A/N

Sorry for the wait - I've been busy writing a new story with CosmoGirl7481 called "Love in My Box." You can find it under my profile.

I don't own Twilight or Sixteen Candles, but Cosmo owns me.

This chapter is dedicated to Anna, who taught me many important life lessons such as how to be a woman. . .

Chapter 20

White Wedding

". . . birthday dear Bella, happy birthday to youuuuuuu. " Alice sang while holding out a muffin with a candle sticking out the top.

"Bella!"

"What? I was in the middle of the best dream." I groaned and rolled over.

"Yeah, I bet I know what that was about. Or should I say who? Do I have to hear every little detail of your dream sex life, sleep talker? Although, it sounded pretty hot."

"Yeah. It was awesome." I thought back to last night's dream. Edward - his arms wrapped around me. Edward - his scent, his face, his body so close to mine. The grinding against his rock hard body. Jesus, I hoped his real abs were as awesome as his dream ones - 'cos you could grate cheese on those puppies.

"Mmmmm."

"Are you moaning, young lady? You better start talking." She sat on my bed and stared.

"It was just a good dream, Alice." I covered my face with the pillow.

"Well, I hope you remember it so you can do it in real life."

"Yeah right. I don't think I could do that, Alice." I wish. I inhaled and said, "Well, it sure was vivid, though. I can almost smell him." I rubbed my face into my pillow as I stretched lazily across the comfy bed.

"Hey, that dream was about Edward, right? Because you kept saying something about Justin Timberlake."

"Waaaahhhhttt? That part I do not recall." I shot up rapidly – too rapidly.

I felt a sharp ache in my head as I tried to sit up. I noticed Alice was still holding the muffin. "Thanks, Alice. You are probably the only one who will remember." I took the offering from Alice's hands and lay back down.

"Alice, how are you so chipper this morning? My head is killing me."

"I wasn't the one drinking all night," she said.

"So you were sober when you were riding the strippers like horses?"

She gave me a dirty look.

"That's what I thought," I replied smugly.

"Whatever, Bella. At least I wasn't as bad as Rosalie."

Rosalie!

"Oh fuck."

I scrambled up to get dressed quickly. I had to find out if she was ok. Alice must have sensed my panic.

"Relax, Bella. Rose is alright. Emmett came by last night to check on her. He put her to bed."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm going to take a shower then we can talk," Alice warned. "You will tell me about that dream." She closed the door behind her and I went back to fantasizing in my dream world.

Yum.

Licking his neck. Slightly salty, but fresh and soapy and. . . delicious. I had wanted to bite him.

My legs wrapped around him, no space between our bodies. . . His hands cupping the backs of my thighs as he held me tightly. Jesus. Must not touch myself while Alice is in the other room. Remembering the dream was making me pant. What would I do in real life? Hyperventilate?

I was distracted from my perverted thoughts by Alice's emergence from the shower - bright and perky as usual. I'm sure I looked like roadkill. I dragged myself from my comfy bed and my Edward fantasies to shower.

"I'm still going to interrogate you about that dream," she sang in her infuriatingly chipper voice as she got ready to go.

I sighed as I resigned myself to the inevitable inquisition. "It's not really that exciting," I lied.

"Don't even, Bella. It'll just have to wait until our hair appointment. I'm really hoping it's about a three-way with you, Edward, and Justin."

After my shower we walked over to Rosalie's suite. Alice grabbing an extra key card last night turned out to be a good thing, since Rosalie wasn't answering. She used it to let us in the room.

"Oh. My. God. Did we do this?"

My jaw dropped open in shock. Everything was . . . everywhere. Plates, couch cushions, glasses . . . underpants? Yeah, I didn't want to know.

"Rose?" I called out into the suite.

"Huh?" The answer sounded more like a moan.

It wasn't coming from the bedroom, however.

Walking towards the source of the noise, I realized it was from the bathroom.

Rose was naked in the tub - hair completely wild and probably still drunk. Nice. I groaned in frustration. Where was the wedding photographer when I needed him? This needed to go into the Swan family scrapbook.

Rose made a sound like a wounded cow. Well, maybe the sound didn't exist in nature.

Alice gigglesnorted.

I started to laugh, too. I couldn't help it.

"Get up, alkie." I poked her in the side, trying not to touch her girlie parts.

"Mmmph," she grunted as she tried to roll over.

"Rose. You are getting married in six hours. You need to get up."

No movement, except for the middle finger she held up in my direction.

I raised my eyebrows and cocked my head towards the shower nozzle.

"Oh yeah," Alice replied with a gleam in her eye.

I smiled and nodded. I turned that knob full power.

After several minutes of screaming and crying, (Rose and I screamed, Alice cried - Rose gave her a titty-twister) we got Rose showered and dressed.

