Somebody
By. Misery's-Toll
Chapter Four: Look at Me
She's an extraordinary girl
in an ordinary world
and she can't seem to get away
He lacks the courage in his mind
like a child left behind
like a pet left in the rain
- "Extraordinary Girl" by Green Day
When I wake up
I hurt all over
as though
my insides were trying
so hard to get out
someway
or another
but
they couldn't decide whether to
implode
or
explode.
Maybe its your emotions. They're going to get out some way or another, whether its anger at yourself or someone else.
Looking in
the mirror
I could see that
the faint bruises
of yesterday were
so dark
they might as well have been
bleeding
on the outside
as well.
Because inner wounds can never stay hidden.
--
When Sakura gets to her locker a large fist shaped dent has sealed it shut; no matter how many times she tries her locker combination, it refuses to open. She pulls the handle with all her might, shaking it and jiggling it. She doesn't know who she shares a locker with --she's never seen him/her; the locker has nothing but a few textbooks on the bottom shelf from the owner-- but she hopes he/she can get the locker open.
The Biology teacher --she had missed his class yesterday due to the mishap with Karin-- Orochimaru-sensei, is gazing at her through slanted yellow-tinted green eyes, his chapped lips forming a thin line in dismay.
Shortly afterwards, she has found herself in the principal's office, and she wonders how she manages to always find a way in here. After a few minutes, a busty blonde woman that looks much too young for this job sits across from her. She flips through Sakura's file in silence for a minute or two before closing it and looking up.
"Well, I can't say you don't look like a delinquent," Tsunade is the name written on the plate on her desk, "I'll never understand why trouble-makers make their appearance more noticeable instead of toning it down."
Maybe it's about escaping from yourself a little bit.
Sakura looks up from the floor into the woman's startling amber eyes, "I'm afraid I don't know what you mean."
"Your hair color is the most outrageous shade of pink, and your fashion sense is a little bizarre, to tell you the truth," Tsunade says, crossing her arms across her chest.
The more outrageous, the closer you are to being inhuman...do you think she wants to fly away with us?
It was true. Sakura's clothes are outdated. Some are too big and others are too small and others are ripped and others are faded. Today she wears a pair of pink pajama shorts (too small to wear on their own) over a pair of black sweats (there's a hole in the seam of the crotch), and an orange tank top (too short) over a red long-sleeved shirt with ripped sleeves (the chest is ripped too), her yellow rain-jacket covering it all. She wears the same ruined Sketchers as always.
"My hair is natural," she says, averting her eyes, "And my clothes don't fit...I need to layer."
Tsunade narrows her eyes, "Your sister, Ino, has perfectly natural coloring and acceptable attire."
Ino's perfect. You can't expect me to live up to someone like that.
Sakura lifts her eyes to the ceiling and doesn't bother to correct Tsunade. As far as legal issues go, Ino is her sister, bound together by everything but DNA, "I don't think I could explain such a thing without going into genetics and psychology."
She glances back at the principal, "...and how much having people care about you matters."
Sakura is let off the hook. Tsunade tells her if she is seen exerting some sort of suspicious behavior, she will not be so lenient next time.
Sakura is twenty minutes late to art class, and she stumbles over the door stop on the way in. She gives Kurenai-sensei her tardy slip before slinking into her spot opposite Naruto. She's surprised to see that Hinata is sitting beside her today, and she asks her about it.
"I told Kurenai that the students over where I was sitting were mean to me, and she let me move," Hinata explains softly, "I hope this is okay."
Sakura also learns that Kurenai-sensei is Hinata's godmother, and now guardian as of yesterday morning. Hinata has been disowned by her father, and now lives with Kurenai. Kurenai works two jobs; she is an art teacher during the day and a cash-register worker at the Bigger-Burger at night. Kurenai has told Hinata that as soon as she is sixteen that she will need to apply for a job.
Because its the good people who suffer because they're the only ones who can see themselves clearly.
Sakura thinks that maybe that explains Hinata's drastic clothing change from the expensive articles of clothing that the Hyuuga family provides to the standard clothing of lower-class citizens.
Today Hinata is better dressed for the weather; the same tattered blue sweatshirt as the day before, a red knee-length pleated skirt barely peaking out beneath it (the uniform skirt from Hinata's old school that she expanded the waist-line in during Home Economics), light-pink leg warmers, and a pair of scuffed Mary Janes.
Do you see it now?
Naruto smiles and says, "Hinata is good with scissors and thread. To cover up the paint, she sewed these on for me," he points to the blue cuffs of his sleeves, and the bottom and top of his jacket.
Kiba is absent today, and Sakura is thankful. She doesn't want him asking about the new bruises.
The inner always comes out, remember that.
When the bell rings, Hinata says goodbye and runs from the room. Naruto lingers behind, waiting for Sakura who has English with him. When she has finished cleaning up her art supplies, they leave.
