A/N: This is the final chapter, the birthday chapter, that I wrote for theladyingrey42. She's my bestest and most days I don't know what I'd do without her. As always, none of this would have been possible without my beta-queen, ahizelm, and my British buddy and helper, Miss_Becky_Louise.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and I hope you like the conclusion to this story. This is by far my most reviewed story and I've loved reading all the reviews! After my board exam (end of September) I will be back to writing again so I hope to see you all again soon!
The Setting: London, England
The Music: I'm Ready, Tracy Chapman
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EPOV
I wake before my alarm, my nerves already on edge and anticipation coiling tight in my belly. I am shaking as I get ready and forgo shaving to avoid some horrible accident I'm sure to have with my razor and my trembling hands.
I arrive early at the hospital, both eager to begin my day and dreading my conversation tonight.
Jasper's email seemed so short and cold, especially compared to the exuberant, playful ones I am used to, and he left no clue as to what's going through his head. Three days of not talking to him and my mind is starting to play games with me about what all this could mean. By ten, I'm certain Jasper is calling the whole thing off and by noon I've convinced myself that he never wanted more than a quick fuck. Alec tries to reason with me and calm me down, but it's no use and by three, I'm a fucking mess.
Luckily, the end of my shift is fairly slow and I leave almost exactly on time after showering and changing. For some reason, my train is late and I think I may scream in frustration if one more thing keeps me from home and my computer where I'm hoping Jasper is waiting for me... hoping and dreading because, by this point, I'm sure there is nothing good that will come of this.
The cold grey day has turned into a cold, damp night, and as I exit the tube it begins to drizzle. "Fucking great," I mumble under my breath.
I hunch my shoulders and begin the short walk to my flat, contemplating my life and my misery while staring at the ground in front of my feet. Climbing the short set of stairs to my building, I'm stopped by someone scrambling to stand in front of me.
"Sorry, sir." I begin trying to sidestep the obstacle; I just want to get inside.
But then I'm stopped by a familiar scent.
I close my eyes wondering how much torture I can endure in one day.
"No worries, man." His words float up to me, that slow, southern drawl the sweetest sound to my ears.
I open my eyes as I feel him shift in front of me. I stare into his piercing blue eyes, hesitant to believe he's actually here even though all evidence points to the contrary.
"Jasper?" I squeak out, still not entirely certain he's real.
"Yeah, Edward. It's me," he says while rubbing the back of his neck with his hand and I continue to stare, no words forming in my head although my heart is screaming. His brows crease and he frowns at my lack of response. "I'm sorry. Perhaps this was a bad idea," he says as he backs up a step.
No, no, no. He can't leave.
"No!" He jumps slightly when I finally force the word through my throat. I stretch a tentative hand towards his face, my fingers aching to touch him, to make sure he's solid.
My fingertips brush his cheek and my palm cups his jaw. He closes his eyes and leans into my touch. Indescribable warmth spreads from my hand through my arm and straight into my chest.
"Oh, Jasper," I rasp, want and need burning my throat.
He steps into me and wraps an arm firmly around my waist before tracing his other hand along my cheek in the same path. His lips are almost touching mine and I can feel his hot breath on my mouth, almost taste him on my tongue. "Edward, we need to go inside."
I nod mutely before turning to the door, unable to form words. I need to touch him everywhere but I settle for grabbing his hand and pulling him with me up the stairs and into the entryway. As soon as the door shuts behind us, I am pressing him against it, no longer wanting any space between us.
He groans into my mouth as I kiss him hard and I feel his tongue swipe my lower lip before I open my mouth and we taste each other. And it's more than the first time. Our hands are possessive, each trying to hold the other tightly: his gripping my hair and my hip, mine wrapped around his back and holding his face to mine.
His fingers slip under my shirt and I feel the satin touch of his hand along my lower back. Through the fog of desire clouding my mind, I realize we need to move to my room before Maggie finds us naked in the hall. I try to back towards my bedroom, but Jasper just grips me harder.
"Jasper," I gasp between kisses. "Bedroom."
