Chapter Fifteen - Let's Jump the Sun

When Heather entered, I didn't know what to say. Should I talk to her like she is Friend Heather or Enemy Heather?

She spoke up first, saving me the worry. "Don't be freaked that I'm here. I'm not here to do anything to you. I swear." her voice was mixed with shame and regret.

"I know." I said, my throat burning. Why did it hurt to talk?

She didn't sit down beside me; she sort of hovered around the room, trying to avoid eye contact with me. "I know you hate me. But you saved my life once, and that's when I realized you weren't the completely horrible person I thought you were. And I know I was mean to you, even after you saved my life. And when Casey told me you were going to die, well he was devastated beyond belief. For some reason so was I. I felt..."

Say it, Heather. Just say the word.

"...guilty."

"You did?" I asked. Even though I already knew. A little. Sort of.

She nodded, looking straight at me. "I'm not saying we should be friends. But I'm...I'm...I'm s—s—"

"You're sorry?" I helped her out.

She nodded embarrassed. "I'm so-rrr-y, okay? For not thanking you for saving my life. For trying to ruin things between you and my brother. For blaming you on our parent issues. Maybe I hated you at first but now I don't...I don't particularly love you, either. I'm neutral about you."

"You're forgiven." I said.

"I am?" she blinked, almost shocked.

"You were forgiven a long time ago."

She shook her head. "Well, thanks... I guess. So..." a very long awkward silence. "...Truce?" she croaked the word out like it hurt to say it.

I nodded, smiling. "Truce."

We shook on it.

As she was leaving the room she gave a playful little smirk. "Don't mess it up, Loser." she said.

"Same goes, Stepsister." I called back.

The door clanged shut.

I was alone. In my real life. With my real boyfriend and real best friend and real mother and my home...my home! I couldn't wait to get back to the little apartment. To see Dorito and be with Grams. Her oatmeal. And my small drawer full of non-Abercrombie clothes. I giggled to myself.

Suddenly my mother entered the room.

"Hi, Mom." I said.

"Hello." she said carefully. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good, how about you?"

She sat down beside me. "Pretty good also."

Awkward silence.

"Samantha, I can't move back with you now because I'm in a contract for the show. But every time the show takes a hiatus, which is every summer and some weeks in the winters, I'll come and stay with you. Get a hotel room in the Heavenly and spend time with you."

"You don't have to." I said, "It's okay that you moved to L.A. You like it there. So stay if you want."

"I am staying, because of my contract. But only in the summers and some winters I can stay with you, Samantha. Or do you not want that?"

I imagined me and Real Mom making pizza together. I smiled. If she came for the summers, maybe I could force her to try making pizza with me. It wouldn't be the same as my Coma Dream World but it would be fun. Because this was my real mom.

She might actually learn a thing two out of it. So might I.

"I would love that." I said. "Completely."

"That's great!" she exclaimed. Then she suddenly added, "And you don't have to do live with your father if you don't want to."

I thought about it. "Do my friends know yet?"

She shook her head. "I thought you deserved to tell them."

"So I can tell them?"

"Well, you can't exactly keep it a secret anymore since his son Daniel knows and might tell them also. So yes, you can tell them. And you don't have to live there. You can stay in your apartment. You can move in when you're ready, to get to know your father more."

"Maybe someday I will." I thought about it. "And wait. Isn't Danny older than me? Then doesn't that mean Mr. Urbanski had Danny before he had me? And isn't he happily married? So where do I fit it?"

Mom sighed. "It's a long story, Sunshine. But basically he got his wife pregnant before he ever married her. Then be left her for a while and met me. I didn't know he had gotten another woman pregnant so I dated him for a while and then...well...you came. And he left me, then. And eventually he reconciled with his first girlfriend— Danny's mother— and married her. They're okay now, and happy, I suppose."

"Oh." now I get it. "Okay. When I want to move in with him, I will. Someday. Not today, not tomorrow. But someday I might."

She smiled. "It's your choice. Do whichever makes you happier. Live your life, Samantha. You'll get another."

Yes, I thought to myself. Maybe someday I would get another life. Maybe then I wouldn't even miss this life, because I would have no regrets. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

For now, I'm just going to be careful what I wish for and where I walk on the streets. And I'm going to forgive people now instead of always hold grudges. People always have hidden insecurities and I would have never realized that had it been for the Butterfly Effect Coma Dream thing. I've also learned that no matter how bad the thing, sometimes it's best to be grateful for whatever history you have because your life could have been seriously different without it. Bad things are going to happen no matter what. You can't change that fact. You can't keep bad things from happening. You can, however, try to get past them and not ever look back. That's the only way to heal them. Trying to mess with history can lead to major consequences.

The biggest piece of advice I have to give to you?

Never, ever, and I repeat never take a butterfly out of the past.

Let's jump the sun

Let's find forever

Where does the time go?

Just live your life,

You'll get another

Tonight, tonight, tonight

With forgiveness and love.

-Miley Cyrus, "Forgiveness and Love"