Chapter Forty Two

Sid stood on his dock and cast his fishing line into the lake. He heard the plunk, as the lure hit the surface of the water. It was quiet here. There were no other noises. Just him and his thoughts. Just him and his misery. He reeled in his line and cast off again, waiting for the plunk yet again.

"Do you ever catch anything?"

Sid turned around and watched Max walk down the stairs of the dock towards him. He shook his head in disbelief. He looked further up the hill, where he could see his mother standing, her arm protectively around Amber. His heart skipped a beat as a familiar pain returned.

"What are you doing here? I thought I was clear…" Sid hissed, swallowing hard and turning his attention back to Max. Looking at her was like being stabbed in the chest – it was too much for him to handle.

"It was pretty damn clear that you're an idiot," Max suggested with a shrug.

"Get her out of here!" Sid demanded.

"Why? I thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with her? I thought you said she was all you ever wanted?"

"Things are different now…"

"So that 'forever' and i'll do anything for her, was what? You were just trying to get in her pants? That was all just bullshit? Is that what you are telling me?" Max asked, his patience was running out with Sidney Crosby and his bullshit.

"You don't fucking get it! I can't give her what she needs, what she deserves… You were right all along!" Sid threw his fishing pole to the dock. "What the fuck do you care anyway? She's yours! That's what you wanted right? You win… Shouldn't you be out celebrating?"

"I wish I were… I thought that's what I wanted, I even tried to convince myself that this was the way it was supposed to be… but it's not and it matters more to me that she is happy… and she isn't happy with me…" Max explained sadly. "So you had a little adversity? So what? You need to deal with it and move on… Right mon captain? Isn't that what you're always saying?"

"A little adversity? That's what you're calling it?" Sid laughed and shook his head in disbelief. "She almost fucking DIED! I would hardly compare that to losing a fucking hockey game!"

"Okay, I'll give you that it was a bad choice of words… but you know what I mean! You can't dwell on this… its never going to happen again…"

"How do you know that? What if it does happen again and what if… what if… I can't put her through that again…" Sid said slowly. "I love her too much…"

"So instead of dealing with it... your plan is to be alone for the rest of your life?"

Sid looked back up the hill to where Amber was standing, still watching what him and Max were doing. As soon as she saw him looking at her, she turned her back to him. "It's better this way…"

"No man, you two belong together…" Max shook his head in disapproval. "For some stupid reason, she still loves you… Even after the shit you pulled! Consider this your last chance… a chance to make things right…"

"I can't… I don't know how to make things right…" Sid stared out over the lake. He could feel the burning sensation of tears creeping up and did everything in his power to choke them back.

"Well, I'm going to head up there," Max pointed towards the house. "So you have however long it takes me to get up there and convince her to come down, to figure it out. You need to do the right thing. You know you are nothing without her…"

"I know…" Sid admitted sadly.

"I am sorry that everything turned out like this… you have no idea," Max added, then turned around and headed up the dock.

Sid watched as Max made his way up towards the house. Sid imagined Amber's reaction while Max explained things, trying to convince her to forgive him. Sid's chest was tight as he imagined the hours and hours she would have spent crying without him – because of him. He wanted to run up the hill and wrap his arms around her, kiss away every tear and re assure her that nothing was ever going to go wrong again – but he didn't even believe that himself. How was he going to face her? All that he knew for sure was that Max was right – he needed her. The time without her was killing him and he was willing to do anything.

-.-

Amber tried not to watch as Max and Sid talked on the dock – but she couldn't help but glance down from time to time. She could tell by his body language that Sid was less then happy to see them. She forced herself to look away again, after Sid threw his fishing pole to the dock. She had imagined coming here under such better circumstances. It really was beautiful – calm and serene – far from what she was feeling. It would have been nice coming here for their honeymoon, get away from it all, just be together.

"Come dear… why don't we go into the house and I'll fix you some tea? Let Max finish talking some sense into him," Trina suggested, guiding Amber by the shoulders towards the house. Amber just nodded and went with her.