"Teme told me about what happened," Naruto says solemnly, "I feel bad."
Sakura shakes her head and stares at him with confused eyes.
"Sasuke."
She still doesn't understand, "What happened?"
"Karin...you know..."
Sakura understands and nods, "You shouldn't feel bad. I deserved it. I was treading in her territory --I should have known they were dating-"
Youdon'tdeserveitNoyoudon't.
Naruto laughs incredulously, "Dating? Ha! As if Sasuke would ever date a bitch like that."
"So...they're...not...dating?" she can't help the feeling of joy that inflates inside of her.
"No, no. She's just a jerk."
She smiles, "Oh. That's nice to hear."
YoudodeserveitOhyesyoudo.
Naruto lays a hand on her shoulder, and Sakura is glad that the bruise that Ino gave her has finally faded and is now just an ugly yellow color. He stares into her eyes very seriously, "Sakura, don't fall in love with him, okay?"
"Ano...I couldn't consider doing something like that. Ino cares for him, and I would never wish inner pain on her," she says, staring at the floor.
She doesn't want Naruto to see how much it pains her to know that everyone is against her.
Are you suffering?
Maybe Karin is too.
When Sakura gets to English, she is curious to see how Sasuke will behave after yesterday. Does he regret helping her? Was she more intrusive than she should have been?
Sakura stops herself and thinks, Sakura is just Sakura, and if Sasuke doesn't like it, then maybe he's not the angel for her.
But he's the only one left in the world. The rest have sprouted their wings and flown away.
But she thinks that he has to be, even if the odds are stacked so high against her. Because she doesn't need his love or his lust. She just needs his care and his trust, and maybe his angels wings so that he can fly her away from here. Because she just needs somebody to like Sakura for Sakura, because that's all she knows how to be.
Can you fly me away from here?
And maybe Sasuke just needs to learn to be Sasuke and no one else. And maybe then she will see a smile lighting up his angels countenance.
But when Sakura enters the classroom, Sasuke isn't there, and she feels like her heart has just stopped.
"He's not here today," she says to Naruto, and looks up at him.
He looks somewhat sad, as he has for most of the day so far, "Today is the anniversary of his parents' deaths."
Don't cry, Sasuke. They're angels now.
"Oh. I see."
The words uttered from her mouth sound uncharacteristically unfeeling, but she can't help it. But the topic of death has always filled her with emptiness, and Hyuuga Neji is glaring at her.
Speaking to him is a boy clad in all green. A forest green jacket and camouflage pants, and even green Converse shoes. His hair is a black and shiny bowl cut, his eyes ridiculously large, giving him a look of innocence.
"Who is this beautiful and youthful flower?" the boy asks aloud, "What is your name?"
It takes Sakura a few moments to realize he is speaking to her, and she says softly, "My name is Haruno Sakura."
"Ah, what a fitting name for a blossom such as yourself! I am Rock Lee," he says courteously, "And I would very much love for you to be my friend!"
Sakura blinks. No one has offered to be her friend before, and it makes her very happy. She nods vigorously, "Arigato, Lee-san."
Sakura sits under the same tree as before, but today Hinata is immediately by her side.
Ino doesn't speak to her on the way.
Sakura is tired today, and doesn't feel like eating. She props herself up against the tree bark, and begins to doze off. Before she can quite reach dream-land, she is startled awake by the sound of Hinata's stomach.
The pale navy-haired girl offers a sheepish smile. She's clutching her stomach, her face a light pink.
Sakura gives her a smile, and blearily rummages through her backpack, giving her friend the untouched lunch she had made for herself.
Take me away.
Hinata gives her a beautiful and charming grin, and Sakura gives her a tired one in response, before delving into the twist of purples and blacks that are sleep.
Sakura follows Hinata to Speech, not quite awake yet. In the hall, she passes Ino, who is speaking to Shikamaru. The blonde suddenly halts in the middle of her sentence, and gives Sakura a menacing glare.
Does she envy you for what you have?
The tired girl isn't awake enough to understand, and simply stares at the ground for the remainder of the passing-period.
Gai-sensei begins the class by telling everyone to write down a debate topic on an index card, one that needs no research, and to turn it. After several minutes, everyone has completed the task, and Gai-sensei calls Hinata and Gaara up to the front.
Sakura realizes that Gaara is the boy from her Japanese class --the one with the fiery-red hair and the sea-foam colored eyes.
Everything about him says 'Love me.'
Gai-sensei laughs boisterously, and tells Hinata to select one of the cards. Red-faced and embarrassed, she takes one.
"Which do you choose?"
Hinata's voice is uncharacteristically high, "Short hair."
"How adorably youthful!" Gai explodes with happiness, "Gaara-kun, you will be defending long hair. Begin!"
