A/N t&a: so, heyyy, we love you all. more than we can even say… as usual. you're all fabballs. j/s

you know we don't own—we know we don't own. etc etc.

You'll see in my dream I'll catch you
Into my arms I'll catch you
Do you mind if I'll always love you?

Heaven's gonna burn your eyes.
Heaven's gonna burn your eyes now.
"Heaven's Gonna Burn Your Eyes" Thievery Corporation

I love you. I love you, I love you, I fucking love you.

Aside from a rough couple of years after my parents died, I've never been the type of person that lacked love. I mean, I've had it. I had parents that loved me. I have adoptive parents that love me. I have a beautiful kid that tells me he loves me every day. I'm really not lacking.

But Bella told me she loved me and it felt like the first time I'd ever heard the words. She told me she loved me after she watched me and Finn vomit all night long. She told me she loved me after she spent hours nursing two smelly ass, grimy guys back to health.

She said those words and I felt the way it feels after you've been in a dark room for a really long time. Before you open a door, you think the darkness is pretty much normal because your eyes have adjusted to it. But then you open the door and boom. The sunlight, strong and warm and bright as fuck all, pounds into your eyes. And you realize that you had no idea. That the darkness you were used to wasn't fucking normal because this, all bright and beautiful, is amazing.

She's been upstairs for a few hours. I couldn't leave the bar because Tony was off tonight and it took all of my self-control to keep from telling the few customers I had to get the fuck out. My Bella has been sitting upstairs doing who knows what for hours because I had to sit downstairs and serve beer to people that, for all intents and purposes, shouldn't even be drinking.

She better not have fallen asleep.

I let myself into the apartment and Walt and Nemo both trot lazily towards me. I crouch down with a hand on each of their heads. "Where's Bella?" I ask and offer my face for them to lick. Their tails thump against the floor and I laugh. "Good boys."

I straighten out after a minute and toe my shoes off before walking further into the apartment. She's not on the sofa so I'm assuming she's in my bed. I'm equal parts excited and reluctant to walk in there. Reluctant only because I wouldn't be surprised if she were already sprawled across the bed and dead to the world.

I push the door open slowly so I won't wake her if she is sleeping. But she's sitting on the bed with her back against the headboard underneath my covers on her computer. When she hears me, she looks up and smiles at me from underneath her lashes. And my heart starts racing. It doesn't matter how many times she looks at me just like that, like she's so happy to see me, like I'm so important to her—it makes my heart speed up every time.

"Hey," I say softly. "I'm glad you're still up."

"Of course I'm up. If I was just coming over to sleep, I would have stayed at home with the futon."

I crawl onto the bed towards her. "What're you doing?" I ask and try to look at her screen.

She slams it shut and brings her thumb to her mouth. Her cheeks turn bright red. "Nothing. Just wasting time, you know. Nothing exciting."

"What kind of time?" I ask and put my hand on her belly. I love touching her. Love how warm and soft and responsive she is.

"Well, I don't know how to work your TV. The remote has too many buttons so I was just playing online. Boring really," she says quickly and tries to slide the laptop off of the bed.

"Bella," I laugh and thread my fingers through her hair. She's acting suspicious. "Were you watching porn?"

She chokes a little and shakes her head. "Um, no, of course not."

"I think it'd be hot if you were," I whisper and drag my lips from her collarbone up to her ear before taking her lobe between my teeth. "Do you do that before bed at night when you're alone?"

She whimpers. "Sometimes. More before we, you know. But sometimes I do and imagine you." Her voice trails off at the end and she tries to duck her head.

I sit back and pull her on top of me so that she's straddling my lap in just her underwear and my t-shirt. One arm goes around her back and my other hand to her chin. "That's really fucking hot. Don't be shy about it." I drag my thumb across her cheek and then push her hair back behind her ear.

She gives me half a smile and puts her hands on my shoulders. "I feel like a kid caught in the cookie jar."

"I think the cookie jar is a good place to be." I slide my hands down her back to cup her ass. "Actually, I think it's the best fucking place to be."

She sighs and she looks happy and I love being a part of the reason for that. She leans in and presses her lips to mine and then traces my lips with her tongue. I groan and squeeze her ass.

"I want you to show me," I mumble against her mouth.

She pulls back, her eyebrows creased, eyes filled with confusion. "Show you what?"

"What you watch." I slide my fingers down her ass to the warm cotton covering her pussy. "What makes you hot."

She pulls one of her hands back and brings her thumb to her mouth again. "You want to watch together?" she asks softly. "From the goodie file?"

I smile lazily at her and nod. "I've wanted to watch your goodie file with you ever since I found it."

She turns over so that her back is pressed to my chest and pulls the laptop into her lap. "I've never watched this with anyone," she says as she boots it up. "Are you sure? You think this will be… hot?"

I bring my knees up, sandwiching her, link my fingers over her belly and rest my chin on her shoulder. "I know it will be."

