Seven

After her class they drove back to the Sophia. The fog had rolled in and as Bella went into the kitchen to put the dinner on plates, Edward went into the living room area and switched on the fireplace. He threw pillows on the floor and they ate on the low table. After wards they lay in front of the fire nibbling on the tarts and kissing.

"Bella, I have a story to tell you."

"Ooh, that sounds interesting." She lay on her side and propped her head on one elbow.

"About three years ago, shortly after I moved to Los Angeles, I found myself going through a personal crisis. I was trying to fight my way out of a deep depression. It was truly one of the worst periods in my life. A very close friend had attempted suicide and then suffered a series of strokes. It made me aware of my own mortality and honestly, I had a hard time getting over it. A studio had just bought the rights to one of my books and I had just started working on the screenplay with the producer and we became good friends. Thank god for him because through him I kind of found myself again. This producer had, still has, a small little vineyard up in Napa; a gentleman's vineyard, something he dabbles in as a hobby. Anyhow, he invited me up to there to unwind and I found it peaceful and beautiful. It's around this time that I decided this area would be a nice place to retreat to when things got crazy. Anyway, I stayed a few weeks. In that time I got to know quite a few people and I was invited to this huge gala celebrating the fortieth anniversary of a neighboring winery. It was an all weekend thing; there were outdoor activities during the day and dining, dancing and wine tastings at night. So I was hanging around that first day, unwinding. I was sitting near the tennis court relaxing, enjoying, when I saw this young couple on the far court." He hesitated and looked searchingly at her. She nodded encouragingly, waiting for him to continue.

"Well, actually I saw the girl first. She was curvy and luscious and the stuff mine, and of every other man's fantasies. All the straight men, including me, were staring at her, openly lusting. As if by group consent we all drifted over to that side of the court, trying to get closer. She was naiive enough, to be totally unaware of all the attention she was getting; happily hitting tennis balls and laughing and just being young and carefree. She was cavorting around in short shorts and a bathing suit top that left little to the imagination and I was transfixed, I planned to introduce myself, you know, perhaps asking her to dinner or something. Anyway, the game ended, she was badly defeated, 6-0; but she didn't care a bit. She jumped over the net and leaped on the guy on the other side, wrapped her arms and legs around him and kissed him. I can't tell you how much I wanted to be that guy. They were obviously a young couple very much in love and I was obviously very disappointed, extremely envious, but still very interested. So I asked about her." He paused again and looked at Bella who was now looking at him suspiciously.

"She was a seventeen year old culinary student and also a belly dancer. She had been hired to entertain us that night. The fantasies I'd had that morning about the girl was nothing compared to the fantasies I had about the dancer after that night. My mind exploded. The way she moved her body was so seductive, so erotic that ever since then this girl has been on my mind, every day. I thought about her a lot, I fantasized about her –more often than I was comfortable admitting, even to my therapist. It didn't matter if I was alone, or with a woman, she was on my mind. Time went on, I bought my boat and I got a berth here but I never saw her again."

"Until the airport.." Bella whispered.

"Yeah. Until one day I was on my way to the airport leaving for New York. I decided there and then that, it was more than just a coincidence, when I returned from New York, I would find her and see where it led." He finished. Bella rolled on to her back and stared at the ceiling. She was silent for a long time. So many things started to make sense now.

"So, you are a liar," she said plainly. "and a stalker. Just as I suspected you were from the moment I saw you at the coffee shop, I knew there was something off about you."

"I never lied to you."

"Yes you did. I asked you plainly if you had followed me to Napa, and you said no. You swore. You said it was fate. And it wasn't."

He took her chin in his hand and turned her face to him. "It wasn't a lie. I didn't expect to see you up there. I had every intention of finding you once I got back to Berkeley. I was going to call all the dance studios in the area and ask for Bella Swan. If that failed I would show up at your door and wing it. I hadn't gotten back to Berkeley yet when I met you at that party. I won't lie, I was hoping to see you up there but it wasn't planned. How could I possibly have known that you'd be there?"

As if in a daze, bits and pieces of memories came back, each entered and departed, only half thought out before another snippet of memory took its place." I remember, you pretended not to know my name when we met by the river. I remember you …"

"I told you that you hadn't told me your name, I never said that I didn't know your name."

"Same thing. You know you're guilty. Otherwise you would have told me this sooner."

"I tried to tell you at the airport and you thought it was a pick up line and I thought "Well, what's the point?" Then at the river there was no boyfriend in sight and I was just so turned on by you in that red bikini, I didn't even want to talk. Then if I'd told you at the coffee house you would have screamed and had a meltdown or called the police. No time seemed appropriate. You would have kicked me out of your house that night after the Lebanese restaurant. Now I finally have the chance , you know me, and you won't run screaming for the hills. I don't think it's that big a deal."