His eyes flash to mine with understanding before he bends to lift his bag over his shoulder again and follows me down the hall. His hand is tightly grasped in mine, and I keep looking back at him even though it's a very short walk to the room.
I can't believe he's here. That he's standing in front of me. That I am touching him. That I can have him again.
Wait.
We cross the threshold into my room and he closes the door behind him. My fingers still in their path up his arm as my brain screeches all movement to a halt.
Is he leaving me again in the morning? Am I that easy? Can I do this to myself again without knowing where I stand?
With my heart almost breaking in two, I push Jasper gently away from me. He looks at me with questioning eyes, his hair disheveled and his lips swollen. He leans toward me again, but I stop him with my hand on his chest.
"Wait, Jasper. Not that I really want to stop, but I can't do this without knowing. What are you doing here?"
"I'm here for you," he whispers, pain evident in his voice and eyes.
I smile at his admission, but it's not enough. "For how long?"
His face falls and he steps up to me, gathering me in his arms and this time I offer no resistance. He stares directly into my eyes and speaks firmly and deliberately. "For as long as you'll have me."
My heart soars with his words, but I know they are just words. He has commitments in America that he can't walk away from and I can't follow him there. I'm still looking into his eyes and watch as his brow furrows before he leans in to kiss me again.
I pull back, wishing my head would just be as happy as my heart and accept that he is here for me. I lower my eyes and bite my lip, unwilling to hope just yet. "Jasper, I just... I can't wake up to an empty bed again."
He grips my face firmly in his hands, forcing me to look up. "Edward, I'm not leaving. I'm here, in London, for as long as you want me."
My smile grows broader as realization washes over me. He's staying. He's staying for me.
"Now," he continues, brushing his lips against mine softly. "Kiss me."
I twist my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and pull him to me, pressing my lips to his. Our bodies are flush, but we're each still trying to pull each other impossibly closer. I move my mouth over his jaw, loving the rough feel of his stubble on my tongue, loving the taste of his skin that I never thought I would have again.
"Edward, you feel so good," he groans. "I've been dreaming of this day for so long."
I guide him backwards until his knees hit my bed and then push him gently onto his back. I help Jasper remove his shoes and then toe out of my own as he moves toward the headboard.
I hover over him, my knees on either side of his hips as he runs his hands over my arms and shoulders.
"Tell me what you're thinking?" he whispers, his vibrant eyes urging me to talk.
"I feel like I am dreaming," I admit before leaning down to capture his lips in a chaste kiss, needing the contact to prove that he's here. "That I will wake up and you will still be thousands of miles away."
His hands smooth my hair back from my face and he pulls me close again for a soft kiss. "I'm here, Edward," he reassures me. "I'm here."
He repeats these two words like a mantra as he wraps his arms around my torso and flips us slowly onto our sides. He gently runs his fingertips over my face, my scalp, my neck and I can feel myself relaxing. I close my eyes and he places small kisses over my eyelids, my nose, every inch of skin he can reach. He touches his lips to mine and I suddenly come to life again, pushing and pressing myself into him.
Between kisses he continues to reassure me that he's not leaving, that he's here to stay if I want him to.
And, oh, how I want him to stay.
Slowly, I remove his clothing, worshipping each inch of skin that's revealed to me. He returns the favor, kissing and licking and nipping at my skin, making me writhe beneath him, begging for more.
He is hovering above me, laying hot, wet kisses along my jaw and I turn my head to give him better access.
And that's when I see it.
Inked script along the inside of his bicep. I've had just enough Latin to recognize the language but not enough to read it. But then his rough fingers and teeth pull me back from my distraction.
"Jasper," I gasp as he nips my shoulder.
"Hmmm," he hums while his lips blaze a path of heat along my chest.
I gasp again as he thrusts his hips against mine and I lose my train of thought. There's nothing separating us but the thin cotton of our boxers and he almost growls as my hard length rubs against his. I grip his ass in my hands and pull his hips into mine again and we both groan.
"Are you ready for this?" he whispers into my mouth before raking his mouth along my jaw. And I know he means more than just this moment, just this kiss.
I smile slightly as my ever-ready reply bursts from my lips. "As I'll ever be."
