Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or its characters. I own the world's bitchiest cat. But believe me, you don't want her.

Warnings: Rated T for language, masturbation references, boys kissing, Sora's dirty mind, and dark content.

Setting/Timeline: A year after KH2 ended. Sora and Kairi are 17, Riku is 18.

We Are Even Now Crying Out

Sometimes I just don't understand it. Life, you know? Sometimes I just don't understand life.

My eyes flutter open as the alarm buzzes its morning hello. With a groan, I roll over and pull the pillow over my head, trying to drown out its annoying sound. But, like always, it doesn't go away. With a sigh, I pull the pillow from my head and reach over to turn the alarm off. I miss, like usual, and hear the clatter of the clock hitting my floor.

Would you believe it if I told you this happened every morning? I hate that damn clock. And every morning I miss the damn button and the damn thing ends up on my damn floor. And you know what? It still fucking works. Can you believe it? It meets the floor every morning and it still works! Sometimes, I have no luck.

I step out of the shower, feeling slightly better than when I had first woken up. I wrap a towel around my naked waist and head back to my room. As soon as I open the door, I'm greeted with gust of cold air.

Cocking my head to the side, I stare at the open window that shares the wall with my bed. I didn't open it this morning, yet there is it, open. My dull blue curtains flutter with the air pouring through. Who opened my window?

I should have known. I really should have. She did it nearly every morning. She would pop over before school and screw around in my room while I took a shower. Or she'd sneak in while I ate breakfast. But sometimes I can be so dense.

My closet doors burst open and she comes flying out at me. I stumble backwards, expecting her to latch onto me as always. But it never comes from the doe eyed red head.

"Oh yuck!" She lifts her hands to cover her eyes and turns. "You're naked!"

I smile and laugh as I walk around her to get to my closet. "I am not. See the towel?" I ask with my back to her.

"That's not any better." I hear her say with an exaggerated groan.

At the closet door, I turn to smile at her and wink. "Don't break into my house, sneak into my room, hide in my closet, and then blame me if you happen to see something you don't want to."

She gives me a glare, then crosses her arms and turns on her heels. "I'll wait downstairs. But don't take forever. I don't want to be late Sora." She calls from the hall.

Kairi. Yeah, she was an oddity all right. She was always smiling and always bright-eyed. She could always make me smile when I was feeling down and laugh when I wanted to cry. She was smart as well. I purposefully scheduled nearly all my classes so that we had the same ones. She helped me with the stuff I didn't understand. And she was always so nice about it. And she was pretty too.

I dress quickly and grab my backpack. I take a quick look at myself in the mirror and sigh. My cinnamon brown hair sticks up everywhere. I run my fingers through it quickly and try to pat it down, but it doesn't work. It still springs up just like it always does.

With a smile, I move towards my door and head down the hall.

"Morning sweetheart." I hear my mom call from the kitchen. "Come sit down and have breakfast before you two have to get going."

I drop my bag at the door and turn towards the kitchen. Kairi is already sitting at the table, chewing on a piece of jelly-covered bread.

That pretty reddish brown hair that hung just above her shoulders. It curled at the ends and framed her face beautifully. Her eyes were a red brown, the exact color of her hair. They were always wide and bright, always smiling. Her lips were naturally rose colored and full and pouty. They looked pretty damn kissable. So why didn't I ever really feel anything for her? I thought I did once… But now she does nothing for me. Why?

She looks over at me as I walk in. Her mouth is covered in jelly. Tilting her head to the side, she crosses her eyes and sticks out her tongue.

Oh! That's why. She's like my sister. I remember the moment I realized that, that I thought of her as my sister. I was sick for three days.

I give her shoulder a slight shove as I take a seat next to her. "You got a little something on your lip."

"Oh! I do?" Kairi drops the toast on her plate and slowly reaches for the napkin holder that sat in the center of the table.

I shake my head slowly as she dabs at the corner of her mouth, then goes back to eating. I know she knows that there's more. And I know that she knows that I know she knows.

Yeah, my brain works that way. And people wonder why I get confused easily. Usually by myself.

I scarf down two eggs, a piece of toast, an orange, and three sausage patties. I'm not really that hungry, but I know it pleases my mother.

"Okay! Time to go!"

I turn and watch as Kairi literally jumps from her chair and rushes towards the front door. I glance at my mom and smile. "Thanks for breakfast. I'll see you later!" With a wave, I head towards the door.

"Have a good day at school honey!" I hear her call after me.

I shake my head slowly as I hoist my bag on my back and follow Kairi out the door.

