Stalking the halls of the hospital like a ghoul for the last week had been slowly taking its toll on Hunter. Dr Lee had been letting him spend more time in Shawn's room but it had been hard going at times, not knowing what to say or what to think in the long and lonely hours. They'd warned him that they were going to withdraw the sedatives and remove the breathing tube two days ago and it seemed to have gone well so far. He'd been started on oxygen instead and although Shawn was expected to come round with no problems he probably wouldn't be too lucid with the amount of painkillers they were going to have to give him.
Hunter's heart had fallen at the news, knowing how much Shawn hated taking any sort of drug that might be addictive or mind altering. Hell, he even hated taking aspirin for a toothache nowadays. This morning he sat quietly at the bedside, alone with his thoughts of what he would say to Shawn when he woke up, not knowing when would be the right time to ask about the photos.
Sure he could ask the minute Shawn's eyes were open but was he going to get an honest answer and was it fair to spring that on him the minute he was back in the room? He could wait for days, weeks maybe, while Shawn started to recover but what if it was true that he was having an affair, what then? Would he just be tolerated until such time as Shawn could engineer a break up or asked to have Chris at his bedside instead? There was no right or wrong answer but Hunter was desperate for some kind of clarity.
A lot of his time had been spent taking stock of what they had, figuring out where Shawn would even find the time to have an affair and trying to deal with his own doubts and demons. He'd chanced being seen publicly with Shawn before he'd left Adam so he could hardly complain too much if an affair truly was the context of the photos he'd seen. After Adam had agreed to go back to the tour yesterday Hunter realised that the whole thing struck too familiar a chord with him. It wasn't nice to be on the receiving end and although he was fairly sure Adam never knew just quite how much Shawn had been a factor in their breakup he still felt guilty about it.
Shawn hadn't known about Adam in the beginning. Nobody really knew about Adam and that was the way they both wanted it. They would sneak around after hours, the illicit nature of their union just added to the thrill. When Shawn made it clear he was interested Hunter had made excuse after excuse not to spend time with Adam but never revealed where he was going or who with, using their secretive arrangement to its full advantage. Things died in the bedroom as he'd felt like he was being unfaithful to Shawn. Looking back on it today it made more sense than it had back then. Hunter could see that he'd been busy falling in love, he just never realised it at the time.
He thought about the commitment ceremony Shawn talked about having and wished that they'd somehow found the time to go through with it. Hunter knew Shawn had been a little apprehensive about bringing the idea up and explained that he just wanted to show the world how much they meant to each other. It turned out that work got in the way of the timing and the planning. Hunter couldn't help but wonder now if they had gone through with it whether or not it would've stopped any of this. Would Shawn have gone running to Jericho for whatever his reasons if Hunter had showed more love, made more love; whatever it would've taken to make him happy enough to stay faithful.
His train of thought was interrupted by the door opening and Dr Lee walking towards the bed accompanied by another doctor and some of the staff nurses.
"Good morning Hunter, how's he been so far today?"
"No sign of movement yet Doc, I'm just sittin' here and hoping, same as I've done since we first came here."
The sadness in his voice was apparent and Dr Lee smiled at him kindly, appreciating just how rough the last few days had been.
"Well I've started a low dose of morphine for the pain but when he does come round if he looks like he's suffering then we'll adjust it till we get him comfortable, okay?"
Hunter nodded, grateful for having an understanding doctor who had had clearly got Shawn's very best interests at heart. As the room emptied again he gazed at Shawn's face, covered in a rough layer of blonde stubble, his blonde mane pulled into a ponytail that draped across a shoulder and fanned out across the white pillow. Hunter thought he looked just like an angel, his facial expression so peaceful now the breathing tube had been removed and replaced with a thin transparent oxygen feed. Over the hours Hunter had been religiously applying Vaseline to the sore lips, his heart aching every time as he wondered just where those lips had been. He scolded himself for thinking such things but no matter how hard he tried the images always resurfaced and his fingers felt like he'd been stroking hot coals.
