A/N t&a: Phew. So, we're almost in the clear. Thank you guys for hanging in there, for your reviews and your feedback and your overall support. Really.

Anyway, we don't own… wish we did but yeah, who doesn't?

I saw that building burned down, when I got to your front lawn
I thought you'd be here, yeah, but you'd already gone
I went down to the river, you hid under the water
And then you held your breath, yeah, and then you disappeared.

I've been sinkin' low and I can't find my baby.
"Sinkin' Low" Joe Purdy

"Daddy, where's Issybella?"

I don't answer his question. Can't. Don't want to. Semantics. Whatever.

I hoist the last of our boxes up from the floor and start for the door. "Come on, Huck, I need to get this into the truck, buddy."

He doesn't move though. Instead he stands with his arms crossed and stares at me. "We can't leave Issybella," he says stubbornly, bottom lip jutted out. "We have to wait for her."

"Finn," I snap, "we need to go. Come on."

His eyes fill and he sits down on the floor. "No. I not leaving without her."

I sigh and put the box back down on the floor before walking over to sit down in front of him. The tears are streaming faster down his face. This is what I fucking hate. This, more than anything else, more than feeling hurt myself, is what I could fucking kill her for. For leaving me to deal with this, having to explain to a four year old that some people are fucked up.

"Listen, big guy," I say softly and pull him into my lap. "Bella's not coming with us."

"No," he says and shakes his head and tries to push off of my lap. "We can't leave her here by herself."

"She's not by herself."

"I'm her friend," he argues desperately and I feel my eyes sting as the past few days and exhaustion start to catch up with me. "I'm her friend, I can't leave her here by herself."

"You'll always be her friend, Huck, okay? Always. But right now we have to leave and she's not coming with us. Maybe later, okay?"

"Can she still come to my birthday party?" he asks, lip trembling.

I rub my eyes and nod because there's no way I can deny him this right now. "We'll send her an invitation, okay?"

He nods, placated momentarily, and wraps his arms around my neck. I stand up slowly. "You gotta ride on my back, kid. I need to carry this box down."

I swing him over and make sure he's holding on tightly before leaning down to pick the box back up. The last of it. I sigh and kick the door shut behind me.

"Daddy, where are Walt and Nemo gonna sit on the plane?"

"They have special seats for dogs."

When we get outside I look up the way I always do, hoping stupidly to catch some sort of glimpse of her in her little peeping tom office window. Of course I can't see anything. I don't know what I would do if she were anyway. But I haven't seen her go in or out of that building.

And I suppose that despite everything, I still worry that she's okay. But it's not my problem anymore.

x*x

This house is beautiful. It's enormous with huge windows and a backyard beach. This house is meant for a family. This house is not for some pathetic single dad who only sees his kid sometimes and otherwise lives by himself with his monster dog and spends his nights with his back to the aforementioned windows drinking himself to sleep.

Because I can't fucking sleep without it. I close my eyes and the betrayal, the let down, settles right there in my stomach. It twists and swirls and makes me physically sick.

Betrayal is something that I simply cannot handle.

After my parents died I spent the next few years so fucking pissed off at them. They left me behind. Well, that's how I saw it at least. I was left behind. Let down. Betrayed. Deserted.

So when that feeling or anything that remotely resembles it starts to arise, I immediately go back there. Stupid? Maybe.

Apparently stupid is a forte of mine.

I saw this little girl with these huge, sweet, innocent fucking eyes and I didn't even think twice. I didn't stop and wonder if it was a good idea to introduce her to Finn so soon. I didn't stop to think that maybe I was moving too quickly. God forbid I stopped ever after my dick twitched. It twitches and I don't think about anything else.

And she was so fucking charming and sweet and seemingly perfect. Totally fucking perfect.

Barely a handful of fucking months later and I was moving us into a house across the country. I was moving across the fucking country with a woman that I clearly didn't know very well, my kid and his mom, and my oversized dogs like the fucking dysfunctional but model American little family of perfection.

