Chapter Forty

Max held the door open for Amber as she walked up the path to his front door. She was still walking slowly but had insisted on leaving the hospital. In Canada they would have told you not to be stupid and lie the fuck back down if you weren't in any shape to leave the hospital. That was the joy of the American health care system. You could check yourself out if you threatened not to pay anyone. She had spent the night and most of the day laying there staring at the ceiling, feeling sorry for herself and she couldn't do it anymore. Max had offered to take her to his place and as much as she wanted to protest, she also knew she had no where else to go. She certainly couldn't go home – she could barely think about it without breaking down into a sobbing heap. The doctors said she couldn't go home to Montreal because she couldn't fly until she was a bit stronger. She couldn't go to the Lemieux's, even though they had offered, even argued that she should, it was just too much for her. Seeing the tents set up in the backyard and all the decorations that she knew Nathalie had set up would be too much for her – after all, today was supposed to be their engagement party

'Engagement party, that's a joke,' she thought to herself. She fought off the urge to cry again. All she really wanted to do was lie down and fall back to sleep. The doctor had given Max sleeping pills to administer, and instructed him not to leave her alone with the bottle, as no one trusted her current mental state.

"Prenez votre temps, ma chere," Max held out his hand to her, which she grabbed with her one un-broken arm. He led her into his place, which resembled the typical bachelor pad. Black leather couches and a large screen tv, hooked up to several gaming systems. Several pizza and other take out boxes were strewn on the floor, alongside Gatorade bottles and protein bar wrappers.

"I'll clean that up…" Max apologized, while kicking a path to the couch for her. "Just wait here and I'll go clean up the bedroom for you…"

Amber slumped into the soft folds of the couch and leaned her head back against the cushions. 'I could just die right here…' She thought to herself. 'It would be so much easier…' She knew her parents were getting off a flight from Montreal along with Max's parents right now and she didn't want to face them. She didn't want to hear the 'I told you so' from her mom or see the looks of pity from her dad. She was waiting for that from Max, but she knew he would have the decency to wait until she could fight back. She wasn't sure how much Nathalie had told them about her condition or if she had mentioned the pregnancy at all. Max knew somehow – she guessed that Sid had told him, or maybe Nathalie, knowing how close they once were.

"Okay, all ready…" Max returned to her side by the couch. "Come here…" he slipped his arms underneath her and in one fluid motion pulled her up off the couch and to his chest. She wrapped her arms around him and let him carry her to bed. He placed her down gently and then crouched over her, kissing her gently on the cheek and brushing the hair off her face.

"Avoir un bonne sommeil… Je vais vous avez reveiller quand vos parents arrivent," Max promised, pulling the blankets up over her shoulders.

"No, please stay. I don't want to be alone…" Amber held his hand and looked up at him, tears threatening to spill over yet again. Max nodded and then slipped off his shoes, climbing in behind her.

"Anything you need… I told you I would always be here for you…"

"He really left…"

"Shhhh… I am not going anywhere… Don't think about that, just close your eyes… don't think about that…" Max pressed his lips softly behind her ear.

It was too late, the tears had begun to fall. All Max could do now was hold her and comfort her and lie to her, telling her everything was going to be alright.

-.-

Sid sat in the stands at the arena. This was the only place he could think of to go. This was his haven. Everything usually seemed simpler when he was here. When he had arrived, the cleaning crew had just finished sweeping and were just packing up for the night. The night security guard walked past him every now and then but other then that he was completely alone.

It was better that way.

No one got hurt when he was alone.

Sid stared out across the ice. It would be melted down today for a concert that was taking place that night. Some of the guys had talked about going to the concert but Nathalie had put them in their place and reminded them that the party tonight was by no means an optional event.

It was hard to believe that today was supposed to be a happy day. That less then twenty four hours ago he was planning on telling his parents the good news about Amber and their baby. Now he had to tell them that there was no party and there was no baby and it was all his fault. He should have been there to protect her. He should have hired someone. The amount of hate mail that she got on a regular basis should have been an indication that something like this was going to happen but he refused to believe that a hockey fan would ever go to these lengths. He should have known better.