"I think short hair is more convenient...It's light and doesn't get in the way a lot..." Hinata says softly.
Gaara is momentarily silent, before murmuring in a smooth, deep voice, "Long hair is...admirable. If one can keep it in good shape, then that shows that they know how to take good care of themselves, and that they are aware of their appearance."
"Ano...that is true, Gaara-san..."
"Continue," Gai-sensei urges her, "Don't give up yet, Hinata-chan. Giving up is no sign of youth."
Don't give up. Don't give up. Don't give...
Sakura thinks that maybe Gai-sensei is quite similar to Lee in her English class, in both looks and personality, and she wonders if they are related.
"Um..." the poor white-eyed girl trembles with nervousness, while the red-headed boy gazes at her coolly, "You can tell that...people with short hair...are aware of their appearances...because they take the time to cut it frequently...?"
"Good, Hinata-chan. Next time say it with more conviction! Like you really mean it! Like you know you're right, and you are going to prove it! Yosh!"
Gaara's eyes come to rest on Sakura, "People with long hair are attractive."
Sakura thinks that maybe she should be blushing, his piercing gaze choosing her as a target, but she doesn't, and she doesn't feel the urge to. She thinks he must not be thinking of her, even if he is looking at her, because she is far from attractive.
Pink hair. Large forehead. Wide eyes. Dark bruises.
"Gaara-san, people with short hair can be attractive too," Hinata protests, "That is a matter of opinion."
Sakura knows that Hinata's hair is short, and that she is worrying about her appearance.
"Hinata-chan is correct," Gai-sensei concludes, "She wins this debate."
A small, triumphant smile breaks out onto Hinata's countenance.
Does she feel loved?
Sakura feels odd, changing in a room full of girls she doesn't really know.
"I don't know why he likes her," Sakura hears Ami murmuring into the ear of Karin, "She's not even attractive; she has a wide forehead, and pink hair. It's pink! And she has such small boobs-"
Ami cuts off mid-sentence when Sakura catches the gazes of the two girls speaking of her.
Sakura pulls her tank-top over her head and tugs her Sketchers back on before exiting the room, leaving everyone behind.
She imagines that suddenly, her wings begin to sprout, and she will fly high above the girls who insult her and speak badly of her, and they will think that she is beautiful, because while she has smaller breasts than the other girls, she has larger wings, and she would be beautiful...
Ino is the only other girl in the gymnasium when Sakura gets there. Ino speaks to her excitedly in a hushed voice, telling her that she skipped the previous class to make out with Shikamaru, and that she thinks he is going to ask her to be his girlfriend soon. Sakura smiles and wishes her good luck, but suddenly Ino's mood turns sour.
"Of course, you must be so envious of me, Sakura. I'm sorry to have even brought it up, seeing as no one will ever love you as they love me. Jealousy is unbecoming of you, Sakura."
And while Sakura doesn't remember feeling jealousy, she looks at the ground, ashamed, as says, "Gomen, Ino."
Youdon'tdeserveitYoudon'tdeserveit.
YoudeserveitYoudeserveit.
When class starts, Sakura finds out that the real coach is Anko-sensei. They had a substitute before. Anko-sensei tells them to split up into teams for soccer, and she selects Ami, and a girl Sakura doesn't recognize, named Kin to be team captains. Kin has long black hair and dark eyes, and an unkind look to her.
The selection begins, and before long, Sakura is the only remaining student who hasn't been chosen.
"Anko-sensei! The teams are even, but there's still someone left!"
Anko-sensei stares at Sakura, a student unfamiliar to her. Sakura is sure she must not look very capable of playing sports, with her bruises and lanky disposition.
"Haruno, you'll keep score with me."
I've decided that
I really
don't like
P.E.
Anko-sensei
is
nice enough,
but
no one else
is.
The end of
the day
doesn't seem to come
fast enough.
But,
when it does
I'm not as happy
as I thought I'd be.
When
I go
to my locker,
for once I get there
fast enough
to meet the person
whom I share
it with.
He is a boy
my age, with
ink-black hair
and
depthless
black eyes.
When he
sees me, he says
"You're ugly."
But
I don't think
he meant it
unkindly.
In fact,
I don't think
he really meant
anything
at all.
Ino
doesn't drive me home
today,
either.
She is going to the mall with
Shika-kun,
and she wants me to
find a way home
again.
On Sakura's way out of the building, she is stopped by Neji, who glares at her spitefully.
"Haruno, I've seen you hanging around my cousin, Hinata."
Sakura doesn't break her gaze away from the floor as she nods in reply.
"She may not be living under the same roof as me any longer, and she may no longer be part of my family, but to me, she still is part of it, and I still have a duty to keep her safe. You'd better not hurt her in any way, Haruno."
Sakura looks up at him, her green eyes sad, "Gomen, Neji-san."
Does she know she's loved?