Jackass. Total fucking immature jackass.

What kind of parent makes rash decisions that involve their four year old kid like that?

What kind of dad exposes his kid to a woman that he barely knows?

Not the good kind.

And yet, it's eating away at me because it was so completely unexpected. Bella was supposed to be safe. Bella with her pretty childlike eyes and her innocent little questions and her sweet laugh was supposed to be safe. She was supposed to love us both.

And I would've forgiven it if that shit on her Facebook was only about me. I'm not that sensitive, I can deal with a little bit of trash talk. But I can't fucking deal with it when it's about my kid.

I watch the whiskey as it slips in between the ice in my glass, making it crackle and hiss. Glass number 3. This one, if everything goes as planned, should put me to sleep.

My phone vibrates hard against the table, making me jerk, sloshing the drink in my hand. I reach for it quickly as alcohol puts delusional hope in my mind.

It's only Emmett.

"Hello?" I sigh, hoping to convey my irritation at his interruption of my nightly ritual.

"E man," he whispers and then I hear him close a door behind him. "How's Cali?"

I shrug and take a sip. "You called me in the middle of the night to ask me how California is?"

"Yeah, well. Small talk. Finn's okay?"

"Yeah. At Savannah's. What's up, Em?" I ask because honestly, Emmett likes beating around bushes but he never calls me unless he has something to say. And I figure he wouldn't be calling at this hour if this something wasn't important.

"So, I was at the market today and I ran into Bella."

My breath whooshes from my chest at the sound of her name. I haven't heard her name out loud since my conversation with Finn before we left. I only hear it in my head. I don't answer him, just take another drink from my glass.

He sighs and his aggravation is obvious. "She looked like shit, Edward," he says harshly. "Could hardly stand. Pale and shit."

Worry, despite my efforts to beat it down, rises up in my throat. "So?" I force out.

"So I brought her home and scheduled a doctor appointment for her for the morning. Do you not give a fuck?"

"She's not my business," I say softly, hating the words, hating the bitterness they leave in my mouth mingling with the whiskey.

"Whatever, man. Just wanted to let you know. I'm staying with her tonight."

"You're what?" I snap and slam the glass down on the table.

"I'm sleeping here, at her apartment, with her," he says slowly as if I'm mildly retarded. "And then I'm going to take her to the doctor tomorrow."

I feel dizzy with the way my mind races. The only furniture in her apartment is that shitty futon that's barely big enough for two people. Where the fuck… hell, no.

"You're sleeping at her apartment?" I repeat dumbly.

"That's what I said."

"You better not fucking sleep in her bed," I snap at him.

"What the fuck do you care? She's not your business," he says, throwing my words back at me.

"Emmett, I'm not fucking kidding."

"Neither am I. The girl is fucking ill. I'm the only one here to take care of her. Just thought I'd let you know."

"Don't touch her," I hear myself all but growl at him. As if I can control it. As if I have any fucking say from my dark fucking kitchen across the fucking country.

"What do you think I'm going to do? Fuck her while she's unconscious? I'll talk to you later, man."

"Call me tomorrow after her appointment, Emmett."

"Why?"

"Because I fucking said so," I shout at him. "Just do it."

"Whatever. Take care of yourself, E."

Before I can shout another million profanities at him, I hear the dial tone. I tilt my head back and pour the rest of my drink straight down my throat.

Bella's sick. Bella's sick and Emmett's there, in her apartment, in her bed taking care of her. Of my Bella.

x*x

I don't sleep all night. Well, that's not true. I fell asleep a few times for 20-30 minute increments. Each time I closed my eyes, I was plagued by images of Bella in a hospital bed, hooked up to IVs, barely conscious and entirely incoherent. By the time 6:00 rolled around, I was nauseous, my stomach was tied up in knots and my head felt like someone took a hammer and pounded at it for hours.

