CHAPTER 24

Tasha remained fairly quiet over their supper, as did Dean, leaving Sam to do most of the talking. Dean had found numerous motorcycle deaths in the area over the past two decades, far too many to start digging up corpses for salt-and-burns. The hunters knew their best shot at narrowing it down was talking to the gang members. If there was a ghost bike making an appearance, then these guys would know exactly who the spirit was because they would without a doubt recognize the bike. These guys didn't ride generic store-bought machines; their bikes were a source of pride and respect, custom-built and treated more fondly than Dean treated the Impala.

Tasha suggested she go to the bar since the bikers would naturally have been hostile towards a couple of 'Alpha men' like the Winchesters, especially while wearing suites and flashing badges, but that she would have a better chance of talking to them. Dean vetoed that idea immediately.

"It's just a local gang, Dean," she argued. "It's not like it's a chapter of the Hell's Angels or anything. And they're probably scared shitless of this killer ghost. I can handle them."

"Not a good idea," he insisted and she relented with a shrug.

Sam was a bit surprised she dropped it as quickly as she did but the tension had dissolved from the air over the span of their meal and he figured she was trying to keep things from getting awkward again.

Sam reckoned the pair could handle a few minutes alone and made a quick excuse to go out to the car. In truth, he needed to try Ruby again. He had been completely out of demon blood for days now and was starting to feel the effects. It wasn't like he was taking a lot, he justified - just enough to keep him on his toes in case a demon showed up to threaten Dean. He wasn't losing his brother again.

Dean swallowed his last french fry, very conscious of his brother's departure as it left him alone with Tasha. She was quiet for a moment after the tiny but thunderous click of Sam closing the door behind him and Dean remained seated at the table, making sure he didn't leave any opening for physical contact or intimacy. Sitting on the bottom of the nearest bed, she finally caught his eye and smiled at him, holding his gaze.

"You okay, Dean?" she asked.

Shit, he thought. She was using that voice, her pillowtalk voice, the one he had opened up so easily to in their time together a lifetime ago.

He wanted to tell her no. He wanted to tell her he wasn't fit to breathe the same air as decent people and that he was worse than the monsters they hunted. He wanted to tell her he hadn't deserved to be saved and that God and Castiel had made a terrible mistake. He wanted to explain that sometimes he believed bringing him back had been punishment for his sins in Hell because now he had to walk around knowing what he had done and what he had so easily become. He had to live with this goddamn twisted knot of pain in his heart because he couldn't stop feeling. He wanted so badly to simply not care like the animal he had become downstairs had done, but he just couldn't switch off the hurt now that he was human again.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said simply.

"So you don't remember anything, huh?"

"No," he lied.

"That's good," she said, looking genuinely relieved. "That's a good thing."

Dean averted his eyes. He hated lying to her. "Enough about me," he deflected, not wanting her to ask any more questions about Hell. "So how about you? You been alright?"

Tasha looked surprised at the question. "Me?"

He couldn't help but smile at her. "It's a simple question. How've you been?"

His concern was genuine. He realized there was no way he could hate her or even want to hate her. He felt hurt and betrayed right now but the feelings he had for her were still there as strong as they ever were. He had known that the moment he had set eyes on her again this morning. He felt his anger dissipating quickly as her brown eyes questioned him and he could see she was genuinely flustered that he was suddenly returning her concern.

"I don't really have an answer for that," she replied, her eyebrows pulling together in a frown.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, compared to where you've been, Dean … any problem I've had would seem pretty trivial right now."

"I would never consider your problems trivial," Dean assured her quickly. He wanted to tell her that he had missed her and that if he had it his way she would never have another problem as long as she lived but he bit his tongue, content for now with the fact that they were having a real conversation. "I want to know how you've been," he said seriously.

"You were burning in Hell," she said, her voice hitching into a whisper. "How do you think I've been?"

A harsh sigh escaped his lips. He had been hoping for a recount of her time in Mexico or the explanation of how she got that new scar he had noticed on her hip, peering out of the top of her low-cut jeans. He nodded acknowledgement of her honesty but was relieved to hear the door opening as Sam came back in, saving him from having a discussion he wasn't ready to have with her yet. He didn't know where they stood and was hoping to avoid having to figure that out for as long as he could.

"Dude, you got Ruby's knife on you?" Sam blurted. "It's not in the trunk."

