Chapter 7: Love is Patient, Love is Kind

Summer in Beijing was a lot drier and cooler than Ji Xiang was used to and the scenery of Xue Shi Fu gardens was also so different from home. She didn't like heat, so was glad for the refuge of the vast gardens. The shades of the numerous trees cleared her mind and allowed her to think. That morning, she needed to do a rather lot of thinking.

It seemed like years since she last saw Dali, or even since she first arrived in Beijing. Ever since the moment she arrived at Xue Shi Fu, completely unconscious, her life had turned upside down with new found information to all the long burning questions about her parents and her family. The answers didn't necessarily bring her comfort, she thought. No, there was definitely merit to the saying that ignorance was bliss. She should have realised long before now that the only reason her parents would be so secretive about their family was precisely because it was something this complicated. If it had been simple, there would be no issue of a secret. Still, before when she was in Dali, she would not have guessed the truth to be like this, not even in her most fanciful dreams. All girls at some point dreamed of growing up a beautiful princess, but this version of princess-ship was definitely not what Ji Xiang ever imagined.

On the other hand, everything made so much sense that she wondered why she never worked out any of it on her own. Of course the only reason her father would insist they all learn Manchurian was because they were Manchurian. Of course the reason why both her parents and her aunt and uncle all took their education so seriously was because they had something to live up to.

In a different way, so many things were so totally unexpected that she still wondered if she could still believe them. The idea that her father and her aunt were a prince and princess of the blood was unbelievable. Their manners and their outlooks on life had always demonstrated that they were brought up well, but this was beyond Ji Xiang's comprehension. Her father did not act any different from what she always knew now that he was here, in the imperial environment he was brought up in, so it seemed even less real to her that he really was a prince, and poised for the throne too! This was his home, this was what he was born into. He was so relaxed at Xue Shi Fu, so natural in its settings, around the Emperor and Zi Wei and Er Kang while she, Ji Xiang, was still struggling to become relaxed around them, despite their kindness to her. Emperors and princesses weren't supposed to care so much about a girl of no consequence like Ji Xiang. No, she couldn't tell herself just yet that she was daughter of a prince, that she was a princess herself.

She was so lost in thoughts that she didn't hear the sounds of someone approaching her, until she heard him clear his throat.

Her father was looking down gently at her with a hopeful smile. Ji Xiang moved over on the stone bench she was sitting to make room for him and he gave her a look of relief then sat down beside her.

"Father. Ah Ma."

He simply smiled at the new title.

"That is what I should call you, shouldn't it?" Ji Xiang asked.

"Yes, but it would be a little problematic if you called me that in Dali. It does not matter, anyway, Ji Xiang, what you call me. Just as long as I am still your father in your heart."

Ji Xiang gave him a small smile. In that smile, she suddenly realised that she was no longer angry at her father. She really never could be angry at either of her parents for long. She realised that in this matter, she hardly had a right to judge him, to be angry at him. After all, whatever happened between him and Zhi Hua in the past, he had never been less than everything a father should be to Ji Xiang and her siblings. He had always wanted the best for them; even her parents' secrecy regarding their roots in Beijing was also an attempt to protect them.

"Do you remember the conversation we had in Dali about opinions on the Emperor?" Yong Qi asked.

"Yes."

"What do you think now?"

"Now that I've met him or now that I know he's my grandfather?"

Yong Qi smiled slightly. "Both."

"Well now that I know he's my grandfather - which to be honest, Father - "she answered, reverting back to her familiar address for him, " - I still find a bit hard to get my head around, I suppose it explains a lot of, and gives more meaning to, the comments you and Mother and my aunt and uncle made then."

"Ah yes," Yong Qi smiled. "I could tell you were confused then. What do you think now that you've met him?"

"He's - he's not what I expected."

"What did you expect?"

"I don't know. But whatever it was, he wasn't it. He's so - "

"So what?"

Ji Xiang looked unsure, as if she didn't know how to say what she wanted to say.

Yong Qi shook his head with a wane smile. "Don't worry, Ji Xiang, over the years I've heard about every opinion there is to have about my father."

"No, it's not that! It's just he's so…kind. I thought he would be more imposing and…scary."

You haven't seen him angry, my dear. As for imposing, well, I don't suppose the home of one of his favourite daughters is going to trigger much of that. He is very relaxed here. Don't think he cannot be imposing, Ji Xiang."