Today, there is no one to give Sakura a ride home, and she lives fifteen minutes away from the school. She doesn't think she can walk that far, but she hopes that maybe she can stop somewhere when she gets tired and maybe eat or sit for awhile. She still has the ten dollars her grandmother gave her for her birthday that she puts in her pocket every day in case of emergency.
Sakura is afraid of walking across the large roads, so she takes neighborhood routes instead. She passes through a park, a church parking lot, several front yards, and finally, a cemetery.
Sakura has never liked cemeteries. They make her wonder how people become angels if their bodies are here, beneath her. Are their souls in Heaven, and their bodies in Hell?
She stops walking when she sees someone familiar kneeling before a stone tablet. She comes to a stop behind him, and looks down at the epitaph.
Uchiha Mikoto
Prince.
Sakura thinks that Mikoto is a fitting name for the mother of an angel.
Beside it is another gravestone.
Uchiha Fugaku.
A tutor to a prince. A framed picture. Negative. Captive. Pawn.
Sakura kneels beside the boy, and she briefly wonders where his brother is.
"Does it hurt?" she asks softly.
His eyes briefly flicker to her face before going back to their resting place on his parents' graves.
"Very much," he replies, his tone equally soft, "Do you think that they're...you know...up there?"
She looks at him for a long time before answering, "Without a doubt."
He pauses for a second before nodding.
"How long have you been here?" she asks, "You missed school, today."
"I'm not sure," he says, "Why are you here?"
"I walked."
He looks at her for the first time today, and actually sees her. He gently touches her cheek with the back of his hand, and traces the lines of her bruises. She remains perfectly still.
"Will you fly me away from here?" she asks, her eyes imploring.
He drops his hand, "What?"
"A boy with a pale face, white as stone but full of light. Dark eyes that can view a person's very soul. Tall and statuesque.
You're the
epitome of
an angel."
He is silent for a few moments before finally saying, "I'm no angel."
The dark grey clouds
begins to
leak
silver pellets
of rain
streaking across the sky like
bullets.
And Sakura thinks that
maybe
he's not ready for her yet.
She stands, and touches his shoulder so briefly, and so lightly, he's not sure whether she did it at all.
"It's okay. I can wait," she says brightly, despite the empty feeling in her chest.
He doesn't respond, but gazes steadily at her, trying to understand.
And he's sees that
she not crazy
she just...
hopeful.
After a bit of silence, he turns to her and says, "Do you want some accompaniment home?"
Because its dark and rainy, and he doesn't think that she should need to walk home alone. He may not be an angel, but she's still angelic in his eyes.
And he doesn't think he can take anymore loneliness today.
"You dress strangely," Sasuke points out. He doesn't mean it rudely; it's just a fact.
Sakura looks up at him, and for the first time, she realizes his true height. He's a little under a foot taller than her.
"I work with what I have," she murmurs.
Neither of them seem to care that the rain is pelting them, soaking them to the bone. Because he is Sasuke and she is Sakura and all they want is to get away, and everything else is just part of a world that they'll one day leave behind.
"It's supposed to snow tomorrow," he says, looking up at the cloudy sky.
And the light is dimmingdimmingdimming
and he thinks that
even though the air is
so damn chilling
he feels the warmest he has in a
longlonglonglong time.
Do you feel it too?
"Snow is just rain that's a little bit colder and a little bit harder to break," she says, a smile on her face, and she dances in the rain, her too-small shoes squelching in little pools of water, and he can't help the small smile that comes to his face
because suddenly
today isn't
so
sad.
"Wear a coat tomorrow."
Sakura stops spinning and looks at Sasuke's stern expression.
She realizes that they're in front of her house
and suddenly
walking home
didn't seem so
bad.
"I don't have a coat," she says, still smiling, "Except for this one."
She motions to the bright yellow raincoat she wears every day with the missing buttons and no hood, that doesn't match anything, and looks completely ridiculous but she loves it and wears it anyway.
"Hn," he seems to be thinking deeply, "Goodbye, Sakura."
"Goodbye, Sasuke," she says, before skipping up the steps of her house that Sasuke still doesn't walk up
because
in the window
Sakura's parents are
screaming
at each other
and he
doesn't want her to see
how sad
it makes him.
So he walks away.
Sort of
wishing that he could
take Sakura
and
fly away.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Blah.
A/N: A little bit of a longer wait, and a little bit of a longer chapter. It took me awhile to get it how I liked it, and I'm still not particularly proud of it. I've never been one for 'incidental run-ins' in stories, where someone just so happens to meets up with the person they have a crush on. But then I realized how often I see people I know in public places, and I thought that maybe I could get away with it just this once (since Sakura doesn't so much have a crush on him, but has something stronger in a sense...).
Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews! I look forward to getting more of them. ;D They keep me going, and they keep my fingers moving.
-MT