Dean leaned forward and pulled the blade out of the back of his pants, holding it up for his brother to see. "Too many damn demons around these days," he said simply. "Can't be too careful. It won't do us any good in the trunk."

"That's a sweet blade," Tasha interjected, grinning at the younger Winchester. "At least you making nice with a demon had one advantage, Sam."

Dean snorted his disapproval. "Making nice? That's one way to put it. Tell me Sam," he sneered, "How is Ruby anyway? Or is she going by Chrissy now?" Chrissy was the name the demon had used when pretending to be a one-night-stand the younger Winchester had picked up when Dean and Bobby had shown up at Sam's door two weeks ago.

Tasha looked up sharply. "Chrissy?" she questioned, her eyes narrowing at Sam. "Petite brunette with Julia Roberts lips and Sarah Connor attitude?"

Sam stifled a groan, easily reading the suspicion in her eyes. He pleaded under his breath for Dean to keep silent while he frantically scrambled for a way to redirect this conversation. Dean didn't cooperate.

"Oh, you met her?" the elder Winchester raised an eyebrow, looking first at Tasha then at his brother. "Forgot to mention something to Tash did you Sam?" he said laying on the sarcasm. "Like that your girlfriend is a black-eyed demon-bitch?"

Sam was too busy staring at Tasha in fear to even acknowledge his brother's snide remarks. The brunette was glaring at him, wild-eyed and shocked, her jaw clenched in barely concealed anger.

"Chrissy is Ruby?" she repeated slowly through gritted teeth, her tone challenging.

"Tash, she's on our side," Sam gushed, swallowing with both dread and regret.

"Oh my God!" she yelled directly at him. "A demon!"

"She…"

Sam was silenced by Tasha's hand snapping up into the air, fingers splayed and palm outwards towards him. She jumped off the bed, giving the confused Dean a quick glance before heading straight for the door.

"Tasha!" Sam called, reaching his hand out to stop her.

She arched out of his reach and yanked the door open. "I need some air," she snapped, storming out and slamming the door behind her.

Sam winced at the loud bang the cheap motel door made. He looked nervously to Dean, not wanting to have to explain why Tasha was so upset. His brother had a puzzled expression on his face but was rising to his feet, clearly planning on following the girl out.

"No, wait," Sam stepped towards the door, holding his arm out to stop Dean. "Let me talk to her." He didn't wait for a reply but quickly exited, closing the door behind him to prevent Dean from following.

Tasha had made it as far as the back of her car, where she was now standing leaning her hand on her rear spoiler. She was clearly freaked out and was taking deep, heaving breaths, oblivious to Sam's approach. His heart was pounding for he had no idea how he was going to explain why he had let her have sex with a demon. There wasn't really an excuse for that. She wasn't going to forgive him for something so low.

He strode up to her, placing his hand gingerly on her shoulder. "Tash," he said softly in his best sensitive-Sammy voice.

She jumped and spun around to face him, shaking her head and shrugging his hand off her when she caught his eye. "Sam, I don't want to talk to you right now," she hissed but continued anyway. "Jesus!" she cursed at him. "A demon! Goddamnit!" Her arms were waving in the air with angry animation. "There was a girl in there!" Her voice hitched and she covered her mouth with her hand. "We …" she shuddered, closing her eyes "Jesus, Sam, we raped a girl!"

"No! No, Tasha, we didn't," Sam insisted quickly. She looked like she was about to get sick, her face white with horror and shame.

"Oh! You think the girl in there wanted to let total strangers do what we did to her? She was possessed, you fucking jerk!"

"No, let me explain," Sam argued, grabbing her shaking shoulders to hold her still. She squirmed and put her hands against his chest to push him away but he gripped her tightly and she finally relented, stopping her struggling.

"The girl died before Ruby moved into the body," Sam explained. "I swear, there's just Ruby in there. I never would have touched her otherwise."

Tasha stared at him intently, her chest still heaving and her hands still fisted in the front of his shirt. "How do you know that?" she croaked.

"I gave her crap about possessing the secretary she was in and getting the blonde killed that she possessed last year," he said, his voice pleading. "She agreed and so she found this already-dead girl in a coma. She showed me the death certificate papers and everything."

He felt her relax in his grip a little, though she continued to breathe heavily and lean on him. "She's still a demon," she whispered. "You should have told me."

Sam couldn't help but smile, more in relief than anything else. "I know," he admitted. "But I didn't expect you to start making out with her."