My age has just been reduced to six. She does that a lot; treat me like a baby. My mom, that is. Not Kairi. I guess, though, I am her baby. And I always will be. And she is my mother. And she always will be. So it really doesn't matter. I don't know why I stress over it.

The walk to school doesn't take long and right away, we are spotted.

"Hey Sora! Kairi!"

I don't even have to turn to see who it is. I recognize the hyperactive brunette by voice.

Selphie comes into view with Tidus and Wakka behind her. "You guys are late!" She whines and wags a finger at us.

"We are not!" Kairi says from beside me.

"Yeah you are!" Selphie insists. "You're late to be early!" And she's the only one to laugh at her joke.

I think Selphie and Tidus are dating again. It's hard to tell with them. They spend more time breaking and making up then they do actually being a couple. But I think that's because they are so perfect for each other. They'll probably end up being married by the time we graduate. A little annoying at times, but I like them. And Wakka. "The Muscle" as he was called on the Blitz ball team. I wouldn't want to get on his bad side. He can be a bit slow at times and always has that damn game on his mind, but I like him too. We make an odd bunch, don't you think?

"Come on or we'll be later!" Selphie grabs Tidus's hand and pulls him towards the school doors.

"We're still early!" He complains. "How can we be late?"

"Oh come on!" She answers as they disappear into the door.

Wakka scratches at the back of his head and then turns to us. "I thought they were split up again."

I shrug my shoulders. "I try not to pay attention to their relationship. It makes my head hurt."

"Mine too." Wakka agrees.

"Come on. Let's go." I nudge Kairi's shoulder and we head into the building.

When the three of us finally got back to Destiny Island, we had been gone for over a year. It took the rest of that school year and all summer to catch up enough to be in the right grades. Riku didn't complain though, because he was going to be a senior that year and he said he wanted out of school as soon as possible. But me, I wanted to just kick back after we returned. I mean, really! We had just finished saving all the worlds! The entire universe! AGAIN! But Kairi convinced me to stick to it. She said that it would suck if I couldn't graduate with her and our other friends. And I guess what she said made sense. Because there I was; another day of junior year.

"So where's Riku been hiding out these days?" Tidus pokes me from behind.

I glance up at the clock quickly. The teacher was late for class, as usual. With a smile, I turn around in my seat. "I don't know."

Wakka sat next to Tidus, Kairi sat in front of him, and Selphie sat in front of me. Yep! The gang was all there. Except for Riku.

Wakka sighs and gives me a perplexing look. "Why don't you know? You're his best friend, ya know?"

"Yeah! What has he been into lately?" Tidus presses. "He's missed the past three Blitz ball practices."

Wakka nods. "Ya man. Coach says if he doesn't show up tonight, he can't play in the big game Saturday. And he's da best player we got, ya know?"

"Next to me!" Tidus gives Wakka a slight shove.

"He's da captain though. You ain't." Wakka retaliates.

I can hear Kairi and Selphie giggle from their seats. I shrug my shoulders and turn around in my chair, facing the front. I sigh slightly and lower my gaze to my desk. "I said I don't know."

"I dun believe that." Wakka grumbles.

Selphie turns fully around in her seat and flashes me a broad smile. "So then, when was the last time you like talked to him?"

I don't raise my gaze to hers. "I saw in him study hall yesterday. But I haven't talked to him since last weekend when he called me."

Yeah. I know. It's damn near unbelievable, right? The two of us were inseparable as kids. And then when Kairi came along, it was the three of us. And then that shit with Kingdom Hearts. Truthfully, I thought that when we got home, everything would go back to the way it did before. You know, before we ever left. But the bridge that had formed between him and me only seemed to grow. And no matter what, I couldn't seem to cross it.

"I still don't know why you're talking a poetry class, Sora." She leans against the locker beside mine and shakes her head.

I deposit my unneeded books and grab my poetry book. "Maybe I like it." I say as I close my locker door and turn towards her. I flash a smile and stick out my tongue.

She rolls her eyes and grips her books tighter. "It just seems out of character for you."

I shrug and turn to lean against the locker. "I don't know. Maybe it is. I can't seem to complete the assignment we got yesterday."

"When's it due?"

I turn my head to look at her. "Next Monday, I think."

Her eyes widen and I swear they nearly pop out. "What? You do know that it's only Tuesday, right?"

I nod. "Yes, I know that. I'm not the complete idiot everyone takes me for."

She tilts her head to the side. "I didn't mean that and you know it mister!"

I can't help but smile as I catch the expression on her face. It's close to the one my mom used on me as a kid when she'd scold me. She tilts her head forward, her eyes narrowed into slits, her mouth flattens into a line, and her nostrils flare. And the tone of her voice always went up an octave or two. And that's just how Kairi was looking at me at that moment.

