A/N- t&a- There are few things we can say about how much we adore all of you. It's been a rocky road and we have SO much love for those of you who have made it this far.

A very special thank you to cosmo for reading this over and finding my mistakes. We LOVE her.

We aren't the originators, but we are part of the next generation…

Hide in your heart

Chase it til the morning

Sunlight is lost in your eyes

You never tried facing these things

Walking on a circle taking staking on a stride

Faces are not what they seem

I always dream facing the tide

I know it all comes full circle,

It all comes crashing down on you

I'm gonna make it make it better

I'm gonna get the best lock it and swallow the key

I'm Gonna Make it Better- She and Him

There's a reason why people always glaze over pregnancies in stories. The reality of having an ever-growing stomach, constant nausea and mood swings would taint a story even if thrown into a comedic light. And those are just the basics. When you add in an impulsive move across the country, an attempt to revive a severed relationship, and a toddler, things are far from picturesque.

When he appeared at my door, rational walked out. All I could see was the man I was in love with, the father of my child, trying. Doing what I had wanted him to do the entire time. Caring, begging, talking, listening. All the words I had wished for, for weeks, fell from his lips and I let my heart lead. I showed him the video of the peanut and I let him whisk me away.

And for a very short while I was euphoric, and then the high passed. My mind kicked into full gear and my inner monologue was etched with all the doubt and insecurity that I had built up during all those weeks alone. And then I drifted.

I was still here. Still in his house, with him and Finn, but I felt disconnected, separate. I knew I was wary, worried that he would change his mind. That he would see something; read something and would walk out on me again so I was protecting myself and the peanut.

Finn was my lifeline. I didn't hold back when it came to him. How someone so small could take up such a huge place in my heart I have no clue, but I'm sure it would be small in comparison to the love that had already begun to build for the peanut. I buried myself in Finn, hid behind him.

"Issybella, we hafta finish the book befores we see the movie. It's the rule," Finns states seriously. I smile fondly at him. I tried to trick him into watching the movie instead of reading so I might sneak in a nap, but he's too smart for me.

He took my return in stride, certain that I couldn't stay away from him and demanding no answers. So it's easier to deal with the smaller version, who wants nothing but my time and attention, something I have an endless supply of as I apply for new jobs.

We're just getting to the good part when Edward comes home. He enters the room tentatively. I haven't told him about my apprehension, but he can sense it, treating me like I have a fragile sticker plastered across my stomach. He smiles and leans down to kiss my forehead and then Finn's. The gesture brings forth another companion, guilt.

I need to talk to him, to tell him what I'm feeling. He deserves the chance to say his peace, to reassure, but I'm just so damn nervous. I feel like everything is balancing on a wire and I don't to fall the wrong way.

"What are you guys doing?" he asks, his hand smoothing over the back of my hair and resting on my neck. I wait for Finn to answer just before he snorts a little in his sleep, curling further into me. I grin down at him before lifting my eyes to meet Edward's, there's a tentative hope there I want to encourage, I need to nurture.

"We were catching up on our Harry Potter. Apparently you do the voices all wrong and he wanted to hear them the right way," I answer softly. My tongue darts out to wet my lips and I want to shrug off the awkward blanketing us. He lifts my legs and settles underneath them.

"You ruined everyone with your Harry Potter voices. Whenever I try to read to him now he says, 'Daddy, Issybella does it so much better than you. Try harder'," he informs me with a roll of his eyes. The laughter that follows is terse.

"Have you eaten?" he asks. The smile that tugs at my face is the fist natural part of this interaction. He still takes such good care of me.

"No, but they need to do blood work at the doctor's, so I'm not supposed to eat," I answer. My eyes flicker to Finn as I speak. We haven't told him the news yet. The plan is that after today, after Edward's introduction to the peanut, then we'll tell him.

It was one of the easy decisions we made. I want Finn to know, am sure that he will be over the moon, but things needed to happen first. Like the conversation with Savannah. Who was amazing, and supportive and immediately set us up with the best doctor she knew of. She also agreed that waiting to tell Finn was best. I want to think its not because we're waiting for this whole thing to fail, but optimism is not my friend at the moment.

Edward takes my foot into his hand, rubbing soft circles into the arch and a small moan falls from my lips. This is how I want this to be, all the time.

"But if you're hungry you should eat. I don't think it's healthy for you or the baby," he offers. I smile softly at him. He still puts me first, still, that eases the ache in my heart.

"I'm ok. You can take me to McDonalds as soon as we're done," I smile at him. He grins back and I'm a little lighter in the moment. And for a split second I am sure we're going to make it. That moments like this, with our patchwork family, are going to litter my story.

