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Chapter 18

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

"So, that was graphic," I stated, wide-eyed. "You actually swallow it?"

"Of course, Bella," Alice scoffed. "What do you think you do with it?"

"Uh, I mean, I know people do, it's just. . . really?" I tried to reconcile what little I know with what James had explained. I felt so powerful with Edward's reaction to our kisses in the gym. Would I be able to proceed to the next step? I knew I wanted something more. Just listening to James and picturing myself doing that to Edward was incredibly erotic. My fantasies had just ratcheted up from PG to NC-17 in like five minutes. Maybe I better just wait until we went on an actual date before I started planning an oral onslaught.

"Bella, once you do eet, you weel want to swallow eet. Eet eez veree natural. But, eef not, eet eez good for your complexion," James said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh, god. That's so gross," I gagged.

"Why do you theenk my skin eez so perfect? It's not zeet cream." Yeah, I had no comment for that one.

Soon we were pulling into the hotel's parking lot. Luckily. James was freaking hilarious but way more experienced on the sex-o-meter. I needed to dial it back a notch.

"Oh my god, this hotel is gorgeous!" Alice exclaimed as we walked through the huge, elaborate lobby of the Fairmont Olympic Hotel. Yeah, it was a long way from the Forks Motel. We picked up our keys from the front desk, as my parents had already checked in for us.

We eventually found are way to our rooms. The hotel was so spectacular, we couldn't help but explore a little.

I wouldn't expect anything less for Rosalie. She'd been planning her wedding since birth. Luckily she was marrying a millionaire able to finance this opus. I really didn't know what the wedding plans were, I just assumed it would be ostentatious by all the conversations we had. I just hoped there wouldn't be any live swans. Yes, I meant actual birds. She had thought that was an incredible idea. We had discussed this in the summer. It made me laugh and snort diet Coke on my keyboard when she told me.

"Don't you think it's totally apropos that I have live swans? You know, we're Swans, get it?"

Big sis had been Googling new vocabulary words.

"Uh, I get the connection, but it seems a little ridiculous to me."

"Ridiculous is Emmett wanting seahawks. At least the swans can be trained." This is why I had not been involved in the wedding planning. I left that to Rose, my mom, and Emmett's mom. I was going to the bachelorette party tomorrow and then I was just going to put on my bridesmaid's dress and fix her train.

James went to his room while Alice and I unpacked and talked. I'm pretty sure he had spotted a conquest in the lobby.

"So, are you excited about your date?" she asked.

Date? Oh my. I had forgotten about the date with Emmett's brother.

"Alice, what should I do? What would Edward think? Do you think he'd get mad? Would-" I stammered.

She interrupted my string of frantic questions with a set of her own. "Didn't we talk about this emo nonsense already? Are you the one getting married? I'm pretty sure you can date whomever you want. Please just try to have a good time. Promise me you won't over think it like you usually do."

"My last date wasn't that great remember? You know the one you made me go on?" Yeah, understatement of the year. I got groped by a douche bag.

"That wasn't a real date, silly. That was a practice date. Bella, pretend it's a practice test."

"But I only want Edward." It came out like a whispered plea.

"Uh, just I uh, think you should make Rose happy. It is her wedding." Alice sounded less than confident.

Ugh. I was so sick if 'the wedding'. It is my birthday on Saturday. Begrudgingly I gave in. "Alright Alice. You win. He better not be heinous like Tyler."

"I promise he's gorgeous! Just your type."

"How do you know?" I asked, suspicious.

"Uh, well, look at Emmett. He's practically perfect. And your mom can't shut up about how she wants to 'swing' with his mom and dad. His brother must be hot."

"Yeah. You're right about my mom. She said Emmett's dad was going to be her new gyno. She was all excited and shit calling him 'Dr. Hottie.' Gross. She made me throw up a little in my mouth."

"Eew. He touched your mom's vadge?" Alice looked horrified.

"Oh god, no. My dad put the kybosh on that real quick. He didn't want his future in-law wrist deep in my mom's lady business."

"Yuck. You certainly painted a vivid picture. Disturbing, but vivid."

"Enough chit chat. Can we eat or are you trying to starve me so I can fit into some too-small jeans again?"

"Shut it. You know you looked hot."

"Hey. I got Edward 'Freaking' Cullen to jump me while rocking PE shorts. I don't need your fashion advice."

"Bitch. You know you love it."

Finally we went to eat. We grabbed some takeout for dinner and discussed Jasper and Edward back in our room. Yes, we were completely obsessed. I even thought I caught a glimpse of him in the lobby.

"Oh god Bella. . . What are you doing with your tongue? Jesus. I can't hold back. . . I'm going to . . ."

"Come on Bella! Wake up. We're going to be late for breakfast and our spa appointments."

"Shit, Alice. You woke me up right before the good part," I groaned and shook out the sleep.

"Sor-ree, porn star. Sheesh. I tried to let you finish. By the way you were moaning and panting during your dream, I thought Edward had dropped his load already."

"Ugh. That's sounds so wrong."

"Well, if loving Edward's schlong is wrong. I know you don't wanna be right," she sang as she dodged my oncoming slap.

