!THIS IS PART 2! IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY, GO BACK AND READ PART 1!
I had no idea this was gonna be in two parts, but the chapter just looks to long otherwise…(sowy!)
And now, the stunning conclusion to Krone's Point Of View!
(Strange…Emotions…)
Sometimes it's hard to be around her.
More than hard, it's intoxicating having her so close to me. Sometimes it becomes so easy to get her near me that it shouldn't even be allowed. But she doesn't know that. She's innocent. That alone makes me want her even closer.
Other times it's the most natural thing in the world to have her next to me, I just revel in her warmth and everything else disappears.
But why do I feel these things around her? Why does it pain me to see her sad, why am I filled with rage when her damnable brother insults her, why am I only happy when she is?
Today those thoughts were at the back of my mind. Finally, after all this time, I had fully repaired my ship. The day before Sophie had been here, helping me where she could and also talking to me, a friendly distraction that always helps me keep a level head when repairs don't go as planned. Thanks to her I had gotten double the amount of maintenance in than I had originally thought. I felt like I had to fully express my gratitude to her, let her know how much of a help she had been to me all this time.
I decided it couldn't put it into words how much I appreciated her, so I opt for something more special. Something she'd truly like.
"Krone! I'm home!"
When she arrived I immediately pulled her towards me and began telling her how Taak's instructions finally made sense to me and how I made a breakthrough. I was more then positive that she couldn't understand half of what I was telling her but I continued even still, sure that she's get the message regardless.
"So you can fly this thing now?"
I nodded and basked in my accomplishment, but I wasn't done yet.
"Come with me, you'll enjoy it."
I told her and almost immediately her face was sprung with her usual bewilderment. By now the look on her face is the most common thing in the world whenever I do something out of the ordinary.
"W-wha-"
"Say yes."
"But Krone," She started, "I mean…you don't even know if it's safe, how can you-"
"Trust me," I urged her as I pulled her along, "I wouldn't ask if I didn't know."
"B-but-"
I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes at her. Really, she spends all her time with me, a Yautja, and only now she wants to be cautious.
I took hold of her chin an lifted her sweet face to me, "Sophie, I would never put you in any danger," I told her, determined to get her to fly with me, "and it would make me very happy if you came along with me so, please?"
By her expression I could already tell that she would grant my wish. There was never a time where Sophie had ever said 'no' to me and sure enough she nodded.
That's my girl.
I turned and began the preparations when I suddenly noticed something different about Sophie. Her clothes were more color coordinated today, and much more brighter. She's usually with grey or dark colors on her. She looked gorgeous.
"You look amazing today."
She smiled, more genuinely than I've ever seen her do so before, making her look even more beautiful.
Her doubts and fears had seemed to subsided as she got into the ship. I prepared our launch, knowing that this would be something she wouldn't soon forget.
000
"Sophie."
She gasped before slightly turning her head towards me. The departure had been completely new to her, so I wasn't surprised at her scared reactions.
I smiled, "Look."
She did so and once again I could hear her breath escape her. I watched as she took in her new surroundings, from the massive size of her planet to the endless and countless stars above. I looked down at her and saw how her eyes glistened with the stars. She looked magnificent, staring into space with a sense of profound understanding, taking in every detail and committing it to memory.
I had seen all this many times before, I've even come to take it for granted, but Sophie, I knew she would love to see it. That's why I wanted to bring her.
I knew my Sophie would appreciate all this.
We continued to float among the stars, in silence but with emotion, it was perfect. I felt like I was showing her my world. What made it especially nice was the fact that she was accepting it. A thought I liked very much.
I closed my eyes as she leaned into me, reveling in the moment in it's entirety. Never before had I felt so at ease with myself, so free, and the sole reason for this was Sophie. I had her to thanks for this relief. With her my days seem to stretch endlessly, she gave me peace of mind, more than I have ever had before.
I had little way of knowing that those days where soon to end.
000
"Oh my god, Krone that was amazing!"
Sophie jumped out of my ship, her enthusiasm caused me to let out a calm laugh.
"Seriously!" she protested at my casual taking of her display, "I mean, that was the most amazing experience I've ever been apart of, no, the only most amazing thing ever! And that's not even the half of it, I swear!"
"I'm glad you enjoyed it, Sophie," I said, truly satisfied with making her so happy.
"Enjoyed?" she said, "It was freaking awesome! I mean, I was in space, Krone! In space! I was looking down on the planet for Christ's sake! It was incredible! And the shooting star? I didn't know it looked that way! With the sparks and the shining and-everything! Everything was perfect! Freaking perfect! I'm probably like, the only living human who's ever seen something like that! It's the greatest thing ever! Holy shit, I forgot my art pad! But it's not like I can forget anything as amazing and cool like that, right? I mean, I'll remember it until the day I'm an old and sorry woman at the bridge of death! I can't believe I actually saw all that! Krone!"
She said so all in one breath that I nearly laughed again. My little Ooman, so alive and so innocent. Innocence I took for something else.
"Thank you! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"
There wasn't any reason for her to thank me, but she did so anyway. Just as there was no reason for everything to go wrong, and yet everything came crashing down on me. Because of my mistake.
With a smile on her face she ran up to me.
I can't blame her because it was I who should have known better.
When I felt her wrap her arms around my neck I felt nothing but warmth.
It should have stayed as warmth. Friendly. Platonic.
I caught her in my arms, preventing her from falling.
But it was I who was about to fall.
"I love you!"
Why didn't you mean it, Sophie?
(Sophie…)
To me everything came together, it all fit perfectly into place. My reason for feeling the way I do, doing everything I had done for her, it all made perfect sense. At that very instant the universe seemed to reveal to me a greet understanding. One that favored me and blessed me.
I'm such a fool.
Sophie had just returned from talking to her brother, she had her head on my shoulder. The serenity of the moment had caused me to say my next words.
"I've always wondered what it must be like."
She looked up at me, a questioning look on her face yet she asked nothing. I guessed that since I had said something similar to her before and had not answered her she refrained from doing so know.
I looked back down at her. This time I knew that I wanted to share my full story with her.
"To have a family."
Her eyes widened as I continued, the words flowing out like a river.
"A real family," I continued, looking ahead with bitterness, "not twenty plus brothers I don't care about, a dead father, and a mother who still mates with whoever she sees fit. Memories, closure, affection. I've always wanted that."
I narrowed my eyes toward the floor, "I'm an honored blood, those things shouldn't matter to me. But they do. There are so many things that I hate about my kind. Sometimes I think of my title as see it as hollow and meaningless."
I clenched at my first, finally, after all this time I was finally riding myself from all the hypocrisy I had to feign about my kind, "I'm praise, but for what? I feel nothing, I take no pride in what other would literally kill for. To think these things is blasphemy, sinful even, to my people. I, being honored, am a sort of example, and I shouldn't be having these ideas."
I would be killed for these ideas, banished, branded a traitor. For all of my life I had kept these treacherous thoughts at a distance, careful to not make them show.
I looked at her, "But with you Sophie, it's different. I do think all of that, I can tell you what I believe, confine in you everything that would have me maimed back home."
I lived my life pretending. I had no other life than the one back in my planet. I would not even make a good bad blood for I had no blood lust. I felt chained to my people for I knew of nothing else, I had forced myself to live with my opinions muted. But with Sophie…with her…
"I like being able to be honest, I like showing you what I feel, what I think, telling you things, sharing everything with you."
"I feel as if you have given me everything I want," I stroked her delicate cheek with tenderness, feeling her skin heat at my touch, "All I ever wanted."
I felt her let out a sigh as I quietly came closer to her, the beat of my heart rising with every word I said to her.
"When I'm with you I laugh, I feel, I am myself, not some fake, egotistical alpha-male that's always ready for a fight. You've set free my soul." Yes. My soul. She gave me back my freedom. No, she gave me freedom. Never before had I ever had it with me until now.
I turned fully to her, a fire inside me glowing like never before, "You have shown me my sought after affection, my trust, the sense of meaning I needed. One that didn't involve playing warrior of the year. With you I feel like I can do anything."
