A/N- t&a- there are NO words to express how completely blown away we are by all of you. THANK YOU so much for all the reviews, alerts, tweets, recs, ALL OF IT!
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As always we wish we created these two from scratch, the basic ingredients were copied from S. Meyers.
Honey, what reveals you
Is what you try and hide away
And you can tell the planets
Or your pillowcase
But I'm a wife in watercolors
I can wash away
What seventeen cold showers
Couldn't wash away
Save me save me save me from what I want
Save Me From What I Want- St. Vincent
Six days. It took him six days to show back up, and even then he didn't even mention that night, that girl. His words were sweet, alluring, but they always are. His smiles tugged at my newly barricaded heart and even though I wanted to turn my back and tell him to leave me the hell alone, I couldn't. It's hard to say no to him, but then add in a small innocent version and there was no hope for me. There will be no further dwelling on what that could mean.
I tear through my closet looking for something Alice called a 'make him sweat' outfit. Nothing in here could possibly be defined as that. I turn back to my computer and hold up a skirt. I watch Alice's blurry image lean in close to the computer and she shakes her head.
"No. Please release me from this torture Bella. I have no clue what you should wear to seduce your stray. Just put something on that shows tits or ass and go with it," she sighs. It was pushing my luck asking Alice to do this for me. The video conference is not something I use often, but I'm feeling too bare, too unstable to do this alone.
"I don't even have tits Alice," I whine. She rolls her eyes and taps the screen. I follow the cue and lean in.
"You obviously have tits. Stop whining and just put something on. I have to try and not completely screw up a Crème Brule. So if you'll excuse me…." She presses. I sigh and lean my face down to smother it in my comforter. There isn't a need for me to keep her. Her pastries take precedent over my self imposed problem.
The consensus of the wall was for me to get over him. To leave him behind me and move on. It would be simple enough. Apart from the nearness of our work locations there's nothing else to connect us. We don't have the same friends, don't go to the same places. I could have easily cut him out of my life.
But then he showed up at my work, instead of listening to the rational part of my brain that demanded to know how he knew where I worked, I let the fluttery, giggly girl inside of me feel flattered and excited. I'm an idiot. At least the rational half kicked in and invited Mike. I wasn't going in there alone. What if he was… occupied again?
Time ceases to matter as I sink back into my futon and try to piece together how I let my story unravel this way. There's no longer a clear plot line, hell I don't even know which role I am currently playing. My head feels heavy and this whole night suddenly feels like a chore. Gone are the girly butterflies and anxiousness, in its place is a firm resolve to simply fulfill my promise. I told him I would come.
I reach into my closet and pull familiar, soft fabrics to me caring less about what he sees when he looks at me and more about how I am going to feel when I am back in that room. My eyes catch the clock and I drag myself to the door. Just get through this night, that's the only objective. No hoping for future sleepovers or story times.
I spot Mike almost a full block away. It doesn't hurt that he is waving wildly at me. I duck my head and remind myself that he is doing me a favor. He is sparing me from entering alone, from enduring this alone. Semi pleasant feelings towards him surface and I raise my head just in time to stop.
"I was wondering if you were going to stand me up," he teases. Most of the semi pleasant feelings melt away. I fight to keep them in place. He reaches out to me, but I sidestep his touch.
"I'm five minutes late. That's hardly a reason to feel slighted. The standard 'stood up' time is 15 minutes," I inform him. He gives me an awkward smile. The silence grows between us, taunting our mismatched meeting. The song inside the bar changes and I turn my head towards the door.
"Thanks for the information, I guess. Should we go in?" Mike asks. I don't fault him for wanting alcohol to numb the awkward we are currently harboring. I nod and take a deep breath before turning towards the door. My feet feel rooted to the ground, but Mike presses his hand to my back and I'm moving.
I squeeze my eyes shut as the door opens, afraid that it'll all be happening again, but when I open them everything is subtly different. The crowd is thinner, less exuberant. My eyes dart around the room, choosing to settle on anything other then where I know he should be. The navy wall takes a particular stare. It almost looks professional, if you don't notice the two silver thumbprints in the far right corner.
"You wanna sit at the bar or grab a table?" Mike asks. I tear my eyes from the wall and shrug. I've always sat at the bar, but I've always wanted an excuse to be closer to him. Now I'll let Mike make the decision for me. He heads towards a table and I sigh in relief. Maybe brining Mike was a good decision.
