A/N- t&a- This officially marks (hopefully) our return to our updating schedule. You all continue to just amazing us. The amount of love and support you give astounds. Thank you isn't sufficient.
A special thank you to every one who participated in the read-along tonight! We loved hearing all your favorite parts, brought the story to life for us.
Once again, we don't own, if we did we would live like recluses in a cabin somewhere living off wine and love….
I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you
The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart
Cosmic Love- Florence + the Machine
There are a lot of things that are over-talked in life. Things like getting really drunk; not that fun especially the next morning, trips to Mexico; Montezuma's revenge is a real thing, and let's be honest, even Disneyland; people dressed in large fur costumes trying to assault you is not something my dreams are made of.
But, sex, more specifically sex with Edward is not one of those things. After years of taking my….pleasure into my own hands, literally, I assumed that sex would probably be a lot like that list. I couldn't be more happy about being wrong. Even weeks later I can't really comprehend it.
And just like that my story turns from a drama/romantic comedy of sorts to a trashy novel. It can't be helped really. I have years to make up for.
I ghost my fingers over the keys of my computer and listen to the woman on the other end of the phone tell me a detailed history of her weight loss and gain. After she started talking about the mid-90s I complete zoned out. Who wants to think about her love affair with stretch pants when I can think about Edward?
The slow tingle starts again and it's all I can do but groan. There has to be a way to not feel this way anytime I am not with him. The woman pauses long enough in her tribute to cheesecake for me to break into her story with my scripted lines. The familiar guilt takes over as I take her credit card number. I need to find a new job.
I hang up the phone and roll my chair towards the window and watch the door I wish I were on the other side of. I had so many intentions of filling my story with amazing things when I was in college. Dreams of traveling the world and discovering the most fantastic art. And then there was reality.
Apparently art history majors are in as much demand as snails. I sigh and lean my forehead against the window. While my plans for a brilliant career didn't pan out I couldn't have dreamt up my….relationship status.
The need to restrain my bubbling feelings springs up again. I've only known Edward a few months, been dating, seeing each other, little over a month. That's not enough time to feel the way I feel. Not enough time to want to camp out in his bar just to be near him. Not enough time to feel so attached to his son that I actually might have thought about taking him to the rest of the Harry Potter movies. Right?
Finn is another issue all this own. I never had much thought about having my own children. I figured I would deal with that when the desire arose, but I can't help but be attached to him. It doesn't help my fight to stay in a less dangerous emotion zone.
My phone rings again and I slump into my seat before rolling back to my cubicle. It's a horrible system where people who don't have the good sense to ignore infomercials are thrown into our webbed dialogue that preys on people's desire to be better. I REALLY need a new job.
The morning slips away quickly and I slam my phone down just before noon and let my eyes dart over to Mike who actually seems to like this job. That doesn't say very positive things about him. My cell phones bounces along the cheap surface of my desk as it vibrates. I stare down at it and the unfamiliar number on the display. Anxious to speak to anyone who doesn't want to buy diet pills I snatch up the phone.
"Hello?" My eyes dart around making sure no one who would care is watching.
"Shadow?" The voice isn't as familiar as the nickname. I can't suppress the smile that stretches across my face. Even Edward's friends have that effect on me.
"Emmett?" I don't really need the confirmation, but it feels like the logical thing to say. I expect him to chuckle or something, but all I hear is ragged breathing.
"Shit Bella. I don't know what the fuck to do. It smells like rotted shit in here and there's puke all over and good lord," Emmett trails off. I try to piece his clues together in a way that doesn't make my heart slam against my chest and my heart swell with worry. Nothing is coming.
"Slow down Emmett. I can't make sense of what you're saying. Is everything ok? Is Edward ok?" I demand. Panic doesn't settle well with me and it doesn't help that I haven't seen Edward in two days. Not that he didn't offer, but I'm trying to fend of my need for him and give him and Finn alone time. I figure they need it once in awhile.
"There are two boys over here heaving their guts out and I tried to play nurse, but I am not cut out for this shit and Sav is stuck at the hospital. Please for the love of everything holy come over here and save me," Emmett pleads. The picture becomes a little clearer. Sick. My boys are sick. I stand instantly and shove everything back into my purse before winding my way towards the office.
