-I will tell you all now. This could take a long time, but it won't exceed 10 chapters. At least I hope it won't. I fixed the problem, too!

Itachi-Sasuke reference...-.-' BTW, I don't know how you say Yes in a mocking tone, I just wrote it. Yeah, I'm fail. Please inform me if you spot a typo! Thanks in advance!

Disclaimer: I do not own FFIX, if I did, I would have made it longer somehow and made Kuja wear pants...but the thong really fits, huh?

"Zidane," Kuja called me early in the morning. My eyes fluttered open, I was facing the window as always. I groaned, the sun wasn't even up but the sky lit up a relaxing hue of blue, that kept me from being so grumpy. "Zidane..." Kuja called, emphasizing the last syllable in my name. I sighed.

"Yes?" I said, almost in a mocking tone. I think that earned me a delightful frown from him.

"When are you planning to go back?"

I fell silent again, I wanted to ignore him, but his gaze felt intense, even if I wasn't facing him. I stared at the soft layers of early morning clouds. They were so thin, it seemed translucent. Kuja stood up and forced me to look up at him, forcing the shoulder I had up down, turning me around.

"You can't keep staying here."

"I know." I sighed softly, avoiding his gaze. I looked back at the sky and the few stars the sky still had started disappearing with the sun, the sky changing to a brighter color of blue mixed with some orange. Kuja forced me to look at him again I decided to lock my gaze on him.

"Then when?"

"I don't want to go back..." I said stubbornly, giving a bit of a pout.

"I thought you knew you can't just keep staying here."

"I know that, but the things people do don't have to be right."

"What's keeping you from going back...?"

"A lot of things." I said, sadly but simply. "There are a lot of things I want to forget. No, I'm lying. There's one big thing I want to forget and never remember." I pushed Kuja's hand away from my shoulder and sat upright, hugging my legs and resting my head on my knees. "I want to forget why I was created."

"That's still bothering you?"

"Yeah. I feel like at any time, Garland can control me and make me fulfill my mission. I feel like one day, I'm going to be forced to do it. I don't want to see others die, I don't want to see others suffer. I don't want to see Garnet suffer..."

"You're scared."

I looked at Kuja weirdly, taken a bit aback by his comment. Scared? Me? No, that's...

"You don't want to hurt others. It's almost like how I was scared of dying alone. You don't want to bring suffering. You're scared to." Kuja said, sitting down on the bedside. "You need to get over that, Zidane. You're not going to hurt people. That's way too silly."

"What other reason do I have to live?"

Kuja, surprisingly, just shrugged. "I don't know. You have to find that on your own, brother. I have nothing else to say except I overheard Ruby's story, and I know she's right. You need to move on and live your life the way you want it."

He stood up, smiling a bit. "I just hope I'm not another reason keeping you here." And he left.

I pondered over Kuja's words. I'm scared to hurt people again. I think that's right. I feel like I'm going through some identity crisis again, only it's not as big as I made it when I first learned of it. I practically screamed at everyone...but I don't know why. I don't know why I screamed or called everyone babysitting bastards. I don't know why I called Eiko and Vivi brats. I don't know why I couldn't control my mouth or thoughts. Maybe it's the same here. I can't control my thoughts so I end up doing things I have not much of a reason of doing.

...Or maybe I'm just over thinking.

Kuja was taking a shower, I think. And he took long. Two hours. Two freaking hours of water being used. I thought he wasn't the narcissistic bastard we all loved to hate with all our hearts. Well, maybe he isn't, but why does he have to take so damn long to get himself clean? Cinna laughed at me, slowly falling asleep on the table. Today was one of those days where nothing important really happened in Tantalus. We would be idly lying around like dead mus, sleeping here and there or just simply walking around.

Cinna's coffee was keeping me awake, somehow. But my eyes were shut by that time.

"Here you go." Cinna set a cup down. Loudly. I got startled, snapping my eyes open and straightening my back. I looked at Cinna, questioning him with my eyes instead of words. He laughed again. "You looked like you really need it. Sleeping on the table isn't exactly something you do." He said, turning around to make another cup for himself. "Why so tired?"

"Kuja kept me up last night, one way or another." I sighed, taking the cup and sipping it. Cinna stayed silent, nodding while making his coffee. "When are we going back to Lindblum?"

"Tomorrow, I guess. But we're gonna have to come back here, I heard someone's paying us to do something. Steal a precious gem from some guy..." He replied, stirring his coffee and adding the syrup. You could really feel his concentration when he put it in. He always took coffee—and Bundt Cake eating—so seriously. Whenever he makes a cup, he's always so precise. He needs hazelnut syrup, only two drops. He needs perfectly ground coffee beans, he needs perfectly boiled water. Everything needs to be perfect and precise, I don't understand why. He always says because it's his passion, but I just have to wonder why.

"Hey Cinna? You always say that you have a passion for coffee...but why?"

