Ladies and Gentlemen, if I could draw your attention away from sharpening your pitchforks for a moment, I finally have a new chapter! Now, I could make excuses about work and class and the whole holiday season, but it'd be a bunch of BS, cause in all honesty this chapter kicked my butt! It came to me in a flash of inspiration while I was listeneing to a song but the details were a little hazy. So without further ado, here you go! And thanks again for sticking with me through this and for all the reviews.

Spoilers for Season 1 - The Bank Job

Disclaimer: No I don't own them. If I did, we'd only get a new episode about once every couple months. :P

He almost gave in that night.

There were shouts; fearful screams and strangled cries. He didn't know how, but he suddenly found himself standing right next to her. He heard the quiet plea, which was ignored by the man in front of her. He watched, almost as if time stood still, while three bullets ripped out of the barrel and hurtled straight into her chest. He wanted to yell, to catch her before her body crumpled to the ground, but he too seemed to be frozen in time.

He couldn't help the feeling of déjà vu that hit him as he watched blood stain her white shirt. It reminded him of a time not even a year ago when he'd felt the impact of the hot lead, along with the cold chill that inevitably followed. His eyes locked with hers, and instead of seeing recognition, he saw only fear and he nearly staggered from the wave of guilt that came crashing on him. He didn't even look back to the shooter, unable to take his eyes off of hers. Because if he would have, he would have seen himself standing next to the smoking gun, watching her fall to the cold marble floor.

Callen's eyes shot open as he watched the last glimpse of Kensi's eyes fade into the pale stone and wrought iron of the ceiling in OSP. The rain falling on the roof brought him further back to reality, and he listened as thunder roared across the sky. Breathing slowly, he took a moment to run a hand across his face before sitting up from the couch. Being jarred from sleep by flashbacks was nothing new for Callen. In fact, it had become so frequent that he didn't worry about them anymore, but instead worried when he wasn't woken by one of them. Tonight, however, his stomach felt tighter than usual and he knew he couldn't just brush this one off.

Instantly, the battle within his mind began, one side calmly telling him that he was crazy, the plan had worked, and there was no real danger the entire time. After all, they'd caught the bad guy and there had been no losses, on either side of the table. The other part was shouting at him for putting his agent in danger, and having to watch her die in front of him. While he knew the first side was right, he felt himself leaning toward the other point of view.

He thought he would be able to handle watching her get struck by bullets during the bank robbery, and in all honesty, he should have been fine. The fake-death was one of the favorites in the NCIS undercover arsenal, and they'd done it many times. Sure, it was strange having small bladders of blood-like liquid rupture against you and selling your own death was never a fun experience, but it beat the hell out of the real thing.

That's just it; it wasn't real. For some reason, he had to keep reminding his churning stomach of that fact. It was just another mission. It was routine, harmless, and a complete success. But this time it was different, and he knew exactly why. Because this time, it hadn't been Sam, or Renko, or just a team member falling to the ground before him. No, it had been her, and therein laid his problem.

Callen felt like he was in a car heading straight for a brick wall, and all he could do was watch as he plowed into it. But even that was a lie. There was plenty he could have done to prevent this, and he had tried it all. He'd tried to keep his distance, tried to remain indifferent when her perfume danced across the air, and scolded himself when she managed to find her way into his head. Because he knew had committed the biggest sin a guy like him could; he got too close.

Ever since their lips had touched during their undercover op, he found himself longing for the taste of her again and again. He would catch himself looking just a little too long, taking in her long curls and dark eyes, and thoughts that had no purpose being in his mind would flood out everything else until there was only the two of them. While they'd been on the undercover, their actions had been justifiable, but the thoughts that followed were dangerous.

He'd managed to brush off what had happened for a while and it was back to business as usual for the most part. That is, until Dom disappeared. That day had shaken everybody up, especially Kensi. He'd found her outside late that night, and had listened to her dress herself down about not being there for Dom. The look in her eyes tore him to pieces, and he was almost glad when she came running into his arms. He'd reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek, unable to watch her cry. And when she looked up at him, he damned the consequences and kissed her.

Glancing at his watch, Callen found that he'd already gotten his usual two and a half hours of sleep for the night. Trying to get any more would just be unproductive, as he knew he would only lay there and wait, wide awake. He thought about digging out his Russian dictionary and practicing for a while before he heard footsteps behind him. He had to wonder if the fates just had it out for him or if he was just lucky, because he saw Kensi making her way over to the bullpen.

He watched her in the dim lights as she moved to her desk and grabbed a folder, moving it over to an even bigger stack of similar files and picking up another. She turned, and in the low light their eyes made contact. She looked startled to see him watching her, but quickly smiled and headed over to his makeshift bed. He tried to remember the argument he'd just had with himself, but it disappeared as she drew closer.

"Hey," she said, sitting down heavily beside him.

"Hey," he returned as he took in her appearance. Her hair was damp on the ends from the shower she'd no doubt have taken to wash away the fake blood from before. Shaking the mental picture of his junior agent in the shower out of his head, he focused on the way she wrung her hands together. Her face looked tired, but her eyes were bright and they were currently trained on his own. He wanted to ask her why she was still there, but she beat him to the question.

