-What do you know, it's passed 10 chapters! Okay guys, this is it. The last chapter! Are you excited? Are you nervous? I don't think so! Well, I really wish there was a good background music for this, but there isn't...-frowns- Well, I'm keeping you so...go on! Enjoy the last chapter for this story! Hooray for sucky endings xD Bonus chapter plausible.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy IX, if I did, I would...I don't know anymore ._.
I've been pondering over what Freya said. It's been keeping me up every night, but not as bad as I kept myself up trying to keep something I wasn't sure was there safe. I just fall asleep later than I should, Dagger in my arms, her sleeping peacefully. It's something that calms me down inside, and eventually, I fall asleep as well. But tonight...tonight was different. I wasn't the one keeping myself from falling into peaceful slumber. I just knew it wasn't. It was like...something else was.
I just decided to leave my eyes open, staring down at Dagger's face. She was so beautiful, especially in sleep. I could almost feel myself turn to jelly around her. Normally, I would be going crazy, trying to get her to date me, but I don't have to because I already had her...and that made me happy.
She was curled up, sleeping against my chest. I had my arms wrapped around her because she looked so unprotected. She looked so worn out and so weak, I feel like I have to hug her all the time, just to make her and me feel that she's properly protected—not that I'm saying she needs to be protected more than she already is.
I smiled softly to myself because everything was going well. Everything. I was just about to fall asleep when I saw a faint light cross the room, just across the bed me and Dagger slept in. I tried to raise my head without moving my arms so much so I wouldn't wake up Dagger. I raised my head as high as I can to get a clear view on the light, but all I saw was a figure of a man. I couldn't see much after knowing that. I tried slipping my arm from under Dagger, so I could surprise the man. He hadn't noticed me yet, so I must be fine.
It took a few seconds, but I managed to get my arm away from under Dagger. She didn't even notice. Smiling a little, I grabbed my daggers which were on the bedside table. The light was so faint, yet so white, I couldn't see the figure properly. It was almost as if the figure itself was made of light. When I finally focused, the figure stopped and just stared out the window. He had very, very big, white wings. A few feathers fell to the floor. I stared at his wings too long, because the figure turned around.
I dropped my daggers.
"K...Kuja...?"
He tilted his head, like he didn't understand me. He just stayed where he was, staring at me curiously and almost worriedly. I couldn't believe it. It was so surreal that it must have been. Baku and the others told me it was all in my imagination, but Freya was thinking otherwise. I didn't know who to believe. Then what Freya told me rang in my head. I should start finding the answers on my own.
"Kuja..." I held my hand out, seeing if he'd take it. He slowly brought up his fingers and touched mine. He actually looked like a child. His face looked so innocent, so childlike, it almost freaked me out, but I knew better. I just focused on what I felt—his hands. They were touching mine. It seemed real. I brought my hand down and he brought his down as well. He tilted his head slightly. It was like he didn't want to talk or he was rendered mute.
"Can you...talk?" I asked, taking a step forward. He stayed put and looked down, like he was saddened or ashamed of himself. I smiled softly. "It's okay if you can't...I guess I can do all the talking. It's what you say I'm good at, anyway." I laughed a little. He just looked at me.
"You know...everyone back at Tantalus says you're not real. Hell, my friends think you aren't either. Except maybe Freya. She...she told me there's a possibility you were real, but, I wasn't so sure. It's kept me up late at night and now, here you are. Right in front of me. And...I still don't know what to think. You at the very least feel real. I don't know if that's enough to answer me. I don't think it is." I looked down.
"...I had a whole speech for you. I did. I wanted to tell you on the last minute, so...I don't know. So you'd pass away happy. When you disappeared, I had no idea what to do. The whole speech I made was useless. But now that you're here, it's like I can't remember it anymore. I had so much things to tell you, and now I can't even remember one of those things. I'll try though." I managed a small smile. "I don't know if you're real or if you're just some figment of my imagination, but if you are...I just wanted you to know that in those eleven months, you've been the best brother I could wish for. If only you've been there since I was brought to life, maybe if you didn't just throw me to Gaia but yourself as well—maybe we'd be happier."
I paused a while to look at him. Kuja was definitely listening. He nodded his head while I said the first part, now he looked at me, as if telling me to go on. I didn't need to be told anyway. I just continued. "I liked your cooking, if it was real and if all those things we did were too, I'd be happy. I wouldn't regret anything, then. I regret having made Dagger wait and all, but I'm happy that I have those memories to cling to. Even if they are just fictional, they make me happy like real memories do. Get it, Kuja? You made me happy." I said, my eyes going blurry. "It's what I said you could do. What you should when I saved you."
