Hey everyone. So I'm finally back! Sorry for such a long wait but it's just been...well, it been pretty crappy this past month. But writing is something that I'm not giving up on and in a way I think I need it order to keep going. I'm going to start chapter 18 in just a little bit so if all goes well with it, it might be up next week sometime, but we'll see. Thanks for your support and patience. Reading all of the comments I got really helped get through this. I mean, I got 17 comments from people I don't even know and yet what you all said helped me believe that life will get better. Okay so enough of that and on with the reading. Let me know what you think. Enjoy

Chapter 17 "I'm fine...Really." Let It Go by Blue October

Where do you go when the day is long? And where does your heart beat and who is wrong? Why do I feel this way? Why do I kneel? How could I let it go? Why do I feel? Why?...Follow me home through the maze and on. I'll show you the road that I led you the wrong way on.

Why did I go that way? Why do I steel? How could I let her go? Why do I feel?....Oh why did I go that way? How could I still? Oh how could I? How could I?

How could I?

Two weeks. It had been two long, treacherous weeks since he had left Vegas. He stood out on the balcony of his hotel room watching the sun set. He hadn't heard from Sara, although he hadn't expected too. Catherine had called him a number of times, but he ignored every call. He felt bad enough already and didn't want to hear it all over again from her. He'd talked to Brass once since he'd been there. But it was a short conversation and unbelievably awkward.

Grissom felt so alone standing there. Watching the busy people move about below him. He closed his eyes and took a deep breathe. God, what had he done. For two weeks he'd been asking himself that question over and over again. How he could have been so, so stupid? How he could have let this happen? How had it come this far?

No matter how many times he rehashed what had happened in his head, it always turned out the same. He'd been an idiot. He'd hurt the woman he loved and had screwed up everything. And then to top it off, he left. He left the people he loved, his friends, his job. He had so much but was just too blind to see it. And now he had nothing. Nothing but pain, sorrow and anger.

Anger for himself. For letting her go. For being mindless and insensible. There was not an hour that went by that he didn't ask himself why? He felt like he was being so repetitive. But he felt the same feelings, thought the exact same thoughts, asked the same questions, every single day.

He wondered what was wrong with him. Whatever possessed him to do what he had done. He knew that sleeping with Amy had been a mistake. A mistake that he could not take back. That he could not change. It was odd, but he hadn't even thought about how any of this would affect Amy. How she would feel with all of this.

Grissom ran his fingers through his hair. Because of one, split second decision he'd hurt everyone he possibly could. He might as well have just shot them in the heart. But it was a kind of pain that was far worse then any bullet. It was something deeper that ran through every vain in your body. Down to your very core. Your soul. It wasn't something that you could just get over.

It was a wound even time could not heal. There would always be a scar; an unwanted reminder. And now, he had done that to everyone he cared about. He'd given them a scar that could never heal.

"What's up, Cath?" Warrick asked when he saw his co-worker sitting behind her desk looking worried.

"It's Sara."

"What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"No, no nothing happened. Well something did but nothing bad. But it is bad. Ugh." Catherine rolled her eyes and shook her head, giving up.

Warrick smiled sympathetically at her. "You're worried about her."

Catherine sighed. "I mean the girl has barely eaten anything. I don't think she's getting any sleep. She runs around this place like she on auto pilot. And when you talk to her it's like she's listening but it's like she's on some other planet. I tried taking her out last night for a beer but she wouldn't go. Greg's been checking up on her but when ever he goes over to her place she says she's tired and basically kicks him out after fifteen minutes of awkward silence."

"Yeah....I think everyone's noticed her behavior."

"So how do you fix it?"

Warrick shook his head and didn't say anything.

"I tried calling him the other day. He didn't answer."

"Figures...Has anyone tried talking to her about what happened?" Warrick asked.

"Well, I'd like to but I don't want to do it here because I'm afraid she'll break down. But I'm not sure what else to do cause she won't go out anywhere. She's either here or at home."

"She still at their place?"

"No, no. She went back to her apartment." Catherine said.

"I was gonna say. I'm sure it wouldn't be good for her to keep living there with all those reminders off him."

