Hey everyone so sorry this has taken so long to update =/ idk life just hasn't been so great and I could get into the groove of writing for a while but good news! I got it back! I already have the next chapter written, just waiting for it to be ready over by my wonderful beta and best friend, Addy! And it should be up in a week or less, depending on how many reviews I get! *hint hint* lol Anyway again sorry for the wait! Enjoy

Chapter 18 "I Was Hoping You'd Say That" Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfeild

Breathing in deeply, she felt the cold air hit her lungs. Oh what had she just done? They were only trying to help. She knew that. She really did, but something inside of her was telling her to push away. To distance herself. Afraid that if she got too close to someone again that they would end up breaking her heart in the end and she knew that she could not take going through that again.

She looked behind her, glad to see that no one had followed her out. And yet there was a small part of her that wished someone would come. Sara shook her head, angry with herself. Sometimes she could be so double sided. She wanted them to care but when they did she pushed them away; angry at them with no right to be.

Her head still pounded insanely. It hurt to even think and of course right now, that's all she could do. Her mind flashed back to what she had said. 'And then to get this crap from all of you? My family? The people I trust now don't even trust me to do my job? Then you wonder why I keep to myself so much. Gee, did you ever think it's because I've been humiliated in front of my peers enough? It's bad enough having a man cheat on you, but it's so much worse when everyone, everyone knows about it.'

"God, what were you thinking, Sara?!" She muttered under her breathe.

She remembered the look on Greg's face. He'd looked so crushed, so hurt. And she had caused it. Her words had caused him pain. Sara looked around. The parking lot was full but deserted of people. At least no one was there to witness her breakdown.

The darkness of the night seemed to be pressing in around her. She didn't know what to do now. It's not like she could go back in, that would be unbelievably awkward. She looked at her watch, two hours before shift ended. But then again it wasn't like anyone would expect her to stick around. But she didn't really want to go home either.

"What are you doin' out here, Sara? Trying to freeze?"

Sara almost cried upon hearing his voice. Not because she was happy he was there, she was actually kind of frustrated that he was. But because it was the last straw. Hearing his calm, Texas drawl made her feel like everything was normal again. Like she could be happy.

"Shit." She muttered as a tear escaped down her cheek.

"Sara..." Nick said softly.

"Please, Nick. Just-"

He placed a hand on her back and that was all it took. She turned into him, burying her face in his shoulder. And for the first time, she let go. She let go of everything. She didn't care if he saw her cry; she didn't care if he saw how weak she could be.

"It's okay, Sara....It's alright."

"No it's not, Nick! Look at me!" Sara said pulling away slightly. "I am the complete opposite of 'alright'."

"Okay, okay. Bad choice of words. I'm sorry."

Sara pushed herself away from him. "You have nothing to be sorry for!"

Nick looked at her, confused. "Sara, can you please just talk to me."

She angrily wiped the remaining tears away. "And how the in the hell am I supposed to talk to you if I have no idea what to say?"

"Say what you're feeling then."

"Well, that will be a little hard cause I have no clue what I feel."

"Sara! Get a hold of yourself okay? You're just making this harder on your-"

"I'mmaking it hard? I am? Really? No! You know what, no. Grissom is! He did this. Not me. He's the one that had to go and royally screw everything up. He's the one that left. He's the one that slept with another woman. He's the one that is making it hard."

Nick just looked at her.

Sara was about ready to yell at him again for not saying anything, but then she stopped. She just stood there and looked right back at him. It was like she visibly deflated. "Shit...Nick, I didn't meant to-"

"Stop, okay? You needed to do that." He said smiling softly at her. "Now, talk to me."

"But Nick, I-"

"Sara. Look at me?"

She sighed and turned towards him.

"I don't care what you say, but just talk alright. In simple words, tell me how you feel. It doesn't need to be some elaborate description or anything, just whatever pops into your head. Alright?"

"Can we uh go some place else though? I just don't want to do it here. In case someone, you know." Sara said, motioning to the lab behind him.

"Sure, sure. You wanna go to your place or-"

"No. Not there."

Nick noticed her quick response but let it go. "Want to get a drink then?"

Sara was about to say no but decided against it. "You know what? That sounds perfect."