In his usual reliable way Adam had run home for him earlier in the week and collected a few clean clothes and some other things he needed. When he'd dropped them off they'd stood outside Shawn's room and talked, still unable to find any answers or definite solutions that Hunter could make use of. The last thing Adam had said to him had rung in his ears ever since.
"What if he'd died, Hunter? And how are you gonna feel if he doesn't make it, would any of this matter then? He called for you when he was hurt. You were the one he asked for, wanted by his side. Whatever he's done, that's got to count for something."
Hunter knew that he'd felt nothing other than loved by Shawn in all their time together. The only thing that had ever made him doubt that for a second were those damned photos. If he lost Shawn his life would be empty as it revolved around the man who lit up every waking minute of his days and slept beside him every night. He knew Adam had a point, the kiss they'd shared at the arena as they waited for the ambulance was nothing but love; a pure and special love. Or at least that's how it'd felt. Every time he convinced himself that things were ok the photos felt like they were scratching at his skin through the fabric of his jeans.
Reaching to take Shawn's hand he fiddled with the identity tag that had been clipped around the slender wrist, realising how odd it was to see Shawn's real name written down. Between Hickenbottom and Levesque he realised that they'd done pretty well to be better nown by their ring-names, smirking at the thought of them having kids together and cursing them with a double barrelled name like that. He only called Shawn by his 'Sunday Name' when they were having an argument or if he was feigning deafness like he did every time he was asked to put the trash out or haul his ass faster if they had somewhere to be. Hunter laughed and put his head down onto their joined hands, enjoying the moment and forgetting everything other than where he was and who he was with.
Feeling something tickle against his skin Hunter brushed his hand against his forehead to move the stray hair away but he couldn't find anything to move. Settling his head back down and closing his eyes he felt it again, this time more like a small twitch of movement. He found himself concentrating on the fingers cradled within his own and as he waited anxiously the brush on his skin came again. Looking up towards Shawn's face he was greeted with the sight of two narrowly open slits and dry lips trying to crack the barest trace of a smile.
"Shawn...Shawnie, is...are you...hey, baby...."
The tears welled in Hunter's eyes as he dared to believe for a moment that his lover had woken up and was finally going to make it through. Standing, he moved towards the top of the bed, gently stroking the golden hair atop Shawn's head with his free hand while feeling a single finger rubbing slowly against the palm of his hand.
"It's me, its Hunt, can you hear me Shawnie?"
The desperation in his voice was thick and the thought that he might just be imagining it all tormented him, not daring to call the nurses in until he was sure that he wasn't seeing things. The heart rate monitor started to beep faster and he could see that Shawn was trying to open his mouth in an attempt to speak. Hunter shushed and moved his hand to stroke the side of Shawn's face, the glassy look that made his own eyes sparkle becoming dangerously close to spilling over into hot but happy tears. The relief was almost too much and he felt his hands start to shake, still not daring to believe what was happening.
Slowly he reached for the nurse buzzer, pressing it hard until the light flashed on and off, letting him know it had been registered at the nurse station. Within ten seconds one of the staff was knocking on the door and excusing herself into the room, a wide smile spreading across her face when she saw the one that Hunter had allow to develop on his lips. Nodding she ducked back out side and called for someone else to join her and for Dr Lee to be beeped. She and another kindly faced nurse came into the room and went straight over to the bedside, checking the monitors and flipping charts that contained the rest of the information about Shawn.
The stroking in his hand carried on and he mirrored it in his own deliberate manner until Dr Lee arrived and asked if he could give them a few minutes with Shawn just to check a few things over. Hunter leaned down and planted a kiss on Shawn's forehead and whispered to him.
"I love you Shawn, I'm not going far, just lettin' these folks look you over, ok?"
The pressure of the finger against his palm let him knew Shawn had heard him even if he couldn't be sure that what he'd said had been understood. Slipping his fingers away he turned and walked towards the door, the tears now rolling down and falling onto his shirt. At least Shawn was alive and awake. All he had to do now is figure out if he was still his.
A/N: Thanks for sticking with me, hope you enjoyed this chapter, all reads and reviews appreciated as always :)