I give the wall one more glance before moving to follow. The music changes, the crowd shifts and I feel the pull nip at my heels. I try to shrug it off and then it hits me.
"B!"
His voice breaks on my back like a strong wave, pushing my feet forward. I'm almost to the table when his hand grabs my elbow. I clench my eyes shut for a moment and clench my jaw. This was going to happen. I came to him. I could hardly expect to not see him. I turn slowly and open my eyes in time to see him grinning down at me.
"Hey girl, weren't you going to say hello?" he asks. Before I can formulate an answer his lips are descending on mine. I turn my head at the last moment, offering my cheek instead. His lips are open and warm on my cheek and he pulls away quickly, his eyes full of question.
"I was just getting settled. I've never sat at a table and thought maybe it would give me a different view," I offer. He is still so close to me. I take a shaky breath and look over my shoulder at Mike. Edward's eyes follow mine and I can feel his body tense. I take several careful steps backwards.
"Who's your friend?" his voice is careful, lacking the teasing bite it usually carries. Mike stands at the table and grins. My feet make the space between Edward and I grow as I go to sit with Mike.
"You remember Mike? You met him at my office yesterday," I offer. My gaze ping pongs between them. Mike's face covered into a goofy grin and Edward, I can't read his face. He wipes his hand on his bar apron before extending it to Mike.
"Yeah of course. Nice to see you again man," Edward smiles. Any falter or crack in his exterior gone. Maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part.
"Likewise man. I love your place. I don't get to come in often enough, but maybe Bella and I can make a habit of it," Mike answers. Edward's jaw tightens and he smiles tightly. Not the natural, easy smile I'm used to.
"Yeah, thanks. Can I get you guys anything? First round is on the house," Edward offers. His eyes stay firmly on mine as he asks and I can't meet his gaze.
"Whatever you have on tap works for me," Mike chirps. My mouth feels dry and suddenly the short list of drinks I know leaves my mind. The plan was to be poised, unaffected and I am failing on all fronts. Edward leans down towards me and I suck in a breath filled with his scent.
"You want a La Bella B?" Edward asks. His mouth is next to my ear and I can't help the shiver that works its way down my spine. I simply nod and wait for the tingling to subside.
"So you and the bartender huh?" Mike asks. I raise my eyes to meet his and he's attempting a smirk. Except he almost looks constipated. I hope Mike gets written in as someone else's loveable dork in a future romantic comedy. Just not mine.
"No. We just, he's just, we're friends. Sometimes. Not all the time," I stutter my through it. Mike rolls his eyes and leans back in his stool. He must have forgotten it's not his desk chair because it teeters and almost tips. The laugh bursts from me before I can stop it. Mike flails his arms and grips the edge of the table to stabilize himself before throwing me a sheepish grin.
"That was smooth," he breathes. I laugh again and there is a crash behind the bar. I look over in time to see Edward's red face before he ducks below to clean up his mess. I tear my eyes away quickly.
"Friends, right," Mike mutters. I meet his gaze and I can see the questions forming behind his eyes.
"A house draft and a La Bella."
The voice breaks between us as the other bartender sets down our drinks. He grins at us before turning to leave. I stare down at my drink and feel slighted. I assumed he would bring our drinks over. Assumed.
Mike drags his mug towards him and takes a long pull. I follow suit hoping my nerves will back off with a little liquid encouragement. Everything gets a little easier to handle as my drink tapers off. Mike's jokes are funnier, the music is better, hell even the bar seems to glow.
"You want another?" Mike asks as he reaches for my empty glass. I nod enthusiastically. Things will only get better. I watch as he makes his way to the bar. He settles in front of Edward and I take the chance to watch him when he isn't watching me. His face is cold, rigid as he talks to Mike. He eyes shift down to his hands as he mixes my drink. I want to make him smile even it means me feeling uncomfortable.
Mike is headed back in my direction too soon. I should tear my eyes from Edward now that my decoy has returned but I can't. I watch as he makes his way down the bar, talking to each customer, offering a half assed smile to some. And then she approaches. I watch her focus zero in on him as she leans against the bar, forcing her outlandish tits up and out.
He glances up and meets her gaze, the first ghost of a smile playing on his lips. I watch as she leans even further across the bar to whisper in his ear and he lets her. His head bobs as she continues to move her lips against his ear. I can feel the twitch building in me. He turns his head and I wait for their lips to connect. Every movement in slow motion as the moment gets closer, just before I am sure their lips are going to connect he pulls back and reaches behind the bar.