Dumb James. He gave me too many excellent ideas.

We met the ladies in the bridal party for breakfast in the hotel restaurant. I hugged my mom and grandma hello and greeted the other bridesmaids. Rose was conspicuously missing.

"Where's Rose?" I asked my mother.

"She's saying 'goodbye' to Emmett." My mother winked at me and everyone giggled.

Just then Rose came into the room with a beautiful older woman who could only be Emmett's mom. She had auburn hair that framed her heart-shaped face and piercing green eyes. Rosalie introduced her as Esme, her soon to be mother-in-law. She looked very familiar to me, but I knew that we had never met.

"Bella. It's so lovely to finally meet you. We missed you at the graduation party." Esme gave me a big hug like she'd known me all her life.

"Thank you, Esme. I hear nothing but wonderful things about you and your family."

She smiled sweetly and replied with a whisper, "My son does nothing but rave about you."

I returned the smile but in my head I was curious as to why Emmett would talk about me. She was probably trying to be nice.

I hugged my sister and introduced both of them to Alice. Esme went to sit with my mother while we continued our conversation.

"Finally I meet the infamous Rosalie. I feel like were going to be great friends just based on your hand me downs in Bella's closet. By the way, your shoes are spectacular." Alice gushed, nodding towards her footwear.

"You, I like. Finally Bella has a decent friend. I was worried about her for a while. She was always alone or with a complete loser."

"Um, I'm right here." I said rolling my eyes.

"I know, Bella. You look fantastic."

"She sure does," crooned a large and incredibly handsome man that wrapped his arms around my sister. "Beauty runs in the family, right Mrs. Swan?" He winked over at my mom. I think she laid an egg from the way she cackled and carried on over Emmett.

"Oh, Emmett." My mother was blushing and fanning herself as she swooned. Geez, Ma. Are you going to flirt with the whole family? Emmett's grandpa probably looked like George Clooney. He better steer clear of Renee.

"Em, did you see how my little sis has grown up?" She held out my arms to take a good look at me. She gasped as she looked at my chest. "Oh, Em, she's gotten her boobies!"

Emmett chuckled, "Cs, huh? Pretty sweet. Ed- I mean my brother, should be thanking his lucky stars."

Oh. My God. Mortification doesn't even come close to what I felt.

"Your brother better not have his hands on my sister's tits on their first date. He needs to wait at least a week," Rose warned.

"Baby, you know the men in my family and the effect they have on women. I can't make any promises." He nuzzled her neck and she moaned softly.

Alice was laughing so hard she started wheezing. I groaned in protest.

"Can we please not talk about this? It's humiliating."

"Bella, we're just complementing you," Rose said between kisses. Emmett looked dazed.

"Thanks. My self-esteem is now at an all-time high," I retorted sarcastically. She beamed.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Alice asked excitedly. "Emmett, what are you guys going to do?"

"Huh? Uh, we're going to play some golf at the club, get some dinner, maybe play some pool. You know. . . the usual. Um, we haven't met officially, I'm Emmett. You must be Alice." He removed his giant hand from my sister's ass to shake her hand.

"Emmett, darling what are you doing here?" Esme called out to him.

"I just came down to say goodbye to my blushing bride because I'm not going to see her until she's walking down the aisle toward me. And I just couldn't wait that long." Emmett pulled Rose down and bent her back into one of those '40s movie kisses. They should have been in trench coats in the rain.

All the ladies 'awwed' and gushed at the display. Including me. It really was romantic. Emmett clearly loved her and by the dreamy look in her eyes, Rose was head over heels. He whispered something to her that made her blush and she murmured back to him, his face erupting into a dazzling grin of white teeth and dimples. With that, he strode out of the restaurant with all eyes on him. The ladies at the table all swooned.

Rose quivered and drew a deep breath. "Oh, what that man does to me."

"What did you guys say to each other? It looked pretty intense." It must have been good to get that reaction.

"He said, 'I'm counting the minutes until I can call you mine forever.' And I told him he already had every part if me."

"Wow," Alice whispered.

"Yeah. Double wow." I said in awe.

We had an enjoyable brunch with the moms and bridesmaids. Rose and Alice completely hit it off like they had known each other forever. Rose's friends seemed nice but desperate. Not really my type. They were looking for a millionaire match like Rose. One of them kept mentioning Emmett's brother - the one I was supposed to date. Apparently he was 'fine as hell.' Good to know, since I have to go on a date with him.

Alice and I got dressed for the party after a long day in the spa. I had every part of my body waxed, massaged, and primed. It was pretty awesome. Except the burning and redness and the part where it hurt like hell.

"Beauty is pain, Bella. The result is worth it."

"No one's going to see it, Alice."

"Maybe Edward can feel it," Alice laughed.

"Eew, Alice. I'm not ready for that." Yet. That boy, well, man, brought out feelings that were previously dormant. I'd probably do whatever he wanted. Like I could resist him. Like I'd want to.

"Sure Bella. Whatever. I heard you moaning this morning. It's just a matter of time," sang Alice with a smug smile.

"Hey, I wasn't the one asking for a BJ tutorial," I retorted.

