This was done for the "Make a Lair of the Shadowbroker-style dossier for your Shepard" prompt at the Mass Effect LJ comm.
Shepard, Dylan
Human
Age: 31
Family:
Mother / Hannah Shepard, Systems Alliance
Father / Evan Shepard, Systems Alliance (Deceased)
Education:
PS34, Arcturus Station
Sector Seven High School, Amaterasu
PS221, Watson
Recent Purchases
-Subscription; "Badass Weekly"
-Item; "Matron" brand Thessian lube
-Item; Bipedal training dummy, weighted for biotic practice
-Vid; "Saving Private Ryan"
-Vid; "Xenohistory - The Turian Military - Pre-Mass-Effect"
-Vid; "Blackhawk Down"
-Vid; "Pearl Harbor" (Deleted)
-Book; "Generation Kill"
-Article; "Beekeeping - Maintaining a Healthy Chitin Carapace"
-Vid; "Marines Home On Leave - Gay-for-Pay Edition"
-Item; Biotic Implant Dummy Plug
Extranet Activity
SEARCH: human colonys/MODIFIED/human colonies
SEARCH: computer literacy lessons
SEARCH: eden prime recovery
SEARCH: reapers
SEARCH: latest basketball news
SEARCH: recent MMA fights
SEARCH: dating for two men/ERASED/dating aboard ship
SEARCH: timothy verdeschi/ERASED/
Gamer Profile for DillShep101:
Alliance of Two: 15 hours played: favorite co-op buddy - Infiltrait0rN7
AWARD: Crutch (Revived 100 times by co-op buddy)
AWARD: Sacrificial Virgin (Killed by co-op buddy to save Arcturus Station)
Grim Terminus Alliance: 50 hours played: no completed playthroughs
N7 Code of Honor: Medal of Duty: 60 hours played: favorite teammate - J0k3Rsr2
AWARD: Boomstick (1000 shotgun kills)
AWARD: Eezo Freak (Used all Biotic perks 100 times each)
Audio Transcript
Recorded from local surveillance on Ilium, newly installed security systems in establishment lacking hacking prevention measures. Normandy SR-2 in port at Nos Astra.
Jeffrey Moreau: Are we getting a stripper?
Dylan Shepard: I...wasn't planning on that, no.
M: There's a hunky turian over there...
S: Joker.
M: Okay, okay, sheesh. I know you're afraid you'll rip your shirt off and pass out in a drunken haze if you have a drink, but the point of taking someone you like to a bar is to have fun.
S: I used to be good at this kind of thing. Then I enlisted.
M: I only call you a jarhead because I love you.
S: Right. Speaking of that...
[Pause in conversation]
M: ...is that a ring?
S: It's not an engagement ring, just...
M: Oh god, please don't call it a 'commitment' ring. That's just too girly.
S: Actually, it's more of a 'want to get you something but can't think of what' ring. A fully-functional robot body for EDI didn't seem feasible.
M: Fair enough. This is a good way of getting into my pants later, at the very least.
S: That's not difficult anyway.
M: Yeah, who am I kidding? Hey, we should invite that turian.
S: I'm not having a threesome with a turian. Why are you more of a perv lately?
M: Hey, I have limitations. There's only so much I can do. Have to spice it up somehow or it gets boring, and a boring physical side is pretty bad for a relationship.
S: I...guess that makes sense. I...can probably handle experimenting at some point.
M: You don't sound thrilled.
S: Well, that's what happens when you leave your comfort zone. I'm willing to leave my comfort zone for the sake of a relationship.
M: If it helps, I wasn't thinking we should do something weird anytime soon, and I was just joking about the turian.
S: Does that mean what you really want to do is worse?
M: I want to watch while you nail an asari.
[Conversation pauses]
S: I've never...
M: That's part of the charm.
[Conversation pauses]
M: You don't want the ring back, do you?
S: Why would I?
M: I thought I was going overboard.
S: I'm just...feeling inadequate.
M: That's a first, I'm usually the inadequate one.
S: You want to get out of here and practice not being inadequate?
M: Pay the tab.
Surveillance Ends