Anything and everything. I wanted to show her more than the stars, I wanted her happiness, I wanted her to be the happiest Ooman in all of existence. I wanted all this for her because she had done so much for me.
"Sophie…you are…the most important thing in my life. My everything. You are my world, and I…"
I gently took both sides of her face, slowing only when she gasped yet I still pulled her close to me. As close as we have ever been. Right now, in this very moment, I cared not for anything else but her. She became what I held most dear and I knew, I knew that I would never let her go.
"Kch-tanu Kch-ge'kote Pa'ya-te."
I saw in her face unknown emotions stir in her, the glaze in her eyes making her look more beautiful than she had ever been, her partially opened lips adding to her innocence and I knew, or I thought, that I had her. I had her for me and myself alone.
"w-What…does that….mean?"
"I give you the honor of my soul's heart."
She's mine now.
She was mine.
I held her close to me, shamelessly. She was mine. I said so over and over in my mind. Sophie would be mine forever and that gave me the best feeling in the whole universe. To have her, to hold her, to feel her, to touch her. The mere thought of possessing her became my drug. It intoxicated me, provoked me. I was filled with want of her, I needed her. Her body burned and it called out to me, I felt her heat. I felt her. Her hand was on my chest and I began to purr at her touch. She was gentle, and pure, and wanting.
And Paya, I wanted her.
I was overcome with the need of her, to have her flesh next to mine, to have her completely. I began to caress her, the simple desire to have her taking over any other thought. A carnal desire filled me as I learned in on her, resting my hand on the softness of her thigh.
"k-Krone…"
The sound of her voice only served to coax me further. I began to image so many other noises I would draw out from her. I would take her for my own. Have her for my own. I moved my tusks down the skin of her neck, teasing myself with the thought of tasting her. I felt her heat, heat that I soaked up with my own body. I continued to go lower, continued to massaged her cloth-covered skin…
"Krone…!"
I was pushed back.
"What do you think your doing?"
It took me seconds to realize that Sophie was the one who was talking. She was upset. Angry.
"I don't understand…"
"Well, that makes two of us!"
The harsh tone of her words doesn't help the spinning in my head.
"Sophie…"
"Yeah?"
"I…" The blur within me began to fade as I finally began to realize what I had attempted at. I grimaced inwardly. Not even as a Young Blood had I been so crazed, I felt like a fool. "I'm sorry…"
"That's a start…"
"I realize this isn't the most romantic scene you've ever dreamed of…"
"Okay-wait, what?"
"I just got…overexcited, I didn't mean to-"
"What's this about romance?"
"I said I was sorry, I don't mean for you to think that I'm about to take you in your garage…"
"Take me where?"
My words failed me.
"Krone!"
"I'm sorry," I said again, "you deserve better than floor-"
"I don't understand what your saying!"
"Sophie…"
"What?"
"I'm pretty sure you ought to…"
"Krone, your making me sound and feel like an idiot! Just tell me what your talking about!"
"You…and…me…"
"Wh-"
She gasped, and for a short time after it looked as if her soul had been rattled.
"Sophie?"
She began looking very pale and sick.
"Sophie, are you okay?" I lifted my hand towards her face, "You look-"
She flinched away from me.
I stood frozen by her action.
"…S-Sophie…what's the matter?"
She had been scared just now. She was afraid of me…
"Sophie-"
"Why-why would you even think that?" she said hastily, "I-I mean…I just…Jesus, Krone, what kind of joke is that anyway!"
"It's not."
"What? Don't-don't even say that! What are you talking about! Of course it is!"
"Sophie-"
"I don't-just don't say things like that!"
"Why not?"
"Why not? Because! Because…it…it sounds…not right, okay!"
"Why shouldn't it be, we-"
"Krone, of course it doesn't sound right!" she turned away from me and buried her face into her hands, "Jesus!"
"Sophie…" I tried to reach out to her again.
But…
"No, Krone!" she pulled away from me, "Don't do that! Just…"
She began to walk the other way.
"Sophie."
She continued on and the helplessness I had I exchanged for desperation. The notion that if I let her go something would go terrible wrong.
"Sophie!" I had quickly caught up to her and turned her around, "Look at me."
She did no such thing. Instead she merely looked away from me, as if the sight of me would serve her no good.
"…What's wrong, Sophie?"
"…I…I don't…know," She nearly cried as the words got out of her, her eyes closed in pain, "I think I'm going to bed…I'm just really tired…"
She tried to leave me again, but I held her in place.
"Krone…"
I stoked her hair as I had always done in order to make her feel better, yet this time it failed to do so.
"Sophie…"
"I just wanna go to bed Krone…"
I tried lifting her head towards me.
"Krone…"
"Tell me what's wrong, Sophie," I begged, "Please, if I've done something then…"
"You didn't do anything, Krone," the look in her eyes told me another story, "just let me go okay?"
"Why do you make it sound like I'm never going to see you again…?"
Her usually gentle eyes became solid and hurt.
"I don't know…" she said, lowering her gaze as her voice became soft, "because…you're not?"
My grip lessened.
Sophie…
"You're going back home, Krone…You're not going to…stick around for me…" she stared at me with blame, blame that I felt I deserved, "are you?"
The little anger she showed me was potent enough to make me feel like a monster. In my daze I had completely forgotten about going back. I had forgotten that since the very beginning my plan had been to return whence I came, to my planet. To do that however would mean leaving Sophie. My Sophie.
"I…I'm sorry," she looked away from me, "See? I really am tired, I shouldn't be…"
"Sophie."
"We'll talk tomorrow, I'm-"
"Don't…" I stopped her, "I forgot."
She was silent.
"I'm sorry."
Still nothing and now I feared losing her.
"I was being insensitive, I didn't mean…I didn't mean to…" I couldn't begin to piece the right words together, "I'm sorry, Sophie, forgive me."
"It's fine, Krone, really. I mean, we already talked about this right?"
"It's different now."
"How's that?"
"Sophie, don't be that way…"
"It's okay, I get it, you want to go back, I'm not mad at you for that," , "it doesn't even matter."
"Of course it does."
"No it doesn't."
"Don't say things like that…Sophie…I'll do anything to make this better, believe me."
"You don't have to."
"Yes I do."
I shook my head, my throat hurt, I don't want to be here anymore.
"Sophie-"
"I wasn't supposed to do this!" she cried, "I wasn't supposed to…supposed to make you feel bad…!" she wiped away the tears that feel from her eyes, tears that no one but me was responsible for, "I'm so stupid…"
"No you're not."
She attempted running again.
"Sophie!"
I stopped her.
"Let go, Krone…"
"I will not," I said more firmly than I had intended. "I'm sorry," I apologized for both my tone and something else, "I feel horrible, I didn't mean for you to…to bear this inside of you."
"Doesn't really matter…you're still gonna leave Krone…"
Her resignation cut me deeper than any other wound I ever received. Isn't she willing to do anything for us? Or perhaps she thinks that I am the one who is not committed… that my title as an Honored Blood Yautja means more to me than she does.
"So just…forget I said anything and-"
"No." I will not have her think that I am not willing to be with her.
"Krone, really-"
"Sophie-"
"Don'-t-"
"Come with me."
She stopped. The look of shock mixed with denial I took for something natural, I myself was surprised yet thrilled at what had just come out of my mouth. The perfect answer to our problems had just made itself known.
"…What?"
"Come with me," I said again, an excitement growing in me as I began to think of the world we could build together. The life we both could have. The happiness we could both feel with each other," you don't like it here, we can-"
I never had a chance to finish.
"Krone are you crazy?" she was shouting. I didn't understand why. She even looked visibly upset.
"But-"
"I can't go with you to space!" She continued, "Let alone your home planet! What are you thinking?"
"Why can't you?" I demanded, some of her sudden anger rubbing off on me, "There's nothing for you here, you have no one, you've told me so, I'm the only person you're close with."
"But that doesn't mean that-"
"Yes it does. You said so yourself that you were miserable here, that you hated it," I couldn't understand any reason for her to refuse, "What's keeping you from leaving with me?"
"My parents, my family-!"
"Your brother could care less about you-"
"It's not like that!"
"It's not? Sophie, he almost struck you!"