"It's a long story Zidane." Cinna said simply, pouring the coffee in the cup. "It started with my pa. He was one who loved coffee more than I love it now. He always made a lot, drinking how many in just one day? My pa didn't keep his coffee to himself, though. He opened a little cafe with my ma, who knew how to bake. I always had a fascination with the mechanics, so I was somewhat in charge of that. As you can see, I grew up in the food business." He said, adding sugar and milk to the coffee in his own cup. Cinna went on with his story. "My pa taught me everything he knew about coffee; what makes it good. He told me it was the passion, the will to make it perfect. My ma always gave me cakes to eat, which explains my Bundt Cake addiction."

"Ah..."

"But one day." He said, setting the cup down and sitting opposite me. He caught my attention. "Someone broke into our house, which served as our little cafe too. He was aiming to steal all our belongings, but my pa stood up to him. He couldn't find another weapon other than this—" He brought up his hammer. "He used this to hit the guy multiple times. One problem was, the robber had a knife. And before we knew it, half the gil we earned was gone, and we were left with my pa's dead body." He sighed.

"But...if you're wondering why people have weird passions. It's probably because they're like me; they do it to remember someone close to them. Or they feel happy when they do it." He paused. "It's probably the same with you and the sky. You love the sky because it's what you kind of grew up with. You love it because it symbolizes freedom, right? Maybe it's also the same with other people and their weird passions. Is that enough of an answer?"

I stayed silent. It was like everyone here in Tantalus was hiding something. First Ruby, with her long lost childhood friend and now, Cinna, with his deceased father. I had my own sad story, but...I don't think the feeling then was as intense as they all felt.

"...yeah. Hey, Cinna? Are you and Ruby the only one with sad pasts here? I feel like you guys have been hiding so much from me, after hearing Ruby's and your stories."

"I honestly don't know, Zidane. I never even knew Ruby had a sad past. I thought I was the only one here."

"Well, that must explain Baku's 'rule'."

"The 'a Tantalus gets what he sets his eyes on' rule?"

"No, he told me once that a Tantalus shouldn't cry over spilled milk, and should always go on with life. I'm not sure if he told you guys about that 'rule' he had but he told me once, when I was a kid." I paused, staring at the cup. "But maybe he did tell you all that."

"Yeah. He kinda told us that when you weren't around."

"Right..." I drank the rest of my coffee, setting the cup down. I heard Kuja from here, getting out of the shower. I stared up at the ceiling while Cinna looked at me, confused. "Hey, I'm gonna go now. Kuja's finally out of that shower."

Cinna nodded. "Okay."

I stood up, turning to the door and ready to leave. Before I did, I faced Cinna again. "Hey, I'm not sure why I feel like I have to tell you, but I'm sure that your dad is somewhere up there, and he's proud of you, for being who you are." I said, grinning.

"Thanks." He grinned back as I left.

I toweled my hair dry while I sat on the bed. I felt so sleepy. It was a laze-around day, as us Tantalus called it. Kuja calls it one too. Everyone's accepting Kuja now, and that makes me happy. The only thing that's missing is that he hasn't acted and stolen anything. He hasn't set his eyes on anything, so Boss doesn't consider him much of a Tantalus brother. But he still likes him, one way or another. Maybe not like, but accept, like everyone else. That was good enough.

I stared into space, still drying my hair with the towel. My mind was drifting to many things. What else do I have to live for? Is anyone else hiding some kind of pain? Am I just over thinking? What's Dagger doing now? How's everyone else doing? Is Dagger really missing me? Does she really love a weapon like me? Do I really have a chance with her?

Too many questions—too little clues to the answers.

How did I fall in love with her again...? My, that's a question I can't answer properly. I don't know when I did, I thought I only saw her as a friend through and through...until she had to become queen. I don't...know. I don't know when I did, but when she had to become queen, I found myself drinking in a bar all alone saying how I couldn't start a day without her smile, laugh...voice. That voice that makes me feel like I fly high into the sky. My sky.

"Have you found your answer?"

I looked up and see Kuja, holding a glass filled to the brim with water. He didn't move an inch towards me or anything, he just stared. He looked like he had so much to tell me...or something that seemed like a lot. When I see someone with that look—that look that simply says 'you should know something, but by the looks of it, you aren't ready.', I feel a little scared. When you have to be ready for something, you just know it's something big.

I stared at him and shook my head slightly. "I'm not sure if that matters anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe I just don't, you know? I don't have a reason to be here. How am I sure Dagger really does love me like she says she does? I mean, she's a queen, I'm a bandit. What do we have in common? Nothing. Nada. Zilch." I shifted my gaze to the window behind me. "She has a lot more people to choose from. A lot more people who are princes, who are rich, sophisticated, fancy...I can't even take the everyday food there. I can't act like a prince or a king. I don't know how to rule a kingdom, I'm just a lowly bandit who acts to steal."

"Zidane..." Kuja sighed in a 'why are you always like this?' way. Heh, I can really read him like a book now. "You know that's not true. I thought you knew that you can't just lie to yourself."