"You seem very relaxed here, Father."

"Here as in here at Xue Shi Fu?"

"No, here as in among the imperial family, among - well - I shouldn't be surprised, should I, Father? I guess I'm still trying to believe you were born a prince."

Yong Qi smiled wryly. "This isn't among the imperial family, Ji Xiang. This is among the Fu family, the family of my closest childhood friend. Even your mother is relaxed here with her best friend and sworn sister. If you think life at Xue Shi Fu is court life, then you are woefully mistaken, Ji Xiang. Put me back in the palace now and I shall not be so at ease as I am here. I'll probably know how to deal with the pressure but I won't be happy about it."

"It's so strange," she said, more to herself and with a sigh.

"What is?"

"Everything, Father," she said. After a long silence, she spoke again. "You really gave up a lot for Mother. I just realised that now."

It was Yong Qi's turn to sigh. "Yes, but honestly? I gained much more and what I gave up, whether it's a lot or not is up to interpretation. To me, the material wealth I gave up could never compare to the wealth of happiness I gained."

"Is that not a bit too romantic, Father?" She gave him a skeptical look that he couldn't help but smile at. He was supposed to be questioning her romantic notions, not the other way around. "I mean, if people could be happy without money or something to live on, it would not exist."

"I'm not saying that money is irrelevant in life, Ji Xiang. To be honest, even after your mother and I left the palace, we always had a comfortable life, because we brought enough with us from the palace to start our new life. Perhaps since we left, we never had so much money that we can afford the extravagance of the palace but it was enough to live on. Our being in Dali also meant that we had support from your Uncle's godparents. We were able to build our lives then on an already comfortable foundation. You could ask whether we would have been equally happy if we left the palace completely penniless, had to make our own way with empty hands and all this time have to struggle to make ends meet. I will admit, Ji Xiang, that I have never truly known what being poor and penniless for an extended amount of time is like. I cannot speculate whether such poverty would destroy our happiness, despite of our love. I would like to think that we would be equally happy, poor or not, but the sad fact of life is one cannot live without some money and if we cannot afford to live free of worry, the worry and stress would surely have a detrimental effect to the happiness."

"But even with money, love is not necessarily enough, is it?"

"Nothing is enough on its own, Ji Xiang. Frankly I have seen more of unhappy marriages in my life than happy ones. Over the years, though, I've come to realise that love, mutual love and affection are the basis for a happy marriage, but one cannot strive on love alone. Love without trust will burn itself out in suspicion. A selfish love without compassion will earn no liking and respect to strengthen it and thus will not survive. Love without the willingness to sacrifice to make the relationship work will never be happy. You cannot doubt the love between your mother and me, Ji Xiang, but consider the situation when I married Zhi Hua. Your mother stepped down to accept Zhi Hua when Zhi Hua's very presence was a great damage to her pride, telling her that with my grandmother, she was not good enough for me. It was her love for me that enabled her to make that sacrifice but that sacrifice also let me know how precious her love was. So, no, Ji Xiang, love on its own is not necessarily enough. Or rather, it can only be love when it is all these things combined."

"And you sacrificed the throne for Mother."

"I never wanted the throne so it was a small loss, Ji Xiang."

"But Huang Ye Ye - " Qian Long had insisted she called him that. " - is convinced, and apparently many people, Mother included, would agree with him, that you would make a good emperor, perhaps the best choice of all the choices he has. You didn't sacrifice the throne just for yourself, Father. You sacrificed the country's chance of a good emperor. You can't say that is not a big sacrifice."

Yong Qi looked at her pensively, "Do you blame me then, for that? Do you regret a chance at being a princess?"

"No, Father. I'm not as ungrateful as to scorn at the life you and Mother have given me. I do not blame you if, like Aunt Zi Wei said, the position would only make you miserable. But you can't deny what I just said."

"No." The syllable hung heavily in the air between them for a moment. Then Yong Qi spoke with a sigh, "But also as I told your aunt, with reluctance, very few efforts can be good ones. Perhaps I have the capabilities for it, but I know myself enough to know if I did not have the heart for it, I will never do it well. Honestly, all this is a bit irrelevant right now as talking about it will not change anything."

"It made me realise how much you really gave up for Mother."

"I would have given up more, Ji Xiang."