~pco~

All doctor's offices look the same. The same bland paint colors, the same old, tattered magazines, and the same smell. If I try hard enough this could easily be an office a thousand miles away, with an overgrown man doing a puzzle.

Edward fidgets next to me, his hand reaching for mine several times and retreating. The uncertainty is tearing at me, so I grasp his hand and lace my fingers with his, feeling like an old pro at this point. If three pre-natal visits can make me an expert.

My mind wanders and I wish I could read old chapters of his story. Wish I knew what it was like for him when Finn was on his way. If he held Savannah's hand in a waiting room like this one.

"I didn't know Sav was having Finn, till after he was born," he blurts. I stare at him like he's some kind of mind reading oracle.

"Really? I thought you and Savannah were on such good terms?" I press. These are the kind of stories I want to know, need to know so I feel more tethered to him, more solid. He squirms in his seat, his eyes darting up to meet mine every so often.

"We were broken up and sort of lost touch for a while," he says, embarrassed. "And then she called me and said she couldn't not tell me about him."

My mouth falls open. Everything about Finn and Edward screams insta-bond, like they were destined to belong to each other. My thumb draws patterns on the back of his hand.

"I would have never known. You two are so natural, like he was meant to be yours," I offer softly. It makes me more impressed with the ease of Edward and Savannah. The calling of my name pulls me from my thoughts and I stand. Edward drops my hand as I walk and I turn to look at him. I watch as his throat bobs as he swallows.

"Do you want me to come in?" he asks. And my stomach drops. Despite everything I am feeling, every uncertainty I am toting around with me, I never wanted him to not feel a part of this, of this baby, of my peanut. I smile weakly and hold my hand out to him, offering. He takes it quickly and the smile I get in return lights me up.

He stands to the side, shuffling almost nervously as they do the standard weigh in. The nurse smiles at him trying to make small talk, but he just smiles anxiously. We're ushered into a room and he turns his back while I change into the paper gown.

I settle onto the table, the crackling of the table breaking the silence between us. Edward paces the small space.

"You can sit if you want, you never know how long its going to take," I offer, feeling more and more like the expert in this situation. My words stop him in his tracks and he walks towards me, reaching out and splays a hand over my belly. The peanut flutters under his hand.

"I'm nervous excited. I can't wait to see her," he breathes. I chuckle and put a hand over his.

"Her? You think it's a girl? How do you know?" I ask. There's a hint of a giddy smile on my face. Despite everything else I am so excited about this baby, about this man being the father of this baby. He leans down and presses a kiss to my stomach.

"She's gonna be my little princess. I can feel it," he states and I swallow back the tears. The door opens at that moment and the tech drags in a machine. My heart skips a few beats because this is really happening.

There's a slew of instructions and then I'm on my back, some kind of goo spread over my stomach and we're all staring anxiously at a screen. I've done this once before, stared at a blurry black and white image while the doctor pointed out things like head circumference and length, but all I saw was a distorted blob. Thus the name peanut was born.

This time its different, the tech flips a switch and the fast staccato of a heartbeat fills the room and Edward goes rigid. I know what he is feeling, the awe overwhelmed me the first time too. Even now, having heard it a few times, it still stirs a sense of amazement.

"Everything looks good, right on track for your due date," the tech says. I tear my eyes from Edward's awe and focus back on the screen. And once I look I can't look away, it a tiny person, hands and toes and a face. The wand, slides over my stomach and there's a small hesitation.

"Are we finding out the sex today?" she asks. My eyes dart to Edward's. He licks his lips and squeezes my hand.

"I think we should let it be a surprise. What do you think?" he asks tentatively. I'm a little shocked he doesn't want his premonition confirmed, but I nod my agreement. It feels right, to let it be something saved for the end, to stretch out the anticipation.

"We want to wait, if that's ok," I answer for the two of us. The tech nods and begins the wrap up process. She spouts out instructions for us to pick up the DVD at the front desk on the way out.

We both sit, dazed for a few moments. I reach out my hand and feel relief flood me when Edward takes it and squeezes a few times.

"What are you thinking?" I ask. I want his dialogue, to put his thoughts to words. The awe is apparent, but I know there's more, there always is with him. His hand reaches me before his words, resting lightly on the slightly swollen skin of my belly.

"We did this. We made her, together, Bella," he states. I can't help the smile that tugs at the corners of my mouth. He leans in slowly, kissing me tentatively, his tongue soft, relearning familiar territory. Each kiss feels like little bit of glue, slowly fitting everything back together. I pull away, glancing at the door.

"We did. Although we just decided not to find out the sex. Did you see something I didn't? You learn some trick from all those parenting books you hide under the bed?" I ask. He reads them late at night, when he thinks I'm asleep. Dog-earing pages like he doesn't have a child already. His nerves make me smile; make me realize I'm not alone in this. Another piece fitting back into place.

