Thanks for all the great reviews. My new years day was better than my new years eve on account of my favorite college football teams winning their bowl games. lol I hope you like this chapter. Don't forget to review after.
Chapter 5
Shane wasn't there when Mitchie and Nate got home, but unfortunately for Mitchie, Denise was. And she was immediately attacked with questions about how her first day of school went. Ones that Mitchie didn't answer. In fact, she was pretty sure she never wanted to talk about school. Ever. She just had to pray that she made it to graduation without going crazy or possibly killing somebody. Either one was a definite possibility.
In a desperate attempt to stop Denise's probing questions, Mitchie tried to force her way out of the conversation and find some way to get up to her room. "It went fine. I had no problems. I have homework." And with that she dashed upstairs so she could be alone and in somewhat of a peace. She did have homework. Which was probably not going to get done, but you could only get her to do so much at once. She went to school. No one said she had to do well. She shut the door behind her, and prayed that one day she'd be able to get a lock and keep people out when she desperately wanted to be alone. She dropped her backpack on the floor and collapsed onto her bed with a deep sigh.
How did her life change so drastically? She had to admit, it was much better suffering through school rather than having to worry about if she was going to run into a rival gang and have her life be put at risk. Though the people at that school annoyed the hell out of her, she would probably never get away from that no matter where she was.
Shifting her thoughts from the things that annoyed her, to someone that annoyed her. She wondered when Shane would get home, and what he would talk to her about when he did. He said he felt bad, which was stupid, and she planned on telling him that when they talked. It wasn't his fault his girlfriend was a fucking bitch. But it was his fault that he was dating the chick in the first place. If he knew she was such a jerk, why the hell did he keep dating her? It was common sense to Mitchie. But of course she had no room to talk. Brian had treated her like crap most of the time, and yet she still stuck around him. She stuck around for all the times he treated her right, and was sweet and kind to her. It didn't happen often, ever, and she always took advantage of the moments it did. Maybe that was what Shane was doing. No matter how much someone could be a jerk, you still loved them because of those moments where they showed you their real side. But Mitchie also knew that you needed to be with someone that made you happy all the time. Not just in rare moments. That was why she needed to cut Brian out of her life for good. No matter how hard it seemed. She wasn't sure if she loved him, but if she did, she needed to stop. She couldn't be with him anymore. It was always really dangerous to be around him anyways, considering he was almost always with his gang.
A quiet, hesitant, knock on the door broke her from her thoughts. She looked up from her bed and saw Shane enter, looking nervous and shy.
"Hi." Was all he said while he lingered in the doorway. "Can I come in?"
Mitchie nodded and he entered, quietly shutting the door behind him. He stood for a moment, unsure, before moving over to her bed and sitting down next to her. "Um...listen...I wanted to apologize for the other night. I feel really bad about it."
She rolled her eyes. She knew that was coming. "Why? What reason do you have to feel bad about that?"
He huffed, not meeting her eyes. "I shouldn't have snapped at you or argued with you."
"You were just defending your girlfriend." She muttered, trying to hide the bitterness in her voice.
He scoffed. "Not that she deserved it. She really was a bitch to you, and I don't blame you for reacting like you did. She really knows how to push someones buttons and get under their skin. I don't know why she does it. For kicks, I guess. She can be so mean to people. But she really does have her moments sometimes."
Which was exactly what Mitchie figured. "Sometimes can't always cut it." She told him. "Trust me. If they have a moment every once in awhile, what's the point? Why not be with someone who can make you as happy all the time?"
Shane frowned in thought. "I guess I never thought of that." He sighed. "Sounds like you've been through it before." He chuckled and then paused when she didn't say anything. "You have...haven't you?"
Mitchie hesitated before nodding her head slowly. "Yeah, back in Baltimore I had a boyfriend."
Shane waited for a moment. "Oh, right. The one in the gang." He remembered from their conversation in his car after she had run away. She was surprised he remembered at all.
"Yeah. That one."
"What was that like? Having a boyfriend that's in a gang?"