He smiled a little and nodded. I didn't wait for him to stare at me again, urging me to continue. I just kept going. "I don't know if the others forgive you even if you sorta did save us, but I do. Maybe not entirely because what you did really is sort of unforgivable in nature, but I do. A little at the very least. You did something good, aside from making just me happy. You gave the other genomes hope, too. You weren't able to make a lot of people happy, but at least you did something, right?"
"Truth is, Kuja. I never had a proper childhood. I was forced to work by Boss. I mean, sure, he raised me to be helpful and moral. He taught me how to defend myself and all, but I never could play with kids other than my Tantalus brothers who were much older than me. I couldn't play with toys or just run around laughing like an idiot. I could never teach someone to do that because I've never learned to. But by you treating me like a child because you really do have a right, you taught me to be the little brother I couldn't be ten years back. And...thanks, Kuja. A lot..." I said, my voice growing weaker, my eyes going blurry. He walked forward and wiped the stray tear with his sleeves. For the first time in this conversation, he muttered something.
"Always...you're always so....childish." He smiled, still wiping my eyes with his sleeve. I only stood still staring at him, then I pulled away, being a man again. He shook his head slightly, his arm retreating. His voice sounded like it hadn't been used in ages. It was dry and raspy...but it was Kuja. Sadly that was all he said.
"For my age, yeah..." I muttered softly, staring at the ground. I could still see Kuja—or at least his faint light. He began to move passed me as I raised my head. He was going for the door, not the window. Maybe his wings were just for show. I followed after him but he stopped and turned around, smiling faintly. His image actually flickered.
He mouthed something, like he couldn't speak anymore. He looked like he was saying "ot low e".
Don't follow me.
Kuja brought his finger up to my forehead and poked it with a small force. I withdrew my head a bit too late and shot back. "I want to follow you...!" I protested childishly. He only shook his head and turned around for the door, about to turn the knob until I reached for his arm, but missed. He dodged just as he swung the door open and took hold of the knob on the outer side of the door. He mouthed something I didn't catch, and then brought the door to a halfway-close, covering half his face. He mouthed something again. I caught it this time.
Goodbye
"No! I don't want goodbyes." I said, my voice loud but it grew softer. He smiled sadly and closed the door. I reached for the knob, twisted it and swung the door open, about to have a chase with Kuja down the corridor, most likely yelling 'stop'. But I couldn't do that. He wasn't there anymore.
"Zidane...why do you look so tired?" Dagger asked curiously, staring at me quite intently as I was forced to read one of the books in the Alexandrian library. I had kept yawning for the past hour and Dagger seemed to be going crazy from it. Doctor Tot was looking through the books so he could find something else for me when I was done reading this. When I was little and I had spare time, I grew used to not playing with kids and I didn't fancy doing so, so I just read and reread a few books. But I wasn't exactly a fast reader. It can take me ages finishing a book—especially if I get bored with it.
I snapped back to reality and raised my head. "Ah, it's a...crazy story. In fact, I don't think you'd believe me. And I'm shy to say...especially with..." I looked at Doctor Tot and he turned around as if on cue. I grinned sheepishly.
"Oh, oh! Terribly sorry. I'll leave for a while then..." he said, proceeding to trot up the stairs. When he left, I turned to Dagger.
"Ah...eto...Freya told me that when she heard every detail I could remember from the eleven months, she said that I have to find the answer on my own. The answer to the question if Kuja was real or not...so, I was up last night thinking when I suddenly saw this faint light. When I got out of bed to see, it was Kuja. I talked to him, without him even replying, and when I was done talking, he went out the door and disappeared. I know it's crazy, but it kept me up for a few hours."
"Well, what did you tell him?" She asked. I think she was analyzing the situation, if it was a situation.
"Brotherly stuff that makes me lose my manliness." I scratched my head, turning slightly away from her and whistling. Like all people do. "You wouldn't want that, would you?"
She giggled softly. "Nah, I wouldn't. I'll go call Doctor Tot to resume his business here." She said, bowing a little for whatever reason, I don't know. She walked up the stairs as gracefully as she could since she lost her balance a little every now and then. It was like she refused she was tired herself. Then I remembered that swirl of black smoke I saw the other day. Maybe it wasn't my imagination. Well, I better ask her before I make myself look crazy again some other time.
"Hey, Dagger?" I called as she went up the flight of stairs. "I saw a black whirl of smoke the other day, you know anything about it, or is it just me again?" She froze on the steps. She turned to me and gave a slight smile.