"That was one time and he was pissed-"
"And whose to say he won't be in the future?"
"Krone, don't say stuff like that!"
"It's the truth!"
"Krone! He's my brother, okay? He's family and he means well but-"
"He can't stand the sight of you with me!"
"I know, but he's just trying to protect me-!"
"From what? Sophie, I would never harm you-!"
"-I know-!"
"-he's just trying to make you unhappy!"
"That's not it either!"
"Sophie, you are a kind person, but some people don't deserve mercy-"
"Josh isn't one of those people and I don't want to hear anything else about it!"
"What about your parents? They left you-"
"They're on a freaking business trip!"
"And they left you with him!"
"Krone, I said I didn't want to hear another word about it!" She yelled finally, "Why are you even asking this of me?"
Her desperation halted me.
A pregnant silence went betweens us I began to think of the hundreds of reasons, my frustration leaving me as I looked upon my precious Sophie. My Sophie.
"Because I don't want to leave you, I can't stand the thought of being without you, knowing I won't be able to see your face causes me pain, it hurts you, I can't have that, I don't want that Sophie."
What I said next should have been the start of my life, instead it destroyed it in more ways than one…
"I love you."
A silence passed between us as I saw Sophie's glazed eyes fill themselves with more tears. I should have guessed that her thoughts were others than what I had wanted her to think. I should have known that the confusion in her face, the disbelief…for that is what it was. In my eyes however she was merely being emotional. In my eyes she already knew what her heart desired.
"What?"
I stroked her silk-like hair (oblivious to the fact that she was petrified at my touch) I only wanted her to feel safe with me again, "I love you, Sophie, you know that."
To my confusion she began turning her head from one side to another. But why? Shouldn't she be-
"No you don't."
What? "Sophie-"
"Don't! You don't love me Krone!"
I didn't understand her anger, or her denial, all together I felt my world fall apart.
"Yes I do!"
"No you don't!"
"Sophie-!"
"No! You don't even know what your talking about! D-don't joke that way!"
"I'm not joking, Sophie, I mean it!"
"Krone-"
"I would never joke about something like this! I love you, I've fallen in love with you!"
"You can't expect me to believe that-"
"Is that what's wrong? That you don't believe that I return your feelings for me?"
It began to make sense to me. Sophie was only insecure about my feelings towards her. She wasn't sure about what I felt, she was scared for that.
"…What?"
"Sophie, I swear to you, you have nothing to fear," I reassured her, "I am just as in love with you as you are with me."
"I…I don't understand…why…how do you…?"
"It's okay, Sophie, everything is."
"No it's not! I-I don't understand what your trying to say! Krone, I don't…"
"Yes you do."
"Stop that! I don't. Your talking…crazy, it's not making sense, it's not making any sense!"
"How can you say that when it was you who said so!"
"Said what? Krone, I didn't say anything!"
"You told me that you loved me, just now you said so!"
"What are you-"
She stopped abruptly.
"You said that you loved me right after we landed," I reminded her and after several second there was silence. The silence lead me to think that all was right again, that she remembered and she understood that I loved her like she me.
I leaned myself in on her, "Sophie…"
"No, Krone,"
She pushed me away again. But this wasn't the only blow she gave me.
Though I wish that it was.
"I didn't mean it that way!"
The words crashed into me and all to soon did I begin to understand what despair was. I felt as if the world around me was not real. I did not want to believe that it was. In doing so I would admit that what Sophie had just said was real. And that I did not want. I never want it to be real.
"Sophie…why…"
I also learned denial. The feeling that you refused to accept that something could be so cruel. That life would be able to kill you so easily.
"Why are you acting this way, don't say those things," I did not want her words to be true, I wanted her to say the opposite, I wanted her love. I wanted my Sophie, my love. I wanted her and no one else, didn't she understand that?
I wanted to hold her, I wanted her touch, her warmth. I wanted her, she was mine, wasn't she? This couldn't be real.
I tried to touch her, only to show her that she was mistaken, "Look-"
"No, Krone! Stop it!"
Her words cut me like blades as she shoved my hand away from her. As if she didn't want me to touch her. As if I was someone she didn't want.
"I…I didn't mean it that way-"
"Yes you did!"
"No Krone, I didn't, we're friends. I love you as a friend, but I don't-"
"No, don't Sophie, you're tired, you don't know what-"
"Krone, I don't like you that way, I mean…I…just…"
"See? You can't even say it. You know you're in love with me and-"
"Krone, don't! God… just don't!"
"Sophie…you love me, I know that you do, I can feel it, I feel that you do."
"You can't feel that Krone, I just…I can't do this right now! Things aren't like that between you and me!"
I couldn't stand her saying those things. I didn't want it. She didn't mean it. Why was she doing this to me?
"Then deny it. Tell me right now that you don't love me!'"
I should have never said that. I should have never challenged her. I should have never told that I loved her.
Because when she ran away my life became nothing.
000
She's right there.
She's right behind the door, she's been there for more than ten minutes.
She doesn't even dignify herself by coming inside and facing me, she's a coward, she's worst than her brother, she's worst mistake I made in my entire like and damnit-
"I'm leaving."
Still nothing.
"Does that even matter to you?"
Of course it doesn't matter to her, it's never mattered to her, she's a deceitful little wretch that only pretended to care. I see now, she only played the kind one, she only acted as if she wanted to be around me. Because I'm a Yautja, because I could've killed her, because if she hadn't made me her friend than my stay in her house would've been hell for her. I would've been the killer in her garage, always demanding things and making her life miserable.
Her life doesn't revolve around me, just as she said that one time.
That's the only truth she's ever told me.
But I still feel like dying when she leaves again. When she runs again. When she leaves me again.
And I realize I can't and don't have the ability to want to curse her. No matter how much I've been humiliated, no matter how thoroughly my pride has been stripped from me, I just can't damn her.
That's how far she's burned her name in my heart.
000
The male had stood watching me for a good while now, I've ignored him so far. Perhaps he is just making sure that I'm really leaving, after all the effort he put in trying to keep Sophie away from me. And to think I had made her promise me that she wouldn't stay away from me. Our promise to always be friends.
"Hey…" he spoke.
I stopped in my packing.
"…Could you…tell her that I'll be at the park?"
A question. I almost can't believe I'm relaying on him to giver her a message from me, but it doesn't matter whether or not he gives to her. I doubt she'll come.
"…Yeah."
He actually agreed.
But by now all the surprise left in me has gone.
"You know, whatever it is I'm sure she's sorry about it."
There was silence.
Sorry.
I imagine how'd she look when she's telling me so and I can also imagine how easily I'll forgive her. Because I hate seeing her in pain, because I don't want my Sophie in pain.
My Sophie. She's not mine, she never will be. That's why I have to go, I can't continue to be here, around her, knowing I have these irrational feelings. I'd be fooling myself, hurting her, and I know that I'd spend each passing second with the false hope of her telling me what I most want to hear. I know I'll be wishing for her to turn around and decided that I was right when I said that she loved me back.
But at the same time I don't want to go.
Is it easy doing the wrong thing?
I can't tell if I asked aloud. Perhaps I did because I could hear some sort of reply from him though the sound is muffled by my thoughts.
What is the wrong thing?
I need to go back home, I don't belong here that much is obvious after everything that's happened. Isn't that the right thing?
But then…being with Sophie is so natural to me, it feels right. Is it wrong? The thought of leaving her seems wrong to me, meaning that going back to my planet is wrong. That staying with Sophie is right.
My heart tells me one thing but my logic tells me that I'm insane.
"I'm not sure what is right or wrong anymore."
"Can't give you advice, don't know what your talking about…"
Of course he can't. He's not hopelessly in love with someone who can't possibly love him back.
I turn and try to focus on my preparations, I'm failing at it but I don't care, "You should be happy I'm leaving."
"Not exactly."
He's not fighting back. I suppose there is truth in how Sophie said that at the very base of it he's still her brother. Family. This is what family is then, when worse comes to worse they care whether they know how to or not. I've never known that.
I wanted to with Sophie.
I closed my eyes, "…Will she be?"
C'jit. Why do I continue to set myself up for more beatings? Why can't I bare to know what her next move will be while at the same time wanting to know with more passion than I need?