"Then she should get a new job."

Warrick looked at her questionably.

"Everywhere you look here there's some reminder of Griss. Hell I walk past his office everyday and I get pissed as hell every time! Think of what that does to her. To have a constant reminder of him staring her in the face everyday."

"Yeah. I'm sure just feeling what she feels is reminder enough."

"We gotta do something, Warrick. She can't keep living like this. It's been two weeks for goodness sake."

"Alright, I'll talk to Nick and Greg and have them meet us here after shift, kay?"

Catherine nodded. "I just hope there's something we can do."

Sara read over the case file in front of her but she couldn't focus. She got up and a cup of steaming coffee. Leaning back against the counter, she closed her eyes for a moment.

"You okay?"

She looked up to see a worried Greg watching her. "Just uh, got a bad headache is all."

"Sara...Your hands are shaking."

She glanced down, sure enough the liquid was splashing around in the cup. She set it down quickly. "Oh....Uh yeah, guess they are."

Greg's concern grew immensely. "Do you want to sit down?"

"No. I uh- I'm fine. Could you tell Cath that I need to take the rest of the night off?"

"Yeah, sure. But Sara, at least let me give you a ride home. You don't look so good."

"I'm fine. Really."

"Sara, you are not fine. You're pale, your hands are shaking...Truthfully, you look like crap." Greg said, hoping to get a smile or some snide remark.

But not even a flicker of annoyance crossed her face. "Greg, I just want to go-"

"Sara?" He said taking a step closer to her.

"I uh- I think I do need to sit down."

Greg rushed over and took her by the arm, leading her to the couch in the corner of the break room. "I'll get you some water."

Sara squeezed her eyes shut, hoping it would make the room stop spinning. Her head throbbed even more and she felt like she could get sick.

"Here you go." Greg said, placing a water bottle in her hand.

She took a few deep breathes and drank the water. Her head still hurt like hell but at least now she didn't feel like she was stuck on a Disneyland ride from hell.

Just then Catherine and Warrick came in. Seeing Sara, pale and shaky and a very concerned looking Greg sitting next to her, instantly had them worried.

"What's goin on?" Warrick asked.

Sara sighed, frustrated from all the unwanted attention. "I'm fine. I just have a bad headache is all."

"I think she almost passed out." Greg said softly, knowing Sara was none to happy.

"Sara!" Catherine said, her maternal instincts kicking in.

"You feeling better now?"

"Yeah, Warrick. Like I told Greg, I'm fine. A headache is all."

"Almost passing out is not fine Sara! It's the exact opposite of fine. When was the last time you ate?"

Sara felt bad enough already and she surely didn't need Catherine lecturing her on how to take of herself. She was a grown woman for goodness sakes and could handle her own. "I'm not some suspect you can interrogate, Catherine. You think I haven't noticed all of you watching me? Because I have. How you haven't sent me out solo on a case since all this happened? How you make sure that one of you is always with me at a scene?"

The three of them looked at her with guilt and sympathy in their eyes.

"You know I'm sorry I can't just get up and act like everything is fine. I'm sorry that I can't be happy for you. He broke my heart and he left. I need time. To be angry, to bad sad, to be whatever the hell I feel like. And with all of you watching my every move I can't do that. I hate coming into work everyday and getting looks from people with pity in their eyes.

How when I walk down the hall people turn away and whisper to each other. And then to get this crap from all of you? My family? The people I trust now don't even trust me to do my job? Then you wonder why I keep to myself so much. Gee, did you ever think it's because I've been humiliated in front of my peers enough? It's bad enough having a man cheat on you, but it's so much worse when everyone, everyone knows about it."

"Sara, we're just worried about you. We just want to make sure you're okay." Warrick said softly.

"And did any of you once think to ask me what I need? What would be best for me? Because right now what I need is to be left alone. I need to deal with this on my own terms and on my own time. Not with people watching my every move waiting for me to crack." Sara stood up to leave. Her head pounding even more but she ignored it.

"Sara, I-"

"Catherine. Don't...Just don't." With that Sara pushed past Warrick and left the three of them standing there, confused and unsure of where to go from there.