"It must be just you, Zidane." And she immediately turned away and head for the door.
As I watched her leave to call Doctor Tot, out of politeness, I couldn't help but wonder. Dagger's been acting really weird. She seemed agitated and secretive. I didn't really want to tell her that, but I felt bad cause it's almost as if she has an impression that she can't trust me. What did I do wrong, if then?
No one has ever buried Kuja. His body is still in there; if what I saw that night wasn't real. It seemed off, didn't it? It's almost hard to believe everything. No genome, Black Mage or human would bury him, so I was pretty sure his body would be there, quite decayed. Besides, it's not like the Iifa Tree was still alive. I wouldn't die or anything, nor would I take too long. Dagger can handle that, right?
"Dagger?" I called. It was winter going spring, but around here, we still considered the latter part of winter, spring. The window was open and I was finally getting used to royalty. Dagger has started calming down a little. She started telling me almost every detail of...everything. The wind, accompanied by the scent of spring time flowers, blew against her face, her hair waving. She looked lost in thought again, but she always has the whole time we were together. I called her again.
"Oh, Zidane." She smiled, turning to me like she just snapped back to reality. "You don't have to call me 'Dagger'. You can just call me Garnet. Anyways, what is it?" Her voice as sweet, upbeat and assuring as ever. Her smile was so rare that every time I see it, I feel like thanking the gods. But that aside, I told her of the idea I had. The moment her ears caught the words 'bury', 'Kuja' and 'Iifa Tree', she frowned deeply and looked away, clenching her fists. I gave a worried look.
"F...Fine." She gave a small smile an nodded. I just had a hunch she didn't like my decision. But I had to do it. I mirrored her expression and walked up to her, kissing her forehead lightly. She tried to get away, but it always failed.
"I won't take long. Just a few days maybe, but that's all." I said softly, but loud enough for her to hear properly.
"Please be back. Please be back before I know it." Dagger—I mean, Ganet muttered, pausing a little. "I don't want to lose you, okay? I need you here, and this kingdom...well, it needs you too. Don't get hurt, and be careful." She lowered her head. I could only give a reassuring smile I knew she barely saw.
"The Hilda Garde 2, it's modified, right?"
"Hm, yes."
"Can I borrow it?"
"Zidane." She called, as if ignoring my question. She still looked away from me, like it was painful to see me go. I'm sorry, Garnet. It probably is. She continued. "Whatever you do...don't...don't fall to darkness. Please, you can't, okay? Ever." She shook her head, laughing a little at herself. "Oh, straying from the subject. Of course you can."
She is hiding something. I just know it.
I wasn't piloting the Hilda Garde 2, so I had time to watch Garnet watch me take off, waving and screaming farewells. Grins both on our faces, I assume everything won't be so bad. When she was out of sight, I began staring at the sky. It was so big, it was so beautiful, the clouds slowly crossing the sky. What amazed me so much was that the sky was those types of things wherein you can clearly see the color, but at the same time, you see right through it. I don't know exactly how you describe such a thing, but it warms my heart to see that the sky was clear and being in a castle wasn't really stopping me.
I really could spend all day staring at the clouds, lying down on the floor as I watched the colors change—blue, then later orange, then dark blue. It was night, and I had to head back to sleep. I didn't like sleeping in a far too fancy room, so I settled with the normal one. I gave the fancy one to one of the two pilots. Yes, there were two because they switch. Night shift and day shift. As I headed back, the stars were clear. I couldn't help but stare as I walked.
Funny, it was at a night like this when I saw Kuja. It won't take long before I see him again. It was just a bit of a pity that the next time I'd see him, he'd probably look more dead than ever. Don't get me wrong, I still feel guilty about it, but I had to move on. I couldn't stay moping around something that's been done. I remember this spiky haired guy who was just like that. He always said that he wanted to be forgiven. For whatever cause, I think he's forgiven. I hope Kuja forgives me. It would be nice to know if I was—at least a sign.
As if on cue, a star twinkled brightly. It caught my eye and I stared at it, deciding it would be nice to fall asleep staring at it.
It always took a few days to go to the Outer Continent. Around five depending on the ship. I was glad time flew by fast because I was growing impatient. All I could do was sit and watch the sky. I never get enough of the sky, but I get enough of doing nothing. It was already the fifth day and I could see the Iifa Tree poking just above the mountains. We drew nearer and nearer until the tree looked like a gigantic tower looming over the ship. We landed beside the tree, near the cliff where the ground caved in for the tree to set its roots on. Kuja was in the center of the Iifa Tree, making things all harder since the Tree wasn't alive.
