So here it is! The chapter you've all been waiting for!! Haha well sort of. Anyway, this chapter is pretty much the whole reason I wrote this story. I heard this song (which I really recommend you listen too) and then got the idea for the story. I'm pretty happy with the way it turned out although I think it could have been a bit better. Oh well. I have an idea for the next chapter but I'm not sure when I'll have time to write it. Been super busy with school and getting ready for college so bare with me! I think that's it! More drama is to come! And don't worry, this story will have a happy GSR ending, so don't give up!! Enjoy

Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks!

Chapter 23 - "I Can't Do This" Congratulations by Blue October

"What in the hellare you doing here, Grissom." Nick said; his jaw clenched tightly.

But Grissom didn't hear him. In fact he didn't feel all the eyes that where glued to him at that very moment. The only thing he could see was Sara. Their eyes had locked and he couldn't yet bring himself to look away. Those eyes; the ones that had captivated his heart and soul in just a matter of days.

It made his heart burn with pain to see the sorrow and hurt that filled them now. He watched as the tears welled up, but Sara, being who she was, tried desperately not to let them fall.

"I'm here to talk to Sara." He said, suddenly coming back to reality.

"Yeah, well that's not going to happen." Nick said as he stood up, standing in front of Sara.

"Nick."

He turned around and faced Sara quickly, as if he had forgotten she was there. "Yeah?"

"If he wants to talk to me, then he can." Her voice was flat, hiding any and all emotion.

Nick looked at her in shock. "You're actually going to talk to him? Now?"

Sara could hear the strain in his voice, but it was what her heart was telling her to do. "Yes. I am."

"Sara, come on! You can't be serious."

"Nick, let's go. This is between Grissom and Sara. We need to let them figure it out. And that means if Sara wants to talk to him, she can." Catherine's voice seeming to bring everyone back into reality.

Nick sighed and stood there for a moment. As if waiting for Sara to say something, but she never did. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye; right now, she just couldn't.

"Fine." He said, quickly and somewhat angrily, brushing past Grissom.

"I'll leave you two to talk, though I might advise talking somewhere else. If you do it here, you'll have an audience." Catherine said, motioning to the many lab tech's who had stopped to watch what was happening when they saw Grissom arrive.

"Thanks, Cath." Sara said, not raising her head.

Catherine was about to say something but stopped herself and walked out, leaving the two of them alone.

"Do...Do you mind if I sit there?" Grissom asked softly, motioning to the seat next to her.

"Go ahead."

The two of them sat in an awkward silence for a while. Grissom kept opening his mouth to say something but then he'd just close it again. Sara couldn't take her eyes off the little black box that sat on the table in front her. When Nick had pulled it out of his pocket, at that same time, she'd seen Grissom in the door way. She knew what must be inside but she couldn't bring herself to believe it.

"Do you want to take a walk with me?" Grissom asked, surprising her a little.

"Grissom, you obviously came here to say something, so say it." Sara said.

"Right...Right. So, I guess congratulations are in order?" He said, motioning to the ring box.

"That's not what you came to talk about and you know it." Sara said angrily.

"I'm sorry. I know, I-" He stopped and sighed. "You've known me long enough that you know my mind works differently then most. I see things in a different light. I-"

"I get the point, Griss. Like you said, I've known you for a long time."

"Sorry." He cleared his throat. "You uh you seem happy. With-with Nick, I mean. Are you?"

"If you came here to check up on my life, then you've come a long way for nothing. Or a short way, I don't know. You left, Grissom. You cheated on me and then you left. And now you come back from God knows where and you're interrogating me on my relationship with Nick!"

As Sara spoke the pain and anger of what had happened between them came flooding back to her.

"Sara please! You have to understand that this is hard for me-"

"And you think it's easy for me?"

"No! Of course not. The words, they just don't come out the way I want them to, Sara. I'm trying to be open about this. But everything comes out and sounds like..."

"An interrogation?" Sara said quietly.