He lifts his head and smiles at me before covering my mouth with his as our hips continue to grind together.
"Fuck, Edward, you have no idea how long I've wanted this," he pants, his mouth inches from mine.
I chuckle before gasping again when he grabs my hair in his hands, tugging slightly. "Yes," I hiss. "Yes, I know exactly how long."
He pulls on my hair again and I grab his shoulders before flipping us over. Once I settle over him, I trail a line of kisses from his jaw down his neck and chest, pausing at his tightening nipples, licking and nibbling the hardened flesh before continuing down his muscular abdomen. My mouth finds the soft skin along the top of his boxers and I dip my tongue beneath the band. Jasper's hips thrust forward and a rasping groan escapes his mouth.
"Please, Edward. Please," he begs, running his fingers along my scalp.
My fingers grip his boxers and he lifts his hips as I pull them off, watching his cock spring free of the cloth. I instantly wrap my hand around his throbbing heat, feeling him pulse in my grip. I move my hand slowly down his length, feeling the soft skin over his hardness.
"God, Edward. You... the feel... fuck," he pants and I look up in time to see him throw his head back and close his eyes.
"I just," I whisper almost reverentially, watching my hand move over him. "I just needed to touch you this time."
His eyes find mine and there's a fierceness there that wasn't before. He sits up suddenly, forcing me to sit back on my heels although I don't release him from my grip. Grabbing my face, his mouth devours mine and he moans and hums as I continue to stroke him.
I push him back slightly and settle lower on the bed, placing open-mouthed kisses on his stomach, hips, licking and sucking my way down his body. His fingers tangle in my hair and his back arches as my teeth graze his hipbone. I try to resist, but when my fingers find the slick wetness at the swollen tip of his cock, my mouth waters with my need to taste him, a pleasure denied to me last time.
Moving my mouth ever closer, I swirl my tongue around the head, gathering his precum and just savoring him. I lick down his shaft, salt and sweet combining on my tongue. Coordinating my movements, I take him in my mouth while moving my hand. The feeling of his straining cock in my mouth is sublime and I hear him groaning above me as his hands tighten in my hair.
"Jesus fucking Christ, Edward," he rumbles, his voice deeper and resonating. His breathing is ragged, and I know he's getting close as his thigh muscles start to tremble. "No, not like this," he groans before sitting up, placing his hands under my chin and lifting my face to his. He kisses me hungrily and I lean into him, feeling his hard want against my clothed length.
"You have entirely too much clothing on," he laughs, flipping me to remove my boxers. Once I am naked he leans over me, placing one hand on my cheek and the mood shifts, his eyes suddenly earnest, pleading. I lift my hands to his face as well and I try to pull him to me. He stops just inches from contact, his gaze dropping.
"What do you want, Edward?" he whispers, a slight hint of desperation in his voice.
"You, Jasper. Just you."
He looks up at me once again, eyes sparkling with hope and a hint of fear. "I'm here for you. I just need to know that we're on the same page."
My heart aches that he doesn't know how I feel. "I want all of you, Jasper. I am...beyond words... that you are here right now and I want you to stay." I take a deep breath, putting my heart on the line as he has. "I want you to stay with me."
His smile is blindingly bright as he pulls me down to him again, his arms wrapping around my back as he awkwardly kisses me while continuing to smile. Smiling kisses quickly become heated once again as our naked bodies rub, our skin sliding together.
"Jasper, I need you. I need to feel you again," I mumble against his lips and his fingers tighten on my hips. I reach into the nightstand and pull out the lube and a condom, keeping my knees on either side of his hips. Jasper pulls the lube from my hold, pours a liberal amount on his fingers before firmly stroking my cock in one hand and beginning to circle my entrance with the other. I moan and kneel over him to give him better access and allow me to roll the condom on his straining length.
We are both panting with need as I lower myself onto his length, his eyes fixed on mine, his fingers almost painfully grasping my hips. My hands are splayed on his chest and as my ass hits his pelvis, I begin to rock as he thrusts into me from below. The feeling is beyond anything I've ever experienced and I never want it to end.