She was hurting pretty bad, though. She had a lump on the back of her head and a killer hangover. She took some aspirin, but it didn't seem to help. During breakfast, she looked completely wrecked.

When we came back from our hair appointment at the salon, I realized that I needed to do something to help – her situation had not improved. I snapped my fingers as I came up with an idea - Grandma Swan had some pain pills for her lumbago.

I ran up to my grandma's room and emerged victorious, pills in hand.

Grandpa said it was "the good stuff."

Of course they fucking forgot my birthday. I thought they lived for that shit. I was so mistaken.

I handed Rose the small container of pills, and she quickly gulped some with a bottle of water.

"How many did you take?" I gasped.

"Three or four."

"What the hell, Rose? Do you want to spend the day in the hospital getting your stomach pumped?"

"Oh, relax drug police. I needed some painkillers, bad. That aspirin I took earlier didn't do shit. Things have to be perfect today. I've been dreaming about this day since I was five years old." Could I argue with that logic?

The pills seemed to be working well as the three of us got ready in her suite. Thankfully, housekeeping had cleaned up while we were gone. She wasn't even complaining any more. She seemed. . . happy? Maybe too happy? Nah, it was her wedding day.

My mother and Esme stopped in to check on how we were doing. They were already dressed and ready to leave for the church. They were going to check on the arrangements.

Rose was almost ready since her hair and make-up was done at the salon. She emerged from her room, slightly wobbly. Her dress looked incredible. I had seen pictures before, but in person, on my sister it was breathtaking. It was silk- strapless with a fitted bodice, and a long, full mermaid skirt. She looked like a princess.

"Hey, Mom! Esmom! How's it hanging?" She snorted loudly. "I just snorted."

And the fun began.

My mom and Esme looked at me and I just shook my head. "She took some pain killers," I explained. "She was feeling really bad earlier."

"Bad, I'm bad, you know it…I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it, come on," she sang loudly and tried to moonwalk. For the encore, she grabbed her crotch.

Alice was rolling on the floor laughing. Literally. She couldn't stand up. My mother and Esme looked concerned for a moment, and then started giggling.

"What the hell kind of pills did she take?" my mother asked with tears of laughter in her eyes.

"I, uh, got some from Grandma."

"Grandma Marie? Jesus, Bella, that old lady pops pills like candy. She's high half the time, and completely shit-faced the other half. She probably gave you something illegal." My mother gave me the 'I'm disappointed in you, Bella' look. Happy birthday to me.

"Hey, I was just trying to make your hung-over daughter feel better on her wedding day," I huffed, trying to defend myself.

"Hung-over? Weren't you supposed to keep her from getting drunk, Isabella Marie?" Oh, shit. The middle name. I was screwed.

Rose was taking a break from her singing to stare at her hand. She was waving it like a psychotic Miss America.

"I'm sure everything will be fine, Renee," Esme said softly as she smiled at me. Lucky Rosalie would have a great mother-in-law. Emmett, on the other hand, was in for a world of crazy. I wonder if he knew about my mom's obsession with Carlisle.

"It's going to be a piece of cake, Ren," Rose sang as she tried to snap her fingers.

"Ok, well, we're leaving with the grandparents and Daddy to the church. I expect you to be on time. You have a half hour." My mom walked out shaking her head, while Esme winked.

I turned to Alice, "Help me get her veil and shoes on so we can go."

It was like dressing a two-year old. She kept going limp like a rag doll even on the way down to the limo. We shoved her in and rode to the church just in time.

"Oh, Izzy, You're going to love Em's brother. And he's so crazy for you! Touch him once and you'll know it's true. . . He never wanted anyone like this. . . It's all brand new, you'll feel it in his kiss. . .He's crazy for you, crazy for you Bellaaaah. . ."

"Yeah, thanks, Rose," I muttered. Don't remind me of that stupid date. How the hell was I supposed to explain that to Edward?

Alice helped me get her out of the limo and into the bride's room without much of a problem. We each carried one side of Rose.

"It's got to be wearing off, right? I mean it's been like over an hour since she took them," I breathed hopefully.

Alice shrugged. "Hell if I know." We sat down, exhausted. I mean, Rose wasn't fat by any means, but boobs like that aren't feather-light.

Rose was still for a bit, which I took as a good sign. We were just waiting for the signal from the wedding planner. We heard a knock at the door and my dad came in to escort her down the aisle. He looked at Rose, who was staring blankly at the flower arrangement on the table, then at he turned to me, eyes questioning.

"Um, she's a little bit nervous, Dad. She's not really herself." That was an understatement. But I didn't think 'hey, Daddy, your mom got Rose all fucked up' was the appropriate response. "We'll see you out there." Alice and I practically ran out to the entrance to the church. She grinned at me, saying, "Remember, everything that happened was for a reason. Please just go with it." She then went in to take her seat.

