A/N

Thanks to Kassiah at the fictionators for supporting this story and asking Cosmogirl 7481 to guest review.

Cosmo is my hero. She is the chocolate to my banana and nuts. Thank you, soulmate.

Chapter title is dedicated to RoseArcadia who loves Duran Duran probably more than me.

Chapter 19

Wild Boys

"So what do you have planned for this date with Bella? I still don't know if it's a good idea to not tell her about Emmett being your brother. She might get pissed off and then she'll have your balls. . . and not in the good way," Jasper commented.

"Fuck. Do you think so? There's nothing I can do now. I just have to trust my instincts. I can't bear the thought that we would move backwards again. We finally came to an understanding." I gripped the steering wheel tighter at the thought of losing Bella when she was finally in my grasp.

"Ok, Ed. I hope you're right. Alice liked the surprise idea if that's any comfort to you. I think it sucks ass. But that's just me. . . your best friend. . .who you've known for years. But, if it doesn't work out, you can always go back to lusting after me."

"Jasper, that shit isn't funny. Ugh. I'm gagging."

We continued to banter back and forth until we got to the hotel. Well, Jasper shit-talked and I put up with it.

"Damn. This hotel is incredible! Did Emmett spend his whole signing bonus on this wedding?" Jasper gazed in awe as we pulled up to the entrance.

"My brother makes a shitload of money, and whatever Rose wants, Rose gets. Besides, he's fucking famous. Is he supposed to get married at the Forks Motel?"

Jasper snorted. "Many a couple has consummated their love there, Edward." I laughed as the valet took my keys and a porter loaded our bags.

We checked in at the front desk. The clerk seemed very attentive. . .maybe too much. She kept staring at us and licking her lips.

"So, Leah, do you have any ideas as to what we should do while we're here?" Jasper drawled in his 'sex' voice. I knew that because it was also his 'Alice' voice. "Ed and I are looking for a 'good time,' he said suggestively as he leaned over the counter and winked.

I groaned and he kicked me.

"I, uh, would be happy to show you around, personally, Mr. Whitlock," she tittered. Yeah, he dazzled her. "And I think you'll be much happier in one of our suites. Two big, handsome men need more space than our normal rooms offer."

"Call me Jazz," he said with a smirk.

She nearly lost her shit.

She handed him our room keys and her phone number with a huge smile. I rolled my eyes as Jasper blew her a kiss.

"All your mini-bar purchases are comped, Jazz."

"Thanks, Leah. You're a sweetheart," he purred.

I lead him to the elevator quickly. . . before Jazz scheduled a ménage a trois.

"And that, Edward Sullen, is how it's done."

"What? Shameless flirting so you can eat ten dollar nuts for free?"

He laughed.

"You're laughing at 'nuts?' Immature asshole." I said incredulously.

"You didn't think that was awesome?"

"I found it quite disconcerting," I replied.

"Relax with the vocabulary lesson. We're not in AP English. My 'disconcerting' behavior got us a suite. That's sweet."

"How the fuck am I friends with a moron?" I shook my head in wonder.

"You know you love me," he said as we exited the elevator.

He opened the door to our suite and I gasped.

"Jasper, you are the man. This is awesome."

"Told you, Doubtward. God gave me this face and charm for a purpose."

"See if you can fit your giant head inside so we can unpack."

As if on cue, our bags arrived.

"Now I know why you wanted the suite, Jazz. In a regular-sized room we wouldn't have had any space for us with the fuckton of clothes you brought. We'd have to sleep in the hall. Oh, did you double the tip to the bellboy for carrying that ginormous suitcase?"

He threw something at me. Nuts. At least we didn't have to pay for them.

After we checked out the hotel for a bit, we decided to grab some take out and order a movie. Since we would probably be up late tomorrow, we wanted to get some extra sleep.

