Went too fast

way too soon

I feel discusted and you should too

Its no good when all thats left is the sex.

The faint morning sunlight lite up the dingy hallway, I stared blankley at the wall infront of me, as recent events flashed through my mind.

"i can show you how good it can get, better than butch" a smirk tinted his lips, complimenting his handsome face. My mind had wandered to the first time me and stan slept together. It was his determination that had got me in the end thats why it happened, that, and the raw lust oozing from him.

Stan pulled off my underwear, the inevitable yet to come.

As he thrusted harder, faster, pushing me firmly against the matress our moans got louder, the bed springs squeaked, " aahh mmm" i moaned as our flushed sweaty bodies rammed against eachother, my nails digging into his back, i leaned my head as he bit a sensitive spot on my neck hard, he grabbed my hips and shifted my body to a higher angle then he began to move, trying to get me into rhythm and soon enough we were both moving in perfect rhythm as he pushed himself in deeper, thrusting, the sound of our actions filled the room.

I tightened my legs around him and he grunted with me doing so, then moaned again, i loved the sound of his deep voice moaning as to what he was doing to me, i closed my eyes and had to bit my lip to keep me from screaming his name. He smirked down at me, drinking in the slight of every curve of my body, my face, my eyes. The muscles in my lower stomach tihgtened as i was reaching my climax, stan knew this too and he arched my body upwards all for him.

We both felt it as we hit our high, he released into me filling me completely.

I loathed myself, i had enjoyed it, when he was...

Ace was stood in my appartment, jazz had just about finnished telling him everything about how much fun she had staying here the night and he listened enthusiastically to his sister, I still felt unsettled around him.

Ace had came to pick up jazz as butch was showering, I was so confussed as to what he wanted from all this blackmail. I was only stalling time for now, I knew butch would find out so I prepared myself for the worse. I'd lose him, He wouldn't trust me after that, would he? I was going to tell him tonight, I'd made my mind up, I was a good person and butch desevred to know the truth even if it would kill me. I could not take the guilt and lying to him anymore.

As jazz went to get her things I walked up to him "incase your wanting to blackmail me further dont bother," ace went silent, and looked at me intently.

"I'm going to tell him the truth" ace just stared at me, as if he would have though i'd just do what he wanted so I could keep my secret. He thought he could push me around? but I wasnt going to let him, I wasn't going to be week, He was used to pushing people around and this had shocked him I could tell, the fact someone stood up to him shocked him, especially a girl standing up to him. He sighed.

"ok girl, you tell him then, It will break him you know" now he was emotionally blackmailing me into not telling him the truth, He was such an ass, first he was threatning to tell him now he's saying don't do it.

"you know that this can still be sorted out without butch knowing you know?" he suggested, the sentence had a meaning to it. A sinsiter one, I could tell my his voice.

"what do you mean?" my eyes narrowed slightly, confussed as to what he was tring to tell me.

"If I could get stan out of the picture, he wouldn't be a problem right" what? He wasn't insinuating he'd kill him or something was he? that was too. too. My eyes widened in shock as the look on his face answered my question. He meant it.

"ace I dont want anyone getting hurt." I said almost automatically, I suddendly though, felt indecisive about his suggestion. That's not like me. I shuck my head.

I knew stan was in a rival gang and an enemy but still, if he meant...

"Its not too late, I can make him go away and butch will never know" I paused, I could not even believe what he was considering, It would be a huge weight off my shoulders but I could never let him kill a man, It was too inhumane, before I could say anything he spoke over me.

"If you ever change you mind, come find me, I'll sort it and butch will never know," he was offering to help me and make it all go away, Butch wouldn't have to know, It would be as if I never cheated at all, like it never happened. It would be a fresh start. It would be all over and I would no longer have that shadow over me everyday and that feeling of panic and worry would go away.

Jazz ran to ace with her things "come on kid," jazz followed him as he left the appartment but not before he looked back at me giving me a meaning full look to consider his offer.

I took a deep breath tring to process what just happened, I got dressed in my work outfit and Butch stepped out of the shower and started getting dresssed.

"Ace left?" I nodded he seemed oblivious to the negative vibes around me.

I stepped out into the hallway with butch ready to go to work, he locked his appartment door. I tried to think of reasons why I cheated in the first place. It wasn't as if butch didnt satisfy me in any way, the only reason I gave away my innocence to him was because I loved him I still do, Stan was just more upfront and forceful. I guess in some way he may have forced me but I knew better deep down, I didn't try hard enough to stop him, I was too weak, I dont know if he forced my or not sometimes, I know deep down he didn't really but it was all a blur to me. It happened so fast.

"why are you so quiet again" butch looked at me. I blushed, I had all these thoughts rushing through my head at once, it felt like my head could pop any minute.

"stomach ache" I lied pouting, hoping that would settle his curiosity for now, if I hinted it was the time of the month maybe he would settle for that and shrug it off. As we decended down the stairs butch put his arm around me and i smiled brilliantly up at him.

"if your not well, dont go to work stay at home today and rest" he told me almost gently, I tucked a stray strand of blonde hair behind my ear with one hand and rubbed my tummy with the other.

