Summary – Sixteen year old James, Sirius and Remus have been thrown into an alternate, twisted dimension where the worlds of Reality and Harry Potter collide. Imagine all the insanity they can get into armed with a knowledge from the Books and Muggle technology—And still very mischievous minds—inside not only Hogwarts grounds, but the magical world.
Inspired by the infamous list of 586/807 things I'm not allowed to do at Hogwarts; I decided I wanted to write a fic with some of these insane things happening and deigned that Sirius and James would be the best puppets for this sort of thing. Feel free to chime in with ideas along the way!
Just to make things clear; I'm going by the Lexicon's time line for ages and dates and what-not. I know there's a lot of muddled answers in that area, so I'm just gonna stick to this time line as best I can. If anyone comes up with anything more accurate or can help me figure out ages, birth dates and what-not, it is most welcomed! Also, since this is a mixed world I'm moving up the book publishing's.
Also, for future reference; I'll be using 'Remus' to refer to the teen!Remmy and 'Lupin' to refer to the adult!Remmy for the time being. kthnx.
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I've been asked about the door picture. It's obviously who the werewolf, dog, rat, and stag are. But yes, the doe and fawn are depictions of Lily and Harry. The snake, is meant to show Voldemort. -sweatdrop- I actually never thought to include Sev in the picture...Poor guy; He's always forgotten. I probably should have, no? I'll make it up to him later.
On that note! Here we go!
Disclaimer:I do not own Harry Potter (J.K Rowling), or the List (kupika's Demonic_Angel and a multitude of others). I'm simply using them for my amusement and the amusement of others.
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Chapter II
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Needless to say, what the three Marauders found upon passing through the brick archway was definitely not what they had expected. James had been expecting nothing to have really changed; A few more shops here and there and some wicked versions of the things they had back in their time, but nothing too big. Sirius had been of the same mind, and happily pointed out to James that in twenty years there was bound to be some brilliant improvements in brooms. On the other side of things, Remus was looking forward to finding out what knowledge had been gained over the last two decades.
What they found, though, was a nearly desolate alley in which some shops were closed down and many more of the small stands that the boys normally viewed as pests were set up along both sides of the alley. The shops, which the trio remembered as normally bright and cheery, were plastered with frightening posters from the Ministry of Magic, with faces of several convicts.
"Hey, that's Bellatrix!" Sirius hissed, tugging his two friends over to one of the boarded up shops to get a closer look at the picture, "Merlin, she looks bloody horrible."
"Says here she and several other criminals were part of a massive break out at Azkaban." James muttered, eyes scanning the bottom of the poster.
"Azkaban? That's not possible... No one has ever gotten past the Dementors!" Remus stated in astonishment, leaning over to read the bottom of the poster himself.
"Hey guys... Doesn't this shop look familiar to you?" Sirius asked suddenly, having backed up a few paces to look up at the bordered up sign above the shop, "Bloody hell! This is Fortescue's ice cream place!"
"What?!" Darting back to join the Black heir, the two took a second look at the shop. James nearly fell over in shock.
"I'm not so sure I like this new time, guys." He muttered as the other two caught and steadied him, "It's pretty... Depressing."
"Yeah, no shit." Sirius agreed, looking away from the shop and over the alleyway once more. Immediately, he perked up, "But that looks promising. 'Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes'."
Following his gaze, James let out a low whistle at the only corner in the alley that was bursting with color and excitement. It didn't take more than a second of inspection to decide exactly what kind of shop it was. So, without further ado, the trio gravitated towards the bright looking joke shop. They couldn't help but chortle at the dangerously obnoxious poster in the window.
"U-No-Poo, huh?" Sirius snickered as they entered the store, "That's brilliant. Why didn't we ever think of that?"
"Obviously whoever runs this shop is trying to take the edge off this tense atmosphere." Remus commented, looking around with a bit of awe at all the products and items flying around. The shop was packed, contrary to the area outside of it.
"Look at all this! Portable swamps, extendable ears, headless hats!" James grinned, reaching over to grab hold of a curious looking box, "Oy, what's this? Skiving Snackboxes... What do they do, do you suppose?"