Yong Qi allowed his daughter a moment of silence to contemplate his words. In that silence, he had to admit to himself that once Ji Xiang's anger at him the day before was over, she had been taking this rather well, maybe a bit too well. He wondered whether she has allowed herself to think of Zhi Hua at all, or like him and like Xiao Yan Zi, she was happier to just let the knowledge of Zhi Hua exist and not truly think about it.

"You still are angry at me for marrying Zhi Hua, aren't you?"

"Not as much angry as - " she tried to think of an appropriate word but couldn't, and faltered.

" - disappointed?"

"No," Ji Xiang shook her head. "Well, maybe I was disappointed and sad that you did have to marry someone else because it made me realise that sometimes, real life forces you to make decisions that are so totally out of your control. But I am not disappointed in you, Father. I suppose you did what you had to."

From the look on her face, however, he knew she hadn't said all that she could say on this situation. So he remained silent, allowing her to ponder, until she gave a decidedly frustrated exclamation.

"I'm just - I don't know!"

It was an expression and a sentiment that he had seen before in Xiao Yan Zi, so even if Ji Xiang could not put a name to it, Yong Qi understood. "You feel bad for her?"

There was a long pause then Ji Xiang said in a small voice, "Yes. A bit." She looked a bit abashed.

"And you feel like you've in some way betrayed your mother by feeling bad for her?" Yong Qi asked slowly.

Ji Xiang nodded.

"Do you feel bad for her because I married her while I didn't love her or because I left?"

"Both. Why did she marry you?" Then she added a bit defensively, "I mean - not that anyone wanting to marry you is strange, Daddy."

Yong Qi laughed. "I'm not offended, Ji Xiang. I would had rather she didn't want to marry me. I suppose I could guess why she did marry me, but only she would know the real reasons. I think perhaps she convinced herself she loved me, but how she did that after only knowing me for four months is a bit beyond me. We knew quite literally very little about each other. I knew she was, and is, very talented in a lot of things but little else about all the more mundane things like what her favourite food was or whether she preferred summer or winter. Whatever she knew of me before she married me was all hearsay, from Lao Fo Ye most probably. I can't deny that my prospect for the throne was probably a large inducement for her as well. Still, she was brought up in an upper-class family and was taught to look for status, power and wealth in a marriage. A good marriage for her would mean to someone of status. For her marrying for status makes sense but it doesn't for your mother."

"And for you?"

"It should. I think if I never met your mother, I would never come to question that assumption so I would be able to accept it a lot easier."

"If you hadn't met Mother, would you have been happy with her?"

"I think it wouldn't be the happiness in this sense with your mother, but I think I would have been…content, yes. The thing is, Ji Xiang, if I hadn't met your mother, my perspective would have been a lot more limited to what I see everyday in the palace, in the court. Your mother opened my eyes to so many things; that it was ok to trust your heart and emotions was one of those things. She taught me that despite the wars that go on in the palace for status and power, there were people outside the palace who genuinely cared for each other and not just for what benefits they bring each other. It made me realise the status and power and wealth that I have didn't mean so much. Perhaps I've always known this but it was pushed into the back of my mind and your mother just brought it out."

"Why did you leave? Even if it was, at the heart of it all, for Mother, why did you leave then? Why not before? Why not another time?"

Yong Qi didn't know how to answer this question.

No, that was wrong. He knew what the answer was, but he didn't know whether he should tell Ji Xiang. The truth was, it was what Zhi Hua did that was the deciding factor, he could not deny that. He was so angry at her when he found out, not only for the loss of the baby, but for the fact the whole incident nearly lost him Xiao Yan Zi as well. Then, he had believed he made the decision to leave calmly, but he knew now that he was still angry and the anger fueled his decision to leave. The anger was long gone now, only replaced by a sadness of knowing that Zhi Hua was willing to do such thing, just for him. However, that didn't mean he ever regretted his decision. What he told Xiao Yan Zi was true; he couldn't stay when he couldn't trust Zhi Hua. He couldn't put Xiao Yan Zi in such danger, especially when it was clear that Zhi Hua was willing to do just about anything to get him.

Could he tell Ji Xiang this? It would, on one level, explain why he left, but if she could be angry at him for just marrying Zhi Hua, how would she react to knowing that he had a child with Zhi Hua? Would Ji Xiang even be able to understand his reason for leaving, even if he did tell her?

