CHAPTER 13: Dares Carried Out

"What on Earth are you doing?" asked Tatiana as she stared, dumbfounded, at Mungojerrie.

"Troiyin' ta be loike Tugger," replied Mungojerrie, dispirited. "Oi toike it Oi'm not doin' so well?"

"Uh, well…would you be offended if I said 'no'?"

"Usually, no. But, embarrassin' as it moiy be, Oi 'ave ta do it and do it roight." The tom sighed and scratched his head. "Oi don't suppose yoo would 'ave any tips, would ya?"

"You're asking the queen who doesn't pay any attention to that horrid tom if she has any suggestions on how to act like him?" Tatiana asked incredulously.

Mungojerrie laughed. "Put loike that, it sounds stupid, eh?"

"Not necessarily. Revolting as it may be to watch, one can't help but notice some of his ways. You have to stick your hip out to the side and place your paws on your hips."

Mungojerrie struck a pose similar to that just described by Tatiana, looking mighty uncomfortable and…well, rather ridiculous. "It would be so much easier ta copy Munkustrap," he muttered grumpily.

"You'll be fine. You just need something else…" Tatiana thought for a minute. "Ah, got it!" She ran back to her box and returned a moment later carrying a scarf, which she tied around the tom's waist. "How's this as a belt?"

"Purple?!" cried Mungojerrie in horror.

"It's either that or pink."

"It's lovely." Mungojerrie sighed and forced a smile. He adjusted the 'belt' and struck another pose. "'Ow's this?"

"Perfect." Tatiana grinned. "Now, wiggle your backside when you walk."

"Oh, the embarrassment!" the tom groaned as he followed the queen's instructions.

Tatiana giggled. "Very good. Now all you have to do is get out there and flirt!"

Mungojerrie groaned yet again. "Stupid Tugger," he muttered under his breath as he walked away with Tatiana following behind him.

Tatiana couldn't stop grinning. This will be interesting, she thought. Maybe even rather…amusing. She watched as Mungojerrie pasted a charming smile over his gloomy expression and sauntered over to a red queen who was sitting upon the tyre.

"'Oi, Bombas," Tatiana heard him say. "Whatcha doo-in'?"

Tatiana rolled her eyes, thinking that was a pretty lame start.

The red queen smiled flirtatiously at the younger tom. "Oh, you know, just waiting for someone to come and rescue me from my boredom," she said, inspecting her well-pedicured claws. She suddenly looked directly at him. "Hey, maybe you're just the cat I need for that."

Mungojerrie gulped as a red paw swooped down, grabbed him by the collar and deftly deposited him beside the red queen herself.

"So, what are you up – Why, Mungojerrie, what's wrong?" she squinted at his contorted face.

Mungojerrie's expression cleared as he forced a smile once more, trying to be as flirtatious as the queen. "Oi, uh, Oi…Oi'm jes' wonderin' whoiy we must talk 'bout me. Let's talk about yoo." He leered at her in an attempt at being what he hoped was seductive.

Unfortunately, his attentions had the adverse effect. Bombalurina almost shrieked as she slid to the side. Recovering her composure, she replied, "Well, there's nothing much to talk about. I was wanting to talk about you."

Mungojerrie blanched.

"But," continued the queen, "if you feel that uncomfortable talking about yourself, why don't we talk about something…else?"

"Else?"

"Else."

"Else?"

"Huh?"

"Else what?"

Bombalurina stared at the tom. "Mungo, are you feeling okay?"

"Me? Sure."

"Then why has your fur turned purple?"

"What?" Mungojerrie stood and looked down at himself. "Oh, that! That's, uh, that's…" He suddenly remembered to look cool and stuck his hips out to the side. "Oi, uh…hmmm…Oi can't exploin that."

Bombalurina was evidently trying desperately to control the laughter bubbling within her. "Right, Mungo. Well I'm off. See you around." She waved cutely as she walked away.

Once she was out of sight, Mungojerrie slipped down onto the boxes beside the tyre.

Tatiana wandered casually up to him. "Why did you have to choose someone like her to begin with? She would be the hardest to impress."

Mungojerrie sighed. "Yeah, Oi know. Oi'm so stupid."

"You are not," Tatiana scolded him. "Don't ever say that again. Now," she continued before Mungojerrie could react, "why don't you go over there and try Victoria?"

"Oh, orlroight," the tom grumbled. He began to stalk off.

"Hips!" Tatiana shouted after him, perching herself on the tyre to watch.

Mungojerrie stopped and sighed, then resumed his walk with a tomculine swing in his hips.

Tatiana giggled as she watched him half-heartedly try to impress the young, white queen. She noticed Etcetera and Electra nearby, also giggling at the scene unfolding before them. Tatiana couldn't hear much of the conversation, but she gathered that Victoria was telling the stripy tom that she was taken. Mungojerrie mustered an air of 'Oi know, but Oi don't really care; Oi'm gonna flirt with ya anywoiy'. However, Victoria laughed, placed a paw on his shoulder and then walked off.

Mungojerrie scowled after her retreating back. What were these queens trying to do, make it difficult for him to succeed at the dare? He wouldn't put it past them…gah, queens! Well, some of 'em… he silently amended. Catching sight of Etcetera and Electra, Mungojerrie slunk up to the kittens and began his new ritual of flirting when the Rum Tum Tugger appeared upon the scene.

As the Tugger swaggered up to the small group, the two kittens instantly latched onto the Maine Coon's legs, making it difficult for him to walk. However, Etcetera moved herself to his belt when she remembered her dare.