"Make you sick, of course." A new voice caused the trio to spin around, coming face to face with a pair of red headed twins wearing long magenta robes. They were grinning, but there was a look in their eyes that spoke suspicion.
"You eat one half with whatever symptom you want—" The first twin spoke happily, pointing out the list of different 'flavors'.
"—and you'll be sick enough to get out of class." The second twin chimed in, nodding before the first twin took over again.
"Once you're free and clear you eat the other half—"
"—and the symptom'll clear up!"
"Leaving you to spend the rest of the day doing whatever you like." They finished, beaming at one another.
"Wicked..." Sirius grinned, grabbing the box from James' hand to examine, "Fainting Fancies, Fever Fudge, Nosebleed Nougat, Puking Pastilles... Bloody hell, imagine the kinds of things we could've done with these, James!"
"Trust me, I am..." The messy haired male replied, throwing an arm over his friend's shoulder, "Could've spent a lot more time with Rem, in hindsight, using those."
"Quiet!" Remus hissed softly, knocking his shoulder against the others but giving the box a curious glance none the less. "I doubt it would have worked like that; Dumbledore would've known."
"Oy, so who're you three?" The first twin cut into their bickering, tilting his head.
"Thought we knew everyone in Gryffindor." The second one commented, frowning a bit and gesturing to the insignia on the teens robes.
"And that everyone knew us, at least."
"Er..." Sirius looked between the twins and his two friends, then down at his robes, "Actually, we—"
"It's a long story." Remus cut in while James elbowed Sirius in the side. "Surely one that isn't of any concern to entrepreneurs such as yourselves; as long as you get the sell, right?"
The twins exchanged a look before nodding, the first gesturing behind them, "Right-o. Fred, why don't you show these three some of our more impressive products? They seem like class-A pranksters to me."
"Sure thing, George." The second twin, Fred, grinned and gestured for the trio to follow him, "This way, you'll get a kick outta these..."
Looking between his friends, James shrugged and started behind Fred as he led the way to the back. Sirius didn't hesitate a moment, immediately following after the ring-leader of their little gang. Thus, rolling his eyes and setting the snackbox back down on the shelf, Remus trailed along after his friends. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of white light leave the other twin, George's, wand and shoot out of the shop and frowned slightly. Something didn't seem right...
"Oy!" Sirius' yell alerted the werewolf to the first sign of trouble and his wand was out as he hurried forward into the back. James was laying on the floor, obviously stunned, and the other dark haired male had taken cover behind a book shelf while firing off hexes at Fred.
"The bloody hell is going on?! Sirius!" Remus shouted, taking cover behind a nearby crate.
"I don't know, he just suddenly attacked James!" Was the snappish reply, the young Black glancing over to see where the other was before tensing and diving out from behind the book shelf and towards the crate. His wand was pointed in the direction of Fred, but obviously not directly at the shopkeeper, "Reducto!"
A crate directly to the left of the twin exploded as the spell hit it's target, showering the room with debris. Remus ducked down to avoid being hit by anything that had gone flying and felt Sirius join him behind the crate. His mind was reeling, going a mile a minute as he tried to figure out why they were being attacked. Then, it dawned on him. They had walked into a well-known shop, knowing absolutely nothing about the world around them—A world that was obviously war-ridden and paranoid. Or, at least, things that students of Hogwarts should know in this time. As a result, they'd probably been marked as a potential threat and it was likely that the twins wanted to stun them until authorities could be notified.
"Moony, a spell to get us out of this would be nice about now!" Sirius' voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and Remus waved the other down, peering around the crate to where James' body was.
"We need to summon Prongs to us." He informed the other after a moment of thought, pulling back and avoiding another stunning charm.
"What? I don't think they're that strong, Moony."
"Not alone, maybe. But if we do it together than it should work. We have to at least try; can't leave him there."
Sirius stared at him dubiously for a moment or so before glancing towards the only exit in the room. He could hear approaching footsteps coming and it prompted him to nod, "Alright. On the count of three, then."
"Right. Ready?" Remus smiled, causing Sirius to smirk in return, similar glints appearing in their eyes, "Three!"
Spinning out from behind the crate, the pair pointed their wands in the direction of their friend and shouted, "Accio James!"
