A/N

So, finally a new chapter. Thanks to my new fic-wife/beta, Cosmogirl7481, and Rose Arcadia for proofreading and giving me the seal of approval.

I don't own the characters. Obviously.

Chapter 15

Fight For Your Right to Party

EPOV

"Seriously, Wardo, before Bella you had truly shitty taste in ladies," proclaimed Jasper as I drove like a bat out of hell towards my house.

"Thanks, ass, for the support. I appreciate your sympathy while my house is being trashed," I snapped.

"Did you want me to hold your hand, Chickward? Maybe massage your back? Make it awww bettew?" Jasper cooed in that annoying "best friend-is-busting-my–balls way" he had about him.

"The minute you get all emo over Alice I'm going to destroy you, Jazz-hole." I gestured wildly at him with my free hand.

"Relax, Ed. I'm just messing around. You're going to give yourself grey hair from all that stress. Then all of the girls won't be able to wet themselves over your 'fabulous coppery sex hair.'"

"Coppery what?" I asked in astonishment.

"Sex hair. That's how the girls describe it. Also, they ruin their undies thinking about getting lost in your dreamy green eyes. I have to try my best not to hurl whenever I hear that shit. The worst part of it is they are all jealous of Tanya because she is the one who is supposed to be all over your hotness."

"Did you just call me hot? I'm flattered, Jazz. But my heart belongs to Bella. Maybe I can sign a photo for you… if you promise not to jack-"

"F-you. Don't even say that shit."

"Damn Jazz, do you know what you interrupted earlier? I was finally telling Bella how I felt about her. She was just about to tell me how she felt when you yelled at me." Mentioning Bella brought out a tidal wave of emotions. I had reached total frustration. I pinched the bridge of my nose; a nervous habit that I thought was long abandoned. "Fucking Tanya! Please hold me back when I see her. I might be tempted to slap the shit out of her. "

"Shit, Ed, I'd pay to see that. Although I am completely opposed to violence against women, I have no problem with a bitch slap in this case." His phone chirped and he reached into his pocket.

"Hey Edward? How fond is Esme of that lamp on the entry table? I, uh, just got a photo from the party," Jasper admitted miserably.

"Fuck!" I sped up.

We made it to my house in record time. The twenty-minute drive took only ten due to my insane speeding. Good thing I am an excellent driver.

My house was nestled in the forest outside the boundary of the city of Forks. My parents liked the serene woods and stream that surrounded our property. Our house was my mother's pride and joy, her showpiece. I thought about how she was going to go ape-shit if one of these degenerates had fucked up the house. I exhaled loudly as we drove up the long, winding driveway.

"So far it doesn't look too bad," Jazz commented. "This may not be as horrible as we thought."

About twenty or thirty cars lined the driveway. There were very few people loitering outside. Good sign, right?

"Ready, Eddie?'

"Let's do this."

Now I've seen some parties. Emmett "Party" McCarty is my brother, you know. But the sight before me as I opened my front door. . . there are no words.

Underwear hung from the broken lamp in the foyer. Pizza boxes and beer cans littered my mother's hand stained hardwood floors. Music blared from my father's super-expensive sound system. Various drunken losers stumbled around bumping into shit. And this was just in the entrance.

"Fuuuuuckk," uttered Jasper.

I resigned myself to walk through the rest of the house. "I can't believe this." I shook my head sadly. "I'm going to be grounded for the rest of my life. Please go upstairs and clear everyone out. If I see someone fucking on my mom's bed, I might lose my shit."

"Alright, dude. I'm on it." He took the upstairs, and I continued to check out the ground floor.

Most of the senior class and many of the juniors were drinking my dad's liquor, dancing, and generally leaving a wake of destruction. Some random girls were jumping on my mom's leather couch flashing their underwear to some guys snapping photos on their phones. Classy. Good luck when that shows up on the Internet. A game of beer pong was heating up to its climax in the dining room. Fantastic. They were using my mother's crystal glasses for the beer.

"What's up, Cullen?" someone yelled. "Hey, Cullen's here!"

"Fuck off, and get the hell out of my house," I growled.

"What a dick. What does Tanya see in him? Total party pooper." Lauren muttered to some junior slut named Jenny P.

"The party is over. Get the fuck out," I demanded.

