Chapter 19: Shu Fen

For Shu Fen, who once sat up with me until 3am to find a way to save Ru Yi

As she watched things develop between Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong in the next few months, Xiao Yan Zi would marvel at how different they were compared to her and Yong Qi. But then again, as Zi Wei mentioned once, compared to her and Yong Qi, anything would be considered calm. Even then, the truth was, things between Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong were so easy and smooth-sailing that Xiao Yan Zi almost wondered whether it could even be called courtship.

It wasn't that they didn't disagree; they did disagree, quite frequently, but instead of lashing out at each other as Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi were wont to do, and then nurse hurt pride and refuse to speak to each other, they somehow manage to resolve their differences rather peacefully. But they weren't nearly as sappy as Xiao Yan Zi remembered Er Kang and Zi Wei were once upon a time. Then again, perhaps it's not possible to be as sappy as Er Kang and Zi Wei could be; Xiao Yan Zi loved both her friends to death, but sometimes the cheesiness of their overly-sentimental conversations made her cringe from an overdose of sugar. Maybe somehow, a mix of all those genes had neutralised all of these tendencies and made them a little less extreme than both set of parents.

Qian Long knew of Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong by now, of course. Xiao Yan Zi knew he would not be surprised and would not object, but they still had to ask for his approval nonetheless. He had simply teased her and Yong Qi of history repeating itself, considering how Ji Xiang and Ying Zhong met, but other than that was happy to leave the young couple to their own devices. She suspected that he thought with all four parents watching over them, nothing untoward could really happen. Though why on earth Qian Long would trust them considering what they got up to themselves, Xiao Yan Zi wasn't sure.

Winter was descending on them, and Xiao Yan Zi was forced to remember how bitterly cold it could be in Beijing, even in the comforts of Xue Shi Fu. The snow kept her inside more often that she'd like. And she was not sure what tired her out more, the weather and the effects of being with child in such weather, or Yong Qi's worry about what effect such weather would have on her in her condition. It was astonishing, really, that with any patients that were not related to him, Yong Qi could be perfectly cool and collected, but when it came to family - Xiao Yan Zi especially - he seemed to forget that overwhelming and over-fussing with a patient would not help them feel better. Not that she was in any way sick, Xiao Yan Zi knew, but it was the efforts that Yong Qi put into making sure she would not become ill in this weather that made her almost worn out. But despite all, she couldn't bring herself to tell him to back off, because if she had to admit it, she was as worried about this pregnancy as he was. She knew she wasn't the first woman to have a child at this age, but the truth was, after all this time, she still didn't trust her chances in pregnancy.

But other than that, life went on, both in the palace and outside of it. At Xue Shi Fu, Xiao Yan Zi found herself facing, for the first time in a long time, boredom. Plainly put, living in the luxury of Xue Shi Fu gave her nothing to do, and not that either Zi Wei or Yong Qi would let her do much anyway. Not having anything to do was quite one thing, but not being able to do the things that were available was another matter entirely. It had been so long since Xiao Yan Zi was last either pregnant or bored, that the sudden combination of both rather frustrated her. Even with family around, she wondered how on earth Zi Wei managed to live like this for all this time, and how she managed it in the few years she was in the palace. Perhaps this was why they needed to plan illegal plots and have secrets to cover up; it kept away the tedium of a rich life. At least, now that they were here for the foreseeable future, awaiting the birth of their child, Yong Qi had something to do to keep himself occupied.

It was something that they had discussed when they talked about how long they would remain in Beijing due to Xiao Yan Zi's pregnancy. If truth be told, Xiao Yan Zi felt she could have traveled anyway, but Yong Qi was determined to not take chances.

"But honestly, what are you going to do here in Beijing for a year?" Xiao Yan Zi had asked him.

"I know what you can do," Er Kang said. "You know Huang Ah Ma is commissioning a compilation of Siku Quanshu, aiming it to be the largest encyclopedia in China, surpassing even Yong Le Encyclopedia. Right now there are 360 people on the editorial board and I'm sure Huang Ah Ma can just slide you in there quite under the name Ai Qi and none of them would suspect anything. None of them would be people who have met you before, even if they did it would be so fleeting that they can't possibly remember what you look like. And with the size of the work, it's done all over the place, wherever the original books are stored so I reckon you could even plough through my family library and it would probably take the year."

"You are suggesting that Yong Qi takes part in censoring books to see which are sufficiently not anti-Qing to include in an encyclopedia?" Xiao Yan Zi asked ironically.

Yong Qi chuckled. "It won't just be pure censorship, Xiao Yan Zi. It involves annotating and sorting them into a million different sub-categories and editing them into the type of language and script that would actually be understood today. Anyway, if I work on the Fu library, I would be rather concerned if I found anything that needed censoring."

