-I hope this story won't confuse any of you awesome peoples! Thanks to all those who faved, subbed and reviewed!
Disclaimer:I do not own FFIX. If I did, Kuja would have made it out of the Iifa Tree...like some cliffhanger.
"Let's see, where are you gonna sleep...?" I said, looking from side to side while carrying a bunch of extra sheets and pillows. He had limited choices, I mean, who was going to let Kuja sleep with him? Blank wouldn't, nor would Marcus, Cinna, Baku, Ruby, the Nero Brothers, and pretty much everyone else here. He only has my room and the deck. I honestly didn't want him in my room, either. It was my room, plus it was small. Neither could I just leave him out, can I? I mentally sighed.
"Maybe you should just stay here. With me" I smiled. Kuja blinked a few times and took half a step backwards.
"...I can only choose between your room and...?"
"The deck."
He nodded, sighing softly. "At least..." he muttered, looking outside the big window I had beside my bed. It was big. I mean it. Really, really big. It took up most of the wall in my somewhat small room. It was an inch or two bigger than I was, like, seriously. I never knew why it was so big.
"Why is your window so big?"
"You took the words right outta my mouth." I replied, staring out the window. "But the view is certainly pretty. Whenever I wake up, I'm always facing the window." I turned to him, smiling a little. "I never figured out why I always woke up like that. The view cheers me up. Now that there's no Mist, it—" Oops.
"...it?" Kuja asked. I smiled a little. I'm guessing he knew why I hesitate when I talk about the Mist and stuff like that.
"It looks better. The view, I mean." I walked to the window, standing near my bed. "The sky's so much clearer."
"I didn't know you liked looking up at the sky. I thought you were one who didn't even mind those things..." He walked up, standing next to me but not too close. "You said you were the type that all the women in Lindblum knew..."
"I have a whole other side you know nothing of. Not even Dagger's seen that side yet. I think." I admitted softly. "So far, my Tantalus brothers and sister seen me in my worst and in my best. Sometimes, when I show them that whole other side, they go under the theory I have an alter ego." I laughed.
"What's that whole other side I know nothing of?"
"The Dreamer..." I smiled softly, if you can call it that. "I just love moving around, going places, seeing people. I want to see everything, go around the world..." Being so carried away in your own thoughts give such a blissful feeling sometimes. You just can't stop your train of thoughts.
"Maybe that's why I love Tantalus so much, because I can go around the Mist Continent. But...when I grow up," I said, feeling extremely childish. "I'm gonna stop being with Tantalus and go everywhere, go to the Lost Continent, the Outer Continent, that other continent I forgot...I just..." I sighed.
"I just don't know how I'm gonna do that if I marry Dagger."
I set up the bed for Kuja while he fell asleep on mine. Was he really that tired, or was he really the type to run out of energy fast? He was curled up, back facing me. The moon hadn't come up yet, so it was early. I'd say somewhere late in the afternoon.
I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. It was abnormally hot these days, maybe because it was summer. Around these times, I'd stay here and lie down in bed, wondering over a few things or reading a book, on occasions, memorize a part in a script of a play we hadn't performed yet. We performed 'I Want to be Your Canary' so many times, I memorized all the lines. Or at least most. I was just a supporting character when I performed it for Dagger. When I fell in love with her, I thanked the gods the lead was given to Marcus and I was given the job of kidnapping her. I told her that once, when we both happened to be looking up at the sky in Madain Sari, resting there before we went to Terra.
"The view is so much better here than back in Alexandria..." Dagger smiled, staring up at the sky like I did when no one was around. "I'd love to have a view like this in Alexandria. Doctor Tot told me that the sky at night's true appearance, like the small stars, are obscured by the lights of Alexandria. Ever since he told me that, I always wanted to see the night sky's true appearance. It's truly beautiful, isn't it?" She paused, laughing slightly."Oh, what am I saying? I know that you don't really look at the sky as importantly as others do."
"Who said that?" I rested my arms on the...fence? "I look at the sky as importantly as others do. I see it every time I wake up, especially back in Tantalus, when we ride the Prima Vista. Whenever I wake up, I wake up to the sky. I have a big, big window you see, the sky's the first thing I see when I open my eyes. It always is. That's why I love it so much, that's why I have dreams of...of venturing around the world, like Ipsen. I want to do all sorts of things—the sky's the limit...! It makes...it makes me feel free. And that's how I always want it to be..." I said, smiling to myself.
"Oh..."
I turned around to face her. She looked sad. I didn't understand, but realizing what I just said, I went closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder. She flinched a little and looked back up at me, eyes like they were about to cry. She always was pretty sensitive.
"Dagger..."
"Don't bother, I'm not the one for you. You and I both know we love each other, but...you deserve to be free, like a bird. Like an eagle that can't be caught. I...I'm just a princess who needs to become queen one day; I must be confined within the walls of the castle, and maybe go around the Mist Continent in an airship...but that's as far as I can go. Zidane," She whispered, holding my hand, "you need to be free. You can't just be blocked by walls. Your limit is the sky, my limit is Alexandria."