"I'll be right there Emmett. Just don't do anything to make them worse and don't leave," I command. I flip my phone shut and knock lightly on the office door. I open it and beg off some excuse about female problems. My male boss looks slightly mortified before demanding I leave.
The trip across the street is quick and the door to the bar is propped open for me. When I make it to the top of the stairs, Emmett is sitting outside the door to Edward's with his head propped in his hands. Walt and Nemo are sitting next to him looking just as worse for the wear.
"There is a reason why men aren't in charge for all that nurture, take care of people shit," Emmett groans. I roll my eyes and move to pass him. He reaches out and grips the bottom of my skirt.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," he states. I kick his hand away and open the door. The smell of sick is everywhere. I tug my turtleneck up over my nose and ease my way around the destruction that has become Edward's apartment.
I stall at the bedroom door and steel myself. This is when you prove yourself, become more than a physical partner. The knob twists and I walk into the dim room. The smell is stronger in here and the mess is worse. There are towels and clothes strewn all over the room. I can see two bumps under the covers, neither one is moving.
They seem to be fine for the moment so I grab Edward's laundry basket and try to gather up the mess. I blow the bangs out of my eyes and try to breathe through my nose. The work moves quickly and I shove it all into the washer and dump as much detergent as I dare without worrying that it will overflow.
My mind goes into overdrive s I try to remember what my mother did during these situations. I lean into the counter and remember sports drinks, toast and baths. I glance towards the door and wonder if Emmet has skulked away yet. I pull open the door to see Emmett still hunched against the wall.
"I need you to go to the store," I tell him. He nods up at me and I ramble off the list insisting he take the dogs along. The last thing I need is for Walt or Nemo to try to lick up something that Edward or Finn….expell.
I suck in a few clean breaths before heading back in. The route to the bedroom is easier now that there isn't anything littering the floor. I crouch down next to the bed and sweep my fingers across Edward's forehead. It's wet with sweat and he leans a little into my touch.
"Momma?" Finn's voice breaks me from Edward and I rush around the side of the bed. His eyes are heavy with fever and sleep as I settle softly next to him. He snuggles into me instantly and I can't help but run my fingers through his hair.
"Issybella? I don't feel good," he whines. I nod my head and my brow furrows. I glance towards the bathroom door and wonder if I can carry him without dropping him. I slip my shoes from my feet and settle around Finn.
"I know buddy. Being sick is not fun. Do you want me to do anything?" I ask. Not that I really expect a sick three year old to tell me how to cure him, but it seems like the nice thing to ask. He groans and whimpers and my heart breaks a little.
I sit there for a little longer and rub his back slowly hoping it offers some comfort. He settles back into a restless sleep and I slip away to start the bath. I sit on the edge of the tub and pull of my turtleneck. The tank top offers a little less heat.
When I reenter the bedroom Edward is slightly propped up against the headboard, his eyes shut.
"You should lay back down. Rest," I tell him. He squints open one eye, a small smirk playing at his lips.
"You here to play nurse baby love?" he croaks. His face winces at the noise. I roll my eyes and shake my head. He lifts his hand and curls a finger towards me. A sigh escapes before I follow his request. I keep my distance settling at the foot at the bed.
"I can't believe that even sick you think with your….smaller head," I answer. He chuckles and then coughs. I inch closer waiting for his coughing to pass. Before I can stop him he grips my extended wrist and pulls me towards him.
"How did you know to come?' he asks as I settle against his chest. I should be worried about getting sick, spreading germs, but I don't care.
"Emmett called me," I answer simply. I feel him nod above me. As I start to relax against him, I remember the bath. I swear under my breath before slipping from his arms and back into the bathroom. The water is just under the lip of the tub and I release a shaky breath as I turn it off. The last thing I need to do is to flood the apartment in my attempt to 'play nurse'.
I dip my fingers into the water and test the temperature. It's a little hot, but will cool. Heading back into the room, I kneel next to Finn. He breathes heavily and I run my hand down his back. This will not be as fun as the baths I've helped with the past.