Sid's mom had picked them up at the airport, upon Max's request, and driven them directly out to the cabin. At the airport, Trina had instantly embraced Amber and began sobbing. It was all Amber could do to contain herself right there in front of everyone, the familiar glances and pointing fingers by people who recognized her. She constantly looked over her shoulder for the familiar clicking of the TMZ cameras; the last thing she wanted was to give them the satisfaction of seeing her crying. Max had to peel Trina off Amber and pull her off to the side to get her to recompose herself. She had been trying to put on a strong face ever since but every now and then, Amber caught Trina wiping away a little tear - as if Amber needed more crying around her.

Amber walked into the kitchen of the cabin that was going to be her summer home and paused. Being here, in this kitchen, seemed surreal. It was odd to her that three months ago this is exactly where she thought she would be this time of year, yet three weeks ago it was the last place.

"Have a seat and I'll put the water on," Trina instructed her. Amber climbed up into a bar stool, along the island of the kitchen and watched Trina go to work, as if it was her own kitchen. 'This is supposed to be my kitchen…' She thought to herself, looking around. 'I would paint…'

"Sid did a lot of work here, making just right for himself… we had the Cup party outback there… over a hundred people," Trina made small talk while fussing about in the kitchen. "Great Big Sea set up just over there," She added, pointing to an area out the back window. "It was quite an evening…"

Amber heard a door click and quickly turned towards the door as Max walked in - alone. Trina passed Amber her cup of tea and walked over to where Max stood by the door, rubbing his face.

"So? What did he say?" Trina whispered to Max, thinking that she was far enough away from Amber that she couldn't hear. Amber had heard enough whispering behind her back in the last couple of weeks that nothing seemed to faze her.

"Kinda what I figured he would, it's his decision now… How is she doing?" Max whispered back.

"Good… really good actually… I still can't believe all of this… I mean, they were so happy…" Trina looked over to where Amber was sitting and smiled a sad smile. Amber gave the obligatory smile back then turned back to her tea.

"Hey," Max approached and put his hands on her shoulders. "I told him that I would try and convince you to head down there… think you can?"

"I don't know… he didn't exactly look happy to see me…"

"He screwed up and he knows it. He wants to make things right, but you know how he is. He's a stubborn ass but really thought he was doing the right thing," Max explained.

"Well he didn't! HE DIDN'T DO THE RIGHT THING! I can't be here! I can't do this!" Amber turned to Trina. "I'm sorry… I can't do this… I need to leave…"

"Please don't…" Amber turned towards the new voice in the room and saw Sid standing in the doorway. "Don't leave." He repeated quietly as he took another step in to the room.

"Max did I show you that new thing we got? Maybe I should… it's just in the other room…" Trina asked Max, who quickly took interest in whatever it was that Trina was talking about, leaving Sid and Amber alone in the kitchen.

"How are you?" Sid asked innocently. "No… don't answer that… that's a stupid question…"

"I'm fine," Amber snapped sharply.

"I heard you went to the Caribbean? You look tanned…" Sid asked.

"Yup," Amber nodded. Short quick answers were all that she could muster.

Sid stood and stared at the floor.

"Well if you're finished with the small talk, I am going to go… coming here was clearly a mistake… I told Max it was a stupid idea…"

"No, it wasn't…. and please don't go. I'm sorry this is awkward, I just don't know what to say…

"I don't know what you can say… what you did was –"

"Horrible. I know. I think about it every minute of every day. I panicked. Seeing you in that hospital bed was... was a pain I have never felt before. It tore a hole in me…"

"In you? I literally had holes in me! How do you think I felt? Do you have any idea what I have been through? Do you know what I have had to listen to? From my parents, from Max's, from pretty much every person in Montreal? Nevermind the shit i heard in Pittsburgh!"