She clicks and open the file and then drops her hands. "You pick. Whatever you want."

I nudge her hair away from her neck before pressing my lips to it. "I said I wanted to know what makes you hot," I whisper into her ear. "I already know what I like."

She nods and clicks a few times. "I've always liked this one," she says softly. "There's something so intimate about it. Something I'd like to try."

"Which part?" I ask and slide my hands up the front of her shirt to cover her tits. I roll her nipples between my fingers and split my attention between the computer and the sounds she's making.

She gasps and arches her back, pushing her chest towards my hands. "Oh, well, that he's behind her but they seem so connected."

I slide my hand down her belly and under the band of her underwear. I cup her and she's all warm and wet and writhing against me. "Is that something you'd want to try?" I ask as I slide a finger inside of her and rub circles around her clit with my thumb.

She writhes more frantically and lifts her hips in time to the thrust of my fingers. "Yes, someday. I'd like to try all these things with you."

"Whatever you want," I whisper into her ear and loop both of my legs over hers effectively spreading her legs and making it impossible for her to move them. "I want to do everything with you." I increase the speed of my thumb against her clit and pinch her nipple a little harder.

Bella's breathing picks up as the man in the video presses the woman up against the shower wall and bends her over slightly. He slaps her ass—not enough to hurt just enough to turn the skin pink—and Bella tenses. "Do you like that?" I ask and bite down on her earlobe. I slide a second finger inside of her and pump faster in and out of her.

She stutters out a faint yes and reaches out blindly behind her. Her hand slides up into my hair and tugs slightly.

"I'm so fucking turned on right now," I tell her. "You're so wet. Are you going to come for me, Bella?" I kiss the other side of her neck, sucking and nibbling on the sensitive skin there. "I want you to come all over my hand."

She moans and jerks her hips up towards my hand. "I want to touch you too," she says and drops her head back against my shoulder. "I want to share this with you."

"After. We'll go into the shower." I pinch her clit and tug on it gently. "Come for me, baby."

She groans, a low rumble that increases in sound as her body tenses against and around me as she comes. When she's done, she drops back against me and sighs. After a minute she turns around in my lap and presses her mouth urgently to mine.

This is what I love. I love the shy, awkward Bella. But this Bella—the one that's not afraid to take what she wants, the one that initiates kissing me—the Bella that's entirely out of her shell is so fucking beautiful to me.

I wrap my hands around her waist and let her guide the kiss. After a few minutes I pull back and hold her face in my hands. "Do you want to try it?" I ask.

"If you want to, I won't say no. It looks amazing," she says shyly and then takes a breath. "Yes, I want to."

I tighten my hold on her and spin so that my legs are hanging off the side of the bed. "I love your courage," I tell her and press a kiss to her nose. "I love that you try things that you're not sure of." I kiss both of her eyelids. "And I love that you watch porn." I kiss her lips and then stand up with her still wrapped around me.

"I love you," she whispers back.

"Say it again," I tell her as I walk us into the bathroom. I throw my arm to the side to switch the lights on and then seat her on the sink.

She grins and tangles her fingers in my hair. "I love you, Edward."

"Good. I love you too." I pull away from her to turn the shower on and then pull my t-shirt off. She's swinging her legs from her seat on the sink and staring at me.

I smile at her and start doing a mock striptease. "I'm too sexy," I sing off key as I swing my shirt over my head. Bella giggles so I throw the shirt at her and then reach for the button of my jeans. "Too sexy for my pants." I rock my hips back and forth and try to maintain a straight face. "Too sexy for these panties." I drop my boxers and then walk over to her until I'm sandwiched between her legs again. "Not too sexy for my Bella."

She giggles harder and then kisses me softly. "I love you even though you're a goofy ass."

"Thank god," I say dramatically and then reach for the hem of her shirt. "Lift your arms." She lifts them and I pull the shirt off before fingering the waistband of her underwear again. "I don't think I can get these off with you sitting up here."

She jumps off of the counter and wiggles out of her underwear before grinning at me and smacking my ass. She shoots me a grin over her shoulder and steps into the shower. Where the hell did that come from?

"Uh." I peak my head into the shower. "Did you just smack me on the ass?"

She gives me a shy smile and steps back under the spray of water. "Well, you kept shaking it at me. It felt natural."

I laugh but it comes out more like a groan because there's water streaming down over her naked body and I think I might come without any sort of stimulation for the first time in my life.

I step in and wrap my arms around her. "I'll show you natural." I dip my head and kiss her hard. I slide my hand down in between her legs. "Are you ready?" I half groan. "I can't wait any longer."

She nods and turns to face the wall.

"Bella." I can't breathe. I slide my hand over the curve of her ass. "Are you sure?"

"I trust you." She looks over her shoulder at me through her big brown eyes. "Love on me. Please."

I groan and step towards her. "Spread your legs for me." She does and I slide my fingers through her pussy before spreading her lips and pressing my cock against her entrance. And then she just pushes down on me. "Fuck, Bella. You feel so good like this."