"Hey buddy. You want to take a bath?" I ask. He shakes his head into the sheets and groans. Usually baths only work with the lure of innumerable bath toys and scented bubble bath.
"I know, but this is a special magic bath," I whisper. I hear Edward chuckle and mutter something about him wanting a magic bath. Finn perks up a little, allowing me to slip my arms under him and pull him into me. Hs feels heavier and I take each step slowly.
"Magic, Issybella? What kind?" he whispers. I smile and try to make a bath seem like something out of a fairy tale, but I never claimed to be an author, just a meddlesome character. His damp clothes get thrown into the now empty hamper and when I lower him into the bath his whimpers turn into sobs.
"Sweetie, I know it doesn't feel very good, but that's the magic. It's trying to make you better," I soothe. He nods limply and I do my best to rinse all the sick off of him before pulling him out and into a soft hooded towel. I lift him back into my arms and begin the trek to his room.
"Bella, you don't have to do that," Edward calls as we pass him. I give him the stink eye and he lowers himself back into the bed. If there were some kind of medal for dressing a sick toddler I would win at least the bronze. I pull the superman shirt over his head and let him curl into me again.
"You want to go back to your daddy's bed?" I ask. He nods sleepily. I pick him up once again and swear that I will pick up weight training, one day. As we cross the living room the front door opens and Emmett appears, his arms full of plastic grocery bags.
"I didn't know what flavor? Do you even know how many flavors of Gatorade there are?" he snorts. I motion for him to put them in the kitchen.
"Thanks Emmett. Can you keep the dogs?" I ask. Pausing is really testing my muscles.
"Anything to keep me out of this place. Thanks for coming Bella," he says as he slips back out the door. I sigh and enter the bedroom again. I hesitate before slipping Finn back into bed, I really wish I could change the sheets, but that's just not going to happen right now.
"Yeah, thanks for coming Bella," Edward says echoing Emmett as I pull away from Finn. I place my fingers over his forehead and am relieved that he feels cooler. I sigh and sink into the floor, my arms burning.
"There's no way I wouldn't have come," I answer. I can't help myself from making my way around the bed and back beside Edward. I slip in behind him, curling my body around his. His hands cover mine over his chest and he sighs. Slowly, I ease one hand away from his grasp and push in under the back of his shirt, easing my fingers over his heated skin.
"This isn't what I thought we'd be doing the next time I saw you," he sighs. I kiss the back of his neck and keep my fingers moving. He shudders through a cough and I pull myself even closer.
"You want anything? I had Emmett run to the store and get some things. Gatorade? Toast? Anything?" I ask. I don't think that they are sick enough to need to go to the doctor, but I feel helpless, like I should be doing more. He presses back against me and sighs.
"Just you Bella. I only need you," he sighs. His words make my throat sticky and I shudder a few breaths before resuming the movement of my fingers. This is the feeling I don't understand. The feeling that seems to be too early. The warm tingle and glow I feel when I'm here. The way his words fill and fix me like nothing I've every experienced.
His back rises and falls steadily and I know he's asleep. I prop myself up on my elbow to look over Edward to check on Finn. He scooted across the bed and is curled into the front of Edward. Just the sight constricts my chest.
Love. Just thinking the word worries me. I'm sure that uttering the word out loud would be out of turn in the story. That cueing the emotion to early could create a schism in this story that I might not be able to fix. So I choke the word down. Content to have defined the warmth.
The night is long. Finn seems over the worst of things, only whimpering and needing water, but Edward… Edward wakes up at least three times to empty his already empty stomach. I lean over his back and rub over and under his shirt trying to offer some kind of comfort. He groans and tries to push me out of the bathroom, but I ignore him.
After he felt he could stand I would guide him back to the bed and wipe down his face with a damp cloth before wrapping myself around him again. There wasn't a lot of sleep involved for me, but I couldn't care less. I finally felt like I was giving something tangible to them, to the people who had completely revised the plot of my life.
By the time the sun rises, I abandon every hope of sleep and make my way to the kitchen, hoping that they might be able to hold something down. Edward hasn't bolted for the bathroom since around two, which I think is a good sign. I turn on the coffee pot and try to find a toaster.