"Daddy's intuition," he smiles at me. He presses his lips against mine again, sealing his words. My stomach growls as he rubs it, he chuckles softly. "It's also telling me that you and our little nugget are starving."

I blush a little and shake my head. Only he would call our baby something on a fast food menu, and yet it fits, suits him. He turns again as I change and the lack of familiarity tears at the fissure. I see peaks of the way our story used to read. The full circle I want to make. The glimmers give me hope, but I have to do more than hope. I need to take control of my own story.

~pco~

There are moments that make this new chapter seem unreal, the setting alone can appear so idyllic at moments it's dreamlike. I stand on the beach, my toes barely in the path of the waves, each surge of water, only just nipping at my feet. The breeze off the water has a cold sting to it. I wrap my arms around myself, my eyes locked on a spot far on the horizon.

I want all the weight and sadness to wash away with the waves, get carried far away. But it's not that easy. Sweet, tender moments can't erase cutting, harsh ones. The water can't wash it away, but maybe I can let a little of it go.

The wind carries a sharp bite and I wrap my arms around myself to ward it off. I've already let Alice go. Maybe someday, a repentant, softer version, can reenter my life, but not for a long, long time. And then, only if she can accept the people who clearly represent a huge portion of my story, the good and the bad.

The rest of it falls on me. When he appeared at my door, I made the decision to start down this path. This path of trying to pick up the pieces and move towards a future that had once been so sure. So now I need to go all in.

He's trying so damned hard. Its not artificial effort, but he's reminding me of all the reasons I handed over my heart so easily in the first place. He smiles even when its hard, reassures, touches me as often as I allow. And he gives Finn and I time together whenever I want. He's been flawless, or as flawless as he can be.

A blanket is draped over my shoulders and I jump a little at the feel of it. It's too easy to forget the world around you out here. A familiar set of inked arms cover the blanket, wrapping around me.

"You're going to freeze out here," he breathes into my ear. A shiver works its way through me, the effect he has on me has never changed, the charge between us.

"Just clearing my head. I'll be come in, in a little bit. If you're cold you don't have to stay, but I want you to, if you want to," I stammer. My mind is brimming with thought and my words are escaping without filter. The sigh he expels makes my hair flutter.

"Of course I want to," he says, nuzzling my neck, "What are you thinking about?"

I could brush him off again, but the water has washed away any desire to be anything but honest. And it feels like one of those moments, where everything could change with a few words.

"About forgiving you," I state, swallowing the slightly bitter aftertaste of the words. He sighs again and lets his arms drop, I miss the warmth instantly.

"Do you want to sit or walk?" he asks. I look down at my feet and the water still lapping at my toes, it's brought me this far.

"I'm ok standing, if that's ok. I'm not trying to be difficult, but this feels like the right place, the right background," I answer softly. My thumb finds its way into my mouth, the skin raw. He looks at me, his eyes resting on the peanut.

"I think we should sit," he offers tentatively, "I'd like to see you while we talk about this."

We lower at the same time, I take careful measures to keep my toes in place. I keep my eyes on the water.

"I came here with every intention of forgiving, of acting like it all never happened, but I just can't. At night when I go to sleep I'm worried I'm going to wake up next to that version of you, the one from that day. And it scares me. And I don't want to feel that way. I want to feel the way I used to. Like you could bring sunshine to every page of my story," I spit out. It feels good to say the things that run through my mind on repeat all day long.

Edward moves behind me, wrapping himself around me. He feels so much like the foundation I want him to be.

"I don't think you should forgive me," he sighs, tightening his hold around me, "I want you to, more than I've ever wanted anything. But I was…I wasn't…I was scared. I reacted. I was a huge dick."

I've never heard him stumble on his words, and it tears at me even more. I start to contradict, but he's not finished.

"And now…I mean, I don't expect you to forgive me. I think maybe in time we can fix it, and we have our nugget. And Bella, I just…I don't know, I was wrong. But I love you," he stammers to a finish.

I trace the numbers on his wrist over and over. This is one of the things I want to mend. I want the crude, sometimes rude man who made me my own drink. I hate that I've had a hand in making him like this.

"You're already mostly forgiven. I'm going to give you a little faith. It's not as much as I'd like, but it's all I've got. And when I grow more, I'll give you that too. If you can promise me that you'll always wait when you want to react. Pause for just a moment and let me respond, tell my story," I reply. It's a starting point, a base that we can work up from. And I know we can.

I feel his hand moving over my hair, and then his lips pressed there a few times.

"I'm sorry that I didn't listen. I should have, you deserved that from me and I promise to from now on," he states solemnly. I turn a little, feeling strong enough to abandon the water.