"Dagger..." I was speechless. It only hit me like, after five seconds she said everything. What am I doing?! She's giving up on her love—our love. I shook my head and held both her hands. "No, Dagger. You can't tell yourself that. We'll find a way to be happy together, even if it means sacrificing what I want...that's only just one thing I want. I want you, Dagger. I love you. I wouldn't want it any other way!"
"Zidane..."
"When I look back, I'm happy I'm the one who was set to capture you. I wouldn't have met you like this if I was Marcus when we performed that play. I'm happy everything's like this. That we're together, under the moon in Madain Sari. I'm glad. If I'm trapped in a cage, I'm happy just as long as it means I'm trapped with you." I said, as happily as I could. I wanted her to smile again, even though she was always so serious. It was a reward to see her smile.
"...really, Zidane?"
"Really." And I kissed her forehead. I thought it be a bit to early to go down to the lips. She gave a small pout.
"You treat me like a child sometimes."
"Only because you look cute being treated as a child." I grinned, patting her head. She gave a furious look, but didn't keep it up for very long and laughed, looking back up at the sky.
"Thank you."
"Zidane?" I snapped from my thoughts, turning around to see Kuja rubbing his eyes. I sheepishly grinned and removed the tie keeping my hair in a high ponytail. I got up and walked over to Kuja, tying my hair the way it always is tied.
"Yes, Kuja?"
"What are you doing...?"
"I was fixing your bed." I said simply, looking back at the other bed nicely set up. "Or, it could be mine since you just slept there. You probably don't want to get off."
He shook his head a little. "Not really, I find it comfortable here." He pat the bed a little. "It's nice to sleep here, beside the window. I'd like it here, I can always wake up to the sky if I wish...I can stare at it all day." He grinned, giving a sidewards look at me. He knew I loved the sky, since I told him. I knew I had to be nice to him, but...god, I don't want to give him that bed.
"Nah, you can have it." He said, waving his hand, standing and plopping back down on the bed next to mine. He let his tail out for a while and looked down. He started getting lost in thought. I plopped down on my own bed and rested my elbows on my thighs, bending to look at his face.
"What's wrong this time?" I asked, meaning it as a joke. He sighed softly.
"I don't know how to change."
"You're already changing!" I said, jumping up. "You aren't talking all formal, you aren't plotting, you aren't killing. You're just on the bed, next to me on an airship that's heading back to Lindblum. Or Alexandria. Whichever they plan on going."
He looked away, not accepting that fact.
"Not believing? Come on."
"Is there really something I can do to heal the damage?"
"You can't heal the damage, at this point. Or maybe you can, but it would be a major pain." I sat back down, going to my previous position. "Listen, there's really no point in healing the damage. About all you an do now is apologize and try to make up. Or change. You're already doing great on the latter option." I grinned, giving him a thumbs up.
"What happened to the Black Mages, Zidane?"
"There are some that just died, I guess. There are some that gained consciousness and built a village away from humans so they can't be abused, being used for war and—" I cut myself off. "Sorry."
"No, no. One has to accept his mistakes if he is to move on..."
"...hmm...well....that's pretty much it."
"What about the one traveling with you...?"
"...I don't want to think about it. He said he only had a year or so to live, right before we entered Memoria. We were on the Invincible that time, and Vivi admitted he was scared." I looked at the night sky. Wow, night already.
"Oh..."
"I'll ask the Boss if we can go to the village." I said, smiling.
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"...alright."
"Thank you Boss...!"
"When you do that face, I can't help it."
"Kuja. We're—" I looked at the empty room, clueless. Where did he go? I looked around, seeing my holster on my bed. Wait, why is it on my bed? I took a closer look, and my dagger was missing. Oh god, where's my dagger?
"K-Kuja?" I leaped back down, my head turning right and left. Not there, where was he?
I started walking, looking for Kuja. I have to say, the Prima Vista was pretty big. Maybe not as big as Queen Brahne's ship...the Red Rose, was it? It may not be as big as the Invincible, but it was pretty big. Big and spacious. I swear, I got lost once when I was young.
I found my feet walking on its own, turning left and right until I reached the deck. The night was not that windy, it was just chilly like all nights are. I let out a small shiver, and walked further out. I saw Kuja, staring at the pale moonlight. I didn't know what to think, I guess I was just dumbfounded, to see Kuja like this. With short hair. Wow.
I was just confused.
"Zidane?"
"Kuja...your hair..."
"Mm..." He turned around, letting the strands of hair fly into the sky. "I know. I cut it on purpose. I was getting tired of it, anyways." He smiled a little.
"...why...?"
"Why did Garnet?"