After eating, I did some sit ups and push ups before my shower. Knowing Emmett, there might be a contest tomorrow – I needed to be prepared. I dried myself off and put on my flannel pajama bottoms before snuggling up in my queen-sized bed under the fluffy down comforter. Jasper was still in the other bathroom. . . doing what, I didn't know.

"Jasper, are you having happy time in there, or what?" I called loudly.

"Fuck off, Cullen. I have a skin-care regimen I need to follow. Just because you don't take care of your face, don't hate." He had some sort of mask on his face.

"What the hell is that - jizz?" I asked.

"It's an acne fighting cream, dickwad."

"You don't have acne."

"No shit, Sherlock. Do you think that's by fucking magic or something?"

"What happens if you don't use that stuff?"

"I don't want to know." I guess I couldn't blame him. Who wanted zits?

The next morning we slept in pretty late. We had an eleven o 'clock tee time so there was no need to rush. Jasper ordered some breakfast while I showered.

Emmett showed up in our room about ten thirty.

"I didn't pay for a suite, you moochers. This is nicer than mine," he complained.

"Jasper traded sexual favors for an upgrade," I smirked.

Emmett raised his eyebrows.

"Just harmless flirting."

"Well, that's a relief. I just saw two gorgeous girls that would be devastated if they found out their boyfriends were 'whoring' for hotel upgrades."

"You saw Bella and Alice?" I asked eagerly.

"Yeah. Damn, Edward. She's grown up since I saw her last spring - in all the right places. I can see why you're all emo about her."

"Please don't tell me you were checking her out."

"Nah, bro. Just the boobs. Verree nice."

I growled at my brother.

"Dude, Rose told me to. Don't get pissy. And Jasper, that little Alice is a hottie. I guess I don't need to buy you guys some hookers."

We both tackled him at that point. Well, we tried. He was in the NFL, after all.

"I was joking, you pansies. I'd never buy a hooker. You never pay for pussy. Well, unless you're marrying it." Emmett threw both of us aside with a flick of his wrist. "Fuck, you two are weak. We need to hit the gym."

Emmett drove the four of us to golf course. I was playing with Jasper against Emmett and my dad – we were well matched. Charlie wasn't a golfer, so he was going to meet us in the clubhouse after our round.

"Cheaters. You totally distracted me on that last shot," Emmett whined.

"My ass," Jasper retorted.

"You denying it, Whitlock?"

"No, I meant you were looking at my ass," Jasper joked as Emmett pelted him with a golf ball.

"Damn! That's going to leave a mark," he winced while he rubbed his thigh.

"Get Alice to kiss it and make it better," laughed Emmett. Jasper's eyes lit up at the thought. I couldn't blame him. The constant thoughts I had of Bella made me smile so much I looked goofy.

"Speaking of girlfriends, Edward, what's going on with you and Rosalie's sister? Your mother mentioned you were seeing her," my dad asked casually. I think he was trying not to freak me out. "What happened to that Tanya girl? You're not two-timing Bella, are you?"

"No dad, of course not. I broke up with Tanya. We didn't really have a relationship. It was more like an arrangement." I admitted, decidedly embarrassed in front of my dad and brother.

"Edward," he admonished, "please don't tell me you were using her for sex."

I stared at him, horrified at the thought. Jasper guffawed as he putted.

"Dad, I never touched her, I swear. She was just a friend to go places with."

"Yeah, dad, 'wittle' Eddie is still untouched. Your baby's still got his virtue," Emmett joked. I socked him in the arm. It was like hitting a brick wall. I did need to go to the gym.

"Uh, excellent. You know sex is not something to enter into lightly," my dad said uncomfortably. "Emmett, do you have any questions about tomorrow night? I want to make sure you're prepared." Emmett nearly fell over laughing. Jasper and I giggled like girls at the thought of Emmett needing sex advice. "You know it's not all about you, right? A real man pleases the woman. . . multiple times. Your mother loves it when I-"

"I think I've got it, pops," Emmett interrupted, thankfully. I didn't want to hear that, either.