"I'l be fine" I said confindentley, it was only a little white lie instead of me making something else up.

We were outside the dinner, before he left I swung my arms around his neck and hugged him he put his arms around my small form returning the hug,

"i'll pick you up here when you finnish work" his deep voice vibrated in his throat as I hugged him closer smiling at him.

"ok i'll be there, well here" I giggled sweetly and he rolled his eyes effectionatley,

"listen, I want to talk to you later on, its important" I knew what he was talking about, the other night when I was seconds away from admitting everything I had done, but we were interupted and he wanted me to finnish what I was going to say. He was being delicate about it though, he knew it took alot for me to open up just by the way I was acting.

"It's nothing bad," he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "just want to talk" I smiled and kissed his cheek cherishing every moment I had with him, before I would tell him everything tonight, he smirked back at me,

"ok we will talk, later on." I said looking into his eyes, he seemed reliefed that I seemed confident about opening up, he nodded

stans face and voice mocked my mind, as I re saw scenes of me and him. I feel cold inside. Hollow. Where was my conscience dissapearing when I was in his bed, underneath him?

It was only yesterday in that alley when he asked me to go to his place. again.

Butch kissed my cheek and I breathed in his husky scent, and memorised the angle of his jaw and his face that I loved so much, I opened my mouth to speak but then closed my mouth again, another day of work began, butch turned and left for the garage.

"I don't want you, It was a stupid mistake" I told stan, I honestly meant that. I loved butch with all my heart. I told stan i didnt want anything to do with him and that's the end of it.

When I finnished my shift at the diner butch didn't show up, I waited and waited, then I worried, thinking something bad had happened, I didn't just want to stand and wait any longer so I wandereded towards butches work place at the garage. The work men in the garage immediatley stared at me and started bickering to one another, I heard the word butch in nearly all of thier whispers, what was going on? I knocked on the Harpers office door.

"come in," He shuffling through some paperwork on his desk as I entered his small office. I noticed that his hand was scraped on one side, he pulled a bottle of anti septic from the draw and rubbed it on his hand with a white cloth, it looked like it would sting.

"oh, gosh are you ok? do you need help" harper just looked up he looked concerningly at me? he shuck his head "no, it's ok honey i've got it, what are you doing here, looking for butch?"

"yes and I'm sorry to barge in like this" I told the older man apoligeticly " but butch was suppose to pick me up an hour ago, i'm abit worried, I wondered if you knew where he was?" Harper didn't hesitate to tell me,

"he's been in a fight," my face went blank, was he hurt? "don't worry though, its nothing too bad, he's not hurt, just ace " he said, what?

I looked at him "a fight with ace?" I asked him,

"just a few punches, honey, nothing serious" I froze, were they arguing about something ace may have said?... my heart sank, my throat closed up it felt like I had just swallowed a huge dry pill that got stuck. Panic and paranoia over took me, Had ace told him? before I could speak, harper explained.

"I dont know what it was about, he told butch something that ticked him off, but they'll come around, it was only a few punches honey" the older man smiled at me and I smiled back greatful for his information.

"as long as they both weren't hurt too bad" I couldn't help but feel guilty, I shuffled unconsisously, where was butch now? was he ok?

he laughed "yeah, I had to hold him back and ended up getting my hand scrapped," he said lifting his injured left hand, "but I dont know where he is now," I needed to find him.

"ok, thanks" I said as I was about to leave.

"your welcome, be careful if your walking home on your own" why do guys keep saying that to me? I nodded and smiled sweetly.

I had to get some fresh air, I was suffercating, the stares I got from all the men made me feel weird so I walked quickly out of the garage and headed for home, adrenaline and anger pumped through my viens as I analysed these thoughts in my head. Aces offer, butch fighting, Stan. I knew how angry butch could get though, I know he would never hurt me but the fact that he was still violent scared me.

I had to find butch and soon before he ended up in another fight or got hurt, I needed to find out what the fight was about, It scared me to think that Ace may have told him about stan but then again maybe butch didnt know about stan yet, ace may have just been messing with him he can be annoying normally. If he knew though, If he knew about the other man i'd slept with, what would happen? I was going to tell him myself but if he found out by someone else first. I dont know what he would do, If he would lash out or hurt someone. I had no idea how he would react.

I was shaking all over now as I walked alone in the cold, what would he do? I just had a sudden horrible thought. No, he would never hurt me, not like that. not the man I loved. The city streets darkened as approuched my appartment building.

was the fight even about Stan though? It killed me not knowing. I didn't blame ace in this, it was me, I was in the wrong. If only I hadn't...

It was too late to dwell on the past. What was done, was done.

sex has become all i know about you

memories of those filthy things that we do

theres not one single thought that is left

after sex with you.

N/A: i updated the wrong draft for this chapter at first, i updated the frist draft instead of the last:P but this is the real chapter 6.

hope you like it, may seem that not much is happening atm but trust me the story is going somewhere, thanks for the reviews everyone =)

I may take a while updating after this one as I wont have much spare time , but i will update as soon as i can. I promise. thanks again!