A/N: I love TLIG...sigh. Also infinitely grateful to ahizelm for the beta-job and to Miss-Beckie-Louise for the British. Thank you to my reviewers, too. I love reading your reactions and your frustrations. You make me want to post more often and maybe actually write some more. :)

The song is awesome for this chapter (thanks TLIG) and if you don't know it, you should check it out.

Happy Labor Day to all the Americans out there. I'm kinda missing BBQs, potato salad and Doritos today. Not necessarily in that order.

And now, poor Edward... How is he going to make this up to Jasper?

The Setting: London, England

The Music: Chain, Ingrid Michaelson

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EPOV

As soon as I push the send button, I wish to take it back. To tell him everything, to make promises, to ask questions.

Instead, I hang my head and run my hands through my hair, tugging at the ends viciously. I groan and close my eyes, coming just short of actually banging my head on the desk in defeat.

God, I am such a tool.

How can he possibly know that he consumes my every thought in the few words I sent him? Granted, that information may be too much at this time, but I really gave him nothing. Yeah, I am smooth. Watch me woo your heart.

Impulsively, I click the refresh button repeatedly, trying to wait at least ten seconds between clicks. Realistically, I don't know what I'm expecting him to do, but it's definitely not for him to respond within minutes. He should just send me the link for his pictures and tell me to fuck off and have a good life. How did I fuck this up already?

As I'm wallowing deeper into my self-loathing, Alice's icon pops up in my Skype. I consider ignoring her, but then she'll know something's up. I push 'connect' and then she's there, her smiling face falling into a frown when I don't say anything.

"Edward? Hello?"

"I'm here, Alice," I answer reluctantly.

"Oh, Lord. What did you do now?" Her tone is equal parts exasperated and caring.

I pause from clicking the refresh button on my email to look up at her. I'm not sure I want to answer the question, but I know there's no getting away from her.

"I sent him an email."

"And?"

"I may have implied that I was just emailing him to send him the pictures."

"Oh, Edward."

"Yeah, I know."

"Well, being obsessive won't help anyone. Just give him some time, he's moving, starting his studies. If he doesn't get back to you in a few days, then send another. But this time, be honest and not a social retard."

"Yeah, yeah."

Alice's advice is sound, and I understand giving him time, but I still check my email repeatedly every hour in anticipation of his response.

And fear of his rejection.

In a way, I am lucky that my internship is starting at the beginning of next week and therefore, I'm consumed with finishing all the details like organizing my study space and getting my paperwork into the hospital. Maggie has also arrived and makes it her mission to be entirely distracting, although with limited success.

After three days of ineffectively trying to keep myself busy, I wake up determined to change things. I roll out of bed and, as is my habit of late, I open my laptop and log onto my email immediately.

And there it is.

A response.

My shaking fingers hover over the touch pad, not wanting to wait but fearing what it might say. I consider calling Alice, but dismiss it because I'm sure she'll just make fun of me and call me names.

Not that I don't deserve it.

I take a deep breath, close my eyes and click on the email.

Hey Edward,

Thank you for the pictures, but I must say I am a bit surprised at your email. I guess maybe I shouldn't have, but I expected more.

I've moved to Ithaca and will start my graduate classes this Monday. It's difficult living on my own and being so far away from my family, but I'm adjusting. Plus, it's just fucking cold here.

The most important information for you, I think, is that Peter and I are no longer together. I broke it off with him.

I would really like to talk to you if you want to, and my Skype name is jwhitlock. Please Edward, don't shut me out.

Yours,

Jasper

I gape at the words on the screen in front of me. I am such an ass. I'm sure he's hurt and confused and, if I'm honest with myself, he has every right to be. But he seems to be giving me another chance; he's trying once more for me.

I'm sorry, Jasper, I'm a coward and an idiot.

I should reply. No, I should call. Damn it! It's like three in the morning there.

Okay, I need to settle the fuck down. I take a few deep breaths and start making a plan. I set my cell phone alarm for 2pm, 9am Ithaca time and will see if he's online then.

But I don't want to rush into this. Yes, he's single, and although my heart is doing a small dance because of this, there's still this rather large hurdle that we can't easily jump over. We still live on opposite sides of an ocean. An ocean.

The rest of the morning and afternoon crawl by, and I glance at my watch every five minutes. Maggie makes lunch and I just pick at it, constantly watching the second hand go around the clock in the kitchen.

"Why are you so focused on the time?" she teases, but scrunches her eyebrows in that cute way she does when she's concerned.

"I need to make a phone call around two," I say which is almost entirely true, except for the most important part, which I've left out.

"Must be an important phone call," she muses, leaning over the table and taking a large bite of her sandwich.

"Yeah," I answer although I think that may be the understatement of the year. This could be the phone call. My one chance to make it up to him, let him know that I want, at least, to be friends. I need him in my life in some capacity, and if that means internet friends, Skype buddies, then that is fine by me.

If we can somehow work out something more? Well, we'll come to that when we come to that.

"Edward?" she says hesitantly, waving her hand in front of my face.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you wanted to go shopping with me this afternoon." She cocks her head to the side, probably trying to tell if I'm mentally stable.

"Yeah, um, that should work."

"Plus, it's two. If you need to go, I can clean up." She gestures at the plates and glasses on the table and I glance up at the clock, noticing she is spot on just as my alarm rings in my pocket.

"Really? Fuck!" I stand quickly, toppling my chair, knocking over my glass of water and generally making a mess. As I'm apologizing to Maggie and trying to sop up the mess, I see her shoulders shaking. She suddenly throws her head back and laughs loud and long, eventually wiping tears from her eyes while I look on unamused.