OK? What was that about?

I lined up at the end of the procession, standing by myself because my partner was inside with Emmett. Since we didn't have a rehearsal, I didn't ever actually meet Emmett's brother, who was to be my partner. I didn't even know his name. That was strange, but I hadn't thought about it before now. Whatever. Too late now. It was actually easier to get out of the date, since I didn't know him.

The bridesmaids were all lined up, looking beautiful in their red gowns. My dress was actually really great - flattering to my figure, much to my surprise. I thought maybe Rose would be petty enough to want to outshine everyone at her wedding, but it was not the case. We all looked better because of her. Even completely high, Rose was more beautiful than anyone had a right to be.

Our Dad held her tightly as she swayed on the spot. The music started and the procession began. The sounds of Pachelbel's Canon lilted through the foyer. It was magnificent. Behind me, I could hear my dad urging her to go, go. Wrong choice of words.

It inspired her to start a cheer.

"Go, Huskies, Go!"

She continued with her chant down the aisle. I bet my dad was glad he spent all that money on gymnastics and cheer uniforms.

"Yay, Emmett!" She landed in the splits. It was fortunate that her dress had a full skirt or she'd be pretty embarrassed right now.

Booming laughter filled the church. It came from one person – everyone else was collectively holding their breath.

"That's my girl! Look how lucky I am. Did you see how flexible she is?" Emmett clapped his hands together. "Damn, baby. I love you."

EPOV

"Edward, earth to Edward."

"Wha?" The complete word could not form in my cotton-filled mouth. I lay with a pillow covering my face.

"You really shouldn't drink so much." Jasper sounded too damned happy.

"Fuck off." I sat up slightly, removing the pillow and rubbing my eyes.

"Nice manners, loverboy." He swatted me with the pillow. "Did Boozy Bella puke on you before you got to first base and now you're all wound up?"

"First of all, don't call her that or I'll kick your ass. Secondly, get the fuck off my bed with your pillow-fighting shit. This is not a low budget girl-on-girl porn." I grabbed the pillow and tossed it across the room.

"Testy. You need to go rub one out in the shower." He made a motion with his hand.

"You better not be offering me assistance with that," I answered in disgust.

"You wish. But these fingers are only for Alice's pleasure," he said smugly, wiggling the offending digits in front of my face.

"Ugh. I want to throw up again. That's so wrong." I slapped his disgusting hand away from my face.

"Dude, I was just messing with you. I'd never disrespect Alice by telling you about that. Damn, you're uptight. You do need handle your business in the shower. Twice, or you might pop off like a champagne cork at the wedding when you see Bella." He got up from the bed and walked into the living room.

I wanted to yell some choice expletives at him in protest, but he was completely right. I had morning wood that could only be attributed to last night's. . . encounter with Bella. Holy fuck, had she driven me crazy. I had never been so horny in my life. It was good to know that I had that kind of self-control. I could never hurt her by taking advantage of the situation.

My shy, beautiful girl was wild when she got drunk. I recalled the feel of her skin against mine – so soft and warm and sweet-smelling. I groaned at the thought of her licking my neck with her hot, wet tongue. Resisting as she tried to pull me on top of her had been my greatest feat of strength, ever. I held her until she feel asleep, listening to her moan and say my name. It was almost as bad as the grinding. Almost.

I rolled out of bed knowing I needed to take Jasper's advice and not wanting to do it while he was so near. Jasper knocked and walked in as I gathered my things for the shower. I pulled my shirt off and threw it at his face.

"Thanks for that, by the way. Bella took one look at it and swore she'd never drink again. She thought she had traveled back in time to when that shirt was in style."

"You're going to pay for your comments, Cullen. Now hurry the fuck up so we can eat. Emmett just texted that he'll be here in twenty. Can you get pretty that quickly? I know it takes hours to get that 'just got laid' look to your hair that all the ladies love, but we don't have the time."

"Why am I friends with you? Please remind me. And it takes two minutes to fix my hair, unlike your flat-iron using ass."

We finished getting dressed fairly quickly considering with whom I was sharing a room. I fully expected Jasper to pull out a make up bag.

Emmett arrived just before Jasper and I started to argue seriously. He looked perfect, not even a hint of a hangover, of course.

I felt like I had been on a two-week drinking binge and needed rehab.

We had breakfast at the buffet. Emmett said he needed to 'increase his stamina' tonight so he was carbo-loading.

"So, little bro, what's the plan for you and your lady?" Emmett asked between mouthfuls of pancakes.

"Yeah, do you have a plan B in case she gets pissed?" Jasper asked, concerned. "I told you how I feel about this whole thing."

"I - fuck - ahhh," I stuttered incoherently at the thought of something going wrong. I didn't mean for this whole date thing to get out of hand. I just wanted her to like me for me and not as Emmett's brother. Now I just had to hope for the best.