The form on the ground twitched, then jerked and lifted from the floor to fly in their direction, colliding with the two friends and making them stumble slightly. Sirius exclaimed in triumph, but didn't have a chance to do much more than that as someone burst into the room, followed by two others. Several red lights flew in their general direction, causing the two to dive to the ground again and roll behind the crate; dragging James with them.
"You're surrounded! You might as well give it up, now!" A frighteningly familiar voice growled from the direction of the new group of people.
"Give it up?! You lot started it!" Sirius shouted back, irritated but not budging as Remus leaned over their friend.
"Rennervate." Frowning, the honey-blond shook his friend lightly by the shoulders and let out a relieved sigh when James groaned in response, "C'mon, Prongs. Time to get up; we're in some hot water. Auror Moody is here, and he has company from the sound of it."
He was trying his damnedest to ignore the yelling match happening between Padfoot and said Auror. It was obvious that Sirius wasn't making things any better for them, but... How much damage could he really cause at this point? Thus, it was more important to get James back in the know.
"Moody? As in, from career week?" James replied a bit dazedly, "Why would he be here?"
"Not our Moody, Prongs! Future Moody! The door, remember?" Remus growled at his friend, smacking him lightly on the side of the face, "We don't have time for you to go bonkers. Padfoot's digging a deeper hole from the sounds of it."
"Ah...Right. Can you shut them up, for a moment? Please?"
Nodding, Remus straightened up and smacked Sirius on the shoulder while yelling out, "Will you please be quiet a moment?!" to what now seemed to be a bickering group.
Almost immediately, the room fell silent. It happened so quickly that it was disturbing and, as he and Sirius helped James sit up against the crate, the werewolf strained his ears for any sounds coming from the others. After a moment, when no other sounds or noises came, Remus let the paranoia take over and peeked out from around the crate while Sirius drilled and filled in their friend. A glance was all it took to tell him that something was wrong. Very wrong; but no one tried to stun him and so he edged a bit more out from behind the crate.
"What're you doing?!" Sirius hissed in alarm when he realized that Remus was moving out into the open.
"Moony, get back here!" James yelped at almost the same moment, the two friends darting forward to try and pull the other back.
Before they could do anything, though, the two found themselves tripping over an invisible string and crashed to the floor, pulling the werewolf down with them. It was much a similar position as when they had first arrived in the Muggle library. Only, this time, they were disarmed quickly afterward while Sirius swore under his breath.
"Now look what you did, you dunderhead!" He growled none-too-quietly at Remus as they disentangled themselves, "Haven't you ever heard of communication?"
"A right lot more than you have, I'm sure." A weary voice that sounded incredibly close to their best friend's, but didn't come from his mouth, replied to Sirius' words.
Two teen heads snapped in the direction it had come from, wide-eyed, while the sixteen year old werewolf muttered, "Impossible..."
"Moony?!" James and Sirius exclaimed at once, jumping to their feet and looking rapidly between the ragged-looking man that was standing at the head of a group of adults and their friend who had remained on the ground.
"Interesting..." Another familiar, not unkind voice sounded, telling the trio the identity of the third adult. "What a very curious turn of events. Wouldn't you agree, Remus?"
"Quite so, Albus."
Without precedent, the three Marauders relaxed; the two who had been standing collapsing back down onto the floor with similar expressions of disbelief. There was a moment of silence before Sirius snickered and garnered everyone's attention. After a moment, he leaned over to the teenaged Remus and spoke.
"You're on first name terms with the Headmaster in twenty one years, Moony. Dunno why I'm not surprised." That caused James to snort as well, while the teen in question rolled his eyes.
"Please, I imagine all three of us would be by now. What'd you expect, for us to continue calling him 'Headmaster' the rest of our lives?"
"Well..." Sirius shrugged, looking at James who scratched the back of his neck thoughtfully.
"Yeah, actually, I suppose. Seems sorta strange to call him anything else."
"No shit."
Sighing, James rolled his eyes, "Padfoot, you have got to stop adopting every phrase you hear at the movies that you think is cool."
"No shit." Sirius grinned as his friends groaned in unison, all three seeming to have forgotten about the mess around them as well as the adults standing nearby with their wands.
