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Chapter 18 Connections
JPOV
This might just have to go on record as the most bizarre day in anyone's life in the history of mankind. What a fucking whirlwind. My sweet precious Bella made breakfast for twelve with my crazy brother, ganging up on me in the process and impressing the hell out of me by baking homemade muffins. It went from an absolutely great day with my family really accepting the woman I loved as we sat around nursing hangovers, eating breakfast, to a damn nightmare, in an instant. The fucking stalker was not only watching her house now but texting her from a disposable cell phone. The dude either watched too much damn CSI on television or this was even worse than we originally thought. The one positive was that it appeared he did not know that she had left town, so he had no idea where she was.
I had given her a tour of the property, introduced her to horses and showed her where the original Jasper Whitlock lived. As if the morning alone wasn't enough, I ended up baring my soul to her about Alice. I had never told anyone that stuff, not even Peter. Hell, not even Alice. In return she bared her soul and confirmed most of my earlier suspicions about her heartbreak and ensuing loneliness, and as I listened to her thanking me for loving her, for teaching her what love really was and healing her broken heart, I felt the most overwhelming internal tug of war with my senses: one of sadness, yet at the same time incomparable joy; absolute unconditional love and absolute terror all swirling together. By the time she finished talking, I was crying and proposing. It was the least romantic proposal I could have ever imagined, but the rollercoaster of emotions that had swept us up all day just led to it.
I think it really started as I lay on our bed watching her study. More appropriately, pretend to study. She had not turned the pages or taken a note in at least an hour and she was clearly deep in thought. I lay there wondering what she was thinking about. Was it what I had told her about Alice? Was it the fear Jacob was causing? I watched the soft wave of her hair as it curled toward her shoulder from the middle of her back. I awed over the different natural highlights in the chestnut mane, the tinges of red and golden strands that blended perfectly. I moaned silently in delight every time she moved the hair over her shoulder, exposing her luscious neck to me. I could not help but wonder if she was preparing to tell me her own story of her past. It seemed as though we were using this time together to learn more about one another and opening up on even more intimate levels.
When I finally interrupted her she was clearly startled. Bella agreed to go on a tractor ride, which she had somehow turned into an erotic sounding thing. Hell she could say anything and it would sound erotic to me, I literally had the hardest time keeping my mind out of the gutter when I was anywhere near her.
When she came out of our closet dressing room in shorts, boots and a tank top, with her hair in some ridiculous ponytail thing on top of her head, I nearly jumped her, foregoing the tractor ride all together. Shivers ran down my spine at the sight of her long bare legs framed by the leather of her boots and the denim of her very short shorts and then those bare shoulders with the curling ends of the ponytail dusting over them were too much to bear. We had not made love since the whole damn fiasco with Jacob started and I knew she was not ready, and the last thing I wanted to do was make her feel pressured right now, but seriously, those damn shorts should really be outlawed.
"Come on cowboy; take me for a ride on your big green tractor."
HOLY FUCK, we had to get out of this house in the next ten seconds or I was not going to be responsible for my actions! Jesus, this woman was entirely too hot for her own good; and she was all mine.
We rode around with her sitting in my lap, nibbling on my neck, as I tried with all my might to keep the raging hard on under control. But really, she was sitting in my lap, and did I mention nibbling on my neck? And let's not forget about the illegal too short shorts and the fuckhot boots. I mean really, I felt like I deserved a medal at the very least for not throwing her down and taking her right then on the tractor.
At long last it seemed that whatever had been occupying her thoughts all afternoon was about to come out. I braced myself to hear what she had to say.
"Thank you for putting my heart back together." Her voice was so small and so heavy with burden, it nearly killed me. And I knew instantly that this was it, the moment I had been waiting for since the night I met her. I knew I was about to find out who had broken her heart so completely and why.
I tilted her head back and looked into her eyes so that she knew she had my full attention and then I steadied myself for the impact I knew was coming.