Bella felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. She had an awful feeling of vulnerability; she felt duped, tricked into this relationship, with a guy who was so obviously manipulative. She felt that the last few days have been a lie, she had no idea who he was. "You've lied and you know it; when you omit the truth, that's a lie."

"Bella we can go back and forth on whether or not I lied but that's a discussion we can have later. I'm telling you this now for a reason." And he took a deep breath. She waited. "The reason I'm telling you this is because of what happened today in your studio." He rolled on his side next to her, resting his weight on his arm. "I want you to know the power you have over me. I've wanted you for so long. I have to confess that I've thought about you when I've made love to other women. I've thought about you and making love to you for so long that now that I have , I'm caught up in it and it's powerful, almost uncontrollable. Bella, the reality of being with you is far better than my fantasies ever were."

He looked at her for a response. She said nothing, she was shell-shocked. He knew about her and wanted her long before she even knew he existed. He was a thirty year-old who fantasized about a seventeen year old kid, for God's sake, was he a creepy pedophile?

"Bella you have sexual fantasies, right?" she nodded. She had to admit she had her fair share of naughty thoughts. That didn't make her a creep, did it? And none of them involved people she barely knew.

"Tell me one."

She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "No. I don't want to. It's embarrassing. "

"Look, tell me one that you're not too embarrassed about. Try."

"Well," she looked at his chest. She couldn't look him in the eye. "I used to fantasize about having sex in the back of a taxi, with Chris, but, I swear we never did it."

She was almost positive his slight cough was a half chuckle. "Well, imagine if you did it in reality. And then you found you wanted to do it again and again? And then eventually that's all you want to do. Do you see how that can overpower you?"

She nodded.

"I feel that way about you, Bella. I feel overpowered by my need for you and I find you irresistible." She said nothing, what could she say? He pulled her into his arms for a kiss and he whispered against her lips, "Bella for three years the mental image of your body moving has been the only thing that makes me come. I am obsessed with you. You're in my head, you're the only woman I want." He brought her hand to his cheek and he kissed her palm. She couldn't quite grasp what he was saying.

"Why are you telling me this, Edward?"

"I'm saying that I want you all the time. I'm saying that I'm starting to think that the more I have you the more I'll need you. And I'm saying that you can make me do almost anything for sex with you. I won't be able to say no, I have no control. Bella, I'm saying this because now is the time to end this if you don't want me totally."

"What do you mean, 'totally'?"

"I want sex with you, lots of it, to put it as simply as I can. I want to do everything to you and with you, everything that I've thought about for all these years. I want to immerse myself in sex with you, as often as I can, in every way that I can, for as long as I can. I want you to stop working and come stay with me. Be with me. Go where I go.I'll take care of you. I'll be generous, I'll give you anything you want. But in return, I want you with me all the time."

Her heart flipped over with every word he uttered. He was only interested in her for sex, he probably didn't even like her all that much. All of a sudden she felt dirty. He had always wanted this from her. "He wants me to be his whore."

#

Bella was grateful that she had not been entertaining thoughts of a long term relationship with Edward, especially after his confession that all he wanted from her was lots of sex, sex that he was willing to pay for. Bella's brain was reeling. He said that he was sexually obsessed with her and had been for years. What the hell? What kind of man was he? When he left her to go clean up the dishes, she stayed by the fire thinking.

On the one hand what he said alarmed her. Although he convinced himself otherwise, she believed that he had stalked her, especially by the river. And he said he fantasized about her when he was having sex with other women. Was that normal? Do other men do that? Did Chris? She started wondering if Edward had the potential to go over the edge. She shook her head; he seemed so sane. After all he was a successful writer. But then again she'd read many newspaper articles about the seemingly sane next door neighbor who turns out to be a serial killer. She didn't really know him, at all, did she? And she remembered she had seen a show on the Discovery channel that examined the criminal mind. In the show the psychology expert said that a criminal and a cop share similar traits and the difference between them is that one uses his abilities for good and the other for evil.

On the other hand Edward's confession explained so much. It explained why he was so single minded that day by the river. He probably assumed she was like his fantasy, easy and always ready. It also explained why whenever they were together he seemed so focused on her body and sex, sex, sex all the freaking time. She went over the things he said over and over again. Replaying his whispered words of passion, she realized that he constantly talked about her body like she was an it. "Oh, Bella, I love your pretty little pussy. Did you know you have the most beautiful pussy I've ever seen? Fuck, I love those little nipples. Come here, and let me spank that ass, baby."

Her mind was in a whirl. "Oh yeah," she thought to herself, "I better watch my step with Edward." She didn't feel she had anything to fear, not yet; but she felt that she might at some time in the future. She had to let him know that she needed some time to think about what he'd said and time to process it.