"I am a doctor and your father. I can explain clitoral stimulation in detail, oral and manual."

Emmett started coughing uncontrollably. . . Jasper turned red. . . I wanted to disappear.

"I realize that you probably already had, um, relations," Dad went on, "but I feel I need to be available for you and Edward. And you too, Jasper. Not in a 'birds and bees' way. Just anyway you need me."

The three of us felt bad for laughing so hard. He was a fuckawesome father and was trying to have an open conversation with us. We were dicks.

"Dad, I'm sorry I laughed. I just got embarrassed," I said, properly chastised.

"Yeah, me too," Emmett added. "Although, I think you need to draw a diagram for Edward so he'll know where to put it."

I growled at my asshole brother. "Just because I'm not spending my teenage years as a man-whore doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing."

"Whatever, Virginward. I saw the video."

"Fuck off, Emmett. Let's play golf."

"Hey, can you use a little less profanity, boys? Your mother would kick my ass if she knew I let you talk like that," Dad reprimanded us with a smile.

"Well, you can just dazzle her with your oral skills, Dr. C," Jasper teased. My dad high-fived him. Yuck. I needed that visual permanently erased.

"Hell yeah," my dad laughed. "So, what's this about a video, Edward?"

The golf game got competitive. I should have known. There was a lot a smack talking and side betting. It was with great satisfaction that Jasper and I won 200 bucks. It wasn't the money; it was beating my big brother who dominated every physical competition. Yeah, suck it, Emmett.

We drove to Emmett's house after we ate lunch at the club. I learned Charlie was a quiet man who didn't seem to mind that I was interested in dating his daughter. Yeah, Emmett let that nugget slip out during lunch. . .he was still irritated about losing. Fortunately, he had made such a good impression with the family that I didn't have to work very hard to gain Charlie's approval. Now I just needed Bella's. I really wanted to talk to her, but I was afraid if I called or texted her it might lead to a conversation as to where I was. I didn't want to open that line of conversation.

I had arranged for Emmett's favorite restaurant to host a full buffet at the house, complete with bartenders and servers. They were finishing the set-up when we got there.

"Fuck, yes!" Emmett exclaimed when he saw the food and the margarita machine. "Mexican, my favorite. Hook me up a margarita, amigo." He slurped from a giant salt-rimmed glass as he checked out the entertainment.

He was thrilled with my plans for the night. His greatroom was filled with two pool tables, vintage pinball machines, and various electric sports games. His large flat screen was ready to display a Rock Band battle.

"Everything looks great, Ed. Thanks for setting everything up." Emmett extended his hand to shake, but pulled me into a crushing clinch instead.

"It was nothing, Em. You know I'm really happy for you. Rosalie's a great girl."

"I know, so is Bella. Don't fuck it up."

Truer words had never been spoken.

We showered and got ready for the party. Jasper tried to dress me in one of his shirts, but I insisted on wearing my own clothes.

"You brought a garment bag, Jasper?" I said, poking the item in question.

"So?" he retorted. "Should I carry my clothes in a paper sack?"

"I was just asking. Don't get pissy because I won't let you dress me like a fucking boy band singer."

"Bite me, Cullen. I have better taste than that."

"That shirt was a reject from the N'Sync tour."

"The payback for that comment is going to be a bitch. You won't even know when it's coming," Jasper hissed.

"Well, I know it'll be coming from 1999. . . like that shirt."

Needless to say, Jasper was pissed at me. He was worse than a girl when it came to clothes. But after a while (and a few drinks), he stopped acting like an asshole.

Emmett's college friends and a few teammates had arrived, signaling the official beginning to the party. It wasn't a drunkfest, luckily. It was. . .mellow. Everyone seemed to enjoy the games and food. Carlisle and Charlie went back to the hotel after eating and playing several games of pool. Charlie had won quite a bit of money hustling Em's friends. Their departure triggered a change in the atmosphere.