She shakes her head slowly and pushes me. "I was just surprised that you got a week long assignment and already started it. You're the King of Procrastination."

I have to give her credit for that one. I am the King of Procrastination. "I liked the assignment so I thought I'd give it a try."

She eyes me for a moment, in which I shift slightly under her gaze, and then smiles. "Want some help with it?"

"You aren't even in the class." I say, pointing out the obvious.

"I know that." She offered me a glare.

Tilting my head to the side, my eyes widen slightly. "You don't even like poetry."

"I know that too." She says as she takes a step away from the lockers. "But I can help you if you need it."

I push off from leaning against my locker and shake my head. "No. I think I'd rather get this one right." My voice cracks a little bit and I hope she doesn't notice. She's usually good at picking up when I'm lying.

"Okay!" She smiles. "I'll catch you after school."

I wave as she bounds down the hall to her next class. I sigh in relief as I turn down the opposite way. She didn't catch my lying eyes, as she calls them.

Maybe she should have. Why didn't you Kairi? You didn't see through my little lie. Maybe if you had, I wouldn't have done it. Maybe… But no, I can't blame you. You couldn't have known about the poem. I didn't even know then.

Poetry class sucked today. The teacher asked us if any of us had ideas about our big assignment due next week. I was one of the one's she singled out. And I said no. And she looked disappointed. And then we went on to talk about rhyming.

Now, I'm sitting in my last class of the day, Study Hall. It's the second class I don't have with Kairi and the only class I have with Riku. Although, can you really call Study Hall a class?

Since it's the last period of the day, this Study Hall is held in the cafeteria. Endless rows upon rows of empty chairs. In Study Hall, we are all encouraged to study or do homework. Talking is not allowed. So, they assign us seats far enough away that they don't think we'll be able to talk; they being the teachers, of course.

So, I sit alone near the front of the cafeteria at my assigned table, near the exit doors. And from my lonely seat, I can see him but he cannot see me.

Let's see… who could I be talking about? It's none other than my bridge-between-us-friend, Riku. Of course, in here, it's more like the rows-and-rows-of-tables-with-only-one-kid-sitting-at-them-between-us-friend.

I sigh as I glance around the quiet cafeteria. The teacher is sitting at the table next to me, sleeping as usual. I shake my head slowly as my gaze continues to shift. It stops on Riku, as it usually does. His back is to me and from the way he's slouching over the table I can pretty much assume he's as bored as I am.

I love watching him. I do it a lot. His beautiful silver hair hangs just below his shoulders. And I can make out all of the smooth muscles in what I can see of his shoulders and back from the tight shirts he wears all the time. I can usually tell what he's doing too. If he's sitting straight up he's thinking. Slouching, he's bored. If his elbows are sort of to the sides, like he's holding a book, then he's reading. He does that a lot. When he leans back in his chair, he's about to fall asleep. And if he's working on an assignment or something, he'll lean his arm on the table and sometimes will hold his head while he writes. Sometimes he'll turn sideways in his chair and lean on the table and I can see his profile. Sometimes, I'll be watching him and he'll glance my way, and from that far away it's hard to tell if he's noticed that I've been staring at him, but I swear it's like were the only two people in there. Sometimes I'll close my eyes and dream that we're together, doing something—ANYTHING—I just miss hanging out with him. And sometimes…

I shake my head slightly as I realize I was once again lost in thought. With a sigh, I tear my gaze from Riku's back and look down at the paper in front of me. It shouldn't be too difficult. I've been doing well so far in poetry. Not great, but good. I reread the assignment, hoping it will spark something better.

Due Monday.

100 word minimum, 500 word maximum. Chose something that means a lot to you and write about it. The topic can be anything and it can be written in a positive or negative fashion. Or it can have both. Use what you've learned in the class and have fun. I'm looking for a real tearjerker with this one. Extra credit if you manage to bring a tear to my eyes.

Something does come to mind. I smile slightly at the thought, but shake it quickly from my head.

The bell rings suddenly, signaling both the end of class and the school day. I glance up at the clock quickly and realize that I must have been daydreaming longer than I thought. I wasted another period doing nothing. Sighing deeply, I gather my things and stand up. My eyes flit over to Riku's table, but I see that he's already left.

"Damnit. He's gone."

"Who's gone?"

I turn slowly to see Kairi approaching. I didn't even realize I said that aloud. I smile nervously and change the subject right away. "Hey Kairi. What are you doing tonight?"