Right at that moment, he came back to her and he started to kiss her in front of the fireplace, he pressed her down into the floor and removed her clothes with the ease of many years of experience. She watched him as he kissed her flat stomach and moved further down. When he started kissing the skin of her inner thigh she felt as though he was kissing someone else, the fantasy Bella. Before she knew it he was in her and on her, groaning and sucking her nipples. "You taste so good, Bella, sweet Bella."

When he kneeled between her thighs, bending her knees into her chest and spreading them further, she felt as full as she ever had. "Yes, Edward, harder," she begged, hoping to get there with him.

"Fuck, Bella baby, you feel so good." And he reached for her pinky red nub. She was part of the dance and yet apart from it, because in the end, for the very first time with Edward, she couldn't let herself go. She watched the whole scene as though she was somewhere else in the room. She watched him as he flexed his hips in and out, she watched the dew gather on his face and his jaw clench. As he continued to move in her, she looked up at his face as though she were seeing him for the first time. She eventually had to fake it, how could she not when he'd worked so hard to please her? But she couldn't feel her ecstasy, it just wasn't the same.

#

He was drawing circles on her belly, and kissing her hair as she lay in his arms, wrapped in the blanket he had drawn around them. "I love your smell. I'd know you anywhere, just by the smell of your skin." And he tucked his face into her neck as he drew in a deep breath. He drew her tighter to him as he started to drift off into sleep.

"Edward?"

"Hmm."

"Can you take me home?"

"Why don't you stay the night? I'll take you home in the morning." Edward offered.

"I can't."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I really don't want to stay the night."

Edward sat up and turned her to look at him. "Is it because of what I said?" he paused, "Bella don't you want to be with me? Are you afraid?"

Bella's voice was tight. "No, that's not it all." she lied. "Edward, you've told me something very surprising about yourself and I feel a little uncomfortable that's all. I just need time to think about this ."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Okay, let's go." His jaw was tight as he got up and got dressed.

She pulled on her turquoise wrap around dress, cursing herself for her earlier attempt at seduction and wishing she had worn underwear, she felt like a stupid ass. Before they left he turned off the fireplace and they stepped out into the chilly night air, it was almost midnight. They walked to his car in silence the gravel of the parking lot crunching under their shoes. It was the only sound, other than the constant whoosh of the waves. She really didn't want to leave like this, coldly quiet, but she had no idea what to say, how to have pithy conversation. They drove all the way to her house without a word passing between them.

Pulling into the driveway, he stared straight ahead for a few seconds, she felt him searching for words that never came. Eventually he rounded the car and opened the door for her. Once she was out of the car he surprised her by trapping her against it, placing his arms on both sides of her head. For a split second, she thought that maybe he was going to try to kiss her and she was prepared to push him away. Instead his voice came out as bitterly cold as a winter wind. "If I don't hear from you, I won't call you. I won't come by. I won't see you again. It will be as though you never existed." He was very angry.

"Edward, please don't say that." All of a sudden she wasn't a hundred percent sure that she wanted to end their affair.

He looked directly into her eyes and his were steely gray. "I mean it. You have to come to me, the next move is yours."

He walked her up the stairs, he didn't touch her hand as he usually did and once she opened the door, he turned and left. No "goodnight" no peck on the cheek, nothing. She watched his red tail lights disappear around the corner and she went in. She went straight to her bed and cried in her pillow. Edward had looked so angry, so hurt, so hard and she felt so sad for him for her. But she had lied to him, when she told him she wasn't afraid, because he did frighten her. She went and knocked on Alice's bedroom door. "Alice? Alice?"

She turned the knob but it was locked. Bella took off her clothes too tired to put on her nightie, she got naked in between the cold sheets. The night was an endless, the time dragged, she imagined each tick of the clock had slowed to a crawl. To say she had a restless night, was a gross understatement. No sooner would she fall asleep than she would be awoken by a jerk of her body. It was as though she were suffering from withdrawals, the drug she had given up was Edward. She barely slept, she wondered all night if she had overreacted, she kept thinking that had things been different, she could be in his bed right now wrapped in his arms. "He isn't so dangerous," she berated herself, feeling foolish for ever thinking he could go off the deep end, "after all he brought me right home when I asked." But she still felt duped by him, manipulated, objectified, used, cheapened.

By six o'clock the next morning , Bella got up and knocked on Alice's door again. There was no answer and she was about to go back to her room when Alice came to the door, she had obviously been sleeping.

"What is it?" she whispered.

"I need to talk." Bella whispered.

They went into Bella's room. "Why are we whispering?" Bella asked.

"Ahh, err . Someone's in my bed, asleep." She was blushing.

"Who?" Bella was shocked. As far as Bella knew Alice had never brought anyone home, except Mike. And no one else in the last eighteen months since Mike died. Alice was silent. "My God! Don't tell me it's that kid, Dave?"

Alice shrugged.

"Oh!"

"Yes! OH!" Alice giggled. "As in OHHH! The big O."