I lean against the counter and let my eyes slide closed. The turning of the latch jerks me from any kind of rest. My heart hammers in my chest as I watch the knob turn slowly. My eyes dart around the room hoping Edward has some kind of ridiculously large knife somewhere close.
A blonde head pops through the door and I am frozen. She enters slowly, pressing the door closed softly. The way she slides her bag and jacket to the floor shows a sense of familiarity that doesn't match a murderous robber. Her eyes wander the room slowly and they fall on me she matches my frozen stance.
"Um, not really sure what to say here. I'm Savannah, Finn's mom," she offers. I crumple a little. I should have known. Any tiny pieces of Finn that don't match Edward are in her face. She approaches me with a smile and I take in her scrubs and sneakers. I try to smile, but I don't know if my effort even works.
"You're Bella right? Or I guess I could call you Issybella? I think my son might be in love with you," she laughs. The sound releases me from my panic and my face relaxes. Finn does that to a person.
"The feeling is definitely mutual," I reply. She stops just shy of me still grinning. This is the woman who mothered Edward's son. Jealousy boils over and I hate myself for feeling that way.
"So how were they last night? I felt so bad when Emmett called, but I've been getting a lot of great shifts lately and I knew I needed to put my time in," she explains. I nod like I have half a clue about being a nurse. I turn away and busy myself with the toaster. Why can't I just be normal? Probably because I don't know her role in all of this.
"It was fine. I think Finn is over the worst of it. Hopefully Edward is getting there too," I answer simply. She moves next to me and leans her hip against the counter. Her eyes watch as I slip a few pieces of toast into the toaster and then twist my tank top in my hands. Thank god I didn't change into something of Edward's.
"There's no reason for you to be worried about me. Edward may be more crazy about you then Finn, and that's saying something," she sighs with a smile. I glance at her again, looking at the circles under her eyes. I feel like the devil.
"I'm not worried. Not that I see you as competition or anything like that. I don't really know how to do this or what I should say," I ramble. I swallow hard and keep my eyes on the counter. I want to be on good terms with her. I would love for her to like me. Why the hell am I screwing this up? My eyes start to tear, the lack of sleep combining with the stress of this situation.
"Hey, it's ok. I know that this is awkward and that there aren't scripts for this kind of thing. I just want to thank you for taking such good care of my little boy. Tonight and every other time he comes home raving about you," she offers. I turn to look at her and smile. The tears stay at bay at least. I take a deep breath and try to regain sanity.
"I love being around him. So, thank you," I reply. She smiles again and reaches into the cupboard and pulls down two plates. She fills the silence with random stories from work as we assemble breakfast. I nod and offer small comments when appropriate, but am glad she seems happy to let me remain silent.
We each take a plate and make our way towards the bedroom, just before we enter she pauses.
"I'm going to say this just because I have to, be good to him. He and I were never cut out for more, but I really want him happy. You make him happy, so don't screw that up," she states. It's the most serious she's been, but I don't take her words lightly.
"Not going to be a problem," I assure her. She smiles and then enters the room. I place my plate on the nightstand next to Edward before easing back out of the room. I figure they could use some time together. The living room seems empty without them, so I drop into the couch and pull one of Finn's blankets over me.
The soft lull of voices drift in from the next room and I feel my eyelids droop. I snuggle deeper into the couch, turning my face into the cushion trying to find Edward's smell there. A shuddering breath later and the only thing I feel is calm.
Something is moving up my leg, I pull my knees closer to my chest to avoid the tickling touch, but it persists. The fog of sleep parts slowly and I peel open one eye slowly to see Edward hovering over me.
"You should be in bed," I scold. He rolls his eyes while pulling me far enough from the couch to slide in behind me. His skin is still damp and the scent of his soap clings to him. I shudder a sigh as he curls around me.
"I don't wanna sleep without you. Why didn't you come and sleep in my bed?" he asks against my neck. His lips brush my tattoo and he flicks his tongue out against it. I groan without thought.
"I thought maybe you'd want some time with Savannah or she would want time with you guys. I didn't want to intrude," I answer. He sighs, his breath tickling my neck. I squirm a little and he grips my hip to hold me still.