"For Christ's sake, Edward. Just go call the bloke already," she says through her giggles. I just stare at her a little stunned, but she just pushes me in the direction of my room. "Go, I got this."

I stumble out of the room, the chair leg catching my trousers on the way, but soon find myself sitting at my desk with my open computer, staring at the screen. I have logged into Skype. I have entered his ID. I just need to invite him and then we can chat.

But, once again, I am frozen.

What will I say to him? What can we talk about? My thoughts are racing with all the things that will go wrong, all the ways I can fuck this up even more.

I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts, and then I remember all the time I spent with Jasper driving down the Tazzy motorway and hiking over the mountains. We always just talked. And it was easy and there's no reason it can't still be like that.

My heart is still beating frantically in my chest, but my breathing slows and my palms stop sweating. I push the invitation button.

And he accepts quickly.

A box pops up in front of me accompanied by the familiar tone. He's calling me. Shit! He's calling me!

What do I say? What do I do?

I fumble with my headset and hit the 'accept' button before I can think too much.

"H-hello?" I shake my head quickly, trying to dispel my nerves and hopefully some of my idiocy.

"Hey, Edward." The smooth tones of Jasper's voice echo in my ears and, just like that, all my anxiety melts away. I ignore the pang of want that shoots through my body.

"How are you, Jasper?" I start, hoping that he can forgive me for my stupidity, but needing to start off slow.

"I'm good, actually." I hear him release a long breath. "It's really good to hear your voice," he continues quietly.

"Yeah," I answer distractedly, taking a moment to organize my thoughts. I know I just need to plunge in, rip the bandaid off. "Listen, I'm sorry about tha-" I start, but he quickly cuts me off.

"No, Edward. There's no need to apologize. We never talked, we never made any promises or explanations. We both should have done more. Let's just start over. What do you say?" There's an uncomfortable silence in which I know I should respond, but his diplomacy has stolen all my words. I thought I would be begging for his forgiveness, but he seems to be willing to sweep it under the rug. "Edward?"

"Yes!" I say quickly, realizing I had been silent too long. "I mean, I think that sounds like a splendid idea. Kind of a do-over."

"Yeah," comes his quiet reply.

"So..." I lead, not knowing where to start.

"So, how are things with you? Starting your internship soon?" he starts and we're soon sharing stories about our new flats and our upcoming new jobs. He tells me about his sister's new boyfriend and I tell him stories about my mates taking me to the pubs when I got home.

We continue talking until I hear a soft tapping at my door before Maggie peeks her head around the corner. As soon as she sees me, her eyes widen and she quietly apologizes.

"No, it's okay, Mags. Hold on a sec." I return my attention to Jasper and decide I do need to get shopping done this afternoon before Monday arrives and I'm unprepared. We end the conversation with plans to talk again over the weekend before Monday and when I push "Disconnect" I can't hide my smile from Maggie.

"Well, that must have been some conversation." She nudges me in the side with her shoulder and I try to stop smiling but it's nearly impossible.

"Shut up. Let's go do the shopping."

After that first Skype call, Jasper and I create a schedule so we can talk several times a week, falling into that easy friendship that we shared in Australia. He sets up a webcam after a couple weeks and it seems to make our connection even stronger.

My internship is intense and I when I have long shifts I focus my energy on getting home, knowing his beautiful face will be there to greet me. Well, virtually greet me anyway.

But right now, it's enough.

I was right about having little time for anything but my studies and my work. The hospital is busy and I regularly have 24 or 30 hour shifts. No boyfriend would want the type of schedule I could offer. And, yes the internship is only one year, but with three years of residency to look forward to, this will be my schedule for a long time.

Coming home to Jasper's honey-sweet words and his smiling eyes is the best part of my day. I worry that I'm getting too attached to his face, but I don't have any other concerns or options, so I ignore those pesky thoughts when they arise.

After a few weeks, my internmates take it upon themselves to show me a good time. They insist that I join them for drinks and dinner at a pub not far from the hospital.

"You need to eat," insists Alec, while Jane, Siobhan and Felix nod behind him. "You can't spend all of your time here and at home. All work and no play makes Edward a very dull boy."

I look between their eager faces and I decide I can't really argue with his points. It's true, except for the part about it being all work. I do have my escape in Jasper, although none of them know about him. They do know that I'm gay as that bit of information was one of the first things the girls dug out of everyone, but Jasper is just something I want to keep for myself. Maggie knows a little, but I don't even talk about him with her.

So, I reluctantly agree.

I remember to tell Jasper that I'm going out to dinner with the other interns on Friday, so I won't be able to talk to him, but promise to call on Saturday. I have a slight twinge in my gut as I realize I'm more excited about talking to him than I am about going to dinner. Such is the way it is, and I need to just live my life, too.

Friday morning, I throw an extra shirt in my bag before heading to the hospital for my 12 hour shift, planning to shower and get ready there. I'm getting excited as Alec and Felix mention the pub and our plans every time I see them during the day, and it does actually sound fun and relaxing. Alec even suggests finding me someone to go home with. I blush and stammer until he says that he's kidding.

"It's not like you have a boyfriend, right? You can have some fun," he teases again, enjoying my being uncomfortable.

I look at my shoes and think again about my situation. No, I don't have a boyfriend. What I have is a wonderful guy that I talk to every day and fantasize about every night but don't ever get to touch or kiss. And might not ever.

"Yeah," I agree. "I can have some fun." And as the words leave my lips and he smiles wickedly, I hope desperately I don't regret them.

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