Bella stared at her sister. She was so vibrantly happy. She hadn't seen her like this for a long time. "Oh Alice, that's great."

"Yeah, I know. But why did you wake me up? I thought you would be at Edward's tonight having your own "O" moments." Alice was waiting for an answer. "Don't tell me you had a fight so soon. It's only been three days."

"It feels more like three months." She sniffled. "Oh, Alice I had to leave, I couldn't stay." She proceeded to tell Alice exactly what Edward had told her, and her reaction to it. His asking her to be his mistress, her inability to enjoy sex with him and how he had left her at the front door, without even a goodbye.

"Bella, Bella, Bella" Alice shook her head. "Didn't you take any sex education classes in school. Silly girl, men fantasize about other women all the time. For that matter, women do it too. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't call out your name once or twice when he was with other women. Oh my God, how utterly sexy. He's gaga for you. He pursued you until he got you, the woman of his dreams. What the hell are you complaining about, girl? Are you crazy? I would have an orgasm on the spot if a man told me what he told you. What are you afraid of?"

"Alice, don't you think it strange that he's had these fantasies for three years, and in that time he said that he can't, you know, have an orgasm without thinking about me. Fantasies are normal but that's just weird."

"True. But maybe as time goes on he will get back to other fantasies. Look, I'm not a psychologist, I can't tell you if it's right or wrong, or normal or abby normal, but I'll tell you a deep, dark secret." She paused for dramatic effect. "Once, when I was about sixteen, I was waiting in the rain for the bus to school. This older man, probably in his mid-forties, rolled down the window and offered me a ride. I was scared. Of course I said 'no'. He shrugged and drove off. He lived right near the bus stop two houses down. A few mornings later, I was waiting for the bus again, I saw him coming out of his house with his wife and kids getting in that car. Ever since then, I don't know why, but I fantasize about that guy and that car all the time. Of course, I would have never gotten in, I didn't know him. But I fantasized about it. And I imagined having dirty sex on that back seat over and over again. I even imagine him holding me down. Whenever I'm making love with someone and I can't come I just turn on my fantasy about that car and that man and whoosh, I'm there. And I tell ya, he was no sex-god. He was slightly overweight with a paunch, but he had a look in his eyes, I can't describe it, like he knew a lot about sex. I still fantasize about this guy, ten years later. It just turns me on like nothing else." She looked at Bella and smiled. "What do you say to that?"

"I don't know what to say." Bella was astounded. She never had fantasies like that. Mostly hers was of Chris and her in public.

"I don't think I'm a weirdo." Alice stopped and wiggled her eyebrows. "At least I don't think so."

Alice continued, "Now, the only difference I can see between my fantasy and Edward's is that he fantasized about this young, gorgeous, sexy, belly dancer who he eventually met again, pursued and bedded." She paused. "Bella, didn't it ever occur to you when you're dancing in front of people that they are ALL fantasizing about you? Some want to screw you and some want to be you."

"I do know that some do, but I always pegged them as a minority of weirdos."

"Bella, I'm going to say this and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. I think you are inhibited and sexually repressed and really immature."

Bella was taken aback. "What? How do you expect me to not take that the wrong way? Plus, it's not true!"

"I think that Catholic school really screwed you up. You are afraid of your own sexuality and sexual power. You like sex, you admit it, you have orgasms, so it's not a physical thing, it's all in your mind. You are ashamed that you like it. I suggest you read a few books. I have some books you can read. I'll leave them on the dining room table before I go to work."

"Forget the fantasy. How about the fact that I was only seventeen, and the lies, don't forget the lies, Alice? He knew my name and an awful lot at the airport. I feel like he manipulated me and lied to me every time we met. And I feel used. Remember the river? My God the way he touched me like he had the right to!"

"Bella, you didn't look like a seventeen year old. And what's the difference between seventeen, or eighteen or even twenty? He wanted you, YOU. And he's no different than Chris. Chris dissuaded you from dating other guys, giving you info on them that would turn you off, until you turned to him. Bella men do things like that all the time, it's in their DNA. They are like predators. Our job is to look for it and recognize it when we see it. No man is going to let a woman that they're interested in slip through their fingers, come on. Women will have crushes from afar and never tell the guy, men don't do that. Bella you've only been with one guy, a teenager at that. Trust me, Edward is a normal, hot, red-blooded man who you should be sleeping with instead of running from."

Bella listened and saw no sense in what Alice was saying.

"How about the offer of money? Isn't that just gross?"

"Just tell him you want to keep working, but you don't mind seeing him. Tell him you don't want to be a mistress, just a lover. When I was with Jasper he kept insisting on buying me a flat in San Francisco, but I told him 'no'. Simple, end of story. I need to get back to bed." Alice got up to go back to bed. "Bella, you better call Edward. If you don't, you'll regret it."