I put one hand on her belly and brace the other against the wall before I start thrusting in and out of her. She's so tight, so wet, so fucking warm. I'm going to die and I'm going to be really fucking happy about it.

"How do you feel?" I ask and kiss her shoulder.

She hums lowly and says, "Good. It's different. Such a good different."

I drop both hands to her hips and start pumping faster. "You're amazing," I grunt out. "So fucking amazing." I slide one hand to her front and start rubbing her clit. "Come for me again, Bella."

She groans and her breathing gets heavy. I'm going to come and so is she—I can feel it. "Come on, baby. Come with me."

I bite down on her shoulder as my orgasm takes me over and rub her clit harder. She cries out with her orgasm.

When we're both done, both sated, I turn her around and wrap my arms tightly around her. "I really fucking love you," I tell her.

She presses kisses along my collarbones. "I love you too."

x*x

In the morning I wake up to Bella inching her way up my body. The hard points of her nipples are making my blood pound through my veins and her hair is giving me goose bumps.

I open my eyes and give her a lazy smile. "Morning."

She gives me a big, wide grin. "Good morning," she says. "I was going to make breakfast and then remembered the last pancake episode. So I guess all you get is a kiss."

I chuckle and pull her up towards me. "I like kisses," I say and then pucker my lips, waiting.

She gives me a quick kiss. "I think your furry sons want in," she says with a laugh.

"I don't care." I wrap my arms around her in a hug and just lay there breathing. "I like this wake up call."

She gives me another quick kiss. "You will care if they destroy your living room."

I throw my arm over my eyes and groan. "Whatever. Everything in there is replaceable."

And then Bella freezes completely at my side before reaching over and tracing my wrist. And fuck, I totally fucking forgot. I don't move my arm. Not until a small whimper escapes her mouth and she says, "You have a new tattoo."

I move my arm and look at her warily. "I do," I say softly.

She pulls my hand into her lap and with the faintest touch, traces the numbers there over and over again. "I didn't even know you knew my full birthday. And it's right by Finn's and I… I…" her voice trails off and something that sounds like a small sob comes out of her mouth.

"Of course I know your full birthday." I cup her face in my hand. "I just… I'm impulsive. And maybe it's soon but I want you to be a part of me forever. No matter what. I really love you a lot, Bella."

She kisses me and the moisture on her face rubs off on my cheeks. "You're officially forgiven for the e in the key now."

"I thought you loved that," I tease and wipe at the tears on her face with my thumbs.

"I do now." She brings my wrist to her lips and kisses it. "I hope you'll always be glad you did this."

I pull her down so that her head is tucked against my chest and run my fingers through her hair and down her back. "I love you."

x*x

Happy. It's not something I'm used to acknowledging—not something I'm used to feeling. I felt content before Bella. I felt okay. But never happy.

"Hey, Huck." I grin as the kid launches himself at me.

"Daddy, I hafta tell you what happened," he says enthusiastically.

I kiss his head and set him down on the floor. "Let me say hi to mommy and then you can tell me everything. Go say hi to Walt and Nemo. They missed you."

"Okay," he says and runs into the apartment.

Savannah smiles at me but it's slightly strained. "You look good, Edward," she says and shoves her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

I smile. "You wanna come in?"

"I can't—I have to get to work."

"Oh." I lean against the doorframe. "Well, you okay?"

Her face falls slightly and she hesitates before saying, "I need to talk to you about something."

I nod. "What's up?"

"I was um, offered a really great position."

"At work? That's great, Sav. Congratulations."

She nods but doesn't smile or reciprocate any sort of excitement. "It's um… Edward, it's in California."

I stare at her. Not blinking. Not breathing. I don't even think my heart is beating. "What?"

"The job," she says softly. "It's in California." She wrings her hands in front of her. "It's my dream. I wouldn't even consider it otherwise. But I have to take it."

"In California?"

"I know you have a life here. I know and I'm sorry. I don't want to take you away from it." She's truly sorry. Because she's Savannah I know she's truly sorry. I know that if she could avoid this, avoid moving us across the country, she would. "I just… I can't pass this up, Edward."

I nod but the motion feels awkward… fake. I don't feel like myself. My mouth is dry, my heart is pounding in my ears and my eyes are burning. "Okay," I hear myself say quietly. "Okay."

"We'll talk about it, okay?" she asks and puts a hand on my arm. "If you can't leave we'll figure something out."

I nod. "We'll talk about it," I repeat even though I know there's nothing to talk about—I can't be separated from Finn like that. There's no possible way. There's no question that I'll be leaving with them.

I say bye to Savannah and lock the door.

"Daddy, can I tell you my story now?"

I nod. "Give me a minute, kid, aright?"

"Okay."

I walk into my bedroom and sit on my bed. On the bed that I woke up in with Bella wrapped around me this morning.

How the fuck am I supposed to leave Bella?