She tilts her head to the side and smiles wide. "Selphie and I are going to see a movie."

"Ah. No Tidus?"

She shakes her head. "Nope. He and Wakka have practice after school."

I smile and nod. "Right." I step closer to her and throw my arm around her shoulder. "You know what?"

"What?" She looks up at me, griming ear to ear.

I turn slightly and began walking out of the cafeteria, dragging her along with me. "I absolutely hate Blitz ball."

Kairi lifted a hand to her mouth, giggling.

"Now Struggle." I drop my arm from her shoulders and bring them together, as if I'm holding a Struggle Bat. With a smile, I swing my arms. "Now there's a game I like."

"Struggle, huh? Too bad we don't have a team here. It would be..."

I can hear Kairi's voice yammering on, but her words no longer register in my brain as I glance down the hallway. There, on the opposite end of the hallway from us, stands Riku, rooting through his locker. He hasn't caught sight of me yet and I'm glad of it. It gives me longer to stare at him. My breath catches in my throat as I watch him bend over to reach something at the bottom.

Bad Sora, BAD!

I turn around quickly as a blush creeps across my cheeks. I lower my gaze slightly and start forward, back the way we had just come.

"Sora! Where are you going?" Kairi's calling after me.

"I... forgot something from my locker." I don't turn around because I can still feel the heat on my cheeks and the pressuring mounting in my pants. "I'll catch ya later."

"Fine! Bye!"

So... have you figured out my biggest secret yet? It's him. And if you don't know which him I'm referring to, then you must be as dense as I am. And that's pretty damn bad.

It takes me about ten minutes to run home and it's not quite quick enough. My mom isn't home yet and I'm glad of it because my problem has yet to alleviate itself.

Do I really have to tell you what I did next? My house was empty and I was suffering from a boner. Come on, what would you do?

A shudder rips through my body as the much-needed release comes and I spill out all over my hand.

"Riku..." My voice is breathy and his name comes out almost as a moan. "Look what you've reduced me to..."

Innocent little Sora, reduced to jerking off behind his closed bedroom door. Surprised? I am a 17 year old boy. Hell! Most of us walk around with a hard on 24/7. And him just walking through the door is enough to set me off. So it's probably a good thing we don't spend a lot of time together anymore. I tend to think dirty thoughts when he starts talking with that mouth of his.

With a sigh, I grab my robe and head to the bathroom to clean up. I'm glad my mom's not home now.

The days passed pretty much the same like that back then. I went to school on Wednesday. Kairi and I got there early. Tidus and Wakka bugged me about Riku. Kairi teased me about the damn poetry class. I spent all of Study Hall staring at Riku's back. And I went home afterwards and jerked off while thinking about how Riku would taste. And then there was Thursday. It was the same as well. And that would bring me to Friday, right? I hated that Friday. I think that was the real beginning of everything.

It's the last period of the day, Study Hall. And once again, I'm staring at Riku. This time, though, he's not sitting in his assigned seat halfway across the cafeteria. Instead, he's sitting at the table in front of mine, talking with Cyndi Cuttlermin.

Cyndi's okay. She's nice enough and she's one of the most popular girls in the Junior class. Everyone knows her. Everyone likes her. All the girls want to be her best friend and all the guys want to be her boyfriend. I had nothing against her. Not really. Or at least not until that moment.

I turn my gaze quickly to the teacher and see that once again, he's asleep. I glance down at the poetry assignment that was taken over my life. Tones of scribbles and scratches line the paper, but so far I have only one line I like, "I can't watch him fade away." It probably isn't any good, but I like it.

I reread the line over and over again, but nothing sparks. With a sigh, I life my gaze and my mood dampens. Miss Cyndi Cuttlermin's hands are on Riku's arm and she's giggling. And he's smiling. And she's flirting. And she's touching him. And he's enjoying it. And, oh gods, he's probably asking her out. And I just want to fly across the tables and pull that blonde hair of hers out.

And that's when Riku turns his gaze towards mine. And I'm staring. And I can feel myself glaring. And he's looking at me. I drop my gaze to the paper in front of me and pretend to be working on my assignment though I'm actually silently freaking out.

A wad of paper bounces off my head a few moments later and lands a few inches from my paper. I glance up to see who threw it. Cyndi's now got her nose in a book of some sort and Riku's halfway back to his seat. I tilt my head to the side as I watch him a moment. I smile as I reach for the wadded up paper and begin to unfold it. It takes a minute to flatten out enough that I can read it.

Meet me at my locker after class.