"Ok, the geezers is gone. Where's the bitches at?"

These were his college friends?

The mood changed from 'mellow' to 'Animal House' in a few poorly constructed sentences. Shots flowed freely. Porn replaced Rock Band.

Emmett grew progressively drunk as the night wore on. I, however, had not. I wisely had stuck to the margaritas. They hardly had any liquor in them at all. Snicker. I said 'lick her.'

"Hey, Jasper. Did you have a margarita? They're fucking delicious," I raved as I sucked another one down. "This party is super fun, huh?"

"Wait, can you repeat that? I didn't get that on video. I'm pretty sure that's going to be my new ringtone - Edward reciting lines from Legally Blonde - it is the best party ever. Is everyone going to break into a choreographed dance sequence now?" Jasper looked gleeful.

The doorbell chimed "We are the Champions" and Jasper left to answer it. Mercifully. Why the fuck was he talking about dance numbers? I went for another margarita, and as I sipped, Emmett clapped his hand on my back. . . spilling my drink all over my shirt.

"Fuck!" It was completely soaked with frosty deliciousness.

"Sorry, bro. Just take it off."

I pulled my shirt over my head as I heard the opening riff to "Hot for Teacher."

Two blondes in glasses and tight skirts and way too much make-up started dancing. One grabbed Emmett and sat him in a chair. The other moved towards me.

"Ooh, baby. You already have your shirt off. What a good boy you are. I bet you're verrrreee good," she purred. Eeew. I don't do skank. She pawed at my chest, but I politely told her to give her venereal disease to someone else. She smelled all wrong – sour and cigarettes. Not like Bella, who smelled like spring and strawberry and lovely.

I went to the bar for a shot and another margarita to calm my nerves. Hmm. Maybe just one more shot. Shit, I splashed some on me. That glass had a leak. Why am I wet? Oh, I had no shirt.

I looked through Emmett's closet in order to rectify the clothing situation. None of his fit, so I had to wear one of Jasper's. Of course Jasper traveled with like 80 extra shirts. After pulling one on, I felt a little strange. I must be tired. I probably needed another drink to stay awake. Those margaritas are just like lemonade.

"Your crotch is ringing," the bartender commented. Yeah, I heard a chime coming from somewhere. Alarm clock? No. Doorbell? No. My pants. Oh, it was my pants. I pulled out my phone to see who it was. Bella!

Hey Edward I had a really weird sex dream and u were in it.

I dreamed of ur sch long

WHAAAATTT? Sex dream. She dreamed of my what? I was so excited, my fingers quickly typed my reply.

I love sweet Bella. I love that you dream of me.

Check out how romantic I am.

What? You balls are sweaty? and you love it ?

Why was she talking about my balls? They were not sweaty. Wait, she loves them or I love them? Oh, she's talking dirty to me. Eddie likes Dirty Bella. God, she's perfect.

I love you Bella. Ur so hot

Hell yeah, she's hot.

U want me to touch ur balls. I lern howfrom james

Fuck, she wants to touch my balls. That whole area is just for you, anytime, my love. My lovely, love. . . who the hell is James?

Bye Edward. Can't wait to show you my new moves.

Oh yes, baby. Show me everything. I closed my eyes and pictured Bella. Bella's lips on mine. Her body pressed up against me. My fingers in her hair. My hands exploring every luscious curve and dip of her skin. My body hovering over her as we're about to. . .

"Fuck." That's not Bella's voice. I felt someone shaking me.

"Get up, Edward. How could a brother of mine be such a light weight?"

"I was having a really good dream, Emmett," I groaned and covered my face with a pillow.

"No shit. I got a boner just from your sleep talk."

"That's disturbing in so many ways. What's going on? Is the party over?"

"Yeah. You were asleep for the end of it. It was fucking epic, though. My friend Marcus ate whipped cream off the stripper's ass for a hundred bucks."

"Yuck. Who paid him to do that?"