"Course not that's the most retarding thing you've ever said."
I growled, "And how are you so sure? How do you know that she won't be relieved that I'm gone? How do you she won't be happy?"
He just stares at me the same way I've been staring at him since I got here, with near pity, "…she had an honest-to-goodness smile on her face for the first time since forever. You're a Yautja and you
got her to smile again. What does that tell you?"
He left after that.
All I'm really sure of is that if I don't see her before I go I'll never forgive myself.
000
"Krone…"
Sophie…
She bore that look on her face. When she's been crying more than she should have. Crying for me. My Sophie.
"k-Krone…"
I want to hold her in my arms, she sounds so weak that I can't bare to see her standing because she might fall. But I don't. I can't.
I can't let myself touch her because it's just not right.
"I…"
She's making it so hard when she looks at me that way, like she's begging, holding it in.
Sophie…
"Krone, please don't hate me!"
I flinch.
"I'm sorry! I can't…if you go hating me then I won't ever be able forgive myself for doing that to you and I'm sorry! I'm just so stupid and I can't…and I can't do anything and it hurts, you mean so much to me and you've done so much for me and I repay you like this, it isn't fair! I'm not being fair to you, and that's all you deserve, you deserve to be happy and you deserve to be treated well and I'm not doing any of that because I'm such an idiot! And I'm asking you not to hate me when you have every right to and I'm selfish and I'm mean and, God, I'm just so sorry, Krone, if I could just make it all better I would but I can't and I hate that because you're everything for me! You mean so much to me okay, and I…I just don't want you to go, I don't want you to leave me, Krone I'll miss you to much, and I know you have to go and I know I have no right but…but please, Krone, if you go just don't go hating me…!"
Forget about it not being right, she's my Sophie and I can't have her crying for me anymore!
Denying all the rules I set onto myself. Forsaking everything I told myself not to do. Damning everything in me. I held her to me.
I held her so close that it felt like greed.
"I'm sorry, Sophie…" I tightened my grip on her, wanting her to me mine forever, "I didn't mean…"
I didn't mean to feel this way. I didn't mean to do this to you. I didn't mean to hurt you.
"Stop apologizing, Krone," she's putting herself closer to me, she's not afraid of how wrong it is, "it's not your fault…"
Sophie…
"God, Krone, why did you have to fall in love with me? I'm the worst person to fall in love with, I…"
I'd have none of that, she had no idea how important to me she was. I lifted her face to me, making sure she understood how serious I was as I looked down at her beautifully grey eyes.
"Because you are a fantastic and wonderful young woman that deserves to be happy." I told her, each word that came out threatening my resolve. "Because you are…unique…and…interesting…" I had to tell her every word though, she needed to know what she meant to me, "and when you laugh…when you laugh…pups are born."
We both let out laughs.
Laughs that only served to remind us that this would be the very last time we would ever laugh together. I let out a hissing sigh as I rested my forehead on hers, hopping that this closeness would never end.
Sophie, why did I do this to you?
"I'm sorry…" Why did I hurt you this way? "I ruined…the greatest…friendship thinking something that…"
Sophie…
Thinking something even you think is absurd.
She shook her head in denial. "It's all my fault," she said in a tone that broke me even more, "It's all my fault Krone."
No it's not Sophie.
"My fault because before you came I was so…I was alone and…and you became everything I didn't have and I wanted that so bad. I wanted someone to talk to, someone who understood me, someone…"
Oh, Sophie, you can't begin to understand how wrong you are.
"You had every right to want that, Sophie…"
"But now I'm losing you for it!" Tears fell from her eyes as she screamed. As she tried to place all the blame on herself.
"No, Sophie," I said firmly, grabbing her shoulders, "listen to me, you are never going to lose me." Never lose me. I belong to her.
Her and only her.
I stroke her tear-stricken cheek, watching how the salt water seeps into my skin, "I'm the one who should be afraid of losing you."
"Don't be stupid, Krone! You're never gonna lose me, not ever!" She says it as firmly and as seriously as I did, even more so. She wants me to know that I won't lose her. With every fiber in her being.
So much that she begins to shake again, she cries so much she can't even see anymore.
"Shhh…"
I press her close to me, rubbing her the back of her head gently, taking care of her. Lulling her. I also can't deny how this is as much for me than for her. I need to feel her warmth. Her serenity. I need it like poison. The kind of poison that destroys you…the kind that's worth all the pain.
My pain. I've even showed her my pain.
I've told her my sins, my secret desires, she's become both to me. Paya, please, why are you being so cruel? I need her. She's my heart, my soul, if I don't have her near me than I am empty. Is it because this is a sin to you that you're tearing us apart?
If that is so than I will never worship you again, because damnit, Sophie is the only real blessing I've ever received. She's my only honor. You have given me nothing and she's has given me everything.
I feel how she pressed herself closer to me, giving me all her fear and sadness. She is my goddess now, Paya, she is the only one I will bow to.
If that's true why am I leaving my precious Sophie? I'm killing my own goddess.
"Sophie…you have to stop crying."
She shakes her head, "No. No, because if I stop you're going to leave and I'm going to let you leave…"
"Sophie…" please.
"No, I don't want that Krone! I don't want…"
Whoever has control over my damnable life, please give me the strength to let go.
I lift her face, "You have to, Sophie…"
"No…no…" she won't give in. She keeps shaking her head.
"Please, Sophie," I'm begging. A warrior never begs, but I can't take it.
As I pull her closer to me, wishing for just one instant that I wasn't letting her go. I need to let her go, "if you don't stop crying then I won't be able to take it." As if I'm confession a sin I continue, having her closer than I should have, "I won't be able to and I'll take you with me no matter what, Sophie…"
I feel the guilt in me as her angelic tears continue to fall. She knows I'm right, but like me she doesn't want to be right. We want to be as wrong as we possibly can.
"Krone…" she wrapped her lithe arms around me, burying herself, resigning to a fate that we both can't take, "it's not fair…!"
She's right.
It's not fair.
"…I know."
I'm broken. I'm sure of this.
Because I pull her away from me.
"But it has to be."
When I finally let go I find out what cold is.
It's hollow.
It's barren.
It's not fair.
She stands there. Watching me. Watching as I leave.
And I watch her.
I watch how she's still crying.
I can't comfort her anymore.
I can't.
When my ship finally begins to ascend I want to be back with her. Together. Close.
Most of all I want her to say that she loves me.
She doesn't.
The last thing I hear is Sophie saying my name.
But then again…
I know that's just my wishful thinking.
(Krone's Miserable Day!)
My return home was a typical one.
The Elder outstretched his hand and took hold of my shoulder, "Good to have you back, Krone."
I glanced around me, because I was an Honored Blood I expected only some other Yautja to be present, but there was a small crowd of them.
I looked again at the Elder and nodded.
We began to walk toward his palace.
"I trust you're voyage went…smoothly?" he spoke in protocol, directly and curt.
"…Yes…" I clicked, "…Elder." I added after, cursing myself for forgetting my place.
Sophie had been so free when talking to the Elder…
I didn't hear what else the Elder was saying, but I didn't have to, I had gone through it before. I knew what answers to say and when to nod. What bothered me was that the whole scene seemed…off to me.
000
I got my answer afterwards, when I was walking through the corridors.
"Krone!"
I turned my head, I saw Taak approach from behind me.
"There you are," he said, giving my shoulder a shake, "Sorry I could not make it when you landed, friend, but I was caught up with some things back in the lab." Unlike me, Taak's field of specialty is with the scientists.
I merely nodded and there was silence.
"…So," he said, and something in his tone warned me to be on my guard, "how was you're voyage? You took longer than expected."
"There was…" I faltered. Pauk, I should be more fluent. "only minor complications, with my ship." I cursed again, that didn't come off at all as convincing.
"I see…" he let out a laugh, "Well, I did tell you to pay attention when I was preping you with the basics for ship maintenance, Krone."
Normally, the joke would've been received with a retort, but I knew there was something he wanted to say.