However, Yong Qi didn't get a chance to answer, as their conversation was cut short here by the arrival of someone, whose startled cry of shock made them both turn to face her:

"Yong Qi!"

Zhi Hua was standing there, staring in shock at Yong Qi. How fitting that she turned up then, considering she just interrupted a conversation about her.

Yong Qi's heart felt heavier meeting the tumult of emotions in her eyes. Of all the times to meet Zhi Hua, he was certainly least prepared now. Of course, he would never really be prepared to meet Zhi Hua on this trip, but for her to be here, unannounced, when he was most off guard like this was not a comfort.

The look on her face did not provide much comfort either. She looked like she wanted to both slap him and hug him. Yong Qi thought he'd infinitely prefer the former. She was mouthing wordlessly at him; apparently the shock of seeing him had rendered her speechless.

For his part, Yong Qi knew even less of what he was to say to her. He felt like he was sudden robbed of air, being thrown so unceremoniously back into her presence like this. He was too aware of Ji Xiang looking between them with curious eyes. It was difficult enough to face Zhi Hua under all circumstances, but to face her under Ji Xiang's scrutiny just when they had just been talking about her was worse.

"Ji Xiang," Yong Qi said in a tightly-controlled voice, "go tell your mother and your aunt that…Rong Wang Fei is here."

The sound of his voice made Zhi Hua snap out of her trance as her eyes flicked over to Ji Xiang, still in shock. Ji Xiang seemed unable to look back into the depths of pain in Zhi Hua's eyes and she turned, instead, to her father.

"Father - ?"

"Ji Xiang!" Yong Qi said, his voice threatening to fail him and was near choking him. "Go!"

The situation was entirely too confusing for Ji Xiang to even want to stay, so she fled, without really looking at Zhi Hua, though Zhi Hua's eyes were on her until she left their sight.

Ji Xiang knew that must have been Zhi Hua, but she didn't know what to make of her sudden appearance, or what such an appearance would mean now, for her parents. She didn't even know what she was feeling upon meeting her father's other wife, despite having admitted that she felt pity for her. After all, she had never thought about actually meeting the lady herself, since her father was clear that he didn't want to see Zhi Hua on this trip, and that visiting Zhi Hua was definitely not his purpose for coming back to Beijing.

Feeling bad for her father's other wife who she had never met was one thing. To actually see her and realise she was a living person and not just a faceless being, was overwhelming. Thus, now that Zhi Hua had made her appearance, Ji Xiang found herself completely confused about what to feel towards her.

Ji Xiang had never questioned her place in the world, her legitimacy in it. She knew she had no reason to question them. Yet the brief look that Zhi Hua gave her just then made Ji Xiang feel like she was the product of something that wasn't right, perhaps not quite sinful, but not supposed to be. It made her feel like she wasn't supposed to be here, and the fact that she was here was not something natural, but to be shocked at. It was not a comforting feeling, and it made Beijing become just hat much more exhausting.

Ji Xiang found her mother and her aunt in the latter's room; both were laughing at something. She wasn't sure what expression she had on her face but it couldn't have been normal, since her mother rushed to her as soon as she entered the room.

"What's wrong? You look pale, are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine, Mother," she said. She hesitated for a moment before saying what she had come to say, wondering how her mother would react to the news. "Father wants me to tell you and my aunt that…Rong Wang Fei is here."

Her mother just stared at her. Her aunt, on the other hand, stood up in alarm. "Zhi Hua is here? Where?"

"In the garden. Father…Father and I were talking and she just came across us."

"Oh dear," Zi Wei groaned softly.

Xiao Yan Zi had let go of Ji Xiang's hand and now was quite pale herself. In fact, to Ji Xiang, she looked lost as she stared wildly around for some invisible support before dropping down into a chair nearby. Ji Xiang had never seen her mother quite like this, so totally out of control of herself.

"Zi Wei!" she cried, the pitch of her voice definitely higher. "Zi Wei, I can't! I can't do this!" Her eyes were wide and slightly panicked, so that she managed to look years younger.

"Xiao Yan Zi - " Zi Wei started, though Ji Xiang was not sure what could possibly be said in such situation.

"I can't, Zi Wei! How could I - how could I see her again? It's one thing coming here, but seeing her - Oh Heaven, how could he see her again? And now she knows." Ji Xiang thought her mother sounded borderline on hysterical. She couldn't seem to sit still and had jumped up off her seat and was now pacing up and down the room.