I feel my body go slack in relief and hardly notice as my drink slips from between my fingers. The shattering of glass turns the whole bar's attention to me. My eyes focus on the disaster below me for a split second before I launch into action. I slide from my chair and begin to gather the large pieces in my hand.
"Don't," his voice hisses in my ear. The sound calls up the chill again and I clench my fists against it. The pain is secondary. I feel liquid pooling in my palm and I open my hand to look down at the mess I made. His hand is around mine instantly.
"What did you do B?" he whispers. I pull my hand away and stumble towards the bathroom, his voice and footsteps trailing me the whole way. I press on the door with my good hand and release the loose glass into the trashcan before making my way to the sink. I fight with the faucet and shove my hand under the stream of water, biting back tears as the pain finally rears its head.
His arms reach around me to cradle the injured hand. I tense against him and push him away from me.
"I'm fine Edward. I just need a band-aid and a new drink. I wouldn't want you to miss out on anything or anyone by being in here with me. Just go. I've got this," I state. I'm impressed with the steadiness of my voice. His arms pull away, but he stays behind me.
"What would I miss? A bunch of drunks looking for a refill? You're hurt. I can help. Finn would want you to have one of his band-aids. You want Spiderman or Sponge Bob?" he argues. Bringing up Finn makes everything worse. I shake my head and flex my hand, looking for any stray pieces of glass. Everything feels like skin and soft so I know I'm in the clear.
"There are people out there who want to see you, you know. Here for you. I'm fine really," I insist. I wait for his argument, but the only response I get is the slamming door behind him. I wait for a moment before I am sure that the worst of the bleeding has stopped before shutting off the water and gripping a paper towel in my hand.
When I get back to the table, all signs of my mess is gone and Mike is waiting with a fresh drink and a band-aid, Spiderman.
"Your friend over there says that you should stop with the alcohol and start with the pain meds, but he still brought you another," he explains. I keep my eyes away from the bar. I don't know what I would do if I saw another close call, much less….more.
"Yeah I think I'll be ok without the Advil. It's really not that bad," I answer. I struggle with the band-aid and take my drink in two long gulps. The warm burn brings a smile to my face and soon I'm relishing in the haze.
I try to focus on the clock, but it's moving on that wall. Mike is giggling like a twelve year-old girl and that is enough to keep me laughing as well.
"We need to leave," I announce. Several heads turn in my direction and I hold my hand over my mouth. I guess my volume has increased as the night has gone on. I reach my hand out to Mike hoping that in both our half-gone states we can count as a full balanced person. Just as I turn to lead us through the drunken seas I'm blocked.
"Where are you going?"
I roll my eyes at Edward and move to walk around him. He sidesteps to block my path once again and I sigh heavily before looking up at him.
"We're going home. We have work tomorrow," I answer. He glares down at Mike and I's joined hands. I swing them obnoxiously and wait for him to move. His eyes move to mine and they soften slightly.
"Stay," he offers. My face screws up at the thought.
"There's not room for all of us in your bed Edward," I argue. Mike snickers behind me and Edward shakes his head.
"Just you. Beaver Cleaver here can go home to his place. Alone," Edward clarifies. I laugh and push against his chest slightly hoping to be allowed to pass. He doesn't even sway.
"That'd be rude. We're gonna walk home like buddies. You always say I can't walk home alone, so this time I'm not," I announce proudly. Edward takes a deep breath before placing a hand on my shoulder, his touch runs down my arm til his hand grips my waist.
"He's a big boy I'm sure he can get home just fine. And enough of this 'we' shit B. He can go home and you can stay here with me," he presses. I roll my eyes again and move around him. There's no reason for me to stay.
"Thanks for the offer Edward. I really do like your bed, but I think Mike and I are just going to go. I'm sure, if you want, you can find someone else to cuddle with," I call behind me. Mike struggles to keep up as I hurry out of the bar.
I feel empowered as we hit the cool night air. I won't be one of his easy access selections on the shelf ready whenever he needs me. Not sure if that made sense. I giggle to myself and Mike pulls a little at my hand. I pull my hand from his grasp and wrap my arms around myself.
"So yours or mine?" Mike asks and I put extra space between us.
"Neither asshole. This is an buddy system only arrangement," a voice answers from behind us. I stop in my tracks and turn to face Edward. He looks pissed and I take some small satisfaction from it.