"Bloody hell, Jasper," I moan as a shift in his angle causes shivers of ecstasy to pulse through my body. I am so close that a breath will push me over the edge and he hasn't even touched me yet. "Oh my fucking..."
He grabs my cock in his hand firmly, stroking hard as his motions below me become erratic. "Edward," he whispers and then groans. "Let go, Edward."
And I do.
And it's glorious.
My back arches as my release spills onto his chest and I feel him tense below me as he pulses within me. I collapse onto him as he pulls me forward, covering my face in warm kisses as our breathing slows. After a few moments, he gently eases me onto my side as he pulls out and walks to the bathroom, disposing of the condom and returning with a warm washcloth.
He crawls back into bed with me and I kiss his temple, enjoying the taste and smell of him so close once again. He reaches over to brush the hair out of my eyes and I again notice black script on the inside of his bicep.
"New ink?" I question, needing to ask, needing to know everything about him.
"Uh, yeah." He twists his arm so I can get a better look and I see "Alis grave nil" in a gothic print, but I also notice the faint blush over his skin.
"I meant to ask you about the tattoo on your back when I saw it before, but I was clearly distracted then." I chuckle a little when he smirks in recognition. "What do they mean?"
He flips over so I can see the scrawl across his shoulder blade, the elegant script a contrast to the blocked letters on his arm. "It reads 'qua lacuna deficio music fatur' and the Latin translates to 'where words fail, music speaks.' It's really a testament to my life, to my music and how it has healed me and spoken for me when I was in dark places." He turns to face me and his brow is furrowed. I know he's remembering times and places he doesn't want to so I run my fingers softly over his cheek before leaning in to kiss him again.
"And your arm?" I inquire softly. Even though I don't want this to be painful, I can't let him stop there. For some reason, I know this is important; that the ink he has on his body is always significant.
"My arm is a similar story. Again, it's Latin and it translates roughly to "nothing is heavy to those who have wings" which is um, well, about you." He clears his throat and avoids my gaze as I stare open-mouthed at him.
When I regain my ability to speak, I can barely form any words. "M-me? Wh-what do you mean?"
He blushes again and runs his hand through his hair before explaining. "Well, this may be difficult to explain, but let me get through it before you interrupt me."
He looks at me inquiringly and I nod quickly for him to continue. Even if I have to bite my tongue, I definitely want to hear this.
"I got it shortly after I ended things with Peter. He had always been there for me and, in my head, I thought of him as my rock, my anchor to reality and this world." He pauses and looks up at me and I force myself to relax my clenched jaw and give him the time to explain why Peter is on his mind while he's here with me. "But then I met you. And you... Well, you changed everything. I thought of you as my wings, and with you I could fly above everything, soar above the heartache and pain. I forgot that I even had pain and I no longer wanted or needed a rock to weigh me down." He places a finger under my chin, lifting my mouth to his for a chaste kiss. "Because I had you."
"Oh, Jasper. I want to be that for you." I kiss him soundly before I feel reality starting to catch up to me. "But how? How can we be together? How can you stay?"
A devilish glint appears in his eyes. He intertwines his fingers in mine and smiles before answering me. "Remember how I said my professor spent time in Europe?"
I nod slowly but I'm confused what this has to do with anything.
"Well, part of his sabbatical was spent at the King's College here in London." He pauses and looks down at our hands and I start to feel the glimmer of hope in my chest. "Well, he pulled some strings and got me a position with his friend. I've been desperately trying to finish all the paperwork to make the transfer here, to move here and finish my PhD." He lifts our clasped hands to his lips and looks at me finally. "If you'll have me?"
My heart is in my throat and my breath is gone with his question. This still seems like a dream and I'm beginning to panic that I'll be waking soon.
"You're kidding me?" I practically squeak and his face darkens perceptibly.
"No," he says calmly, giving nothing away.
I take another steadying breath, and rise on to my elbow to look at him. I release his hand and stare into his eyes as I grab the back of his neck. "Bloody hell, Jasper. Of course I'll have you."
I press my lips to his hungrily and he wraps his arms around me turning us over and laughing into my mouth. He begins kissing me playfully over every inch of my skin and I can't help but join in his laughter.