"You know, for a while there were rumors that you were staying with an Ooman…"
My pace came to a halt. I see know. The Elder had covered up the fact that I had stayed with Sophie…as far as anyone else was concerned I had just came back from my mission.
"I KNEW IT!"
C'jit! I forgot he was there.
"You were with Oomans!"
"Taak, not so loud," I hissed.
He flinched, "Right…" he agreed with a nod and short silence before his notorious curiosity overcame him again, "How was it like?"
I began to walk again, irritation pulling itself on me, "I don't want to talk about it…"
"Oh, come now," he persisted, "there must've been something interesting about them, or was it just one? I heard it was one."
I thought of Sophie. "…Just one."
"Male or-"
"A girl."
Silence.
"And? How was it? Was she tolerable? I hear Ooman females tend to be difficult."
Difficult. Sophie…at first she was, but then…I didn't want to think. Anything I would say, anything true that I can say would come out wrong. Even though Taak is a friend, having that happen would defeat the whole purpose of me returning.
Coming back to a home I never wanted.
"…She was like a pet."
000
I tried to tell myself that I didn't mean it. I couldn't have meant it. It didn't happen.
It wasn't true because…not only was she an Ooman, she was to young and…
And yet here I am.
It's practically perverse but I don't want to let go of her laugh, her smile, the way she looked at me, talked to me. Her touch, her feel, her voice. She always had a different tone whenever she talked to me. It was always so sweet…and she was always worried that she might've said the wrong thing, and there would be a cute blush across her face while she rambled her apology…
Why did she have to say that she didn't love…
My thoughts broke to pieces as a spear went through the heart of an animal, killing it instantly. I watched as the crimson liquid spread across the foliage. There was a small cheer between the Young Blood hunting party that I was training. The praise was for Ba'kuub, the Young Blood that had killed it. He was as short as his name would suggest, but he represented everything about Yautja kind that I couldn't tolerate. Arrogant, more skilled for his own good, and blindly devoted to The Code. Ah, yes, he would make an easy Honored Blood. I grimaced at the thought.
As they became more full of themselves by the second, I turned my back on them, continuing the planned hunt.
This is how I received my title, through hunt after hunt. Though I did so not for any pride, or to impress any mate. I killed to pass the time.
To think that once these bloody hands of mine held someone innocent of death.
I growled.
This was my life. It was foolish of me to try and change it. Thoughts of Sophie, days spent with her, they were wastes of time. A time I would never get back.
000
As days blended into months I became more and more detached, more irritable. I had a short temper for everything. Many a time I found myself growling at anyone who tried to make an issue out of my behavior, even towards long known comrades had I been ready for a brawl. Had it not been for Taak's timely interventions, as well as those of others, I would have no doubt been in called upon to speak for my actions.
I knew I was acting irrationally. I knew I was playing with fire. Every time I was asked for my behavior I would only growl, sometimes I would roar, Taak even asked me and I snapped at him as well.
I stopped training Young Bloods, the only thing I counted for good. I couldn't stand watching them in their ignorance, as they tried to aspire to make a name for themselves in the cynical world of us Yautja.
As each day passed the weight I felt within me increased tenfold. I blamed it on one person alone. I blamed it on Sophie. It was her fault. Her fault for doing this to me.
Her fault for toying with me, her fault for making me think things that weren't so, for confusing me.
Her fault for being so innocent, for being so full of life. For making me succumb to her cheerful laughter, her smiles, her beautiful face. Her spirit. Her way of life.
Her fault for making me fall in love with her…
So many nights I dream of her. Of her face, her smile, or laughter. I dream of her with me. The happiness I feel with these cruel illusions causes me grief when I wake up. How I always longed to stay asleep if only for a minute longer. Just a second more of having her. My soul yearned for her. To have her close. Sophie…
Why do I have to wake up to a world without you?
000
I burst through the doors of Taak's laboratory, little caring for the damage I might've done.
"Hello to you too, Krone," he said simply, without looking up from his new machine.
I growled at him and strode toward his table.
"Why, yes, I've had a rather pleasant day, how about you?"
I threw have the equipment to the floor, in no mood for his sarcasm. I was in no mood for anything. To hell with the world. Damn everything. I would laugh to see our gods forsaken race be wiped out!
"Now what's wrong with you, Krone?"
"It's none of your business!"
"Then why are you in my lab destroying all my equipment!"
I roared. I hated everything. I hate myself. I can't take it anymore! I turned away, I felt insanity close in on me as I recalled why I was in such a rage.
Ko'rak, an arrogant little pauk that I couldn't stand at all had ended up with a life mate. A pauking life mate. Why did he get one? Why in this damnable world could he be happy when I had to spend every day of my damnable existence loathing the very air I breathed! Why must I live in complete misery when someone who didn't deserve any sort of blessing got complete happiness? Why in Paya's name did I have to be miserable without my Sophie!
Despair took hold of me and I couldn't stop it. I wanted Sophie back. I want my Sophie. I can't take it anymore. I want her back.
I staggered next to him until I dropped to the floor. I felt a complete lack of life in my body and I settled for sitting down next to my long time friend. Useless. I felt useless.
Silence mocked me as it spit it's pity at my soul.
Taak broke the quiet.
"You know, you have not been yourself since you came back."
"Shut up."
There was more silence.
"Krone."
I didn't responded. I just didn't want to anymore.
"You don't think that others have noticed? They have, Krone. They're asking questions, they're spinning tales."
"Tales without facts are useless."
"But they are still heeded."
"By the ignorant."
"By the majority then."
"What's your point, Taak?" I snapped.
"My point, Krone, is simple. Look at yourself, look at what you've become! Where is the Honored Blood Yautja I used to know?"
Those words where sharpened knives that only served to wound my already dulled heart.
"He never existed!"
I shouted.
For the first time I admitted to my farce. I admitted to never wanting and never being what I appeared to be. To late I realized that I could never take back my words. From here on end I stopped pretending. What was worse, I didn't even have anything to gain from it. There was no freedom for me.
"He never existed…" I repeated, "and I doubt he ever will."
For nothing I had revealed my lie. Not even for you Sophie…
"…What happened back on Earth, Krone?"
My throat dried.
"What happened with the human you were with?"
Memories came back in it's entirety. Moments I had forbade myself from recalling. Feelings that her presence had provoked in me. Killing me. Destroying me. They all lead to the one ending that would forever haunt me. Leaving her to never see her again.
"Krone-"
"Sophie."
He paused, "Excuse me?"
"Her name…is Sophie."
"Krone…"
"I didn't plan on it, Taak. I didn't. I swear, it started off so…normal, so expected, I would have never dreamed that in the end…"
"What happened…back on Earth…Krone. What happened with that Pyode Amedha?"
"I just…it was simple, the introduction, our roles were fine. I, an Honored Blood and she a just an Ooman, but then…she got closer to me, I couldn't stop it."
And so I began to spin my tale.
"She's small…and frail. Just by looking at her you could tell how easily you would be able to break her. In more ways than one. But she's also very beautiful…in her soul, her face…You should've seen her when she first saw me, she showed no fear. She was fearless.
Fearless as well as curious. She's so interested in things that others of her kind disregard. That's one of the reasons I got to know her so well. Because even when I growled at her she kept on coming back. Oh, but she's also a fierce little one, she has fire in her soul, you should've seen her stand up to me. I had destroyed something valuable that her mother praised and she marched straight up to me and talked me down. I could tell the moment I met her that she was defiant, that she was different. You know how males are the dominant ones back in her planet, but she would never stand down.
Not to her brother-but he's not even worthy to be called her brother, he's a coward. That lowlife…that S'yuit-de, he tried to, dared tried to strike her in my presence…but I did not let him, I would have given up all my honor before letting that happen. As strong as she is…she's still fragile. She bears hurt in her, because she was always alone. She was unhappy, she suffered in silence for there was never anyone who would hear her out, and when I finally give her that, that little piece of vermin…But she forgave him. She's angelic that way, it's almost in her nature.
She's even forgiven me when I had caused her tears. She's sweet and kind…she does not hate her brother and she asked me not to harm him. I only agreed because I did not want to cause her grief, but I swore that if he ever gave me reason to I would exact the justice that was due to him, and you know that I would have, Taak.