"What are you doing?" I hiss. He smiles at my emotion.
"Walking you home," He replies, stepping around me. I hurry my steps to catch up with him.
"Mike is walking me home. You're supposed to be pouring drinking and chasing them with kis…..nevermind," I stammer. He slows to walk next to me, throwing Mike a look. Mike seems unphased by our ongoing dialogue.
"There is no way in hell I am letting this groper masking as a puppy dog walk you home. Besides, I need the fresh air," he answers. I cross my arms even tighter around my chest and speed up my steps. I can hear the two of them following behind me.
He doesn't get to do this. He was reassigned to unrequited. He can't pop up as pseudo knight in shining converse. As we near my building I turn and face my trailing party.
"Ok well, I can see my door from here so you can both be on your way," I inform them. Mike steps forward and I step back.
"I had a really good time Bella," he says. I feel my brows raise. People actually say that?
"It was really nice of you to come with me Mike. I'll see you at work," I offer. He smiles and steps even closer. He begins to lean and I want to hide behind Edward. Instead I press against his shoulder, straightening him out.
"You're a nice guy Mike. I always appreciate friends I can have a good time with," I correct him. He nods and turns in what I hope is the direction of his place. When he seems to be safely deterred I look at Edward. His whole face is smirking. I roll my eyes and stalk towards my door.
"Don't hurry off yet B. My job is not done til I see you through your door," he calls. I stop and take a deep breath.
"Well then you are officially released from your duties. This is my building," I sigh. I fiddle with my keys and feel him behind me.
"I'm very thorough B. Your door. Not just the building," he breathes into my ear. The door chooses that moment to burst open and he holds my waist to stop me from meeting my good friend the concrete floor. I pull away from his grasp and turn to push at his shoulders.
"This is really far enough Edward. If you really need to you can stand down here and make sure no one follows me up," I compromise. He shakes his head and simply passes me to take the stairs. I follow slowly hoping against hope he will get lost on the straight shot. Not likely.
I trudge to my door, overly conscious of Edward on my heels, once my keys are in the door and I've opened it I turn to face him.
"Really, this is as far as you can expect to go. It was nice of you to do this, but it was not necessary. I mean Mike wasn't that drunk and I know they need you at the bar and I was fine," I ramble. He comes in closer and I know what's coming. I turn my head before he can even lean in. He shakes his head before placing his hands on either side of my face.
"Why do you keep doing that?" he asks. I bite my lip and try to avoid his eyes.
"Self preservation, germ prevention, you pick," I sigh. He chuckles.
"Germ Prevention? Should I be insulted?" he asks. I want to pull my face from his hands, hide it in my own hands. I keep my eyes down.
"I just don't want you to worry about germs, cooties, I don't know, the things girls have," I sigh. It makes no sense, but how else do I tell him that I don't want to be a flavor on his shelf? He moves one hand to push my hair behind my ear.
"I think I stopped worrying about cooties when I was Finn's age. You don't want me to worry about germs? Do you have any that I should be worried about?" he asks. I take a deep breath and shake my head slowly.
"No, but I don't kiss a lot of people. And definitely not at the same time. You're the only person's spit, I have, you know, in my mouth right now. Because it takes three months for someone else's saliva to leave your system and you're the only saliva in my system," I reply. I am painting myself as the pitiful heroine. I don't want that part.
"Well I haven't been craving anyone's saliva but yours," he smirks down at me. Suddenly my mind is flooded with the scenarios of people ordering saliva like soda. Not good imagery.
"Just one kiss Bella. You haven't kissed me in days," he pleads and for a brief moment I feel like he's given me all the power and I know that I won't deny him.
His head lowers slowly and I can't turn away from it this time.
I seal my lips together and refuse to budge as his lips brush over mine. The pressure increases, but for once things go right and my mouth stays closed. No tainted saliva for this mouth thank you. He pulls away slowly and looks down at me.
"Don't pull that head turn thing on me again girl. I always get what I want," he breathes. My mouth falls open and he dives in again, his tongue slipping into my mouth and I fight back the moan. He smiles with his eyes closed as he backs away.
His eyes snap open and he grins.
"I'll see you soon B. I'm not going to let you slip away," he states. I fall back into my studio and sink to the ground. That was not how I saw that going. I want to be angry with him, but my lips are still tingling. I might have to resign as the writer of my own story because I have no idea where this is going.