"She'd always known, Xiao Yan Zi," Zi Wei said gently. Ji Xiang wasn't sure how such a reminder was supposed to help her mother calm down.

"Yes! But it's different now; she knew before, but now she really knows! How could we - how could I – " She swallowed labourously before continuing, "Zi Wei, the guilt is easy to deal with but how do I face this pain again after all these years? Not just mine, hers and his as well. And to see them together again - "

"Xiao Yan Zi, you don't honestly still suspect that he has feelings for her," Zi Wei said, but her tone also hinted at a question.

Xiao Yan Zi looked at her in shock. Then she said, trembling, "I don't doubt that he doesn't love her, Zi Wei, but he isn't indifferent to her, either. He cares enough for her to feel guilty all these years, despite everything. That guilt had always been in her absence and that I know how to deal with. Now I'm not sure I can face it in her presence."

"He cares too much," Zi Wei softly echoed her earlier thought. "That, of course, what makes him Yong Qi. If he could be like Huang Ah Ma and casts aside his concubines without much guilt and thought, you would never have fallen in love with him."

"That's not the point!" Xiao Yan Zi exclaimed, still in that hysterical voice. "The point is, to leave her once is hard enough! How could I ask him to leave again? How could he bear to leave again? How could we not?"

"First, Xiao Yan Zi, you have to calm down," Zi Wei said, taking her arm and sitting her down on a chair.

"Calm down?" Xiao Yan Zi demanded, her eyes wide. "Calm down?"

"Yes! Xiao Yan Zi, don't do this to yourself! It's just Zhi Hua - "

"The bane of my life, she is! Without her, my brother would be dead. With her - with her - Zi Wei, what am I supposed to do?"

"Stop giving her such power over your life, over your emotions!" Zi Wei exclaimed. "Yes, I realise seeing her will be emotionally draining for you, but that doesn't change the truth, Xiao Yan Zi. The truth is, Zhi Hua married Wu Ah Ge, Rong Qin Wang, who is, for all purposes, dead! She married him with the intent to become Wu Fu Jin, to become a Wang Fei, to become Empress! However, Wu Ah Ge, Rong Qin Wang and Emperor, all those things Yong Qi cannot be again, and will never be! What is done cannot be undone! If the man she married does not live, then neither do her hopes of getting him back, no matter how much she wants it, no matter how much she denies, no matter how guilty both you and Yong Qi feel!"

Xiao Yan Zi moaned and put her head down on the table. "I can't deal with this, Zi Wei. I don't even know what I'm feeling for her anymore. I'm supposed to be grateful for her; I do owe her for saving my brother's life. I could blame her for getting us all nearly killed when she blurted out our secret but Yong Qi never kept his end of the bargain of marrying her either, so how could we blame her for not keeping her end of it? I could be jealous of her but could I fault her for loving him?"

"Do you honestly think she loves him?" Zi Wei asked quietly.

Xiao Yan Zi just looked at her like she was insane.

"She bargained her son's life, and lost, to try and keep him, Zi Wei," Xiao Yan Zi whispered.

"What?" Ji Xiang's shocked gasp made both of them turn and realise that she was still in the room with them. They both winced upon realising what they just divulged to her.

Xiao Yan Zi sighed wearily before explaining to her daughter what the last comment meant. Ji Xiang, upon hearing it, could only gape in shock.

"Not the wisest move of her life, that wasn't," Xiao Yan Zi said sadly.

"How - could - anyone - do - that?" Ji Xiang gasped, punctuating each word. Before, Ji Xiang was not sure where Zhi Hua stood in her esteem, but regardless of wherever it was, she had lost a large amount of respect for her. She tried not to think about the significance of the fact that her father not only married someone else other than her mother, but also had a child with her.

"She didn't mean for the baby to die, I'm sure," Xiao Yan Zi sighed. "She was very young, naïve, and in love. I suppose she thought it would keep him with her if he felt guilty about pushing her."

Zi Wei shook her head sadly, "He might have felt guilty but he could never love her, much less when he found out the truth. In fact, everything quite backfired on her."

