our life's on the job and-"

"Why are you talking so much?"

He looked at her apprehensively. "Because."

"Greg, come on. Just tell me."

"Cause I'm trying to keep your mind off...Well, you know."

Sara's face softened. "You don't have to do that."

"I know. I just...I feel bad because I don't know what to say. I can't make it go away. I can't fix anything for you. I need to do something, Sara. I can't just sit here and watch your world fall apart.

Whenever I'm having a bad day you always have the right thing to say. You know exactly how to make me laugh and smile. And now in retrospect my bad days are like rainbow's with a dancing leprechauns at the end or something, but that's not the point. Sara, I want to be able to do that for you and right now but it feels like I'm failing; miserably."

"Greg, you are not failing. Actually you are far from it. Look at me, I'm smiling and laughing. I don't expect you to have the right thing to say because I don't even know what the right thing to say is. This situation is new to the both of us. You, the caring friend who wants to help but doesn't know how. And me...Whatever the hell I am at the moment."

Sara stopped for a moment, gathering her thoughts. "You know all that advise I give you? Truth be told, more then half the time I have no idea what I'm saying. I don't think before I speak and normally that's what gets me into trouble, but other times I end up saying exactly what the other person need to hear...That's what you're doing, Greg. You're being honest with me.

That's all I need. I don't need to hear some speech about how it'll get better and how I'll overcome this. Because quite frankly I don't give a damn about how life will be hunky dory again. Right now is now. And I feel like crap and would really like to slap Grissom in the face and scream my head off at him. But if I did then I would regret it later. And you, being a true friend, brought me here.

Away from the uncomfortable stares and whispers. Away from Grissom. You knew I was close to breaking. I could see it in the way you were looking at me, you knew. And I was, because if I'd stayed there any longer Grissom would have a black eye and a few broken ribs by now. And let me tell you, they definitely would nothave been from Warrick."

"You really would have punched him?" Greg asked questionably.

"Are you kidding me? I would have taken him down." Sara said, laughing.

"I would have liked to see that." He said.

Sara shook her head and smiled. "I'm sure you would've."

"Do you think you'll ever forgive him?"

Sara's smiled almost instantly faded away. Her eyes became sad and cold. Being quite taken aback by the question she turned, looking out the window, away from Greg. She thought for a few minutes.

"I honestly don't know, Greg...I think Gil-" She stopped, fighting hard to keep her emotions in check. "He was the first man I ever truly loved. And he's hurt me in a way I never thought possible...To have your heart broken by the person you trusted and loved most is-is just something I'm not sure I can overcome.

There's a part of me that still loves him. That longs for his touch, to hear his voice...To see him smile. Somewhere in my heart I really and truly do want to forgive him. To go and tell him that it's alright, that we can go on.

But then, there is a part of me, right now that part that is winning, that wants nothing to do with him. To never lay eyes on him again. I want to walk right up to him and tell him that his the most horrid and hateful man and that he has caused me the most pain I have ever endured. And I want him to suffer." Sara said, her voice quivering. "But, I can't. I can't do any of those things.

I can't forgive him. I can't hate him. But I can love him?...What kind of person does that make me? A woman who still loves a man that has cheated on her."

"That makes you the best person in the world. You can look past what others can't. You have a big heart, Sara. And you know how to use it. You don't forgive too readily. So you can't hate him, that's just fine. And you love him because you do. Love is a tricky thing. I don't think anyone in the world could really explain it.

Cause when you love someone like you love Grissom, it's just all these emotions, you know? Your pain, joy, agony, happiness, anger, passion. Every emotion you can feel, you feel at some point and time with that one person. Right now you're feeling anger and pain.

But not matter what happens, no matter how many times you fall flat on you're face, how many times you're hurt, you still, through all of that, have this unconditional love for that person. And come on, that's not something you come upon everyday.

When you do find it...it's like your whole, you're complete. Like you found a part of you, you didn't even know was missing. Now some people say that love brings out the best and worse in you. The good and the bad. Right now you see the dark side of love. The part that only comes out when you've trusted one person with so much and have given all of your love. Then they turn on you and suddenly it's not red roses and kisses anymore.

You can't just forget about him in a matter of hours. Sara, you loved him for years. That kind of love just can't be erased from memory. It's engraved in your soul now. You loved Grissom, Sara. Real, hard, powerful love.

And that's just not something that can easily be overcome."

Please review! I need something to make me smile :)