"Paid him? He paid her, doofus. You are totally whipped on my little sis, huh?"

"Yeah, I am," I admitted. I sat up and immediately regretted it, as a wave of nausea hit me. "I can't stop thinking about her. I think I may love her."

"I know the feeling. Those Swan girls are irresistible."

"Yeah, but I've only known her for two weeks, and we haven't even been on a date."

"So? I took one look at Rose from across the lecture hall and I knew I was going to marry her. I'd never say it was too soon, bro."

"How are you so coherent, Emmett? You drank all day and night."

"You and Jasper are pussies," he spoke matter-of-factly.

"Who's a pussy?" Jasper walked into the room.

"Apparently you and I are."

"Fuck that. I just won a round of 'name that porn' while you were passed out. You are the only pussy around here." Jasper sat on the bed next to Emmett.

"For reals, Jasper? You beat Marcus?" Emmett fist bumped him. "Ok, just Ed-o is a pussy light weight. Now, can we get the hell out of here?"

"Hey!" I protested. "I didn't eat very much."

Another wave of nausea hit me and I groaned and pulled myself up to run and barf into the toilet.

"You were saying. . ." Emmett called from the bedroom.

We rode to the hotel in the limousine I had thoughtfully ordered to give the guys rides home. How did I know everyone would be drunk? Duh. It was a bachelor party.

"So why are you coming with us?" Jasper asked.

"I have to see Rosie. I want to try out my new haircut."

I looked at his hair – it was still curly and closely cropped as always. "It looks the same, Em."

"Not that hair, fool."

What the fu. . ."Aw shit, you shaved your balls?"

"Clean as a whistle. Rose doesn't like to get hair in her teeth, so I did it as a wedding present. And damn, my dong looks even bigger."

"Really. . . does it itch?" Jasper asked curiously.

"Am I really listening to this? I just puked my guts out and now I'm listening to my brother tell my best friend about his hairless balls and his big cock. Unbelievable."

"Your brother was in GQ. I think he might know what he's talking about."

"Whatever," I retorted petulantly. Not the best comeback. Yeah, so I was tired.

We arrived at the hotel before they could continue the ball story. I was looking forward to my nice, soft bed. The three of us rode the elevator to the top floor where the suites were located. I closed my eyes during the ride up and opened them when I heard the ding.

Wide, brown eyes stared at me.

"Edward?"

"Bella?"

She swayed and almost crumpled to the ground before I caught her. "Fuck! What the hell happened?" I scooped her up into my arms.

"Mmmm. Edward. You smell soooo good. I want to lick your neck," she murmured with her eyes still closed as she threw her arms around my head. She snuggled closer to me, her head buried in my neck. I could feel her tongue snaking out and dragging across my skin. I grinned like an idiot.

"Nice one, Ed. Chicks falling at your feet. . . begging to lick you. . .I guess you are my brother."

"She's drunk off her ass, Ed. I wonder what Alice is like," Jasper laughed.

"Allisss ish my besht friend," Bella slurred. She dropped her legs down, then tried to climb me like a tree, wrapping one leg around my waist then hopping up. I braced myself and shifted her into a comfortable position, smoothing her skirt down so she wasn't flashing Emmett and Jasper. She started working her tongue on my ear.

"You better get her to her room, quick." I gave Emmett a dirty look. "Dude, that's not what I meant. Take care of her."

She started wiggling and rocking against me. . . oh god. I almost jizzed in my pants.

"Hurry, Edward. It's disturbing to see my brother getting dry-humped in the hallway."

"Bella, baby, do you have your room key?" I whispered in her ear.

"Mmm. Yesh, let's go to my room, Edward. I want to show you what I did at the shpa. You can tell me if you like the way it feels."

Holy fuck. Jasper and Emmett were practically rolling with laughter down the hallway.

"Your key, Bella. Where is it?"

"My purth."

Jasper choked.

"Where, baby?" I asked frantically.

"I said 'my pursth.' The black leather one." Thank fuck.