God, how I hated Edward. He had done such a number on her, the bastard. I knew the type only too well and frankly I was glad that she didn't end up with him, but I was so pissed about what he had done to her, what he had taken from her. I wondered how differently she would have turned out if it hadn't been for him. As it was she was so beautiful and smart and sexy and so accomplished in so many ways. If he had never existed I couldn't even fathom how she would have turned out with the self esteem and confidence she deserved to have.
To hear her say that she thought she was better off alone, that she pushed people away, that she engaged in meaningless encounters because that fucker made her feel like she wasn't worthy of being loved, made me both furious and infinitely sad at the same time.
Then, when she confessed that I turned her world upside down, I was stunned. As she explained that I treated her with more respect than she thought she deserved, I felt so conflicted. I couldn't believe what I was hearing; nobody had ever made anything about her. It was the first time that she ever let her guard down, ever let anyone see the real Bella since Edward left her in that damn forest.
When she called me out on tricking her to spend that first weekend I felt guilty, until she said over that next week she realized that she had been herself with me, and that she was comfortable, and that she felt confident and secure and cared for, that she liked it, liked the way I made her feel, the way she felt about herself. All I could think of was how very lucky I was. Finally she admitted she had wanted to see me again and didn't think she ever would. How I knew that feeling.
I listened to her every word and tried to just be supportive, continued to hold her and let her know with small touches that I was there and nothing would change that. I traced circles on her back and rubbed her neck and shoulders. I realized then that every moment of our courtship, as unorthodox as it might have been, was like a well choreographed dance. Each step had to happen exactly the way it did to lead into the culmination we were at this very moment, the moment that would forever tie our hearts as one. I hadn't planned this but I knew it was right, knew it was time. And then she declared her undying love as if the final step was danced and the only thing remaining was the bow.
"So, you see Jasper, you put my heart back together, you gave me back my self, my self worth, my esteem. Your love has made me whole and what's more you gave your self to me, my missing other half, the mate to my soul, you taught me what real love is and it is so much more than I ever imagined. Jasper Whitlock, I love you more than you can ever truly know and my heart will be yours for all eternity."
How was it possible for us each to think the same thing of the other? Bella had truly given me back myself as well, she was my other half. Alice finally leaving me rid me of the excuse for not actively engaging in a relationship since my parents' deaths, I had finally been forced to deal with that loss after avoiding it for all those years. I remembered how the walls crumbled around me, so much built up hostility and grief, it flooded me. I knew most people thought it was Alice's leaving me that had me so torn up, and I'd rather them think that than know that I had never dealt with my parent's passing and that the entire relationship between Alice and me was a giant ruse. Until I met Bella, I had been going through the motions as well. Dating, but not really prepared for a real relationship. When I met Bella, everything changed, I needed her and she needed me. We each possessed the missing pieces to the others hearts and souls, and to hear her say she felt the same way, I just knew I was home.
I would never leave her and she would never leave me because we were both, finally, home.
"Marry me?" I said it with all the love and care I felt in my heart for her.
"Yes." I could hear and feel all the love in her heart for me.
I needed her more than I ever needed anything or anyone in all of my life right then. I watched her face as she smiled and watched it reach her eyes and felt myself becoming lost in the chocolate pools and in her love. I needed that connection that we had been missing since Jacob interrupted our lives.
Bella snuggled closer into my chest and I knew she needed that physical connection too. All I could think of was treating her the way she deserved to be treated, to love her the way she should have always been loved. Tilting her head back and brushing the stray strands of silk from her face, I smiled down to her again, falling deep into those heavenly eyes. As I inched closer to her lips her eyes closed and the smile lingered a second before her mouth readied itself for me. If any kiss ever needed to show her my love, this one was it. I needed this kiss to tell her everything I felt about her, how whole she made me feel, how insanely I loved her, the depths I would go to for her and her alone.
When at last my lips met hers and they began to move together as one, it was clear that Bella put every bit as much into that kiss as I did. It was filled with passion and love and honor. Starting slow and sensual, then deepening, becoming all consuming and filled with need and lust that matched the love. Our hands slowly moved over each other's bodies, pulling us closer together. I felt Bella's warm hands snaking under my shirt and rubbing up my back with electricity in her touch. My hands caressed her shoulders, sliding down her tank top and back up her back removing the thin material as they went.