"You know you gotta talk sometime, right?" Nick asked as Sara took a sip of her beer.

The bar was crowed with happy and drunk tourists but they were seated far in the corner. Away from the blaring music and dancing. Sara turned and glared at him.

"Can I at least enjoy feeling semi-normal again?"

Nick smiled and shook his head. "Okay but we didn't come here for you to 'feel semi-normal' again, Sara. We came here to talk and that's what I'm gonna make you do. And you know that I won't let you get away without talkin either."

"Alright, alright." Sara ran her fingers through her hair, starting to get nervous. "So...What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say what you feel Sara! I don't want any bull crap about how you're 'fine'! I know better then that. So talk to me. Please."

"I...I feel like my heart has been ripped in two. I go to work and it's like I'm bombarded with memories of him. I go home and it's the same thing. As if the pain inside isn't reminder enough then everything else surely is.

I get so angry with myself for how I'm acting, you know? I blew up at Greg, Cath and Warrick today. I mean I yelled at them for caring. Come on, who does that? Then I think about it and what I said and I just wanna cause myself more pain or something, because I can't stand the fact that I hurt them. They are the only family I have and I-I really yelled at them for...for loving me.

I want to move on and to let go; be happy again. But it's like something is stopping me. And I think I know what that 'something' is but I don't want to believe it. I want so desperately not to actually. I'm just still trying to get my head around the fact that he's not here. Sometimes I wake up and wonder where he is, cause he's not right beside me.

Then it all comes flooding back to me and it feels like I'm suffocating in darkness. Like I'm in some hell that I can't break out of. I-I cry myself to sleep almost every night and then I'm lucky if I actually do sleep. Cause I dream about him. And that just makes the pain worse, because then I remember. I remember how good it was. How happy we were.

So I end up lying awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. Hoping some answer will come to me on how to fix this or-or just make it go away. And now I'm babbling like some drunken idiot and you're probably wishing you never asked me to talk."

Nick couldn't help but laugh out loud. "No, you're not babbling like a drunken idiot and I'm not wishing I hadn't asked you to talk. Now, I'm not gonna give you advice on how to fix things, or how I think you can make it easier. Cause with something like this time is your friend and you need some more of it before you can even start to think of healing."

"So you're not going to tell me what I should do or anything?"

"Nope. I'm not gonna say a word about it. And I won't tell anyone a thing you just told me. It's all between you, me and this bar full of badly dancing tourists."

Sara smiled, for the first time feeling like herself again.

"Now, I'm going to ask the beautiful woman sitting next to me to dance. So, would you do me the honor?" Nick said, standing up and taking her by the hand.

"I wouldn't dream of saying no."

"Well then, let's show 'em how it's done, shall we?" Sara laughed as he gently pulled her out of her chair.

"Do you believe in love, Nick?" Sara asked as the danced to a slower song.

"Yeah."

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

"What's with all the love questions here?" He asked, curious.

Sara smiled. "No reason. Now answer the question."

"I don't know. Depends I guess. If it's your 'true' love, then sure. The moment you lay eyes on 'em you can tell. But you can also love more then one person."

"What do you mean?"

Nick smiled down at her. "You know I love you. It wasn't 'love at first sight' but it grew once we got to know each other."

"Yeah...I guess I do kind of know what you mean."

"Do you believe in love?" Nick asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sara looked at him, a smile growing on her lips. "Not so much right now, but I'm willing to try and love again."

"Good. No one should ever give up on love."

"Never said I was giving up on it, now did I?"

He laughed. "I know you didn't. I was just stating a fact."

"So that's a fact now?"

"What is with you, Sar'?"

"I'm living in the moment. Saying the first thing that pops into my head, like you told me to do."

"You're right. I did tell you that didn't I?" Nick said.

"Mmhmm."

"Do you mind if I live in the moment with you then?"

"Not at all." Sara said, raising her eyes to meet his.

"I was hoping you'd say that."

They stopped moving to the music, or maybe the music stopped. Neither of them could tell. They gazed into each others eyes. A thousand words exchanged with one look.

"I'm living in the moment Sara." Nick whispered; just as he leaned down to kiss her.