"Ok little girl, as much as I would love you to grind your little ass on me, I don't think I'm quite ready to follow through yet. Shit it sucks to say that," he groans. I chuckle a little
"And what the hell? Intruding? How the hell could you intrude? You spent the night elbow deep in my puke and Finn's fever," he scolds lightly. I shrug. It's hard to explain. Savannah and Edward, they share something he and I don't. I can't compete with that.
"Where are they?' I ask. I was too consumed by Edward to notice them. He presses into me.
"They left. Don't change the subject," he replies. I pout a little. I hadn't thought about the added benefit of distracting him. I chew on my thumbnail a little.
"Yeah, but she's Finn's mom. I thought maybe she would, I don't know Edward," I huff. Edward's arm tightens around me and my eyes slide closed. I have no clue how long I slept, but I feel like I could sleep more. And then I remember. Work. I jump from Edward's arm and dash across the room fishing for my phone in my bag.
"Please please please," I mutter as I take in the time. 9:17., definitely late. I dial my boss's number and my foot taps uncontrollably as I wait. He picks up and I don't let him say much before I start stammering about not having used a sick day since I've been there and still feeling under the weather. He simply reminds me that I am to call earlier in the future and hangs up.
I slide down against the wall til I hit the floor. My little burst in adrenaline has worn me out again. I glance up at Edward who is propped up and watching me.
"I didn't get you in trouble did I? Should I write you a note?" he teases. I slide my eyes closed and chuckle. I push myself slowly from the floor and walk back towards him. When I get close enough he reaches for me, pulling me into him securely. He begins to pull me down into him and I resist a little.
"Can I change? You don't mind if I borrow something? I want to get out of these clothes," I breathe. His eyes glimmer and I know he's feeling better.
"I'm never gonna argue you with you taking off your clothes Bella and what's mine is yours," he offers. I pull from his grasp slowly and change in his room quickly opting for just an oversized t-shirt. I re-enter the living room and lean against the doorway for a moment to just watch. His eyes are on the TV as he lies on his side. His shirt has inched up ever so slightly revealing skin and ink.
"You're trying to kill me aren't you? You do realize that my sweats are in the drawer below the t-shirts?" he asks. I roll my eyes and pull a blanket from the closet before making my way back to him. It's hard to remember that someone looks at me and feel the way he does. That something as little as six inches of thigh could affect him so much.
"I'll make it up to you," I sigh, not really sure what that will end up being. I'm sure there's something I could come up with. Maybe I could access the goodie file…..
"That comment doesn't help me at all," he whines. He takes no time pulling me flush against him. I turn myself in his arms and bury my face in his shirt. I trail my fingers down the front of his thin white t-shirt. I reach the band of his sweats and he sucks in a shaky breath.
"As much as I would love to feel your fucking fantastic hand around me right now B, I think I owe you a little thank you," he whispers. His hand closes around mine and drags it back up his body and leaves it on his shoulder. His nose nudges mine, but he keeps his lips out of reach.
"No kissing. I don't want to risk you getting sick. Not that you won't," he sighs. I nod my agreement. Even if the risk might be worth it. His hands are hot on my skin as he weaves them into my hair. His fingers tangle there for a moment before rubbing over my neck and then slowly down.
His fingers press into my shoulder and then ghost over my breasts. I arch my back into his hands, making him press harder. He chuckles into my forehead and appeases me, rolling my nipples in his fingers. His touch releases a whimper from my mouth.
"Do you have any idea how fucking amazing it was to have you come take care of me? And Finn?" he breathes as he moves one hand down the center of my stomach. I lick my lips and nod, even though it might not be an answer.
His fingers shift my shirt up and trace over my belly button before dipping lower to tease along the lace band of my underwear. My breathing speeds up and I press even closer. The slow ache is already building and I need him to make it spread.
"I thought there wasn't anything hotter than you when I make you come, but I was wrong. There's nothing fucking hotter than you when you take care of me." He licks the shell of my ear and his hand dips underneath the lace. I gasp when his fingers come into contact with the promised land. His fingers slide up and down, easily.