Bella pulled me down on top of her as she lay back on the cold tractor seemingly unaffected by the cool sensation as our lips continued in their dance.
"Are you sure, Baby?" I broke the kiss just long enough to make sure she was really ready for this before going any further.
She answered by pulling my shirt over my head and my mouth back to hers. As much as my body wanted to hurry to join with hers, we didn't. We went slow and took our time touching and caressing and reuniting in every way. We were lost in each other, in the light touches and kisses that we softly planted all over our intertwined bodies. Clothing all but shed as the first glorious hues melted the day sky into the night's rich colors over the horizon. It seemed a sign from the heavens that this was a blessed union, meant to be. Fate had waited its turn for two people to be fully ready for one another and brought us together to heal, to grow and to become one. And we did, we became one in those moments as the day gave way to the night, as our bodies magically joined in a way they never had before, as we made love under the open sky. Our fingers drifted over the other's body and the heat of our skin joined in every place burning with the touch. Our souls united as our bodies relinquished to the passion in joint moans of ecstasy. The feel of her soft silky skin against mine soothed and lulled me into a near hypnotic state where all that mattered was her. I knew the moment that I would relax my hold, nothing would change. I wouldn't feel that odd sense of loss that tormented me when I had to leave her that first weekend, or any other time we parted ways since. I would always feel the connection we now shared, no matter the physical distance between us, and I knew that she would feel it too.
"I love you darlin'."
"I love you too cowboy."
We lay there in each others arms so comfortable for awhile until the ringing of my phone broke the quiet we were so absorbed in.
"Hmm, it's Peter, I better answer."
"What Peter?"
"I hear tell you two are off on a tractor ride."
"Did you need something Peter?" I chuckled.
"That's a $400,000 dollar tractor asshole, you better not be fuckin' around on it."
"Why, did you want to watch?"
"Oh you little fuck, get your asses back to the house, we want to go out."
"I'll ask." I covered the phone and winked at Bella who was putting her clothes on and asked if she was up for going out, she nodded blushing bright crimson.
"Be right there." I hung up and kissed the trail of pink skin that made its way down Bella's neck to the top of her breasts. Bella just laughed at me as I attempted to tease her.
We took the tractor back to the barn and jumped into the truck for the quick ride back to the house. I wasn't sure where everybody wanted to go but I was reasonably sure "we" did mean everybody.
Peter and Charlotte were watching television when we came in and Peter did not look too happy with me.
"Come on you two, the car service will be here in half an hour, can you possibly be ready by then?"
"Where are we going?" Bella asked.
"Oh don't worry you'll love it, they have the greasiest chili cheese fries this side of the border." Peter smirked at her and Charlotte covered her mouth hiding the laughter trying to escape.
Bella's face contorted and she spun around swinging her arms toward me yelling, "Jasper Whitlock you little asshole."
"Nice Peter." I glared at my jerk of a brother.
"That is what you get for messing around on the damn tractor, asshole."
Bella turned ten shades of red for about thirty seconds while she glared at Peter and then looked to Charlotte and said "I am so sorry Charlotte, the missionary style must get so boring after all these years, no wonder you have all those toys."
Bella kept a completely straight face turned and walked out of the room while Charlotte and I laughed our asses off. Poor Peter couldn't even get his mouth closed.
Aw hell, it was going to be another interesting night.
Thirty minutes later we were dressed, both opting for casual jeans and boots. Bella wore a blue form fitting button up blouse and I happened to notice one of my favorite sets peeking out from underneath. I threw on a long sleeved t-shirt and after Bella spent amazingly little time in front of the mirror doing her hair and makeup we were ready to go. The car service had just pulled up when we got to the media room where everyone else was waiting to go, enjoying a cocktail for the road.