"Ha hahahaha!" I was met with hysterical laughter by the mob currently grinding against each other to some rap song. "Good one, Edward! This party fucking rocks." I shook my head and rubbed my temples. I grabbed a beer and downed it as I walked down the hallway to the music room. I swear if someone touched my piano. . .

As soon as I reached the end of the dark corridor, I sighed in relief. The door was locked. My dad had some valuable artwork in there and it had a key code to enter. Lucky for me someone had locked it. I rested my forehead against the door and let out a deep breath. Then I felt a hand reach around . . .and grab my junk? "Hey zexy boyfriend. I've been waiting for you," an accented voice whispered in my ear. I grabbed the hairy wrist that was fondling my package. Hairy wrist? Holy fuck! I spun around to see Bella's French model friend standing there with a gleam in his eye.

"You are not Ereeck. I zought you felt deeferent. Lucky Bella. Eef only she knew wat to do weeth that. Perhaps I help demonstrate?" I didn't know whether to kick his ass for groping me, or be flattered by his complement.

"Uh, no thank you? I um, am totally hetero. No offense." I stammered out a reply, completely red-faced with horror.

"Zat iz wat zay all say." He winked at me. "But I would not steal you from Bella. And Edward, um how do you say in English? Oh, oui, 'get your head out of your ass' before you lose her."

I watched him saunter away with my mouth hanging open. Did the French version of David Beckham just stroke my nuts and proposition me? Unreal. This night just kept getting shittier and shittier.

I walked back to the great room where most of the debauchery was happening. I didn't know what to do. No one was listening to me. So, I went to the kitchen to get another beer.

Mike was talking to some seniors about some girl and waving a bra around. Why the hell did he have a bra? I listened to their conversation more closely.

"…and then she started making out with Mikey here and she fucking took off her bra and gave it to him."

"No shit!"

"Wait, that's not exactly what hap-" Mike was interrupted.

"Was this before or after you kicked Tyler's ass?"

"Um, after. But we didn't-"

"So you're getting a piece of the Swan, huh?"

"What the fuck?" I yelled. "All of you get the hell out of my house, now. Except for you, Newton. I need to speak with you." Mike gulped loudly and turned to face me. The rest of my so-called friends looked at me; then left when I glared at them.

I stared at Newton, waiting for him to explain the blatant lies I just heard. "Well? What the hell happened? I ask you to watch her to make sure she was OK, and you end up with her bra?" I paced the kitchen in anger.

"Edward, nothing happened, I swear. Please let me explain. I was doing what you asked and Tyler was all over her and I stopped him and she was grateful so she kissed me and gave me her bra." The words tumbled out of his mouth in one great stream of nervousness.

"What do you mean he was 'all over her'?" I felt the anger rising. Mike took a deep breath and explained everything that happened. I smashed the can I was holding when he described what Tyler did.

"So, honestly she felt indebted to me and that's why she gave me the bra. The football players were insulting me and she didn't like it. She really is special."

"Nothing happened, then? You didn't. . ." my voice trailed off because I couldn't say the words.

"No way. She's in love with you, Edward. You should have seen her face when I told her you sent me to help her."

"The kiss. Was there tongue?"

"I wish," Mike sighed. I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I'm going to need that bra back." He handed it to me with hesitantly.

Jasper walked into the kitchen at that moment. "Ed, you have to see this."

"What now? I can't take much more."

"Trust me. You'll want to see this." He glanced at the souvenir in my hands. "Uh, nice color, but I don't think that's your cup size."

"It's Bella's, Dicksper." We continued up the stairs.

"Wow. I really did interrupt something earlier."

"I didn't do anything. Mike had it."

"This story I need to hear. But first, ta dah!"

He opened the guest bedroom with a flourish. Sprawled out across the bed was Tanya. She had a new, let's say unusual, hairstyle. "What the hell happened to her?" I couldn't suppress the burst of laughter that escaped my mouth. "That's what she gets."

Tanya stirred and rose from the bed, wobbly and unsure on her feet. Realization suddenly dawned on her face. "Edward!" she screeched. "Like your little parteee?" She proceeded to cackle like the witch she is. She swayed dangerously, swinging her arms about. Jazz and I dodged her while she ranted. "I told you that youdd be sowwreee, Edddieee," she slurred.