"Moony, during the next cycle, be sure to tear into him a bit."
"James!" Not only did the teenaged Remus' voice sound, but so did Lupin's, as well as Dumbledore's.
Starting, the trio's eyes flew back to the adults and they remembered their situation. Remus only stared at his adult self for a moment before turning back to glare at his friend accusingly. Suddenly, the messy haired male found himself on the receiving end of four glares and one stern look. He winced and frowned, crossing his arms.
"I was just kidding... Sheesh."
"Why, I oughta..." Growling, Sirius lunged at his best mate, knocking him over with a yelp. The two tussled for a moment before any one saw fit to interfere.
"Enough!" With a wave of his wand, Dumbledore lifted the two boys off the ground and pulled them apart; leaving them hovering in the air by the scruff of their shirts, "I would like an explanation, please. Preferably the truth, without embellishments."
At the no-nonsense tone, the Marauders exchanged a look of exasperation between themselves. Sirius and James always knew when they had gone too far by that voice, but at the same time they held the knowledge that it was twenty one years into the future. Here, they probably didn't have parents that could be owled. Most likely because of the unlikelihood of the situation—After all, the Potters would just think Dumbledore mad if he owled them about their adult son and his best friend now. Thus did the three come to the same conclusion, and grin in rapid succession of one another. This of course caused all the adults to frown; it was never a good sign for anyone when that happened.
"Well, you see Professor..." Remus began, standing up and brushing himself off.
"It really is a funny story, about that." Sirius stated, waving an arm from where he hung in the air.
"Sorta long, too." James chimed in, reaching up to mess his own hair up even further.
"Definitely not one you'd approve of, either, I'm sure." Lupin muttered under his breath, already recognizing the signs of stalling amongst the ranks he was so familiar with, "Albus... I suggest we take this somewhere more appropriate."
"Headquarters?" Moody growled, his good eye glaring at Sirius while the other zipped about in his head, looking everywhere.
"No; I don't suspect that will put Sirius in a very talkative mood." Lupin replied readily, looking between the three with a strange expression on his features. "I think Hogwarts would be safest... Headmaster?"
Dumbledore gazed at the teens over his half-moon spectacles, looking thoughtful. Lifting his head defiantly, James met his gaze as evenly as possible—Though Sirius averted his eyes after a moment of trying to do the same and Remus kept his focus on his older self; not even seeming to be aware that he was being examined by the old man. Finally, though, the Headmaster turned his gaze back to James and smiled serenely before nodding.
"Yes, I think my office will do fine for this conversation." With another wave of his wand, the two boys found themselves being set back on the ground, "I detected no deception in their mannerisms or intentions. In fact... I believe you boys had been intending to contact me yourselves, soon."
"Not soon enough, it seems." Sirius grumbled, moving with Remus to flank James as he threw an arm around his best mates' shoulders, "We still wound up getting in trouble."
The messy haired teen gave a dramatic sigh, raising his arms in a helpless shrug, "It's a gift and a curse; I know." Then, he paused and eyed Lupin curiously for a moment, making the man tense a bit, "Oy, full Moony... The date here, I'm not sure but you look pretty horrible..."
"Hey...Yeah, he does, doesn't he?" The other dark haired teen mumbled, squinting at the adult as well, "Is it close to your 'time of the month'?"
Lupin frowned while his teen self scowled at the two friends. Exchanging a glance with his smaller self, the adult took three long strides over to them before the two simultaneously knocked Sirius and James over the head. They received similar cries of protest and curses from the two teens. Dumbledore simply looked on in amusement before clearing his throat and holding up a piece of debris.
"I do believe we owe the Weasley twins a bit of a clean up, don't you?"
The teens looked between themselves before Sirius glowered at the Headmaster, "No, Professor, I don't believe so. After all, they attacked us. Not the other way around."
"Yeah. I mean, it's sorta their fault for starting a fight back here." James agreed, crossing his arms stubbornly.
"I'm inclined to agree with James and Sirius, Headmaster." Remus stated quietly, frowning now. "After all, we were merely acting in self-defense. Had they thought things through more than perhaps they would not have attacked James without warning in the middle of their storage room. At the very least they should have protection charms around the items and crates."