The way he said it had been casual, but Xiao Yan Zi knew if Xiao Jian had been there, neither Yong Qi nor Er Kang (or herself, either) could be so relaxed when talking about banned books and literary censorship. After all this time, it could still be a bit of a sensitive subject to talk about around Xiao Jian. Xiao Yan Zi knew her brother didn't particularly look well on Qian Long's wish to compile the biggest library of classical culture that contained no anti-Manchu elements, or at least, the 'no anti-Manchu' part. They realised well enough, that despite whatever promise the Emperor made, it couldn't be the case that there would be absolutely no literary persecution during all the editing and censoring of this library.

Despite the fact that they didn't necessarily own any sensitive books, Xiao Jian had been bordering on unco-operative when officials went around Dali to collect books to help put together the encyclopedia. Then again, what could she expect from her brother, who once gave her Water Margin to read, knowing that she would be bringing the banned book into the palace and wave it around under the Emperor's nose? It was a good thing that Water Margin was banned since the Ming dynasty, or her defiance at reading it would be taken to an entirely different level if she was going against a Manchu-formed decree. She suspected, however, that both Yong Qi and Er Kang had read Water Margin even before Xiao Jian gave it to her; Qian Long certainly had, he admitted it himself. But then again, she thought, they were not about to overthrow the monarchy. In any case, compared to an outright banned book, any other books they owned in Dali would best be called tame.

Spending such a long time at Xue Shi Fu, and with Yong Qi involved in such an important assignment as Siku Quanshu, meant, of course, that he had to meet with some of the other editors to discuss the work. That was not to mention, they had to meet either the officials that came to visit Er Kang or their wives who came to visit Zi Wei from time to time. But as it had been over seventeen years, unless they met frequently before, it was doubtful that anyone would actually recognise Yong Qi or Xiao Yan Zi for who they really were if they kept to their cover of being visiting friends of the Fu family. In fact the ones to really avoid would be members of the imperial family who would come to visit Zi Wei often enough, as they were more likely than most to recognise them.

So Yong Qi had spent the last few months plunging deep into the immense Fu family library, selecting volumes to be copied as part of Siku Quanshu, while that winter, Xiao Yan Zi was left to test the theory that one could die of boredom.

She welcomed the spring with its warmer weather, but also with the growing impatience and anticipation of the birth. Despite being prepared for a slightly premature birth, the arrival of the baby came still as a slight surprise to Xiao Yan Zi. She woke up in the middle of the night to pain and a dampness on the bed sheet. As soon as she realised what happened, she shook Yong Qi awake.

"What is it?" Yong Qi sat up, alert, not being a stranger to midnight wakeup call from patients.

"I think the baby's coming," she whispered calmly.

"Oh!" he exclaimed before climbing out of bed. While he pulled on his outer clothes, he instructed, "Just stay there."

"Of course, where else am I going to go?" Xiao Yan Zi asked, wincing.

Yong Qi roused his children first, and after instructing Ji Xiang to go keep her mother company, grabbed the first servant he saw, instructing her to go fetch the midwife, before going to wake his sister.

As Zi Wei followed Yong Qi back into the bedroom, they saw that Ji Xiang already had the maids roused, preparing towels and hot water.

"All right, Ji Xiang, Ru Yi, you can go outside now," Zi Wei told them.

"What?" Ji Xiang looked up. "But we - "

"Go outside, girls, you can wait with your brothers and Er Kang," Yong Qi agreed.

To this, Xiao Yan Zi also concurred. "I'll be fine," she smiled, though her pains were coming on fast.

They reluctantly departed, making room for the midwife who arrived in record time.

Yong Qi had always been there for all of his children's births and he wasn't about to miss this one too. The birth was not as strenous as Ru Yi's, but certainly more difficult than the twins or Jian Wen. But then, they had expected that.

For Yong Qi, though he had been through this before, it never failed to be a wonder to him. He marveled at each moment, from the first piercing cry, to the moment when he took the child - a girl, crying heartily - into his arms. She was small, certainly, but she was healthy and already had a head of fine black hair. Like every other time, he let out a shaky breath, a combination of relief and joy - just pure joy.

Yong Qi almost reluctantly let go of the child and placed her in Xiao Yan Zi's waiting arms. He smiled as Xiao Yan Zi, tired but looking radiant, glowed with joy the moment the baby was cradled in her arms, and the baby instictively snuggled against her mother. He could not help but give a chuckle as Xiao Yan Zi ran a finger across the tiny hands, apparently counting each miniscule finger and then did the same with her toes. It was a habit of hers; with each child, she would do this, and each time, he'd ask the same question.

"Are there ten of each?"

"Ten perfect little fingers and ten perfect little toes," his wife announced softly, smiling happily at him. He grinned and leaned down to kiss her cheek. The child cried then for food, and Xiao Yan Zi was happy to provide.

Yong Qi stroked the baby's soft cheek, then whispered to his wife, "I'll go let everyone know."

Entrusting Xiao Yan Zi to his sister, he went out to where the rest of his children were waiting with the rest of the Fu family.

"It is a girl, completely healthy and strong," he announced, grinning.