She shrugged. "It had it's moments. I had constant protection from other gangs. Not that it always helped, but it kept some of them away from me." She paused. "He spent all his time with them, he'd usually drag me along too, even when I wanted to just be alone with him. And most of the time he was drugged up on something, and when that happened all he wanted was sex or more drugs. But when he was straight, he would sometimes sneak into the apartment and stay with me. Those were all the best moments. When he was clean, and it was just the two of us. They didn't last long, but they were there and I always looked forward to them even though they hardly ever happened."
She stopped then, finding it strangely hard to continue. She had never opened up about Brian to anyone, and she didn't know why she was starting now. Especially to Shane. She wasn't sure if she could trust him, and it was probably a bad idea to be putting things out on the line so soon. She had only been there for a few days. But it felt good to open up. To talk about what had happened to her. No one had asked her, not that she would have told them anyways. Everyone knew that she needed to open up on her own time. She just didn't think it would have happened this soon, or at all.
"Do you love him?" Shane asked quietly, cautiously, as if the question would set Mitchie off. Or like he was afraid of the answer. But the question only caught her off guard. Did she love him? It was hard to say. Of course, she figured if she had to think about, she probably wasn't.
"I don't know." Was all she said. "I guess not." She paused and waited another moment. "Do you love Rachel?"
He hesitated. "I don't know. I've said it. I guess it's bad that I'm not sure if I mean it." He told her.
"This conversation is really starting to depress me." Mitchie mumbled, and had the satisfaction of hearing Shane laugh a little.
"Yeah, me too. Do you mind if I ask you something though?"
Mitchie glanced at him, wondering what he could possibly have to ask her, of course he probably had a million questions or curiosities, but which one was he going to voice? "I guess."
"What happened between you and my mom yesterday?"
Mitchie immediately tensed. "What makes you think something happened?"
He sighed. "Come on, Mitch. You totally stayed holed up in your room, and my dad put bars up on your window, and my mom just totally wasn't herself. She seemed bummed or something. Did you sneak out again?"
Should she tell him? It was probably a bad idea. But she couldn't lie to him. Not while he was looking at her the way he was. Like he needed an answer. Like he needed to know that she was okay.
"Yeah, I snuck out again." She told him. "And I did something I probably shouldn't have." She said quietly.
"What, like drugs?" Shane chuckled, obviously thinking that she wouldn't sink so low to do something as dangerous and stupid as drugs. But when all he got from her was silence, he frowned. "You did, didn't you?" He accused, appalled when all she did was look away from him. "How could you do something like that?"
She scoffed. "It's not exactly new to me, Shane. I knew what I was getting myself into."
"Then why the hell did you do it?" He demanded. "Do you know what that stuff can do to you? You could overdose, you could really do damage to your body!"
"Yeah, I know!" She snapped. "God, it's not that big of a deal." She muttered.
"Yes, it is! It's a huge deal. You could get addicted to that, and then you're really screwed." He huffed, and she could tell that he was angry. She didn't blame him. "Promise me you'll never do it again." He said, and Mitchie looked at him incredulously. She scoffed when she saw that he was actually serious.
"I don't have to promise you anything."
"Mitchie, please. You're seventeen. You're too young to do this to yourself. My mom brought you here to keep you alive, but there's only so much she can do, especially when you seem so unwilling to stay alive."
Mitchie was taken back. "What do you mean?"
Shane frowned and glanced down to her arms where he picked one of them up and then flipped it to show the scars on her wrist. Mitchie's heart dropped. She was hoping no one would notice. That no one would get close enough to be able to tell. How did Shane see them?
"You cut yourself." He pointed out.
"I wasn't trying to kill myself." She told him. "And it's been over a year since I've cut." Why did she tell him that? Why couldn't she just keep her fucking mouth shut. She was exposing too much.
He sighed and ran his free hand over the scars on her wrist, examining each and every one of them with his fingers. "You did it a lot." He muttered, noticing just how many scars there were.
"I had too much time to myself. I had to focus the pain somewhere else."
"As opposed to?"
She didn't say anything, not wanting to get into that, and Shane didn't push her. Instead, she felt his hand move farther up her arm, toward her shoulder and then to her neck before he got to her jaw line and cheek where it finally settled. His touch was so warm and comforting that she couldn't help but lean into it, her eyes fluttering as she tried to control her thoughts and what she was doing. Had to remember that he had a girlfriend. That she had Brian. Sort of. But she could only imagine that Brian wouldn't be too pleased if he saw how close she was to Shane at the moment. But she pushed that to the back of her mind. She didn't want to think about that. She wanted to think about Shane.