She has a lot of pain in her heart, and there is no one who understands her in that planet and she is miserable there and she told me…she told me that I was the only one she had, she said…
And we laughed, Taak, we laughed. I haven't done that in…I can't even remember…she told me her story, she shared things with me that she never did with anyone and I…I told her so many things…because…She showed me her woods, her art, her world…and I wanted that…that way of life, her secret way of life.
She cried on me…I comforted her, I wiped away her tears…I made her feel…the same way she made me feel. That's what I thought, what I wanted to believe…do you know what happened? Do you know happened then?
I showed her the stars, Taak, I showed her world as it turned below us in space. And when we landed…I couldn't live without her anymore, Taak…I couldn't…to be away from her scared me. I didn't want to be away for her for one second. The very thought of it, I didn't want it. Her smile, her spirit…the color of her eyes…
I couldn't understand it at first, I felt as if something where wrong with me and I couldn't put it together…but then she made the worst mistake of her life…"
I almost did not want to finish.
"She told me…she said…when we landed she was just so excited, so happy, so thrilled…I should've known better… 'I love you'… "
It had meant so much to me at that time. It still does. Only now I know…
"I thought that was my answer. It all became, it seemed, so clear to me…of why I always treated her so specially…why I cared so much about her…but I'm a fool, Taak. That's what happened to me…I became a fool."
Yes a fool. I was foolish. My angel…would never love a devil like me. "She didn't mean it. Not the way I had thought, not the way…"
But I still can't believe it. I can't except it as truth. I refuse to. No matter how much I have tried to convince myself, I always go back to doubting it. I know that logic, nature, everything says that it's the truth and yet I still fight it. She might have said it but…the way she acted…her words and actions…the way she was around me, Sophie… "she meant it…she meant it, she had to, it's just…C'jit…"
Always, always I continue to pursue what can't be mine. Always I have to believe in what I want to, what I shouldn't. I always trick myself, always give myself that false hope. That she…
I cursed at myself. I stopped myself, clenching my fists until I drew blood. "C'jit, c'jit…"
She won't love me. She will not ever be in love with me, why can't I just accept that?
Meanwhile Taak finally reacted to my story, "You can't be serious…" he clicked, a disbelief I had already anticipated coating his tone heavily.
"Krone, Krone! She's an Ooman! Are you even listening to yourself?"
"I am! That's what's so pathetic!"
"Krone!"
"I cant help it! I can't hold it in anymore, and don't ask me to!" I lost control over myself completely, no longer had I the ability for self restraint as I dared say the words I had long before forbade myself from saying, "I fell in love with her, Taak! I fell in love with an Ooman, I fell in love with Sophie, my Sophie!"
Anguish claimed me in it's entirety as I remembered it all. With every beat my heart clenched tighter and tighter, threatening to suffocate what little life I had left. A whirlwind of emotions went array, careless and violent.
"I was the fool. I was the one who made the mistake. And she…and she had to brush me off like a burden, she was the one who had to tell me that we couldn't be, that we could never be. You have no idea how that was like…to have her…to see her…after everything, after I decided to giver her everything in me. Even at the last moment that I held her, before I left, the final glimpse of her before her face would be lost to me forever…I couldn't even stop loving her for that one moment. In fact….for that second I let myself love her more than I ever should have. It broke me. It killed me. Because I lost her. And I love her. I still love her. And I always will."
I looked away. Did I feel shame? Did I regret? No…Although I knew my love for Sophie would forever be unreachable…I still did love her. As pathetic as it sounds, that's all that left of me.
"…Tell the Elder if you want, tell everyone, I no longer care." I no longer want to live the life of someone fake. I can't anymore.
I let out a laugh. Yes, Krone, you are pathetic…how can you possibly dream that someone like you is worthy of Sophie's love? Fool. You're nothing but a fool.
Silence continued to reign between us, it was only after a good handful of minutes that Taak had decided to break it yet again,
"Do you want to know why I think we're not allowed to get close to Oomans?" he clicked, and as there was no real need for me to respond, he continued, "It's because…I think…that they're so much like us…that when we spend time with them, we become more like them."
To my surprise, he enacted one of his scientific pauses, the ones he only did whenever he was strongly considering every perspective of a problem, "You know, now looking at the topic, maybe the Elders know that even," He mused aloud, "They know our way of life is wrong…flawed, and that the Oomans…are superior than us."
And now he was the one speaking blasphemy.
"That's a crazy thought," I said sarcastically.
Taak let out a sigh.
"Krone…"
I didn't answer.
Another sigh, "I will not tell the Elder," he said, "but I-"
All of a sudden, a loud crash was heard. We immediately took a defensive stance, ready for anything. It only took a second for me to identify who the culprit was, he made no attempts at hiding either as he stood there, making it known that he himself had blown his cover.
It was Ba'kuub, the Young Blood.
"Are you really going to let him go?"
I flinched at the loudness of his words. He was never one to stay silent when told to.
Taak hissed, "Ba'kuub-!"
"After everything he just said?" the Young Blood glanced at each of us in rapid repetition, his eyes wide with shock, "Are you?"
Pregnant silence reigned over us. Granted, the situation looked heavy, I had no idea what to expect.
Taak and I exchanged nervous glances. Given the state of affairs, I decided to let him take control, as he had always been the most level headed of us two. If left onto me the boy would've already been unconscious.
With an intake of breath, he folded his arms and tried to address the young yautja again, "How where you able to sneak up on us?"
Short attention span matched with a pride in his abilities caused the inexperienced trainee to give off a self-important grin,
"Well, I learned from the best," he responded and to my surprise he turned his gaze toward me. However, seeing as I was the one caught guilty, he seemed to regret this revelation and immediately proceeded to clear his throat, "But…going back to what I had asked…"
He wasn't easily distracted, I gave him that much. I began thinking about the many roads this could lead to, most of which ended badly, when suddenly my muscle's un-tensed. What had I got to be worried for? As I myself had said, I no longer cared whether or not the Elder knew, or if anyone knew.
I relaxed completely.
"Krone?" Taak voiced out his surprise at me letting my guard drop, though I ignored him.
"Judging by your reaction, you must've heard a great deal," I said to the Young Blood before me, "Things be it as it may, then, what happens next is your decision. Whether you tell the Elder or not falls on you. But if you do plan to tell him, I myself will accompany you as you do so."
"Krone!" I again chose to ignore my friend. His worry was touching, but concern had no place in the world we lived in.
Instead, I laid my fate in the hands of the Young Blood before me, who was silently contemplating the path he would follow. One of the paths was to choose to honor the Code, which he in his naïve inexperience followed blindly. The other path would only help me.
He seemed to have an answer, "I…I too choose to not tell the Elder what I have heard," explaining further, he spoke to me again, "You are a great warrior…regardless of anything else, I wish you no ill deed, I swear it."
I scoffed, "Great warrior? Don't make me laugh…"
With that I took my leave.
000
I needed to cool off. See things clearly. Forget.
About what exactly, I had two options. Either I forget about Sophie or about the life I hated here. I chose the latter.
Currently, I was watching the stars from on top of the Elders palace. I had access to it whenever I liked, and no one bothered to come up in the first place. Whenever I could I found myself here. Where I could see the sky in its entirety.
Sophie…
I leaned myself back, resting on the glass dome behind me. The stars were always shining brightly…as if they did not know that Sophie was no longer with me. Perhaps they didn't care.
Yet, I cared.
Do you watch the ones I do, Sophie? When I look up at the sky do you do the same?
I let the memories flow back into my mind, not as before where they were rapid with each second, this time they came steadily. I was watching my life with her, as eternal as it felt at the time. When I first laid eyes on her she seemed a strange thing. I remembered when she showed me her woods, and briefly looking down at the murky jungle below me, I only confirmed what I had told her then. There's nothing like that in my planet, there's nothing like her in this planet. These memories…why couldn't they be real again? Why must they attack me, blow after blow, with the reality that they can never again be?
"Are you happy now, Sophie?"