"She...wanted to change." I replied, looking down. I kept walking forward until I was next to him, to watch the sky like I always did. "She told me she shouldn't just look and act like a queen. She should take it as a life-long duty. You know what I mean?"
He nodded, holding the dagger with both of his hands. Kuja handed the dagger back with a sidewards smile. "Here."
"Mm." I blinked a few times, staring at the dagger. He reminded me of Garnet, the only problem was it was night. And we weren't in Alexandria. Kuja really did look like her, he had that determined face, and those eyes. They seemed different than before. I was lost. Oh hell was I lost.
"Zidane, I haven't been much of a good brother." He lightly touched the tip of his hair, looking at it. "I don't know if this makes me look more like a guy, but, Zidane. I failed as your older brother, so I ask that you give me a chance to try again, please?"
I gave a bright smile. "I don't know how many times I'm supposed to tell you I already am giving you a chance."
"Zidane?"
"Mm...yes, Ruby?" I asked sleepily, rubbing my eyes and trying to get up but failing, plopping back down on the bed.
"Yer brother, Kuja. He's demandin' you to wake up!" I heard a laugh.
"Tell Kuja I'm still sleep—wait, what?"
"Kuja, he's cookin' somethin' fer all of us. You better get down there!" She giggled, jumping down.
I sat upright. Is everything normal? I don't ever, ever remember Kuja being able to cook. Then again, he did have to eat. He never exactly had anyone serve him like that, even if he had a whole palace, right? I haven't seen any maids or butlers in there.
I got dressed, fixing my collar and washing my face. I looked at myself, like really stared at myself, and I began wondering, as I tried to read what I was feeling through my eyes. They were as blue and bright as ever, but as happy as I thought I felt...
They looked tired and sad.
I sat down quietly at the table, watching Marcus actually chow down on everything set on his plate. He hungrily ate all the eggs and sausages, he drank all the water and let a satisfied sigh. Ruby was somewhat glaring at Marcus while trying to eat as elegantly as possible, trying to resist going crazy from what looked like good food. Cinna was just calm and drank his coffee and ate his toast. Baku was happily chowing down like Marcus did, and Blank was definitely happy with the food. He elbowed me.
"You got some brother there, Zidane"
"He's something, alright." I said, smiling a little.
I watched Kuja cook from behind, he seemed to be humming something I couldn't hear well, while tossing pancakes to the air. The fire from the stove cackled and I heard the familiar hiss of the pancake's uncooked side hit the buttered pan. It gave off a scrumptious smell. Peripheral vision allowed me to see Baku sprinkle maple syrup all over his mountain of pancakes while Marcus stared hungrily at it. He began stacking his own set of pancakes and grabbed the maple syrup from Boss, like he forgot Boss was...well, Boss. Ruby just watched quietly while Cinna stood up to make his coffee again. The Nero brothers finally came into scene and widened heir eyes at Kuja.
"What the hell...?" Zenero scratched his head while Benero took a seat and stared at the food. He motioned Zenero to do the same. Next thing, we had twins on the table, staring hungrily and yet, hesitantly at the food. I forked a sausage and bit it, staring at them, about to laugh.
"Guys, relax. It's not poisoned or anything." I finished the sausage, grabbing a pancake and setting it on the table, waiting for Marcus to stop sprinkling syrup all over his mountain of pancakes. I never exactly understood why he could eat so much. Unlike me, I had such a small stomach, I couldn't even finish a plateful of noodles. I had a bit of a sweet tooth, though, so when it came to sugar coated candies that are bite-sized and chocolate coated strawberries, I would eat a lot.
I cut off a piece of egg white and placed it in my mouth, chewing it. Marcus was still sprinkling maple syrup, Baku was quite quiet in terms of words but noisy in chewing noises, greedily stuffing pancake after pancake saturated in sweet maple syrup. I knew I was going to be a victim of the pancakes.
This was like the only time I payed attention to every excruciating detail that made me feel queasy. You weren't supposed to saturate the pancake in maple syrup. It's just...wrong. I shuddered watching Marcus stuff down everything while drizzling coffee in his mouth. I tried looking away and paying more attention to my food, but...the sounds they made...! Ugh. I feel kind of sick. I haven't seen them eat like this. Ever. I could even see the—
I'm not even gonna think about it.
I forced myself to stop staring at Baku and Marcus because I was eventually going to lose my appetite. I forked a pancake from the main plate and dropped it on mine, grabbed the syrup from Marcus' side of the table and sprinkled my pancake lightly. When I finished, I set it back for Marcus to use—again, and grabbed a knife to cut my pancake, and hopefully, without having to lose another bit of my appetite watching either of the two pancake-pigs stuff down more food.
I was eating in peace, nothing on my mind. Kuja set down a glass of water for me, and I looked up to thank him but he went back to cooking too fast. He began making more pancakes for the hogs, melting butter on the pan.
He had a sad smile, though. It bothered me for the rest of the day just because I was too much of a wimp to ask why.