When the Tugger reached Mungojerrie, he looked the stripy tom up and down, smirking. "Hello, Mungs."

Mungojerrie winced at this despised nickname. "'Ello, Tugger."

"What are you up to? And what's with this thing?" He flicked Mungojerrie's purple scarf with his tail.

"Nothin'," muttered Mungojerrie.

Tugger raised his eyebrow. "You wouldn't happen to be trying to steal my queens, would you?"

Mungojerrie drew himself up to his full height instantly. "No."

Tugger flashed him a knowing grin.

"Oi'm not!" protested Mungojerrie.

After watching the exchange thus far, Tatiana decided it was time for her to save Mungojerrie. She walked up to the stripy tom and leaned her arm on his (somewhat higher) shoulder after running her paw through his headfur. "Hi, Jerrie," she cooed. "Hi, Tugger."

Tugger slung his hips to the side, which Tatiana ignored.

"Jerrie, weren't you going to show me that spot?" she asked sweetly.

"'Uh?" Jerrie stared at her blankly. "The…oh, the spot! Yes, Oi was. Did ya wanna do that now?"

Tatiana nodded and turned away. She waved her tail in the air sensuously, letting it rest near Tugger's chest, then quickly moving it before it touched him so that the tip lightly brushed Mungojerrie's cheek.

"See ya loiter, Tugger," Mungojerrie said coolly, casually following Tatiana.

Tatiana boldly paused a moment and turned around to make sure that Mungojerrie was following. Noticing Tugger's bewildered expression, she waved to him cutely, just as Bombalurina had done to Mungojerrie, and kept walking away.

When they were out of sight, Tatiana waited for Mungojerrie to catch up.

"Thanks, Tats," Mungojerrie said gratefully. "That was a moighty orwkward situation!"

Tatiana shrugged and smiled. "I figured you could use some help – or a rescue," she told him.

"Yeah, moijor," he agreed. He looked directly at her. "So, what's this place Oi was gonna show ya?" He winked at her in another attempt at being flirtatious.

Tatiana giggled. "You know, you're a better flirt when you're not trying to copy Tugger!"

Jokingly, Mungojerrie slung his hips to the side, grinned and wiggled his eyebrows at her. "Would ya loike me ta show ya this spot?"

"Rumpelteazer, what's the matter?" Etcetera asked as a panting Rumpelteazer raced past, breathing heavily.

"Can't stop!" she called over her shoulder.

"What was that all about?" Tatiana asked, turning to the other cats.

Etcetera shrugged. "Goodness knows. I have completed my dare. Witnesses?" she asked, sounding much like a judge at a trial.

Electra raised her paw.

"Thankyou. Mungojerrie, have you completed your dare?"

Mungojerrie nodded the affirmative.

"Witnesses, please raise your paws."

Etcetera herself, Tatiana, Electra, Victoria and Jemima raised their paws.

"Very good. You pass."

Tatiana had a job trying to hold in her giggles at Etcetera's behaviour, and this, Mungojerrie noticed, and he flashed her a grin.

"Pouncival, have you –"

Before Etcetera could finish her sentence, Bombalurina sauntered up to the group and frowned. "Has anyone seen that creep of a Rumpelteazer around?"

Before anyone could answer, Mungojerrie cheekily piped up, "Well, she was runnin' off that woiy jes' a couple a minutes ago…" He pointed in the direction in which Rumpelteazer had been running.

"Thanks." Bombalurina swished her way in the direction pointed out to her.

Mungojerrie sat back with a grin. "Looks loike someone got caught."

"Mungojerrie!" said Electra, shocked. "You can't dob her in like that!"

"Whoiy can't Oi?"

"She's your sister!"

Mungojerrie shrugged. "So?"

Electra sighed; it was evident that she would get nowhere in the mini-argument.

"Ahem."

Everyone turned their attention back to Etcetera.

"Pouncival, have you completed your dare?" Pouncival's dare had been to run up to Munkustrap, throw his arms around him and call him 'dad'.

"Yes, Your Honour."

Etcetera bared her teeth momentarily before asking for witnesses to raise their paws.

As Victoria, Plato and Tumblebrutus did so, a ball of orange, black and white fur tumbled into the middle of the group. Rumpelteazer sat up and looked behind her. "Uh-oh…gotta go."

"Just a moment!" Etcetera stood. "Plato, bring her over here."

Plato complied with the command. Standing also, he picked Rumpelteazer up by the scruff of her neck and placed her at Etcetera's paws.

"Oi, whaddya think yer doin'?" shrieked Rumpelteazer indignantly. "Oi've gotta git goin'!"

"Rumpelteazer," Etcetera began, leering in the older queen's face, "have you completed your dare?"

Rumpelteazer looked down ashamedly. "No."

"Then I command you to complete another dare as punishment. For the whole day tomorrow, you must not speak at all – instead, you must sing."

"Foine, foine," grumbled the stripy queen. "Just let me go before – Oh, 'Eavisoide!" she muttered, scampering off again as she spotted the angry, scarlet queen heading towards her.

A few moments later, Bombalurina tore through the group, screaming out as she went, "Rumpelteazer! I'll get my paws on you, you dirty little thief! RUMPELTEAZER!"

The younger cats collapsed into fits of laughter.

"Oh, poor Teazer," Tatiana said, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Yeah, Oi guess… Good entertoinment, though." Mungojerrie grinned.