We headed to a local bar and grill, that did indeed have pretty good chili cheese fries and phenomenal burgers. There were also a couple pool tables and on Fridays and Saturdays there was a DJ. Dinner was a riot, everyone talking over each other, no longer on their best behavior on Bella's account. In the past few days she had become part of the family, no longer the "new girl" in the crowd. I watched in awe as she carried on conversations with the girls. It was so nice to see her feeling so comfortable so quickly and to be honest I was a bit shocked at how quickly the girls all took to her. Suddenly I realized that they had been slightly overprotective the past year and a half, but not when it came to Bella, not since they met her.
It wasn't only the girls she seemed at ease with, I watched intently as she and Tyler talked shop, he asking her what she wanted to do, about the firm she just left, her asking him questions about the upcoming bar exam. They seemed to connect and I was hopeful that she would think of him as a big brother and a mentor.
After dinner the girls shooed us off to the pool tables and they dragged Bella off to the ladies room. Women and their pack habits, I'd never understand. Peter hadn't spoken to me since Bella and I had returned to the house and I wondered what was up with him. H was leaning back on the wall watching the game before us and he seemed deep in thought. I grabbed a couple beers from the bar and went to lean next to him.
"Hey." I said, holding out one of the beers for him.
"Hey." He took the beer but didn't drink from it.
"You okay?" I continued to watch the game of pool before us as Preston scratched, cursing.
"Yeah, Bella is a great girl Jasper, I'm really happy for you, but I can't help feeling like everything is changing, ya know?"
"Yeah, I know."
"Shit, in a couple weeks you will be off to California and Bella will be joining you and you'll be starting a new life. I'll stay here and live in that big ass house all alone."
Ah, so that's where his head was.
"Talk to her man."
"Yeah. So what happened between you two today? You came back to the house and ever since something is different. You both seem more relaxed, settled somehow, like you have resolved something."
"Umm, yeah, we talked about a lot of stuff today. I told her about Alice, she told me about the asshole that broke her heart."
"Uh Huh?" Peter waited for me to go on.
"I kind of proposed, but please don't say anything to anyone."
"I take it she said yes?"
"Yeah."
"I kind of thought so." Peter took a long pull on his beer. "So, did you tell her the truth about Alice or did you give her the bullshit version you've been selling here all these years?"
My head snapped back and up at Peter. He stared straight ahead and then slowly turned his head toward mine and narrowed his eyes at me, pursing his lips, and stared at me.
I watched him for a few moments debating what he really knew. Fuck, how did he do it?
"I told her the entire truth, what I never discussed with you or Alice. Jesus, has everyone seen straight through me?" I hung my head a little ashamed.
"Not everyone."
I looked up and saw Bella and Char talking over a drink, each of them coyly watching us out of the corner of their eyes. Bella noticed me look up and smiled softly to me before turning back to return her attention to Char. Char and Pete seemed to engage in their own private moment. The DJ had started and the atmosphere quickly turned from burger joint to bar and the crowd got louder.
We continued playing pool and the girls danced in between watching us shoot. Bella and Char looked as though they had been friends forever. When the DJ played a slow song Bella came and pulled me out to the floor with her. We danced, while I ran my fingers up her neck and behind her ear. I laughed as I looked down and saw my booted foot between hers and thought about that first night we met.
Peter and Char joined us on the floor and the four of us danced in a small circle. Peter was up to something. I always knew, it was the tiny upturn in his upper lip, the slight rise in his left eyebrow and the droop in the corner of the right eye that gave him away. Hmm, what was he up to now?
Oh, hell no, Bella's gonna kick his ass. The distinctive sound of Kenny Chesney blared through the speakers and the smirk on his face turned into a smile, Char turned pink and began to giggle. Bella looked at me and then to Peter just as the chorus started.
She thinks my tractor's sexy
It really turns her on
She's always staring at me
While I'm chugging along
She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land
She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy
Well, as always, Bella surprised the shit out of me. Rather than kicking Peter's ass she sang at the top of her lungs and ground her hips on my thigh as she shimmied up and down wrapping her arms around my hips. Dancing in a circle around me, seducing me, hell seducing the entire bar she moved to the front of me as the song ended and just muttered "hmm, sexy" as she pulled me into her and kissed me passionately. By the time she backed away half the bar was clapping and laughing and Bella turned and winked at Peter.
"Thanks Peter that was fun."