Grissom sat there for a moment before answering. "Yes....What I'm trying to say is-is that, I'm happy for you. If you and Nick are happy together, then I'm happy for you.

I know leaving wasn't the answer but it's given me time to think. I know I screwed up. I know what we had was perfect and once in a life time, and I let it fall to pieces. I get that it's my fault."

"You know we can't change this, right?"

"I know. I can never take it back. I can never take away the pain that I caused you. I can't turn back time...But what I can do, is change your mind. Or at least try too."

Sara looked at him; not sure what to say, if anything.

Grissom stood up and ran his hand through his hair. He thought this would have been easier. That he would just walk in and spill his heart out to her. But his chance to be open was now gone. It had been shattered the moment he saw Sara. The moment she became Mrs. Him.

Sara was his best friend. A person he could talk to about anything and not be ashamed or have a fear of being judged. She was his everything. But if she was happy with Nick, then he had to be happy for her. No matter how much it hurt him.

"Will you take a drive with me?"

She looked at him, shaking her head. "You came here with something to tell me and you know, I highly doubt that you've said it yet. And now you want me to hop in a car with you and drive off into the sunset? What the hell do you want from me, Grissom?"

"That's not what I was saying."

"Then say it!"

"I can't stand it, Sara!" Grissom's voice rose up in anger. "I can't stand what I did to you. To us. I let go of the best thing in my life. The one thing-the one perfect and amazing thing that I had and I let it disappear right before my eyes.

It was my choice. My fault. My mistake. I can't take it back, but God knows how much I want too. I made a huge mistake, Sara. I don't care how many times I have to say I'm sorry but I won't stop. I know to ask your forgiveness is-is just stupid. So I won't. But Sara, I am so, so sorry."

She didn't say anything. She just looked at him, as tears filled her eyes. How could she still have feelings for him? After everything that happened, she looked at the man standing in front of her, and she wanted him to hold her. To tell her that it would be okay.

But he had caused this mess. He had put her on this roller coaster of anguish. And no matter what her heart told her, she couldn't. She couldn't put herself into that relationship again.

"Please, just take a drive with me. Let's talk, but just not here."

"Just make it go away. Please." Sara muttered softly, letting the tears spill down her cheeks.

Grissom watched her. "If that's what you want, I'll go."

She looked up and angrily wiped the tears away. "Not you, Grissom. The pain. This mess. I just want it to go away. I don't want it anymore. I want to smile and mean it. I want to laugh a real laugh and not feel fake every time I say I'm okay. I want to live again. To feel the sun on my face and be happy for no reason. This isn't just something you can cover up.

But my heart, the pain, it won't let me do that. I want to forgive you. I do. But I can't. Not after what you did to me...You left me, Gil. You slept with another woman, and then you left me to deal with everything. I really do want to forgive you, but I just...I can't."

He didn't know what hurt him more, the fact that she couldn't forgive him. Or the fact that she wanted too. "I uh I want to give you something."

"I'm sorry, Gil. But I just can't do this. Not here, not now and maybe not ever. You know you're right. You can't take it back and you can't change it. And you can't change my mind either. I'm sorry, but you can't. I won't-"

"I want to give you my heart, Sara."

"What?" Sara said, her voice coming out as a whisper.

"My heart. If you want it, it's yours. I know it will take time for us to move on, if that's possible but I have all the time in the world. Because you are my world, Sara. And I don't care how lame that sounds, and I'd tell everybody if you wanted me too. The truth is without you in my life, I have no reason to live."

If she hadn't been sitting down already she was sure he knees would have given out from under her. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on breathing. There where to many emotions swirling around inside her; she couldn't tell truth from fiction anymore.

Grissom watched as she took the ring box off the table and held it in her hands for a moment. She stood up slowly and walked over to him. Reaching down, she took his hand in hers. Tears now running freely down her face.

"I'm sorry, Gil. I can't do this."

So what do ya think?