"Excuse me sir? Do you have a reason to be here?" Came a voice from behind him. Sid turned around to see the familiar face of the young day security officer. "Oh, sorry Mr. Crosby… didn't think I would be seeing you here… hey, sorry about what happened last night… I hope she will be alright, such a nice girl…"

Sid just turned around in his seat and faced the ice again. The line "…such a nice girl…" rang in his head. She was a nice girl. She didn't deserve this. She deserved so much better then him. He thought about all the things that she had been through since meeting him. Losing her job, alienating her parents, now this… Max was right all along. Sid lowered his head to his hands and hunched over in his seat. He wanted to disappear. He wanted none of this to have happened. He wanted to go back in time and erase meeting her… so she never got hurt and he didn't have to feel this way.

-.-

"I didn't realize you were such a coward…" Sid woke up with a startle. He sat upright and stretched out his back, looking up at the voice barking down at him.

"I am not a coward…" he stated simply.

"Really? Your fiancé was just brutally attacked, lost your baby and you what? Run away?" Mario asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"It's not like that…"

"What's it like then? You have a lot of explaining to do… I think you owe a lot of people a damn good explanation… Especially Amber… that poor girl…" Mario shook his head.

"I just had to get out of there… I had to leave… It's for the best…"

"For the best? The best for who? For you? So you don't have to deal with it, so you don't have to deal with real life?"

"This is NOT REAL LIFE! This is a FUCKING NIGHTMARE!" Sid screamed at the top of his lungs. "She wouldn't be there if it wasn't for ME! YOU DON'T THINK I KNOW THAT? She would be happy and healthy and have someone there who could take care of her and protect her…"

"Is that what you think? That YOU put her there? You didn't beat her within an inch of her life, Sid. You cannot blame yourself for this… You blame the guys who did this, you blame the security for not letting her in, you blame anyone you want… but you CANNOT blame yourself for this!"

"It's my fault…"

"No it isn't… running away and not manning up to take care of her is your fault… If you go back right now, and I mean RIGHT NOW, you can maybe save this… She is the best thing that has happened to you and she needs you right now…"

"I can't…"

"Fuck Sid! So what? You're going to let Max take care of her?"

Sid put his head down. "Maybe I should have all along… we wouldn't be here if I had… he was right… I don't know how to take care of anyone but myself… he knew I would fuck it up… he knew she was the one that was going to end up hurt in all of this but I was selfish and stubborn. And look where it got us? I should have known better… no one can have it all…"

"Like I said, you are a coward… And you are certainly not who I thought you were… The guy I knew would fight. The guy I knew would be there when he was needed. The guy I knew said he loved her, more then anything. He was willing to risk everything for her. You claim to love her? Then you need to be there for her… You need to do what's right. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be a man. The self pity angle is making me nauseous… "

Mario began storming away then turned back. "When you are done licking yourself, she checked herself out of the hospital and went to Max's. You should get your ass over there."

-.-

Sid stood outside the door to Max's house. He was sweating a cold sweat like he was about to throw up. He had raised his hand to knock on Max's door countless times but had yet to get up the nerve to swing. The TV was on inside, he could hear it through the door but he couldn't hear what they were watching, just voices. His heart ached as he imagined Max lying on the couch with his arms around her. That's probably what they would be doing right now had Sid and Amber never met. Sid remembered back to when Max had first introduced Amber to the group, he had called her his 'future wife' and then gushed about how she was going to be his. Sid should have walked away then and he felt another wave saying he should walk away now, but Mario was right. He had to know if she was alright. He had to apologize to her for everything.

Sid swallowed hard and raised his hand and knocked on the door.

After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened. Max stood in the doorway and glared at him.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed.

"I just came to see if Amber is alright…" Sid offered slowly.