My mind seem to automatically play that memory I had in the Iifa Tree with Eiko, Dagger and Vivi. It seemed so fresh in my mind, like it was happening.

'Vivi, you should never lie to yourself!' Eiko told Vivi at the Iifa Tree. I knew Vivi took it seriously. He never forgot that lesson and I know he never will. If Vivi—and Eiko—can pull that off, why can't I, right? But...then again, they never exactly fell in love...love is different...right?

"Well..." I said, finally snapping back to reality. "I know that, but...this is love, Kuja. I know that love can do so many things, but...this is hopeless love."

"I'm not even sure if this is Zidane I'm talking too." He sighed, giving my forehead a hard poke. "There are many things in life. Love is just one aspect of life. Love brings joy, true, but only as a chain reaction, technically speaking. 'Love' and 'joy' are two totally different things, as well as everything else people say love is. They say love is compassion, kindness, and a lot more, but it's not. Point is, Zidane. Love is only hopeless if you make it hopeless." He finished.

I looked at him. "You know, you could have just said the last line instead of chaining it with everything else."

"I don't have to tell you that love isn't everything anymore." He said simply, drinking his glass of water.

I stared at him. He still had that look. It wasn't on his face, but...no matter what you do, your feelings can't be hidden from your eyes. They weren't just saying 'there's something I should tell you when you're ready', but also 'what I will tell you is something saddening—it can change your life forever'. Those kinds of things kind of sent shivers up my spine. They always did because of course, who knew how my life was gonna change, right?

"Kuja, you know, if you have to tell me something...you can just tell me. I don't have to be ready for it. The curiosity is gonna keep eating me alive if I don't find out soon. Haha..." I said, forcing a soft laugh, rubbing the back of my head. I looked at him, drinking his water again with his eyes closed. "Kuja...?"

"Zidane..." he said, sadly. "I don't think you're ready yet."

"Then when?"

"When I think you are..."

"I am, Kuja..."

He shook his head, his smile so sad, it gave me goosebumps. I never seen him look like this. My skin crawled with anxiety, nervousness, anticipation, fear...a lot. There were a lot of things suspense and curiosity could do. He pat my head, making me wonder what was making him act like this. "You aren't. Believe me."

And once again, he left. I don't know why he keeps leaving, but he does. He never stays here, in the room with me. Neither do I follow him because I know he doesn't need to be followed around, like he's some celebrity and I'm some obsessed stalker holding a pen and paper looking for his autograph. No, I don't need to do all that.

But why am I getting this feeling that I have to?

Kuja was in charge of being the sister of Ruby and Blank in one of the plays based on Ipsen's adventures. You can say Kuja didn't exactly like the idea because he just stared at the dress, as if not knowing what to do. I approached him, tilting my head.

"Kuja? You seem..."

"I'm going to be performing on stage, Zidane. On stage. What if...?"

I sighed. I didn't really want to waste my breath, so I said simply; "Remember what you told me yesterday? It's only hopeless if you make it. So, I guess people are really gonna find out it's you if you keep thinking they might. I don't know, but I'm just trying to cheer you up a bit. Boss wants us to do this..."

"But..."

"Kuja, don't you get it?" I laughed, slapping Kuja's back lightly. "You're a part of Tantalus now!"

He gripped the hat he was supposed to wear with both his hands and looked at me, for the first time in this conversation. He gave a wan smile. Why was he so...like this now? I hate it. His wan smile curved back down to a frown. "I guess I better start memorizing, huh?"

"Well, yeah. But you're lucky Boss isn't stupid. In fact, he's pretty sharp." I admitted, looking behind me as if checking if anyone was eavesdropping. Heh, who would eavesdrop on a conversation like this, I wonder. "Boss made you a side character because he knew if put on stage too long, you would be found out somehow." I said, playing a little with my hair.

"Really now?"

"Why, you don't believe me?"

"I do." He said, wearing the hat and adjusting it. I remembered Vivi, adjusting his hat all the time when he was making decisions. Kuja took the dress as well, seeing if it fit him. He sighed. "Dresses aren't my cup of tea. I kind of hate dresses."

"Yet, you insist on wearing a thong."

"Shut up, Zidane." He said, a bit brotherly. He took the dress and quietly excused himself so he could probably, lock himself in a room to do his own business of memorizing and trying on the dress, much to his dismay. I watched him turn the corner, disappearing. I faintly heard hm curse the dress for being so feminine. And to think, he looked so feminine himself. He must hate himself for that, looking so much like a girl. He must hate Garland for making so.

'You are technically my son, as well as I am your father. And as a father, I must tell you the choices you make change your life, bit by bit. Believing a lie is not going to take you anywhere.' Garland's voice seemed to ring in my head. I shivered. The only thing I can remember Garland considering a lie is believing I'm not a weapon. I know it's silly if I started to cause suffering to everyone, but...does that render it totally impossible?