The meaning of Zi Wei's last sentence suddenly hit Ji Xiang with a blinding force and she felt breathless. That is why he left, she thought. She didn't know whether this new-found information justified her father's leaving, nor could she decide whether Zhi Hua deserved it, but it certainly answered the question that her father didn't get to answer earlier.

"Anyway, yes, she was young and naïve," Zi Wei continued. "But I would hesitate to say she loved him."

"You don't think she loves him?" Xiao Yan Zi looked at Zi Wei curiously. Somehow, during this conversation, she had managed to calm down a bit and was sounding more like herself.

"I'm not saying she doesn't believe it. I'm sure she believes she loves him, but does she, really?"

"You tell me," Xiao Yan Zi shrugged.

Zi Wei didn't answer, but simply quoted, "Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things (1)."

Xiao Yan Zi reluctantly nodded to that. "I cannot say I was patient or not irritable or not resentful or not envious, Zi Wei."

Zi Wei smiled slightly and replied, "With your character, if you were not patient you would have run off the night he married her. If you were resentful you would never feel guilty for her. You bore it all and endured it all." Then she glanced at Ji Xiang before saying, to Xiao Yan Zi, "You would not have done the same if you were in her position, Xiao Yan Zi."

"And if you say you would have done the same in that situation, Mother, then I'm not sure what I could have faith in anymore," Ji Xiang whispered in a choked voice.

Xiao Yan Zi looked at her daughter for a long time, apparently having hit the painful realisation that meeting Zhi Hua would not just be emotionally draining on her and Yong Qi, but on Ji Xiang as well. At length, she said slowly, "I would not marry a man who I knew did not love me. But if I had ever found myself in that situation, no, I do not think I would have been able to do what she did. Still, that doesn't mean I didn't do my fair share of stupid things because of your father."

"Speaking of whom, I should probably go greet my guest and rescue my brother from having to entertain her on his own," Zi Wei said. "Are you coming?"

"In a minute," Xiao Yan Zi squeaked, looking very pale again.

After Zi Wei left, Xiao Yan Zi dropped her head down on her arm again.

"And all this I go through, all for the love of a man," she muttered. Ji Xiang knew her mother was definitely not talking to her. It was several moments before she lifted her head and looked at her again. "Ji Xiang, do me a favour and don't ever fall in love."

Ji Xiang knew she was not entirely serious, so she sat down next to her mother and asked, instead, "Are you going to see her, Mother?"

"I must," she sighed. "You do not have to see her, though."

"She already saw me, Mother," Ji Xiang said, frowning.

"What?" Xiao Yan Zi asked at her expression.

"Nothing. It's just…she must have realised who I am, because she looked at me weird…I think. I wasn't really looking back."

"Weird, how?"

Ji Xiang shrugged. "I don't know…like…I don't know…"

"Ji Xiang?"

"Well, it made me feel like…I was… You know how when people look at you like someone like you shouldn't exist?"

"No," Xiao Yan Zi chuckled. "I was never as beautiful as you so that people stare in disbelief at me, Ji Xiang. You got your good looks all from your father, not surprisingly since his family's gene pool scoops up all the most beautiful women in the country in the last century."

Ji Xiang resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "That's not what I meant, Mother. Though Daddy would probably disagree with you about your beauty."

"Well, only Heaven knows what your father ever saw in me. What did you mean?"

"I mean, the way she looked at me, or at least the way I felt her eyes on me made me feel like my very existence was somehow…unnatural and…unlawful or something…"

"Ji Xiang!" her mother said sharply. "Don't you dare ever question your legitimacy, do you understand me?" Her mother had never used such a tone with Ji Xiang in her life and she was naturally startled.

"I'm not!" she exclaimed earnestly and even slightly defensively. Then in a smaller voice, she said, "I just felt like that."

Her mother took both of her hands in her own. "Ji Xiang."

"Mother?" Ji Xiang said after a while of her mother not saying anything.

"This is one of the reasons why staying in the palace would have been a miserable solution for all of us. What ever your father felt for me, whatever he didn't feel for Zhi Hua, in the end, she will end up above me. But all that is quite moot now, really. We made our decision. It can't be changed."

"I suppose."

"Anyway, I must get out there or she will think she'd driven me into hiding."

"Shall I come with you, Mother?"

"No, Ji Xiang. Stay here. I can't cope with seeing her and introducing you to her at the same time right now."

(1) If you recognise the quote, please excuse its gratuitous use here, which is quite out of place.