"If she's alright? Are you fucking kidding me? Of course she's not alright…"

"Listen, I know you're pissed but this is something between me and her… I just need to see her," Sid pleaded, stepping closer to the door.

"Qui est a la porte, Max?" Sid heard from the background.

"How about this? If you can get past them… you can see her…" Max laughed menacingly, opening the door all the way. Amber and Max's parents were standing in the living room, staring over at them. "Still think you want to come in, mon amie?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Amber's father immediately jumped off the couch. "I knew nothing good could come of your relationship with her… You are a piece of shit… The woman you claim to love goes through that and you leave her alone in the hospital…"

"She wasn't alone," Amber's mom, Gabrielle, chimed in. "Max was there… he has always been there."

Sid stepped into the room. "I know what I did was wrong, and I am sorry. I just want to see her for a minute."

"Non, pas moyen de l'enfer!" Gabrielle screamed at him "Stay away from my daughter!"

Amber's dad grabbed him by the collar and began shoving him towards the front doors.

"Dad! Please stop," Amber begged as she appeared around the corner. Sid could feel her dad's grip loosen.

"Non, princess… this man has caused you nothing but pain..." Claude pleaded with his daughter, who was using the wall to hold herself up. Sid felt the sting in his eyes again, as he saw her. She had never looked so pale and weak before.

"Dad, laisser aller de lui, s'il vous plait," Amber said quietly.

Claude all but threw Sid as he released him.

"I need to talk to you…" Sid walked slowly up to Amber.

"So talk…" Amber stated simply.

Sid looked around the room at all the angry faces. This was not the audience he wanted. "Alone… I won't stay long."

Amber stared at him for a minute then looked over at Max, who was clearly less then thrilled with the idea. She then turned around and headed back down the hall to Max's bedroom. Sid assumed this meant that he should follow but to get to the hallway, he had to slowly weave his way past an angry mob of people.

"So talk…"

"How are you?" Sid asked softly.

"How am I? How AM I? Are you fucking kidding me? How do you think I am?"

Sid stood in front of her shaking.

"I just mean…"

"I don't give a FUCK what you mean… You are a piece of shit, you know that? A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!"

"I know…" Sid could feel the tightness building in his chest. He had never seen her this upset, or anybody this upset for that matter. "I… I… I am so sorry…" he took a step towards her, extending his hand. He just wanted to hold her, to tell her things would be alright.

*whack*

The sound echoed through the room, as her one good hand hit the side of his face. Sid's face burned instantly.

"Hit me again…" Sid begged. "Hit me. Hit me until you are too tired to hit me anymore. I deserve it. HIT ME!"

Amber wound up and slapped him again, this time backhanded across the other cheek.

"You left me! You ran away! I needed you and you LEFT!" She hit him again.

"I AM SORRY… tell me what I need to do… TELL ME!"

Amber collapsed to the floor sobbing. Sid rushed to her side and pulled her too him. She struggled to get away from him but didn't have the strength. He held her close to his chest and rocked her.

"I was scared and I didn't know what to do or say or… I should have been there for you, I should have protected you better… this is all my fault and I need you to know how sorry I am… its never going to happen again…" He pulled her face away from his chest with his hand. "Max can take better care of you then I ever could… you should stay here with him. He loves you too… your family will be happy…"

"W-W-What?" Amber stuttered.

"I have to go… I just came to tell you that… this is for the best," Sid explained. He pushed her away from him and helped her lean against the side of the bed. "I understand if you hate me because… because… I hate me."

Sid climbed to his feet and reached for the door knob. He debated looking behind him but knew that if he did, he wouldn't be able to walk away like he needed to. He opened the door and stepped into the hallway, trying desperately to tune out the frantic sobbing he heard behind him. When he made it to the living room, everyone jumped to their feet and stared at him.

"She needs you…" Sid locked eyes with Max as he nodded his understanding, quickly making his way down the hallway and without another word, Sid left.