"You have no idea how nervous I was showing up here like this," he says between kisses.
"Well, I thought you were going to tell me you were done with me tonight," I respond, running my fingers through his hair and once again relishing the fact that he's here.
Touchable.
Mine.
We continue to touch and kiss and caress softly, never urgently. Eventually my body betrays me as my stomach growls loudly, and Jasper suggests we go get "traditional English food" so I reluctantly follow his lead and get dressed. I take him to a local pub and we have a couple pints and the most clichéd English meal, fish and chips.
We sit in a secluded booth, and I can't stop staring at his beautiful face, his dancing eyes, his long fingers tangled in mine. It's beyond wonderful to have Jasper here, in my city, in my home, and I can't wait to see how he fits in my life. How he'll really be here.
We chat quietly about everything and nothing and he slowly reveals how he came to be on my doorstep. Planning for weeks, apparently with help from Alice, the details slowly fell into place. But my phone call about Garrett sent him into a panic. He worried he was losing me and he jumped on the first bus to New York City and then sat in LaGuardia airport for almost 36 hours before finally getting a seat on a plane. He hasn't slept in two days.
When he reveals the lengths he's gone through to get here today, I begin to notice the deep circles under his eyes and the exhaustion in his smile.
"Come on, love. Let's get you to bed."
We leave hand-in-hand and walk the small distance back to my flat. Maggie still isn't home so we go straight to my room. He showers quickly as I get ready for bed and curl up under my duvet. He climbs in behind me, heat radiating from his body. I hum in appreciation as he curves around me and pulls me back into his chest. He kisses me once on the back of my neck and I sigh, threading my fingers with his.
His breathing evens out quickly and I follow shortly, held tightly in his arms.
~~0~~
The next couple months are a blur of work and life and Jasper. He finds a flat near mine and the King's College and starts working almost immediately. With his professor in the states helping him, his paperwork and visas sail through the red tape with minimal problems.
My social life has certainly picked up as well. And even though I'm definitely happy to stay home for the night, Jasper seamlessly fits into my small circle of friends, wrapping each of them around his little finger with his southern charm. Maggie and Alice are instantly in love with him and tease me relentlessly that they would each like a try if I'm ever done with him.
Like that is even a remote possibility.
I won't be giving Jasper up that easily. What began as a great connection over a few days on holiday has grown into everything I've ever wanted in my life. The evenings I eat dinner at his flat are extraordinary. To be greeted by him when I'm done with a long day, often with a home-cooked dinner or take-away already waiting is just beyond anything I've ever dreamed of.
Take tonight. I've just finished a 14 hour shift at the hospital and I know I won't be good company but Jasper insisted I come over for dinner. I'll likely stuff myself and immediately collapse on the couch, but I also know that if I went home directly I would skip the meal in favor of sleep.
I smile as I climb the stairs to his flat, already anticipating his warm mouth on mine. He opens the door almost instantly at my quiet knock and he pulls me into his arms, pressing his lips against mine forcefully. I return the kiss eagerly and, after dropping my bag on the ground, wrap my arms around his waist.
After a few moments of greeting he pulls away slightly, a brief look of concern crossing his features as he looks at me before his face brightens and he asks me about my day. He lets go and moves back into the kitchen, stirring several pots on the stove. He nods toward an open bottle of wine and I pour us a couple of glasses before talking.
"It was a grueling shift, I have to say." I take a sip of the red wine and the savory sweetness instantly reminds me of the vegetarian restaurant in Tasmania. "Is this a malbec?"
He looks up at me in surprise before turning back to his pots and pans. "Yes. I'm so happy you remember."
"Of course I remember," I say before stepping behind him and kissing the back of his neck gently. "It was our first night together." He turns and kisses my lips once before smirking at me.
"And I do think I got you a little drunk," he says with a laugh.
"I warned you," I reply teasingly. "Although I have to say, I liked that you had to basically carry me back."
He laughs again before turning back to the stove. "That may have been part of the plan," he mumbles almost inaudibly. I smack him on the ass and move away quickly before he can retaliate.