"You have no idea how sorry I am, Tanya. I'm sorry I ever called you my girlfriend. Now get out of my house and never, ever, speak to Bella or me again. By the way, I love what you did to your hair. It's as jacked up as my house."

"Wha-" she looked in the mirror as Jazz and I triumphantly left her screaming at her own image. "AAAAhhhhh! What the fuck happened to my hair? Oh my God!"

Jazz and I looked at each other and laughed our asses off. "Can I get a fist bump? 'Cuz that shit was epic. Did you see her face?" Jasper gloated. "God, I always hated her." We jogged down the stairs, definitely in a better mood.

"Is it mean that we're laughing at her faux hawk? I wonder who did it?" I snickered.

"Well, unless Lauren skinned a blond cat, I would say it was her. She was tossing a bundle of hair around with Tyler. Apparently she was helping massage his "injury" when I kicked them of the guest room. I think Tanya and Lauren fought over who was going to be Tyler's nurse, and Lauren won."

"Classic. I have a new appreciation for Lauren. Although she may get kicked out of the Trampy Trio for defiling the head tramp." Jasper and I couldn't stop laughing. "Now we need to stop this party. I've got an idea."

An hour later, everyone was out of the house. We simply hid all of the liquor, then turned off the power except for the front porch. With the cold, and the dark, and the lack of alcohol, everyone was glad to leave.

"So, let's get out the trash bags and survey the damage," Jasper exhaled loudly and rubbed his eyes. "It's going to be a long night."

"I don't know how to thank you for everything you've done tonight. I know I ruined your date with Alice, and I'm sorry. Thanks, Jazz. You're my best friend. I love you, man."

Jasper's eyes widened then grew mischievous, "Before you start blowing me, Ed-0, I must tell you that my heart belongs to Alice. So maybe just a hand job would be appropriate." He ducked as I tried to take a swing at that asshole.

We walked through the house tossing out trash and making a list of things to be fixed. Luckily, very few things were broken. Mostly we picked up a fuckton of crap. People are such pigs.

I walked over to the downstairs powder room, dreading that clean up duty. I prayed no one dropped a deuce and forgot to flush. I was about to open the door when I heard voices within.

"Mmm. Like that. Oh, geek boy."

"Mike. My name is Mike."

MIKE? I know that voice. What. The. Fuck? I stifled a laugh and motioned for Jasper to come listen.

"You're so beautiful. Your hair doesn't matter."

"Shut up and kiss me, gee- I mean, Mike."

Jasper and I both clamped our hands over our mouths so we wouldn't explode. I slowly turned the doorknob to check if it was locked. Jackpot. I motioned with my fingers like we were fucking SWAT raiding a crack house. One, Two, Three. I yanked open the door.

Mike Newton was swallowing Tanya's face. And judging by the sounds we heard, she was enjoying it.

"Ahem." We both cleared our throats. They broke apart, Mike flashed a sheepish grin when he saw me and withdrew his hand from her open blouse. Tanya looked horrified, but quickly recovered.

"Fuck it." She grabbed Mike and they were back at it. Jasper and I snickered and closed the door.

"Where's the laundry room? Can you bleach my eyes?" Jasper was rolling with laughter.

"Aww. Our little Mikey is alls growed up," I could barely contain myself.

We finished cleaning up the rest of the house, finally going to bed around 3:00 am. Mike and Tanya had snuck out quietly during our clean up. Good luck with that, Mike.

I decided to text Bella before I went to sleep.

Hey, Beautiful. I found something that belongs to you.

Next time you take this off, I better be the one helping you.

Counting the minutes until I see you. Love, Edward.

I took a picture of her bra and sent it.

Thursday morning

BPOV

I awoke with a smile on my face. I just had the hottest dream about Edward. I was straddling him in the Volvo with his mouth on my—

Oh look I have a new text!

It was from Edward. Edward. Mmm. His mouth. . . How sweet, he called me beautiful. He has my what! NO!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I screamed as I sat upright in my bed.

Downstairs, my grandparents heard me scream.

"Don't you just hate that rock and roll rubbish?"

A/N

You need to read Retail Therapy by Cosmogirl7481. It's my new fav. She owns me now.

So, who loves Jasper? I made him my favorite character, 'cuz he looked fugly in New Moon.

I'll shut up now so you can review. Please. If you laughed, click the button.