Without Finn for a distraction, I took the dogs out for a walk. Honestly, Nemo can't run anyway. I normally take them out separately but today I don't think I can run. I think if I ran my skull would crack open and Nemo would end up licking the remains from my brain off of the floor.

When I get home, I force myself to take a shower before making any phone calls. I doubt Emmett would be taking Bella to a doctor appointment at 7:30 in the morning. By the time I'm out, I call Emmett. He ignores the call. Like, blatantly ignores.

I slam the phone down in frustration and is eight too early to start drinking?

When the phone buzzes hard against the wood of the table, I snatch it up and answer without looking.

"Thanks for ignoring my call, Emmett," I snap.

"Daddy?"

Fuck. I close my eyes and let out a deep breath. I need to calm the fuck down. "Hey, Huck. Sorry, kid, I thought you were Emmett."

"S'okay. Daddy, guess what we're doing later?" he asks excitedly.

"What?"

"Making my Harry birfday invitations. Mommy said to invite you to come help."

"I'll be there. Should I bring any snacks?"

"Cookies!" Finn says with more enthusiasm than is warranted on a day that is this bad.

"Edward?" It's Savannah. I rub my forehead. She's been up my ass ever since we moved here.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Just wanted to tell you that we're probably gonna start making these things around four."

I nod even though she can't see me. "Yeah, I'm coming."

"You okay? What'd you do last night?" she asks.

"Nothing." Drank. "Just went to bed." Tossed and turned all fucking night.

"Have you spoken to B-E-L-L-A?" She's taken to spelling Bella's name around Finn because if he hears it, he gets so fucking worked up and excited you'd think he was about to pee all over the floor. She's also taken to asking me the same question ever fucking day.

"No."

"Edward, why don't you just call her?"

"No." I want to.

"Should I call her?"

"Savannah," I sigh, exasperated. "Let it go. Now."

She sighs, frustrated. "Fine. Whatever. I'm not the one walking around with my boxers shoved up my A-S-S hole. I'll see you later. You're licking envelopes."

And then she hangs up.

x*x

It's almost 4:00 and Emmett hasn't answered a single one of my phone calls. He's ignored me all fucking day. I'm beyond pissed. I'm beyond worried. I'm tempted to buy a ticket and fly out there just to see what the fuck is going on.

I feel like I have multiple personality disorder. I go from being so fucking pissed to missing the girl so fucking much so many times a day that it's dizzying.

When I pull into Savannah's driveway, my phone finally rings. "What the fuck is your problem?" I snap at Emmett as I put the car in park. "Why haven't you answered me today?"

"Because I've been with Bella all day and she asked me not to speak to you."

That hurts. A lot. My heart feels like… well, like shit. Like pummeled, stomped on shit. I put my forehead down on the steering wheel and close my eyes. "Is she okay?" I ask quietly.

"Yeah."

I wait for him to elaborate. He doesn't. "Well? What the fuck did she have?"

"Nothing, man, fuck. I just told you she was fine."

"So what the hell did she need a doctor for?"

"The stress." He pauses. "She's been upset. It makes her sick."

"What do you mean it makes her sick? Makes her sick how?"

"Like, she throws up and shit a lot. I don't know, Edward. Pick up the phone and fucking call her. Ask her what's wrong," he snaps at me.

"I've gotta go, Emm," I say with a sigh and rub my eyes. "You sure she's okay?"

"Yeah." He sounds disgusted and resigned. "She's okay. She will be anyway."

I nod. "Thanks. For calling me back."

x*x

By the time I get home my head is pounding and I wish it was my day for Finn. Because again, I'm alone with two oversized dogs and a bottle of alcohol in a house that's too big for me.

And all I can think about is the way Bella's name looked on that envelope in Savannah's handwriting per Finn's insistence. I don't want her to come here. I really want her to come here. I really want to see her, want to see if she's okay, want to hear what the fuck that was all about.

I fall back on my bed and drape an arm over my face.

I hate this.