"Wasn't there something that you wanted to live for?"
Mitchie looked into his eye, trying her hardest not to get lost in them, before shaking her head. "No." She told him, honestly. She saw the pain and sympathy flash in his eyes.
"Mitch..." He breathed, trailing off as his hand slid back to stroke through her hair and he leaned in closer so he could rest his forehead against hers.
She had no idea what he was doing, or what he wanted to do, but whatever it was she wasn't going to stop him. She didn't think she could even if she wanted to. With a shaky breath, she finally lifted her hand to rest against his cheek, feeling the stubble and warmth against her fingertips, she tried to pull his face closer, and he was obliging.
She was getting lost in him. Getting the lost in her want to feel his lips on her, to feel his hands touching her. It was the most intense craving she had ever felt, and she needed it more than any kind of drug.
"Mitchie?" The voice came through the door followed by a knock, and it had Mitchie gasping and springing apart from Shane as far as she could possibly go. They were no where near each other when Denise opened the door. "Oh, Shane. I didn't know you were in here." She eyed her son for a moment before shaking her head. "Do you mind? I need to talk to Mitchie for a moment."
Without a word, Shane immediately shot up and darted out of the room without glancing back. Mitchie gulped.
Denise closed the door before moving into Mitchie's room and sitting in the spot that Shane just abandoned. "I've been thinking of what your punishment should be for your drug use the other night." She jumped straight to the point and Mitchie felt her heart sink. "But then, I realized I didn't know how to punish you. Most punishments involved confining someone to their rooms, but you seem to like it up here well enough. You make a habit out of being alone, so I can't stop you from socializing. I don't think anything I can do will have an effect on you."
Mitchie didn't say anything, unsure of where this was headed.
"Mitchie, I want to help you. But I can't do that if you don't want to be helped." She sighed, wringing her fingers together as she looked at Mitchie. "I knew you've had a tough life, and I know that I couldn't even begin to understand the things that you have gone through. But Mitchie, where you are now, it's not like where you used to be. You can trust us, and I know that it's not going to be an easy thing to do. But I promise, that we'll always be there if you need anything. I don't want to lock you up, or make you feel trapped. I want you to be happy and healthy. I want you to be part of this family."
Mitchie looked down, feeling ashamed and disgusted with herself. It wasn't a feeling she liked, but she had let down someone who has done nothing but try and help her and be good to her. Denise gave her a good place to live and food to eat, and Mitchie took advantage of it.
"I won't do it again." And she meant it to, if she had to go through this everytime, it just would not be worth it. And she didn't have anymore money anyways, so it's not exactly like she could.
"I hope not. Because I'll know. Good mothers notice everything." Denise gave Mitchie warm smile before leaving.
After the door closed, Mitchie sighed and passed out on her bed. It had been a weird ass day and she was ready to go to sleep. But then remembered that when she woke up she'd have to do that school thing all over again. And that it was only five in the afternoon.
Shit, was her only thought.
All during the school day, Mitchie actually tried to pay attention. To try and keep her thoughts from traveling towards Shane, but she couldn't do it. Mainly because the classes were fucking mind numbing and Mitchie was always actually zoning out no matter how hard she tried. After what happened between her and Shane, or what almost happened, he hadn't said a word to her, or even looked at her. At dinner the previous night, he had done nothing but pick at his food and avoid eye contact with everybody, especially Mitchie. She figured it was because he felt guilty for nearly cheating on his girlfriend. She couldn't blame him for that, but damn it, he could at least talk to her. So they had gotten caught up in the moment, big fucking deal. Move on it with it, man.
By the time she got home, she had worked herself up to being irritated at him. It was his own damn fault. He had started the whole touching and leaning in thing in the first place. Why the fuck did he get to avoid her?
Just minutes after she slammed the door to her room, practically muttering to herself, Shane swung the door open and grinned at her, making all her irritation dissipated immediately. Damn him.