"Like you didn't want to know." She was right, but I wasn't about to admit it.

"Can we go now?" I tried to change the subject.

"Fine. But one day you'll thank me for getting you that lesson. You remember how you complained about the flat iron? Well it's just like that. You need to know how to handle necessary tools," she replied in a huff.

Rose's suite was freaking huge and incredible. I think it was as large as our house in Forks. She had a catered buffet and a full bar with a bartender. A bunch of her college friends were already there and apparently totally sloshed. Were we that late?

Rose was somewhere between 'dancing on the table' and 'flashing her boobs' on the drunk–o-meter. Not good. I had promised my mom that I wouldn't let her get drunk tonight.

"Your mom is going to kill you," Alice muttered as she watched Rose teeter on her five-inch heels. She had a tiara with penises glued to it. It was like she had cock devil horns.

"How was I supposed to know she was going to have two or twenty drinks before we got here?" I whined. "We better not have any drinks. We need to keep an eye on her. Let's just drink the punch." There was a tall fountain in the center of the buffet that allowed us to help ourselves.

I spent the next hours in a bad Girls Gone Wild video. It was only missing the cheesy t-shirts and a perverted cameraman. Rose and her friends had a boob talent show. She won because she could make them dance to "Super Freak." My dad would have been so proud.

"Emmett would luvvvv to see thish. He lurves my boobieth," Rose slurred. "I won the contesht."

"Bella, this punch is so good," Alice sang.

"I know, right?" I chimed in as I downed another glass.

The mass quantities of alcohol and food had calmed the girls down to a manageable level and Rose was opening her gifts when there was a knock on the door. Who would show up so late for the party? Mmm. Maybe it was some more punch. I didn't want it to run out.

"Are you Rosalie Swan?" Three uniformed police officers stood in the doorway.

"Huh? No. I'm her sister. Can I help you?" I asked shakily. Fuck, someone called the cops on these loudmouths. I suddenly felt dizzy.

"You can show me Rosalie. She's wanted." I opened the door completely to let them in and pointed to my sister. Someone gasped behind me as I held my face in my hands. What was my mother going to say?

"Rosalie Swan?" One of the officers called out.

"Yesh?"

"You're wanted for third degree cock-teasing. I'm here to cuff you and then punish you." Oh my god.

Another cop growled, "You've been a very bad girl."

Samantha, the girl who was after Emmett's brother, started whimpering. Dumbass.

Rose started giggling. "Lock meesh up, Officer Hottie. I'm ready for my punithment," she cooed.

"Pour Some Sugar on Me" started playing and the 'cops' pulled off their uniforms in one grand tug. Strippers. I should have known – one of the cops had a nametag that read, "Sergeant Schlong."

Wow. He wasn't lying. I needed a drink.

Mmm this punch is sooooo good. Oh sweet Jesus. Captain Cock was grinding his junk in my sister's face. Yuck. He's so so. . . . What Grandma Swan would call an oily type beau-hunk.

I closed my eyes for most of this. When I ventured another glance, I was rewarded with a g-stringed ass in my face. Hot? Yeah, not so much.

I escaped to Rose's room. I decided to text Edward. We hadn't really spoken about what was happening between us - just that something was definitely going to happen. I hadn't even told him where I was going this weekend, but he said we were going to see each other. Edward was so beautiful. Must speak to him.

Hey Edward I had a really weird sex dream and u were in it. I dreamed of ur sch long

I luv swet Balls luv u dream about me

WTF?

What? You balls are sweaty? and you love it ?

I luv u Balls so hotttttt

U want me to touch ur balls. I lern howfrom james

Was I misspelling everything? Maybe he was driving or something and texting with one hand. Or playing with his balls? I should leave him alone so he won't crash. Maybe I should check on. . . what's her name. . .Rose?

Bye Edward. Can't wait to show you my new moves.

I wanted more punch. So tasty. Ooh, police were still here. Police were good dancers. So unlike my Dad. I wonder if they work with him? They gave massages with their crotch. Talented.

Oh, there's Alice. Passed out on couch. Poor baby was so tired.

Mmm. Who made more punch? Must thank them.

I was dancing. On table. I shook that ass.

"I love you Rose! I lurve you Alice. You. My. Best. Friend. Rose, does Emmett like blow jobs? Hahahahahaha. Blow jobs rule!"

The blonde girl that looked familiar jumped too close to the wall. Oh, my sister.

"Rose, should you be jumping on the bed like that?" She smacked her head into the wall.

"Ouch, did that hurt?"

Rose rubbed the back of her head. I needed to help my sister.

"I'll go get some of that frozen water stuff." I stumbled down the hall and waited for the elevator thingy. What was taking so long? Oh, I didn't press the button. Hahahahahaha. I was so funny.

The elevator opened. It's full of . . . large, hot guys. One was super hot. Bronze hair. Green eyes. He stared at me in disbelief.

Edward.

"Edward?"

"Bella?"

Everything went black.

A/N

Love and thanks to my beta and ficwife Cosmogirl7481 who sends me dirty texts and inspires me. This chapter is here because of her. Love you hard, BB.

If you laughed, I'd appreciate a review. Someone needs to touch my button.

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