"And I might get irrationally mad too sometimes, and hold things against you. But I reserve the right to do so and then blame it on the peanut," I warn him. He laughs and it feels so familiar, so warm.

"You can blame anything you want on the nugget," he assures me. I smile and feel as if maybe the water has taken some of it away, or at least I tossed them into the ocean, happy to see them go.

~pco~

I fidget with the cardboard box in front of me, not feeling the urge to open it.

"Issybella, which toy did you get? I gots the green truck, but I really wanted the blue one," Finn asks excitedly. He's holding the mentioned truck, waiting anxiously for me to open my box with the same enthusiasm. A chuckle escapes my lips and some of the nerves slip away just like that. I swear this kid has magical powers.

I open the box to reveal the coveted blue car and Finn's eyes light up. He bounces on his knees next to me, our entire kitchen table shaking with him.

"Oh you're so lucky Issybella. That's the best one. I can tell. Blue is the most fast color," he states. I dart my eyes over at Edward who is shoving fries in his mouth like it's his job. It's a nervous tic I'm proud to recognize.

"That sounds pretty cool. You better, hold on to it for me. I wouldn't want to loose it," I answer. I hand over the car and Finn's bouncing almost reaches jumping levels.

"I have a special box for all my cars. I will be extra special nice to this one," he promises. I chuckle again and lean down to press a kiss to the top of my head. Moments like this make me so excited for this baby to be here.

This could be any night in our home. A special occasion given Finn is having fast food for dinner, but we're situated around the table like the mismatched family we are. But there's a buzz in the air, a touch of anticipation that only the adults are tuned into.

Edward's eyes meet mine and I give him a small smile. He wanted to be the one to tell him, was almost giddy when I agreed, but now he looks a little green.

"Hey Huck, lets sit down and eat dinner," Edward suggests with a smile, the smile that's reserved exclusively for Finn. I love that smile. Finn nods seriously and tones the bouncing down to a small fidget.

"Daddy, did you tell them I wanted the blue and green the mostest?" he asks. There's something about this statement, like he thinks this is a super power. Edward laughs.

"I told them you wanted pink," he answers. Finn's mouth falls open in shock. Edward takes the motionless moment to lift him and set him in a chair.

"Pink is for girls, daddy. And I am NOT a girl," Finn argues. Edward presses a kiss to his head and ruffles his hair.

"I'm kidding kid. I told them blue and green," Edward corrects himself. Finns nods, happy with this answer. He picks up a chicken nugget and takes a bite, and then meets my eyes.

"Issybella sit by me," he asks and there is not way I would ever say no. I settle into the chair next to him and watch him eat. The peanut does something like a somersault in my stomach and I feel my eyes go wide with the sensation.

I hold my hand to my bump, wanting to feel it again. Instantly Edward's hand covers mine. I smile up at him.

"Do you have a tummy ache, Issybella? Mommy rubs my tummy when it hurts," Finn states. He has inched closer, watching out linked hands with interest. Edward smiles and at me and asks silently for permission again, I squeeze his hand.

"Huck, Bella as a little nugget in her belly," he explain. Finn drops the chicken nugget in his hand like its on fire.

"The chick' nuggs made your tummy hurt?" he asks me. I fight the smile. An honest mistake for a four year-old. I should clarify, but I'm choking back laughter.

"No, you're going to have a baby sister this summer," Edward clarifies. Finn's face twists further in confusion. Surely there was a chapter in Edward's books on how to tell the siblings….

"A baby? From where? The chick' nugg?" Finn questions. He looks down at his dinner skeptically. The laughter bursts from me. This might be the worst attempt of giving this kind of news ever. And now Edward faces explaining where babies come from. Both of my boy's eyes are on me as I wipe away the tears.

"Huck, it's not actually a nugget, like not chicken. It's a baby, a person. Your sister is in Bella's belly," Edward offers, he rubs my stomach for emphasis. Finn's eyes are trained on my stomach.

"Issybella, you have a baby in your tummy?" he asks softly. I grin and nod.

"Yeah, me and your daddy are going to have a baby," I reply. I can see his little mind trying to work out the details. He reaches slowly towards out still linked hands. I meet him half way and place his hand over ours.

"It's a baby girl?" he presses. His tiny fingers wiggle a little. I grin down our hands.

"Well, we don't know. It's going to be a surprise," I state. He nods.

"It's gonna be a girl," Edward argues. I shush him.

"Issybella knows daddy, the baby is in her tummy," Finn scolds Edward. I laugh again. Then he turns back to me, "I like surprises, a whole lot."

I couldn't agree more. I also like this moment, a whole lot.

~pco~

A/N- I'm a judge for a one-shot contest (secretly SO excited). Check it out here http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2533017/