She looked up at the tall hunter, giving him a disapproving glare. "Hey! She kissed me first," she said with an indignant look, letting her hands drop.

Sam let go of her also and leaned back to half-sit on the Fiero's spoiler. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I know I should have told you. But I knew what your reaction would be." He sighed. "The same as Dean's."

"You're trusting a demon," she chastised. "You know how stupid that is?"

"You have to admit, Ruby was helping us in Illinois," he pointed out. "Or Chrissy, as you knew her."

Tasha shrugged. "She sure seemed to be on the level," she admitted, turning and leaning against the back of her car next to Sam. "But you need to be careful."

"I know," Sam agreed, nodding. "I know what she is and I'm keeping my eyes open. I'm not being naïve or gullible. I take everything she says or does with a grain of salt but the truth is, she's saved my life more than once. She showed me how to make these hex bags that hide us from Lillith and she went to Hell the same time Dean did trying to save us."

Tasha let out a long sigh. "I just don't want you to get hurt," she told him in a defeated tone that Sam hoped meant she had forgiven him, at least for now.

He nudged her shoulder, smiling down at her when she leaned into him, resting her head against his bicep. "I won't," he said confidently.

"And Dean," she added with an embarrassed chuckle that came out as more of a sob. "God Sammy, I couldn't take it if Dean got hurt."

"I won't let him," Sam assured her. "I just got him back too."

"Chrissy … I mean Ruby … wasn't exactly his biggest fan," she pointed out. "What if she tells Lillith where he is or goes after him herself?"

"She won't," Sam promised. "I'd stick her own knife in her heart before I'd let her hurt my brother."

"So would I." She was quiet for a few seconds and a wave of relief washed over Sam that he'd managed to dodge another bullet.

"I still love him," she added softly.

"I know."

/\\/\\/\\

Dean was left slightly bewildered and wondering what the fuck was going on when Tasha flew out the door with Sam hot on her heels. He would have expected Tasha to disapprove of allying themselves with Ruby, after all she was a hunter, but she had been more than just worried for Sam. Something else was going on here. He had instinctively moved to follow her, assuming it was his place to go after her and make sure she was okay, but Sam had practically shoved him aside in his haste to chase her out the door.

Agitated, Dean's earlier feelings of jealousy resurfaced and within seconds he found himself stepping over to the window. He subtly pulled the curtain to the side just enough to peer out, telling himself it was just to put his mind at ease.

Sam was coming up behind her to reach for her shoulder. She spun around but his giant hulk of a brother was blocking the view of her face. He couldn't hear any words but when they turned sideways, he could see her hands were resting on Sam's chest.

"What the fuck?" he breathed, his heart beginning to thump loudly in his chest. As he watched them he couldn't help noticing there was more between them than there had been during the first couple of months Tasha had traveled with them. Tasha was friendly but had a natural distance she kept between herself and everybody else. Dean had noticed it in the first days he had known her and it had warmed his heart more than he could ever have imagined to see that buffer didn't seem to exist with him. It had lessened slightly over time with his brother but it had always still been there. He didn't see any evidence of that now. He didn't know if it was just a deeper friendship between them or something more but his fists clenched at his sides as he watched the two of them together. When she leaned into his brother and rested her head on his muscled arm, Dean tore himself away from the window.

He was jealous. There was no denying it, he was jealous of Sam. Dean had never been jealous of his little brother before. He'd never begrudged him anything and it had always lifted his heart a little to see joy on Sam's face when the kid got something he wanted. In fact, Dean had given everything he could to Sam their whole lives, often going without himself, and had never once regretted it. But he couldn't give him Tasha. The way he felt about her - whether he deserved her or not - he just couldn't willingly give her up. Not even to Sam. Even the thought of losing her was twisting his insides up in pain and fear.

For Dean, those emotions were usually displayed as anger. He sat down on the end of his bed, jaw clenched as he tried to work himself past the urge to punch the walls. Right now, what he really wanted to punch was Sam, but Dean Winchester wasn't going to be seen losing control and acting like a jealous putz. Dean Winchester was always in control. Time to put his game face back on.

/\\/\\/\\

They stood leaning on the back of the Fiero for a few minutes in silence. Sam finally turned and looked down at the brunette. "We good?" he asked warily.

She frowned up at him. "We're alright," she said slowly. "Dean doesn't need us fighting but I gotta tell ya Sam, I'm not exactly thrilled with you right now."