Emmett opened the door of the suite with his key card.

"Yeah. Now I know why she was wandering in the hallway." Alice was sprawled upside down across the couch. Rose was dancing to . . . I don't know. . . music in her head? The whole place was a disaster. It was almost as bad as my house after the party.

Both Emmett and Jasper went quickly to check on their women, leaving me with Bella. I glanced around and quickly located a black purse on the bed. I checked the wallet and it was Bella's.

"I'm taking her to her room," I called out before we left, Bella still wrapped around me like a koala bear. A fucking hot, grinding koala bear trying to seduce me. I gently pulled her legs down and spun her to my side.

We rode down in the elevator, her body still torturing me. She was pressed firmly against me with her hands reaching under my shirt. With every pass of her hand across my abs, she was making little moaning sounds that were driving me insane. The elevator opened and we walked down the hall to her room.

"Edward, this is the best dream ever. I don't want to wake up." Her eyes were open and her face was lit up with an amazing smile.

"Just go to sleep, love." I sat her on the bed and removed her shoes. She pulled me down with her, but I sat up quickly. "No, Bella. You need to sleep." I tucked her in, knowing anything I did I would regret – no matter how badly I wanted her. We would have plenty of chances to be together. I leaned down to press an innocent kiss to her lips. She wound her fingers in my hair and tugged me closer to her, trying to hitch her leg around my hip. "Bella, you're making it very hard to control myself."

"You don't have to, Edward. In my dreams we have lots and lots of sex."

I really needed to get the hell out of here, like now. "Go to sleep, baby."

"OK, but jusht tell me. . . Edward, why are you dressed like Jushtin Timberlake?"

A/N

So, in an effort to raise my review total, I have shamelessly resorted to using my friend's popularity for my gain. So I am sharing my late night text messages with Cosmo. Don't roll your eyes.

Marvar - You're pretty awesome. I want to form a super fic crew with you. I just need to be more popular. I do have like 60 more fans now. Maybe I'll get 30 reviews. LOL

Cosmogirl7481 - You got 60 adds? That is awesome!

Marvar - Not compared to your like five thousand. I'm not jealous, though. *bitch*

Cosmogirl7481 - We're a team! There's no *bitch* in team! LMAO

Marvar - So, Cosmo, I guess I owe you big time for that review in the Fictionators on Friday.

Cosmogirl7481 - You owe me nothing. I owe you far more. Trust me.

Okay. You do owe me…clit licks and boob gropes. They're like my currency.

Marvar - Hey. This is our A/N discussion. Write a pithy comment.

Cosmogirl7481 - You want me to be succinct? I'm pretty wordy.

Marvar - This isn't a lemon, Cosmo. LOL. I'm the succinct to your wordy. Maybe that's why the increase in popularity?

Cosmogirl7481 - Well, that and all the boys found out that we fuck under the bleachers. That always makes you more "popular".

Marvar - Cosmo, under your tutelage, I've progressed from teenage longing to BJ tutorials and grinding. Have any comments?

Cosmogirl7481 - Yes. Blow Jobs are ALWAYS preferable to longing.

Marvar - Am I really putting this into my A/N?

Cosmogirl7481 - Of course you are! We are being witty.

Marvar - I think I can write drunk scenes because I'm totes fucked up when I write!

Cosmogirl7481 - I think you can write drunk scenes because you have experience.

Marvar - Yeah. The horny grinding part. LOL.

Cosmogirl7481 - Horny grinding when you're drunk is the best part!

Marvar - I know, huh? I wish I was Bella in that chapter.

Cosmogirl7481 - I wish I was Bella in any chapter of any fic…except that one where she got raped by Carlisle. *shudders*

Marvar - Eew. You just killed my buzz.

Cosmogirl7481 - It was supposed to make you laugh darkly. LOL

Yes. Longest chapter and longest A/N ever.

Review, even if it's just a plea to stop our "cute" banter.