"And how is Mother?" Ji Xiang gasped.

"Perfectly fine."

"And what shall you name the child?" Er Kang asked, smiling.

For this, Yong Qi turned to his daughters, for he knew they had been debating on the subject almost relentlessly in the last month and wondered whether they had come to an agreement at last.

They smiled at each other and then Ji Xiang said, "Shu Fen, she shall be Shu Fen (淑芬)."

There was no doubt that Ai Shu Fen was in great danger of becoming a very spoiled child. A baby had not graced the premises of Xue Shi Fu ever since Ying Yi's birth thirteen years ago and the arrival of Shu Fen caused joy and excitement not just to her own family but also to the Fu family as well.

Well, perhaps "excitement" was not quite an accurate description of Jian Jun's reception of his newest sister. He was happy that both Xiao Yan Zi and the baby were safe and sound, but was apparently in great disbelief when Zi Wei put Shu Fen in his arms - though how he could be so shocked was quite beyond Xiao Yan Zi's comprehension. What on earth did he think was going on the last months that they had been waiting for this birth? He did remember Ru Yi being born, after all. Perhaps the prospect of a sister who was indeed young enough to be his child was the shocking thing, though he was rather young to be having children himself.

Ji Xiang, on the other hand, was delighted enough with Shu Fen for both herself and Jian Jun. For a while, she marveled at the baby's porcelain skin and wide, black eyes and would not give her up to anyone. Jian Wen took the newest addition to the family with a little more ease than his brother and insisted that Shu Fen looked most like him. Ru Yi, needless to say, was delighted that she was no longer the baby of the family. Even Qian Long, who was far too used to the arrival of babies, was delighted with Shu Fen, seeing as she was the only of Yong Qi and Xiao Yan Zi's children that he was able to meet as an infant, even if she was a girl.

Even after the birth, Zi Wei hovered so much over Xiao Yan Zi that even Yong Qi was assured enough to not add to the fuss, though in her happiness, Xiao Yan Zi would had accepted it from both of them. She was not sure, however, who would end up spoiling Shu Fen the most: Zi Wei, Yong Qi or Ji Xiang. That Yong Qi thought Shu Fen was the most perfect child to ever had been born was natural, though he did laughingly agree that his other children were equally wonderful when they were first born. But Zi Wei, however, was especially doting of the new baby, so much that Xiao Yan Zi jokingly asked her whether when the time came, she'd actually let Xiao Yan Zi take Shu Fen away to Dali or she would just end up insisting that the baby stayed with her in Beijing.

As for Ji Xiang, Xiao Yan Zi wondered vaguely whether Shu Fen's birth was awakening any desire for children in her eldest daughter, herself. At this sudden thought, Xiao Yan Zi could not help but feel a sudden bittersweet sadness - that Shu Fen would probably grow up closer to her nieces and nephews than to her siblings. She would never see her siblings they way they saw each other - or become their playmates. If Ji Xiang did end up staying in Beijing, and the rest of them returned to Dali, Shu Fen would end up seeing Ji Xiang but very rarely. That in itself was almost enough reason for Xiao Yan Zi to start to consider really staying in Beijing, even though she still longed for Dali. Though she and Yong Qi had skirted over the subject, maybe it would be necessary to really consider it soon...

Shu Fen was hardly his first grandchild and she would not be the last, but every time Qian Long held her, he felt an inexplicable pull of affection that none of his other grandchildren had ever managed to create. Was it simply just the sentimentality of old age, or was it simply because Shu Fen was the only one of Yong Qi's children that he had been able to witness as such a young age? Her siblings came into Qian Long's world with fully-formed personalities and here, Shu Fen was a whole brand new canvas. He was free to place all his blessings for the life he imagine for her on her and wish that it would come true, because what a life that awaited such perfection! Yet what a sorrow it was that it was likely he would not live to see her very much grown, or see much of her growing up, for that matter. She would likely never know him, and if she did it would only ever be through stories and history. For the past year, he had the chance to know Ji Xiang, Jian Jun, Jian Wen and Ru Yi, but they to know him in return. But Shu Fen likely never would, and Qian Long couldn't help feeling the pain that came with that knowledge.

He had now to bask her in her baby perfection, from now until the time when she must be taken away from Beijing, away from him. He had visited even more often lately at Fu residence, and it was not only to see the baby as much as possible. They all knew what was approaching rapidly in the coming months and days. Qian Long knew what would to come and he would not stop it coming nor did he want to, really. He thought of the conversation he must have with Yong Qi, what he must say, what Yong Qi must understand, before they part, likely forever. He had put off the conversation in fear that it would mean having to face the parting once again. But now, it was nearly time. He only came here to see Shu Fen first because letting himself feel all the emotions before hand in front of the child who was too young to understand would make it easier to say all the emotion-laden things he must say to Yong Qi.

Perhaps it would be Shu Fen, and not Yong Qi, that he would miss most when they went away.