"Guys, just stay in here, okay? While I'm in there doing crazy things, which you shouldn't worry about, keep yourselves comfy and avoid battles with monsters. I could take a while." I said as loud as I could, walking to the exit. I took hold of my daggers, in case by some crazy luck, Mist monsters were still in there.
When I got off the ship, I was instantly hit by memories. The first one was when I looked upon it, calling it 'Sanctuary' because the little people of Conde Petie said it was. Then there was that thing we fought in its core, I think. The next was when Eiko told Vivi that he should never lie to himself, the other was when we saw Queen Brahne die. The last was when I came back to save Kuja. I never did do that last one. I guess what matters is that I wanted to, and I tried my best. Risking my life and all that. As I took another step, the feeling I had when I rushed in here came back. They sent a chill up my spine. I was jumping here and there, it was crazy. I couldn't do that now, forcing me to grab some Gargant Grass. That gave off some memories, but I don't want to list them.
I wondered how I could even attract a Gargant here, so I just walked further into the Iifa Tree, balancing on one of its roots and kept waving the Gargant Grass around. I felt like an idiot, but after some time, I heard a Gargant coming closer, to my relief. It was blue, like the one's in Fossil Roo. It was bigger than most, but it was relatively the same as any other Gargant I came across. As it came closer, I gave it the grass and jumped on its back, hanging for my life. If I let go, I would suffer from massive brain damage if I was even able to survive a fall like that.
It was hard controlling the Gargant because there was no source of water anywhere in the Iifa, so I had to settle with forcing it to steer. With some time, I ended up at the foot of the elevated-platform where Kuja was. I couldn't get on the platform from above because the Gargant was just really hard to steer. After a long time, climbing on my own seemed like the best idea that ever came to me.
I jumped off the Gargant and it ran off to do its own business. I wondered for a while how I would get back, but I figured climbing around would be enough to get me back. I looked back to the platform way above my head. It had vines and roots wrapped around it. The platform was almost destroyed last time we were in here. Even I don't know how things unfolded here, but I remember carrying Kuja as I dodged some roots until it eventually killed itself. I set him on the very same platform. Thing was that he had very little space there.
"Well, here I go." I shrugged, my hand grabbing something to pull me up. It looked like more roots and tendrils intertwined. It didn't matter to me, so long as I get to the top. The good thing about it being roots, though, was that I wouldn't have to worry about anything breaking off, making me fall down. My mind was getting lost in thoughts to the point that I hadn't noticed I was almost there. I hadn't kept track of my pace and it was almost as if the more I got lost in thoughts, the more faster I became. I sighed. It wasn't that late was it?
I looked back down to see how high I was from the ground. I was pretty high. I looked back up to calculate just how much more I had to climb before reaching the platform. Around a few more pulls up. This was going well, it's just too bad my stomach started growling. Ugh, I hate it when I'm hungry.
Thoughts aside, I climbed further, my hands and arms tired of climbing now that I payed attention to them, threatening to let go. My feet were getting clumsy and started slipping more than they should. I reached for the next root and brought myself up. I was so close, I could almost smell Kuja. Which is really bad, honestly.
I managed to pull myself up to the point that one more pull and I'd be on the platform. I inwardly prepared myself for seeing Kuja. His body decayed and everything. It won't be a pretty sight, but I feel like I have to, just like everything else. Then what Amarant said came around, 'I don't understand you'. Don't worry, Amarant, I don't understand myself that much either. I only act on impulse and I find some reason to make it seem right, just because my heart says so without a reason. That much I can get.
I put my left onto the platform and brought myself up with a groan. My arms were tired hanging on to things, that Gargant was a pain too. I still managed though, and that was enough to bring me to the platform. It was considerably small, just enough space for Kuja lying down and me standing. There were even more vines and roots circling the platform, like it was protecting something but didn't do it quite right. Anyone could easily get on from above, and if he or she pushed the roots away. It was strange though, it was like the roots were crystallized.
I approached slowly, but as I got there, I could only widen my eyes in shock and back away, nearly falling off. I was freaked out, yet I could only stand there. For sure I wasn't imagining things. I was sure. I've been treated from it, yet, what I saw didn't make sense. No one buried him, no one would burn him, no one would even walk all this way for him, except maybe me. But I couldn't bury or cremate him now, and my walk here was useless.
I decided to regain my composure and go back to the airship. I just didn't know how I could tell Dagger Kuja's body wasn't there anymore.