"I get it," he conceded, not feeling it necessary to point out that Dean didn't really need to be told that their little tryst was actually a threesome. She wasn't going to divulge that information anytime soon.

He pushed himself up from the tiny car's trunk. He had managed to finally get a hold of Ruby earlier when he had made an excuse to go out to the car and she had told him she would meet him behind the motel office in ten minutes. That was about right now so he needed to get over there pronto because the demon wasn't known for her patience and wouldn't likely wait very long.

"Well it looks like we may be here another day. I'll go get a second room for you," he offered, trying out a smile. "It'll be just like old times."

"Yeah," she rolled her eyes. "Just like old times." Sam thought she may have been going for sarcasm but her words sounded more wistful than anything else.

"Meet you back inside?" he urged, needing to head off alone.

"Yeah, alright," she agreed with a nod and started back towards the room.

/\\/\\/\\

Dean was still sitting on the bed when the door opened and Tasha stepped back inside.

"Hey," she greeted him, stepping in and sinking into one of the plastic chairs at the table. "Sorry about that. Don't like demons."

Dean made a conscious effort to act relaxed and casual. "So you met Ruby, huh?" he managed.

"Yeah," Tasha shook her head and cast her eyes downward. "He told me she was a hunter."

Dean snorted. "Sammy's getting good at lying," he said snidely, not realizing she would misinterpret the remark.

The brunette sighed, her shoulders sagging. "About that," she said, "About what happened between him and me, I know it's messed up and…"

Dean was in no mood to have this conversation. Not when his stomach was still churning at the mental image of them sweaty and naked together and not when he had just watched them having some intimate conversation right outside, not even bothering to be subtle about it.

"I get it," he interrupted her sharply. "I was dead."

Her mouth clamped shut and she stared at him for a long moment. "That's right," she said finally. "You were."

"I'm fine with it," he shrugged, knowing he wasn't being anywhere near convincing but not really caring. "I don't own you. Hey, I broke up with you, remember?"

The look of hurt displayed on Tasha's face made Dean instantly regret lashing out but he couldn't bring himself to retract the comment.

"What happened with Sam and I…" she said finally, her voice thick with an emotion that seemed to match her wounded look, "…it didn't happen despite you, it happened because of you." She rose to her feet and grabbed her jacket, pulling it on.

"And for the record," she added as she tucked her Glock in her waistband, "It was Sam who figured that out and decided it shouldn't happen again." She started towards the door but turned to face him as she reached for the handle. "You shouldn't give him such a hard time over it. He was hurting as badly as you were when you made the deal in the first place and look what you did."

Dean was torn. Part of him didn't want her to leave and wished he could tell her how he really felt and suggest they put the issue behind him but another part of him was getting angrier and angrier as he listened to her defend his brother.

"Where are you going?" was all he could manage, his tone still clipped.

"To the biker bar to find out who the spirit is before someone else gets killed," she answered brusquely.

That took Dean by surprise and he didn't like the thought of it at all. "We've been through this," he said sternly. "You're not going there alone."

He knew as soon as the words had come out that giving her an order was unwise. He stood up but his feet refused to move towards her.

"You don't own me, remember?" she snapped defiantly, throwing Dean's hurtful words back in his face. "I've been doing this kind of thing on my own for years before I met you and I'm still here. Just leave me…" she cut herself off, taking a deep breath and yanking the door open. "Look, I'll be back in an hour. I'll be fine."

She closed the door behind her with a small click and Dean swung a fist at the motel lamp in frustration, cursing when it smashed into pieces on the floor. He listened to the sound of her car starting up and the tires spinning out of the gravel parking lot.

An hour. She'd be back in an hour. She could handle those guys at the bar. That gave him an hour to get his head straight and figure out what to do about this fucked up mess.

But she wasn't back in an hour.

/\\/\\/\\-/\\/\\/\\-/\\/\\/\\-/\\/\\/\\-/\\/\\/\\

A/N: This was actually the second half of the last chapter that got too long. Sorry it's not the most exciting chapter, but I had to get the little bits of drama out of the way before the real action starts up full force in the next chapter. I promise!

I know not many of you will be online this evening and especially tomorrow, but to those of you who do read this … Merry Christmas! Or happy holidays to those of you who may celebrate the season differently :-) Those of you who do read this, I'd love to find a review under my tree (if Jensen's not available)! Peace and love to you all. -Michelle