"Fuck you're wet. You shouldn't let this go baby. When you're this wet just tell me and I'll help you out," he sighs. I want to tell him that I wasn't having this problem until he started touching me. That he should get an award for how fast he can make me this way, but I can't seem to find my voice. I moan instead.
His fingers tease around my clit slowly, not pressing nearly hard enough before shifting. He slides two fingers into me and I arch immediately. It's not the same as when he's inside of me, but it feels pretty damn good.
He slides them in and out slowly, matching the speed of the fingers still tugging at my nipple. I swallow a moan and press my forehead against his again, wanting nothing more than his mouth on mine.
"Come on baby, let me make you feel good," he urges. I relax against him and try to focus on his fingers. When his thumb nudges my clit I can feel the pressure boiling over. He does it again and then kisses my nose. One more flick and I feel everything explode. His fingers keep moving, bringing me up and over.
My body falls slack against him and he twists his hand away. I whimper at little at the loss and watch as he sucks his fingers into his mouth. He pops them out with a grin and I just can't help myself.
I press my lips to his, sliding my tongue in immediately. He groans into my mouth. He lets me control the pace slowly and when I pull away he smirks. I feel that warmth associated with that word again.
"I thought I said no kissing," he breathes. I shrug and turn in his arms, worried he might see that word written on my face.
"I just wanted to give you the promised land's thanks," I answer. He chuckles and grips me tighter. I'll just have to wait until the word gets its cue. Surely it can't be that hard to hold in. His hands settle around my stomach, his chin resting on my shoulder and everything just surges forward.
I take deep, slow breaths trying to contain the feelings, the urge to let the words slip. And then his breath ghosts across my neck and his fingers slip underneath the cotton to press into my heated flesh and I'm undone.
"I know its early and it may sound scary and there are all kinds of rules about when and where these kinds of things should be said, but I love you. And you should know because its not something I say to a lot of people and I want you to know," I heave. The words exhaust me, my shoulders going slack from the effort of trying to hold them in and then expelling them so rapidly.
Just as quickly I'm tense waiting for his response. Saying the words was only half the battle, now the truly frightening moment comes. The moment where he can twist this scene into a climax of the highest or lowest proportions. I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and wait.
He moves slowly, twisting and turning our bodies until I'm underneath him rigid with anticipation. He looks down at me with a bittersweet mixture of something pure and sweet and a twinge of worry. His fingers brush across my forehead, pushing my bangs from my eyes.
"Really? You love me? Not just because I gave you your first non-single-digit orgasm right? Because, I fucking love you Bella, and it'll crush me if you only love me for how I make you come," he breathes. The smile stretches across my features til I'm sure it might actually crack my face in half. Because coming from him that was better than any Shakespearean prose.
I arch my neck to run my nose along his jaw and breathe him in deep.
"I love every part of you. Every piece you've ever showed me, everything you've ever given me and anything else you might be hiding. I'm hopeless. I love you," I reply surely. His lips meet mine several times, just slightly more than pressure. So much for not kissing.
"That's good because I'm fucking hopeless too. Would you still love me if I told you I was pulling some Dexter shit and chopping people up and throwing their bodies in the ocean?" he asks. I roll my eyes and feel my chest shake with laughter. In some stories this turn would make the declarations just given seem less sincere, but for us, nothing could make more sense.
"As long as it wasn't anyone I liked," I reply. His lips wander across my face, placing small open mouthed kisses everywhere he can reach. My hands reach up and under his shirt, feeling the heat pouring from his bare skin and revealing in the fact that this moment is mine.
"And, what if I said that you have to be the bug exterminator in this relationship because I'm scared shitless of anything that crawls and can't kill them?" he presses. I laugh even harder and press my lips to the side of his neck.
"Then I'd say it's a good thing that I don't really have any use for heels other than to protect the man I love," I sigh. His weight relaxes down onto me and I just hold him to me not wanting this to end. It's as if I can feel my happy ending coming on and I'm scared that it might retreat before I can catch hold of it.
~t&a~
P.S. We have to pass this little fic secret onto you…
Ladder to the Sun by Rosybud.
This fic BLEW us away this week. Read, love and enjoy.