"Hey, you wanna go get some coffee or something?" How the fuck was she supposed to say no when he was smiling at her like that?
"I guess."
Twenty minutes later they were sitting in a booth at Starbucks, Shane sipping on some fancy coffee shit while Mitchie stuck with hot chocolate. Coffee made her antsy as shit and she couldn't stand it. And she was pretty fucking in love with the hot chocolate.
"So, how was school?" Mitchie scoffed. What a stupid question.
"It was school."
"That good, huh?" Shane grinned, making Mitchie roll her eyes and take another sip from her hot chocolate. "It pretty much sucked when I went to school there too."
"Where do you go now?"
"I take some classes at NYU. Since I'm only part time I can't qualify for a dorm, and it's too expensive to rent an apartment in the city. Which is why I bunk with my parents." He paused and glanced at her hot chocolate. "Sure you don't want any coffee?"
Mitchie scoffed. "Shit, if I have any caffeine in me I'll be awake for a week. And that would be annoying as hell with the bars on my windows."
Shane just chuckled. "I can imagine. Ya know, you can always sneak out from my room." He offered with a smirk.
"Yeah, you would just love to get me in your room wouldn't ya?" She grinned and playfully kicked him. He laughed and shook his head. "In your dreams, Gray." She laughed.
"I wouldn't want you in my room. The bed in your room is a lot more comfortable." Mitchie busted out laughing, surprised that they were even able to say things like this after what had nearly happened between them. She thought Shane would be avoiding it like the plague. That's how it seemed at first. But she was glad that they were at this point. That they could laugh and joke like this. It was surprisingly easy. Conversation had never come easily when Mitchie was talking to somebody. Not as easy as this anyways. She never realized how funny he was, and charming. He was so much fun to be around. And that wasn't good considering that meant she would want to be around him more. She was pretty sure his girlfriend wouldn't care for that too much.
"So, where's your girlfriend at?"
His smile diminished slightly, and for a moment she regretted bring it up. "I dunno, out with her friends I guess. She's always having some stupid shopping spree. Her dad's loaded, so she's always out spending money on something."
Mitchie scoffed. "Somehow that doesn't surprise me. Rich and bitchy. Perfect fit."
He surprised her by chuckling softly before turning serious. "I think I need to break up with her."
Mitchie's heart did a weird thump thing as soon as the words left his mouth. "Why?"
"I think it's been coming for awhile. Things haven't been the same. And then after what you said about there being no point in being with someone if they can only make you happy a little bit of the time. Those moments I talked about hardly ever happen anymore. She's just mean and cold all the time and I'm tired of it."
"That would be a good reason to break up with somebody." She told him and he nodded.
"Yeah, but she's not gonna be too happy about it, that's for sure."
"She'll get over it. Buy herself a new boyfriend."
That got a laugh out of him. "Yeah, you're probably right." But then he looked right at Mitchie, right into her eyes, as if he was trying to say something without actually telling her. She wasn't sure what it was, but she stared right back at him, not knowing what the feelings were that were coursing through her with an indescribable amount of intensity.
It was nearly ten-thirty at night now, and Mitchie was finding it incredibly difficult to get to sleep. Something had shifted that afternoon between her and Shane, and Mitchie wasn't quiet sure what it was. He had told her he was going to break up with Rachel. She couldn't help but wonder if he really was going to do it. And if, then when was he going to do it? And was she the main cause for it? She knew it was a little shallow thinking that might be the case, but the way he had looked at her told her that it might be the case.
A muted knock on the door had her turning her head curiously, and then her eyes nearly widened when Shane walked in, as quietly as possible and shutting the door behind him without so much as a creak.
"Shane, what are you doing here?" Mitchie demanded in a whisper.
"I couldn't wait. I have to do this now or it's going to drive me crazy." He told her in a strained voice, but he was just confusing the hell out of Mitchie.
"What...what the hell are you talking about." When Shane lingered by the door, hesitant, Mitchie huffed and pushed the covers off of her before stalking up to him. "Shane, just tell me what you're doing in-"
She had difficulty finishing due to the fact that Shane Gray's lips were currently pressed against her own.
Yeah, that's right, I left it there. Review and you'll get the next chapter fasterrrrrr. Just saying. lol