Of course she is. She's in her home, with her family. Perhaps she's even gotten herself real friends now, and she's happy with them and her art. She must be proud and important now as well, I've always thought that if she wanted to, she would surpass her peers and they would come in flocks to try and talk to her. She changed so much when I left her, I'm sure she no longer lets anyone bother her, and with the respect she has now I'm sure she might even look back at the time she spent with me and think of it as silly.
Sophie isn't like that…
She was always so sweet…and gentle…she was pure. It was her purity that caused me to lay my guard down.
What are you doing right now, my Sophie? What are you feeling, what are you thinking? Are you happy where you are now? Sophie…
"Do you even bother to think of me?"
No…no, she doesn't. Why should she? She's forgotten about me, no doubt, and here I am wasting day after day begging at memories. She no longer cares. She's probably happier now, she doesn't have to worry about me ruining her life, causing her grief because I had to ask her to love me. I am nothing to her.
Nothing.
"Sophie…"
I clenched at my fists.
If that's true…
If I draw enough blood then maybe I can end this life, once and for all.
"If that's true, Sophie, than why must I still love you!"
Again I kill myself, a continuous battle that I will always lose, always, again and again I have to go through this. Always I have to think of how she will never love me.
"I'd give up everything for you Sophie, everything just so I can have you back!"
I fell to my knees,
I'm pathetic.
But I love you so much Sophie…
"Why did you have to tell me that you didn't love-"
I stopped.
Sophie never said that she didn't love me. She never said anything at all. She ran.
"No, Krone," I said to myself, "you're just fooling yourself again…"
Even as I said these words I began to recall everything that would give me a form of hope. Again I began to think of her words and actions. The way she smiled at me, talked to me, they told a different story to what I've come to believe. I felt it in the way she touched me with her lithe and delicate fingers, how soft her voice was with each word that passed through her rose tinted lips, the way she her grey eyes looked at me with their mystery and enchantment. She always wanted to be near me. She wanted to get to know me.
And when I was to leave her, she said she didn't want me to go.
My mind whirled with new thoughts that, in my self-pity, I had never considered. I felt the beat of my heart start to increase as I began to remembered the exact details of our final goodbye.
She didn't want to stop crying because then I would leave her…and she didn't want…
"But I had to leave her, I…"
Why did I have to leave her?
I've said so time and time again, my life here means nothing to me. I've rejected this existence for years now, even before I met Sophie…Why did I choose to leave her? Why when all she wanted was for me to stay?
I told her that she had to let me go. I'm the one who pushed her away.
She was holding onto me. And I…
I didn't even fight for her.
A dawning came to me, and suddenly the storm that had been my life began to show signs of sunlight.
I didn't fight for my Sophie. I ran because…because I couldn't take her rejection. I choose to return to a world which I hated instead of fighting for her love. Like a coward. Like a S'yuit-de.
What am I still doing here?
"But…there would be no point in going back now…after all this time she must…"
Again? I'm giving up again. Finding every excuse not to face it. What kind of Honored Blood am I if I resign myself to fail before the battle? Even if I hate my kind, I know what honor is, and at this very moment I lack it. Or was my ego so hurt when she decided to run instead of answering me? Did I only choose to leave because of my broken arrogance?
I no longer placed my hate and anger toward this world, or at circumstances, or at Sophie. It was me. It was all me.
"Krone…you idiot."
How could I have been so blind? She had wanted me to stay, little caring whether it was right or wrong, and I had never again asked her about her feelings for me.
Old doubts attempted to rise themselves again. 'She only held onto me because of fear of loneliness, I was nothing but a friend to her.'
But I was determined not to pay them heed any longer.
No, there was more to it than friendship, this I knew. And even if she did feel only that, I would win her over. Yes…I would win her heart if I had to, isn't that what she had told me about romance? Did I honestly expect her to give herself to me so easily, just because she was human and not a yuatja female? Had I not thought that even she would need to be impressed?
And of loneliness? Even so, had I the right to abandon her when she needed me? Just because I was hurt, did that give me the right to leave her to her misery?
I had been being selfish toward the one who I named my goddess. I had been blaming her, asking why I had to suffer, thinking of her as something forever unreachable. How dare I. Instead of praising her, thanking her, finding a way to return to her.
I stood up, feeling new life in me. After so long I finally feel clean again. As clean as the day I first said her name.
"That's it then…" I said finally, clenching my fists in triumph instead of agony, "I will return to her. I will win my Sophie, I will fight for her."
I need a ship.
000
There was only one place I knew of within a good thousand miles that had every and all kinds of equipment. Within the Elder's palace, there is the lab which Taak works in, it's the only one within miles. It's where Taak and the rest of the self-appointed 'inventors' create new technology. Now, new equipment that has been approved of by the Elders is stored for a time in a room that is little more than a warehouse. This is also where my means of escape resides in.
Of course, I am not talking about a ship massive in size. Those lie elsewhere, in the cities. What I have come to find is the more accommodative cruiser. Like the one I had crashed into Earth with. I had no way of getting mine back at the moment, but the ones in this room are helpless, and therefore, perfect.
I stalked into the warehouse with ease.
The place was huge, but soon I was able to locate where the ships where, after that it was only a matter of preference. A small one would do. One easy enough to manage, I did not want to have the same problems that I did with my old ship. Damn Taak and his 'personal touches'.
I choose one that looked like it contained my wants and quickly got to work on preparing it. I'd have to get it open first, and then there was the matter of putting in the right codes.
Things where going well, until…
"I knew I'd find you here."
I looked up.
Taak.
His arms where crossed and he regarded me with a stern gaze. His stance briefly reminded me of my mother(who I had not even bothered to visit since I came back), although, he would never be able to perfect that murderous look she had.
"I'm surprised I could even sneak up on you," he said, pulling me from my thoughts, "I remember a time when we were both Young Bloods that I trained for months trying to catch you by surprise and I failed miserably."
I said nothing.
There was nothing I could say to him. My mind was set. Instead, I resumed my preparations, working on opening the holding that would let me in.
"What are you doing?"
"What it looks like," I said simply.
"It looks like something I cant believe," he shook his head in disbelief, "and you are just packing up, right in front of me?"
"Are you giving me a reason to be concerned?" I asked, giving him my full attention.
My question was also veiled with a threat. One I was sure he received. If he did plan on giving me trouble, I would retaliate without a thought of hesitation.
The thick silence that passed between us grew heavier with each second that it was left unbroken. I was ready for anything. He might've been my friend for years, but right now he could become my enemy and I would not give him a head start on me.
Minutes passed, and in the end Taak relaxed in his stance and let out a sigh, my intellectually irritable comrade was before me, if only for now.
"What do you plan on doing once you get back to Earth, Krone?" he asked me wearily, "What is there for you on that planet anymore?"
I resumed my attempts to open the hatch.
"Sophie's there."
He scoffed, not at all convinced by my response.
"You said so yourself, my friend," he began, "that that little Ooman feels nothing for you. Why do you wish to humiliate yourself more?"
"She feels something."
"Something." again, he shook his head before becoming stern once more, "Krone, she's an Ooman."
A spared him an irritated glance, "And what are you trying to achieve by saying that?"
"For you to come to your senses!"
"You waste your breath, then."
I went back to work.
"I fail to understand your logic for doing this."
"I didn't ask you to understand."
I didn't expect him to either. He would never understand. He didn't know Sophie, and more importantly, he didn't feel what I felt for her.
"…Just…answer me this," he tried again, his own irritation getting the better of him, "Krone…if it is true that she does feel something for you, then what? It is not the "something" you want, what will you do after that? If she doesn't return your feelings, what then? What in Paya's name will you do?"
"I will stay until she does."
He stood there, dumbfounded and at a loss for words. In all honesty, I had never seen my friend so utterly confused. Had this been in calmer circumstances, I would have poked fun at him finally knowing how it feels to be completely lost.
"…You're serious. That's your plan? That's your master plan. To stay."
"Yes."
"You're insane."
I paused in my work and looked up at him, thinking about what he just said, "…Perhaps."
Sanity, however, was the least of my concern. I no longer cared if I was embarking on a ridiculous mission that had no logic in it, I only cared about seeing her again. She was my sole reason. I needed nothing else.
Taak seemed ready to speak again, ready to convince me otherwise no doubt, but I would no longer let him.