"That's for intentionally lowering my inhibitions," I tease and I laugh again as he wiggles his ass at me in obvious invitation. "Maybe later, love."
"Is that a promise?" he asks, looking over his shoulder to wink at me.
I chuckle as I lean back against the counter, loving the playfulness about him and admiring his confidence in the kitchen as always. I have this image of us far into the future, a touch of grey about my temples, laugh lines permanently fixed around his eyes. But we'll still be here, taking care of each other, playing and laughing. It's something I want more every day, but I'm still unsure that it will really happen, if he wants the same things as me. We haven't talked about our futures or where we think we're going yet, and perhaps it's something I should press more.
Or maybe it's only been a couple months and I shouldn't push. I can be patient and just keep learning about him and let it happen naturally.
I sigh and take another sip of wine.
Maybe I should only think about these things when I'm less exhausted.
"Everything's almost ready," he announces suddenly, pulling me from my thoughts. I look up and see him smirking at me with a ladle in one hand. He leans in and kisses me lightly on my lips before opening the pantry and pulling out serving dishes. "Can you grab the wine and glasses? Everything else is set, I'll just grab the food."
I walk into the dining room and see the table already beautifully set with candles and flowers. I stand agape until I feel his presence behind me, breaking the spell.
"You didn't have to go through all this...," I start, motioning to the table, but he quickly cuts me off.
"I like to, Edward. It makes me happy to take care of you, even if it just means adding a couple candles to the shopping list." He shrugs and sets the platter he's carrying on the table.
I refill our wine glasses and take the seat next to him as he scoops vegetable stir-fry onto our plates. It smells incredible and I'm tempted to lift the plate to my nose so I can inhale but then I feel a warm hand lightly caress my thigh. I look up and find Jasper staring at me, his glass lifted as if to toast.
"To us," he murmurs. He manages to sound both hesitant and eager, and I wonder what I'm missing as my heart leaps into my throat. I'm just able to choke out a "To us" in response before clinking my glass against his and sipping my wine.
He sets down his glass and turns back to me, intensity burning in his eyes. "Edward, there's something I've been meaning to ask you."
Immediately, all the warning bells go off in my head, he's been acting strangely lately and now the dinner, the flowers, the wine. And I know I've been really busy in the last couple weeks, maybe it's too much for him, maybe he's cutting his losses. The dinner tonight is wonderful and I hope this is a good sign, but is he somehow letting me down easy?
Luckily, he doesn't leave me in suspense for long.
"Will you... will you move in with me?" he asks, his words running together in a rush. His face flushes red and he looks down at his lap, steadily avoiding eye contact.
I am stunned. Speechless.
Jasper begins muttering and rambling, talking into his palms that are covering his face. "Knew it was too soon... God damn idiot... Shouldn't push... Fucked it all up again, haven't you Whitlock? I should-"
I finally pry his hands from his face and I see such despair, such hopelessness, that there's an actual pang in my chest. I grab him by his chin, ending the tirade from his lips, and bring his face to mine kissing him with all the passion and willingness and happiness I have in me. He turns his body fully towards mine and he winds his hands into my hair pulling me into him forcefully.
I sit back slightly when I need a breath and I grab his hands in mine. "Of course I'll move in with you, you silly boy," I say between pants. "I wouldn't want anything more."
He reaches for me again pulling me into his arms, dinner forgotten as we kiss and caress. "Oh, thank God. I was so worried you would say no. And I couldn't handle that, Edward. I need you here so much. Every day."
"Me too, Jasper. I need that, too." I gulp, wondering if I can make the same leap he just did, take a chance on him, too. "Jasper," I start and he lifts his pale blue eyes to mine and the emotion shining there gives me the confidence I need. I'm ready for this; we're ready for this. I scoot closer in my chair until my knees are between his and I can feel his breath against my mouth. "I love you."
His eyes widen slightly before he smiles gently against my lips. "And I love you."
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~Fin~
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A/N: Happy sighs.
And that's all she wrote, folks! I hope you have enjoyed the ride! I would love to hear your thoughts if you would just push that little review button down there. Thanks!