James and Sirius stared at him for a moment before turning back to the adults and nodding in agreement, "Yeah!"
Dumbledore sighed, but cleaned up the room with a wave of his wand none the less; repairing everything that had been damaged as he was able. Within moments he had finished and accepted a spare trick wand from one of the rather speechless twins and tapped it lightly, murmuring, "Portus."
"Ohh, portkey travel. Wicked." James grinned while nudging Sirius, who groaned in response. The Black heir had never liked using portkeys, not having mastered the landing quite yet. "Are we going to Hogwarts, then?"
"Home sweet home... Sorta. I wonder if that door would be there..." Remus muttered thoughtfully before reaching out to touch the prank item lightly.
The other two mimicked him along with the adults before they experienced the familiar jerk behind their naval. Within seconds, James was leaning against a chair, snickering, in the Headmaster's office while Remus helped a swearing Sirius to a stand. The messy haired boy easily ducked the fist that came flying at him and threw himself quite comfortably into the chair he'd been leaning against. Sirius perched on the armrest of the same chair while Remus took the other seat. The adults watched their interaction with varying looks of amusement and suspicion.
Dumbledore took a seat behind his desk, folding his hands in front of him. He examined the teens for a minute or so before finally settling a look on Remus, "I believe you owe us a full explanation for your presences here."
"Yes, sir." Was the quiet reply as the honey blond looked over at his older counter-part yet again. "You see, it started when Peter got attacked by Mrs. Norris about a week before end of term..."
"Again." Sirius added, rolling his eyes. "We were just sorta roaming the halls and brainstorming. Not getting up to any trouble, mind you."
"Unless you count Sirius whining about everything being boring trouble." James chimed in, smirking up at his friend. "Anyways, we were talking about nothing of real importance...And this door appears."
"Yeah. It had the strangest picture on it of our—" An elbow in the ribs cut off Sirius' near-slip, and he grimaced.
"Just a strange bit of artwork on it." Remus finished smoothly, "Sirius was convinced that Hogwarts was showing us the door for a reason, and yanked it open without thinking things through."
"Hey!" Huffing, the Black heir tossed his hair out of his face, "Anyways, next thing we know we're throw into some vortex and dumped out inside a Muggle library."
"Of course, we spent a bit there trying to figure out what had happened and found out the year." James shrugged, "We're not sure about the day, but it's definitely not when it's supposed to be."
"So we get out of that place and head to the Leaky Cauldron, where Remmy comes up with some crock-pot names for us to tell Tom."
"Hey, Artie, don't blame me just because your name is impossible to shorten without pulling notice."
"Guys."
"Yeah, but you didn't have to use my bloody brother's name for inspiration."
"Guys..."
"Be glad I used anything at all; I didn't see you coming up with anything when he asked."
"Guys!" James flailed his arms, smacking both of his arguing friends before glaring between them, "Will you stop fighting for just two seconds, please? We're getting away from the matter at hand."
Sighing, Sirius nodded and fixed his hair; glancing at Remus while murmuring an apology. The werewolf nodded in acceptance and offered the same before they turned back to the adults. Obviously, the entire matter had been resolved within mere seconds. Classic.
"Okay, well, we got to our room and decided that it would be a good idea to contact the Headmaster. After all, it was our best bet for getting any sort of understanding or help." The messy haired boy picked up on the tale once again, leaning back comfortably in his chair, "But first..."
"We wanted to see how the Alley looked in the future." Sirius grinned, before frowning and shaking his head, "And boy, does it look absolutely horrid... Hey. Was that really Bella on those posters?" He watched the adults exchange looks quietly before huffing and crossing his arms, "Alright, fine then... After taking a look at the alley, we noticed that joke shop and—"
"—like any proper, self-respecting pranksters—"
"—headed into the shop to take a look around."
Rolling his eyes, Remus couldn't help but grin at his friends before finishing up the story, "Obviously, we didn't know anything that you would expect someone to know about this time. Particularly the little details about that store... I suppose our school uniforms didn't help our situation."
"The rest, of course, you already know." James added with a wave of his hand, before suddenly sitting up straight, "So, now what?"