"I can imagine… they were probably saying everything I was saying in my head…"

"Everywhere I went, I was that girl… I couldn't go anywhere or do anything…"

"I'M SORRY! I'm so sorry…" Sid couldn't hold back the tears that he had been fighting since he had seen her standing on the dock. He hated crying and he hated the number of times he had spilt tears since the accident. But he couldn't help it, he had no control. "That's why I left… I thought it would be easier for you…"

"Well it certainly wasn't! I needed you! I loved you!" Amber sobbed, the tears flowing freely.

"I know… I'm sorry… I don't know how many times I can say I'm sorry, I don't know what you want me to do… but I'll do anything! Anything! I can't go back and erase it, God knows I would! I need you… I can't live without you… I know that now! Please… tell me what to do!"

"I shouldn't have to tell you what to do! You fucked this up! You fix it!"

"I want to but I don't know how!" Sid wiped his face on his sleeve. "FUCK!" He slammed his fist into the wall behind him.

"I just need to think… I just… I need to get out of here," Sid grabbed his keys off of the counter. "Stay here! Please! I will be back… I just need to think, I just need some time…"

"You're leaving?" Amber gasped. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I just need to get out of here… I can't think…" Sid ran his hands through his hair, ready to pull it out. "Come with me?"

Amber just stood in front of his, starring. Sid grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the front door.

"No Sid!" she pulled her hand back.

"Come on… let's just get out of here… I need to leave but I don't want to leave you… please, just come with me!" Sid reached for both her hands, pulling them up to his chest. He couldn't contain the level of desperation in his voice.

Amber stared at him, unsure of what to do. "Where are we going?"

"I dunno… anywhere…" Sid shook his head. "Do you want a coffee?"

-.-

Sid and Amber sat silently in the uncomfortable metal chairs at Sid's nearest Tim Horton's. No one bothered him here, just the odd tourist but no one today. He just sat and held a coffee in his hands, watched her take slow sips from hers. As she put her cup down on the table, she let her hand rest, falling to the flat surface and Sid reached over and placed his hand over hers. She attempted to pull her hand away but Sid squeezed, not letting her pull away. She stared down at her hand then lowered her head. After a moment of struggling, Sid released her hand, understanding that if he couldn't force her to want to be with him. Instead he lifted his hand off hers and laid it, palm up beside hers. He watched as she looked over at his hand, debating what to do. He watched as her fingers twitched, then slowly crept over to touch his fingers. He curled his fingers up, as she allowed him to tangle his fingers with hers. It seemed like such a silly little thing, holding hands, her placing her hand in his but to him – it was everything.

Amber looked up at him and he stared into her eyes, having clarity for the first time.

"Can you forgive me?" Sid asked quietly.

"I dunno… I want to... but I dunno if I can..." Amber admitted. "It will take time..."

"I have time..." Sid offered. "As much as you need."

They returned to sitting in silence, neither one of them able to say anything and neither one of them knowing what to say.

"Do you still love me?" Sid finally broke the silence but braced himself for an answer he didn't know if he could handle. If she said no… he was pretty sure he would die on the spot. If she said yes, then everything would be alright. They could work through it – they could work through anything.

Amber just sat in front of him, starring into his eyes. He wondered if she could tell that he was holding his breath. He also wondered if she would answer before he passed out.

"Yes."

Sid got up from his chair across the table from her and took the step in closer to her, pulling her up to him and planting his lips to hers. He was afraid that she was going to push him away but instead she wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him. "I love you so much…" He whispered to her as he pulled away, reaching up to brush away a stray hair that had fallen across her forehead.

"I love you too…" Amber admitted, another tear sliding down her cheek. This time Sid brushed it away with his thumb.

"No more tears, okay?" He leaned in and kissed the corner of her eye. "So where do we go from here?"

"I dunno… what do you want?" Amber asked him

"You… that's all I want… that's all I have ever wanted." Sid pulled her back to his lips, where she belonged. He had her back in his arms and he knew the rest would take care of itself.