"No, you better not be fucking. She's a nice girl and you need to keep it in your pants. There's other stuff you can do, though," Emmett retorted.

"That's not what I meant, douche. I wouldn't ever treat Bella that way."

"Maybe some third base action, just don't slide home." I cringed at his baseball metaphor. I would be lying if I said I didn't think of doing everything with Bella, but I was completely respectful of her. Too respectful. So much so my balls were as blue as those weird computer aliens in Avatar.

"Are you listening, Pervward? Just up to the knuckle." Emmett's voice caught my attention. Apparently he had been talking the whole time. About what, I was scared to ask. But I couldn't help it.

"Knuckle? What the hell are you talking about?" He opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him. "Never mind. I don't want to know."

"This is valuable advice, Ward-o. I could charge for this shit."

"Seriously, Ed, he knows his stuff. He told me about this move and Alice fucking meowed or something when I tried it on her. It was incredible."

I had lost all patience with the stupid nicknames and sex advice. It was completely unnecessary since I wasn't about to have any of either! "Why the fuck does everyone have to make up nicknames for me? My name is Edward! I don't have a plan B and I don't need advice to kiss my girlfriend or whatever!" I huffed and threw my fork down on the table.

"See. Completely sexually frustrated. He's even getting a frown line between his eyebrows." Emmett ignored me and spoke to Jasper. "He's going to blow like Vesuvius just from touching her."

"Yeah, it's going to get messy," Jasper agreed. "I told him to whack off in the shower, but he doesn't listen."

"Et tu, Jasper?" I shook my head sadly.

"Save the nerdy foreign language shit for Bella. Chicks dig that. Although you may want to go with French."

Fuck my life.

Jasper (aka the traitor) and I got our clothes from our suite and left with Emmett to his house to get ready for the ceremony. The cleaning crew had already taken care of the mess from last night's festivities and I was glad I didn't have to see another margarita. We had plenty of time so we played some pool. We dressed quickly (well, not Jasper) and when it was time, we gathered at the bar for a drink.

"To Emmett - infinite love and happiness," I raised my glass and the three of us clinked them together.

"To an incredible honeymoon and infinite orgasms," Jasper added. Emmett fist bumped him.

We left for the church somewhat early so I could check out the piano for my part of the ceremony. Everything was satisfactory, so I played a few songs while we waited. The guests seemed to enjoy the music and it helped to pass the time. While playing, I noticed one of the bridesmaids kept staring at me. She was giving me the look - 'I'm available for your pleasure.' I was uncomfortable at the thought. Even if I weren't with Bella, what would I do with a college girl? Um, scratch that. I knew what to do; I just wasn't interested.

Finally, everyone got in their places and it was time to start.

My fingers glided over the piano keys, effortlessly playing the traditional wedding song by Pachelbel. Yeah, this was the last of the 'normal' songs I would be playing for my dear brother. The reception would be interesting considering his choice of dedication to Rosalie. I laughed to myself at the thought of singing that later. Mom was going to have a shit attack.

I sat on the piano bench watching the procession, anxiously awaiting Bella. Now I would find out if I had made a mistake in not telling her about Emmett and the wedding. I watched the bridesmaids march in and the one that was eye-fucking me earlier continued with her ocular assault. Then time fucking stopped along with my breathing as I saw her in that red dress looking perfect, amazing. . .edible. My sweet birthday girl. My heart swelled at the thought of her being mine and my plans for our first date. It lasted for only a brief moment because a commotion broke me from my reverie. Holy shit, Rosalie was yelling some cheer about Emmett as she walked up the aisle. Her dad looked uncomfortable, Bella looked sheepish, and Emmett looked turned on. It figures. He wasn't exactly shy.

Rose's big finale was to land in the splits, to which Emmett responded by cheering her on. Perfect couple. He helped her up from the floor and Bella smoothed out her dress. I took my place next to Emmett when I finished the song.

Bella still had not looked at me, even though I had not broken my gaze from her. She kept staring at Rose, I assume, hoping to stem any further outbursts. Rose, however, became instantly serene when Emmett took her hand. He was like the 'drunk whisperer.' Bella seemed satisfied - her eyes scanned the room, looking everywhere until they finally settled on me.

A beautiful smile began to form, followed by surprise; then anger flooded her face. She scowled at me, mouthing 'you liar' and turning away.

Yeah, I was screwed.

And not in the good way.

End Notes

This chapter was hard for me to write. I want to thank my dear friend Cosmo for coaxing the words out of me. She is the reason I have a chapter at all. All my love goes to this wonderful person who occupies a huge portion of my heart (and my iPhone).

If you like this chapter, feel free to review. I appreciate every single one.

Bye, Grams. Have fun up there with Grandpa.