"Alright-"
"Taak, save it-"
"-No, I-"
"Taak-"
"I want to help you."
I froze.
"…What?"
"Don't ask, I might decided not to." he said dryly.
"Taak-"
"Please," he raise a hand to stop me, "Krone, I don't know why, but I feel like I have to help you. Regardless of how utterly crazed this is."
He walked towards me, I myself still wondering if he was truly trying to help me. Taak had always been one of logic and reason, I admit that what I want to do is crazy, but to for Taak to agree to it?
He began to examine my choice of ship, scrutinizing every one of my preferences which he had always considered 'utter mistakes', and I knew then that before me was Taak, son of Lu'eal and Mo'rak.
"Now, you won't get anywhere with that thing," he said, turning towards me, "What you need is stealth."
"Stealth?"
He shook his head in exasperation, "You're not that degenerated are you?" my answer was a growl, which he responded with a roll of his eyes, "Never mind, you're still as quick tempered as ever, my apologizes."
He went on, "Of course you'll need stealth," he paused, and I could see the seriousness in his eyes as he spoke his next words, "Krone…the minute you step into that ship…with the intentions that you have…"
He struggled and I began to grow uneasy. What was it he was trying to say?
I received my answer,
"You will become a Bad Blood."
My blood ran cold. Blood that was soon to become…
"You understand this right?"
I was silent.
I had forgotten. Amazing how I always manage to forget important things such as this.
A Bad Blood…
I was raised to scorn them, as any other Yautja would and should, never would I have dreamed that…
Yet…Sophie was waiting for me. She was back on Earth, alone, and hopefully…she still had a place in her heart for me. I almost smiled. To think…perhaps it was for reasons like this that some Bad Bloods came to be.
Taak was still waiting for my answer, and I found myself ready to give it.
I nodded, "…I do."
"Is she that worth it then?"
"She is."
"Very well. Come with me."
000
"Taak…what is this?"
"This, my friend, is the finest bit of Yautja technology that will never see the light of day."
"…Oh."
Before me was something massive, a ship much larger than the one I had intended on taking. I've never even seen it before.
"When did you have time to do this?"
"Not that you ever bothered to listened to me when I did tell you about my projects," He muttered darkly before humoring me with an answer, "I came up with the blueprints seasons ago, a large portion of it was put together when you went on that Chiva, do you remember? Anyway, I did tell you about it afterwards, and the times you were actually in front of it you paid it no notice, Sir My Problems Are More Important Than Yours Taak…"
"My apologizes, Taak," I responded, and I did hope he would see my sarcasm, "it was heartless of me to give up on trying to understand your ramblings and made up jargon that wouldn't even make sense to you if you heard yourself."
"Because playing your spiritual counselor is so much easier…"
I growled but I thought it best to avoid argument, as he said, he was in his right to have a change of heart.
"I've never seen any of this before," I said as I looked over the surrounding equipment, "It's as if they were never meant to touch the sun's rays. What is all this?"
"Progress."
I stared at him.
"These are all the ideas that were faced with the unwavering stubborn-mindedness of the counsel of Elders," He causally pointed toward the ship, "The design is flawless. Naturally. Anything made by me is bound to be perfect. It's state of the art at a next level, nothing like what you've actually seen. I spent days working on complete advancements, not working with what was already in existence but instead opting to recreated it entirely. The thrusters have an amazing speed, simply astonishing, and I was able to reduce the friction to close to nothing. The controls are handled with such simplicity yet they were built with such a complexity that the slightest alteration would've destroyed everything. Each program, I had to go back to square one. Rest assured that this will get you the stealth you need. It's what I'm most proud of, in fact. I kept in mind every single technologically advanced planet we know of, and to put it into one phrase, it would take the Oomans thousands of years to start to develop a radar that would detect us."
I smirked, "Impressive."
"Yes, it's genius at it's best."
"Just a question, if it's so advanced then why aren't there more of them?"
"Oh," he said, "because there's just one problem."
"Which would be…?"I asked, wondering what in his right mind would provoke him to give me something that has a problem fatal enough to have it rejected.
"It's too good," he answered, "You know the Elders, if what we have is enough than why bother with more? They think it waste of time to produce others if we do not need it."
That sounds like their logic…I let out a laugh.
"But of course, that's where this works for you, Krone."
I smiled. Yes, this ship which the counsel has decided to ignore would be a great help to me.
"Thank you, Taak, you have no idea how much I appreciate this."
"No need to thank me," he shook his head, "Truthfully…I am glad that you've finally found your place in this unforgiving universe," he placed his hand on my shoulder, "You deserve to be happy, Krone."
"You have been a true friend, Taak, I won't forget what you've done for me today," I returned his gesture of good will, "I pray for you the best."
He snorted, "Liar. You don't believe in Paya."
"Neither do you," I shot back in jest, "Come, show me how to run your so-called work of art"
We began to walk ahead when we were halted by a voice,
"WAIT!"
I turned with a jolt, "Ba'kuub?"
The young blood stopped in front of me, bowing in respect, "I wanted to apologize for spying earlier, you were not acting like yourself and berating me for everything and I only wanted to know what was wrong. I swear."
"That's all every well, Ba'kuub," L'ulig-bpe, what does he think he's doing? "did anyone follow you?"
"I didn't see anyone."
Meaning…
"Meaning you have about five minutes to leave," Taak pushed me, "Go!"
"But I don't know how-"
"The controls are simple, now go! Go to your Ooman!"
I ran.
"Uh-Good luck!" the young one called out.
"Stop following your elders!"
It was then that I felt something that had left me for quiet some time. The feeling of laughter.
As I set into ignition the controls, my anticipation grew. I could almost see Sophie now. The more I thought of holding her again in my arms the more I could hardly wait until I took off. Now, nothing mattered, nothing but her. I watched as my long time friend and the strange young Yautja beside him became harder and harder to see, and how that meant that Sophie only came closer and closer to me. Or rather, how I was finally going back to her. Returning to my goddess.
The stars shone all around me and I realized that they had known all along.
They knew I still had hope with Sophie.
They knew I would return to her.
Soon, Sophie…soon…we will be together again.
Soon I will be with my love again.
With my Sophie.
Krone never made it to earth, he got hit by a meteor, it's assumed that the driver of said meteor was drunk. Sophie died alone. The end.
OMG! I can't believe I just did that to you guys after how long you had to wait! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
~Important Info~ No that's NOT how the story ends, don't even think about it! But, it's just about over. The next chapter and possibly a very short epilogue will close Getting To Know A Predator. I know, I know, "SAY WHAT? After all that wait, it's OVER?" and the messed up part is that I'll be going on a trip with fam so my plan for a resumed weekly posting is in dire peril. Damn, I hate my life…! ~Important Info Ends~
Ahem, anyway! As you can see, Krone's point of view is one of the toughest pieces I ever had to write! One thing is to right for a guys point of view(which I do rather well, if I do say so myself, just check out some of my other stories why dontcha for proof.)another thing is to right for a Yautja male's point of view, who's life is as vague as his home world and customs!
It was really hard to break Krone's "I am emo, hear me roar" mood towards the end. GAWD he's so stubborn…luckily, I had ME on my side, and the fact that I made Sophie give Krone a loophole to work with! YAY ME! I also had the help of my other Yautja OC's!
I just love Taak and Ba'kuub, who I have dubbed "Krone's posse"(of oddballs…)
Ba'kuub is the equivalent of a fan boy, and even though your lovable(huh?)Krone would always yell at him for…well, being him, the kid has a great amount of respect for him(he only says so in every other line he says)Ba'kuub is sweet(in an annoying kind of way), I wanna cuddle him!
Taak(who was mentioned a lot throughout the story)is my second fav. I hope no one thought he was a girl at first, I dunno why but I get a feelin it happened :/ He's just your regular genius that unfortunately lives in a brute filled world that doesn't appreciate his smarts. Poor Taak, even Krone treats him more like a therapist than a bff! But I love him!
Well, there it is!, was it worth the wait, is a load of cra-where are my manners, ladies shouldn't say that!
Anyway, only one way to find out!
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View!