"I was just cleaning up. And I'm way too wired to go to sleep, so I figured I would catch up on some work." She was babbling, Callen could see that. "You know Hetty," she continued, "she'd probably bring paperwork for me to do at my funeral." He heard her voice trail off, and cursed himself for clenching his teeth at the mention of her dying. She must have seen, because she next asked him gently "Hey, are you okay?"

Shaking off his baseless fears, he turned back to her with walls in place. "Yeah. How about you? How are you holding up?"

She seemed disappointed by his answer, but answered nonetheless with a sigh. "Well, you know." He kept his gaze focused on her until she continued, running a hand through her tangled curls. "It's strange, pretending to die. Kind of makes you think of all the things you haven't done in your life. You know?" He nodded, and she went on. "I've always wanted to travel. And not for a terrorist threat or a crazy murderer," she added, earning a half smile from him. "And all the other things," she added, and he knew exactly what she meant. She was talking about what everyone thought about when they were wrapped up in their job…family.

"But hey," she began, "it was just a mission, right? I'm just overreacting."

The way she said it was so sad that Callen couldn't help but voice some of what he felt. "It's never just a mission, Kenz. And I'm glad you're okay." He looked up at her eyes and saw the surprise and concern in them, and couldn't control the flow of thoughts that rushed to the front of his mind. "It was hard today. Watching you go down like that. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"It's the job, G," she said quietly, placing a hand over his. "We all know that it's what we've signed up for," she rationalized, and he knew she was telling the truth. He felt foolish for showing this kind of weakness to her. He was the team leader. He wasn't supposed to be the one questioning the dangers of the job.

"But I know what you mean. When I watched you on that surveillance camera the day you…you know…were shot, I couldn't take it." Her voice dropped to a low whisper. "I couldn't stand the thought of losing you."

For the first time in a long time, Callen felt like he'd had the wind knocked out of him without there being a bomb or a suspect slamming him to the ground. He tried to keep his face impassive as he lifted his head to study her face, but he only had a second to memorize the gleam in her eyes and the slight part of her mouth before she moved forward, tentatively placing her lips over his.

At that moment, every argument in his mind, every second guess he had seemed to melt into the feeling of Kensi's kiss. Instinctively, he reached up and grabbed her arms, pulling her closer. She tasted exactly as he remembered, and it was something he couldn't begin to put in to words. It was like the first time he'd been shot at; his heart raced, his skin seemed to tingle, and he felt that this moment could change his life.

The sound of the file in Kensi's hand falling to the floor brought him back to the present, and he reluctantly pulled away from her. Every voice in his head started shouting at him, fighting to be the first heard. He turned his head down, and sensed that she was watching him closely. Waiting for him to say something, anything.

"You should probably head home. It's been a long day," he stated quietly. He turned his face back toward Kensi and he watched a range of emotions run through her eyes, none of which he wanted to identify because he knew he'd been the cause of them. She slowly nodded, and picking up her file, stood from the couch.

"See you tomorrow, Callen," she said, and he could hear the hurt in her voice, though she covered it well. He watched her as she walked quickly through the hall and out of the door. When he heard the thick metal door close against its frame, he let out an aggravated groan let his head fall against the back of the couch, listening to the rain pounding down on the metal roof.

Why? Why had he said that? She'd worn her heart on her sleeve, put herself out there, and he'd told her to go home? He felt like a complete ass, and no amount of reason would change that. But the problem was that there was plenty of reason. Even if he ignored the fact that they worked together and that he was her boss, he could never get past the fact that he could never give her what she deserved. He knew that sooner or later, Kensi Blye would want everything she didn't have now. Sure, they could have sex, but it could never be more than that, and Callen didn't want a one night stand, not with her. She deserved to have someone that could love her and settle down and would never run the risk of being killed and leaving her. And with his history and the life he led, that had never been an option for him.

But as good as his reasons sounded in his mind, it still didn't stop his heart from aching for her.

See outside, the rain it pours

The lightning flashes, the thunder roars

Woman you'd stand a better chance

Of trying to tame the elements

Rather than try to tame my soul

Or think your love could ever hold to the likes of me

It ain't I wouldn't like to stay

Live my life in an ordinary way

Nine to five, a family

Little baby boy on my knee

But woman I'd only break your heart

Cause that kind of life ain't in the cards for the likes of me

The likes of me that knows no home

But the town I'm in or the road I'm on

I got a restless soul and I'll never be still

The likes of me no woman can trust

I was born with a soul full of wanderer's lust

And I'll chase that sunrise over the hill

I can see the design

Of the picture in your mind

You think you can change my life

If you made me the perfect wife

But woman you're sweet, you're loving, you're kind

So don't mess up your pretty little mind

On the likes of me

The song and lyrics are by Mr. Jerry Reed. It's called 'The Likes of Me' and it just seemed like something Callen would think about his own life. Okay, so I've got something I need point out...Did anyone else notice that Kensi ran her hand over Callen's shoulders when her and Deeks were leaving the boat house in the latest episode? I know I'm grasping at straws, but with them only putting Kensi and Deeks together on the show, I gotta take what I get! Well, have a good night everybody, and I hope to have another up soon.

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