Riku

I swallow nervously as I reread it. He wants to meet me! After school! At his locker! My mind starts running rampant with scenarios. An image of him with his shirt off, pressing me up against his locker comes to mind. And his hands are wandering up my shirt and his mouth is on my neck and…

Damnit!

Several facts seemed to have escaped my mind at that moment. Riku wasn't gay. He wasn't exactly my friend anymore. He wasn't gay. We hadn't actually spoken in a long time and that call last weekend he gave me was only to find out if he left a shirt at my house months ago. He wasn't gay. And he had just been flirting with Cyndi Cuttlermin. And she certainly was a girl and not a guy. And yet, there I was, sitting at my assigned, and thankfully empty, table in Study Hall with a certain throbbing between my legs. Pathetic, isn't it?

The end of the class didn't come too soon for me. The bell rings and I lift my gaze to Riku's table back in the corner. He's already up and striding towards the door. He doesn't look my way but I smile nonetheless.

"Hello? Earth to Sora?" Kairi's suddenly in front of me, blocking my view. "Stop ignoring me!" She has this silly pouting expression on her face.

"Hmm?" I shake my head slightly and try to focus on her. "Sorry." I smile. "Did you say something?"

She pulls out one of the chairs beside me and takes a seat. "You okay?"

I smile quickly and nod. "Yeah! Perfect!"

She eyes me a moment and I can feel her gaze penetrating me. Finally, she smiles and leans forward to throw her arms around me. And then she's standing again in front of me. "Let's go!" She grabs my hand and pulls.

The smile fades from my face. "Go? Where?"

She's still holding my hand. "Where?" There's a slight hurt look in her eyes. "You forgot? How could you forget?"

Needless to say, I did forget. One thought about Riku is enough to completely empty everything else from my mind. It's a curse, really. And I hurt Kairi's feelings. And that wasn't okay. I'm such an ass.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair, not daring to meet her gaze. "I'm sorry Kairi. I've just... had a lot on my mind."

Her hand grasps my chin and she tilts my head up. I see that she sitting in the chair again. And she's smiling. "It's okay! I forgive you!"

And that's it. I smile at her as I grab my books and stand up. And then I remember Riku! Damnit! "Uh... Kairi... I have talk to someone first. How about I meet you at your house in like an hour?"

She tilts her head to the side as she lifts the backpack on the floor beside her to her shoulders. "Who?"

"My poetry teacher." I'm lying to her again. "I'm having trouble with that assignment."

"Still?" She looks apologetic. "Yeah, that would be fine. My mom won't be leaving until five anyways. And she won't be back until Sunday! So we'll have the whole house to ourselves." She winks at me as she turns to leave.

And no! That's not what she meant. She doesn't know I'm not into girls and certainly not that I'm into Riku, but she knows I think of her as my sister. She was only teasing. See, it was the 1 year anniversary that Friday of when we got back to the islands together, back from saving the worlds from the heartless and nobodies. And Kairi thought it would be a great idea if we did something together. She wanted it to be the three of us, but neither of us asked Riku to join. We both knew he'd say it was a silly idea or something. But she wanted to hang out all night and watch movies and shit until our eyes were too heavy. I thought it would have been fun at the time. And I wish now that I would have gone with her.

"What's your problem?" He slams his locker door loudly and turns towards me.

"Huh?" I'm at a loss for words and he looks angry. And his anger is directed at me.

He rolls his eyes and glares, his eyes narrowing. "I saw you in Study Hall today."

My eyes widen slightly. Oh no! Just great! Now he knows! He's going to think I'm disgusting. And he's going to hate me more! And I don't think I can take it! I shift nervously under his glare and swallow back the urge to cry. I'm such a baby.

"Well?" He demands, crossing his arms. "You were glaring at me the entire time I was talking to Cyndi."

Cyndi? Confusion takes over as I try to understand his words.

Riku smiled slyly. "Last time I checked, you weren't dating her. She's not your property." He tilts his head to the side. "You're not dating any girl for that matter. I was sure by now that you'd be banging Kairi."

I didn't really expect him to throw me against the lockers and ravish me right there in the middle of the school hallway... but I certainly didn't expect him to accuse me of liking Cyndi. She was a GIRL! It was just disgusting. And then the reference to Kairi. That's even worse!

"Wait a minute." I hold up my hand to stop his berating of me. "You think I'm jealous of you and Cyndi? That I like Cyndi?" I laugh indignantly and shake my head. "Okay, even if that were true, what right do you have to tell me I couldn't do anything about it?" My voice raises and I step closer to him, my sudden anger getting the best of me.

"So... you aren't after Cyndi?" He takes a step back, clearly surprised.

I throw up my arms in exasperation. "No, Riku. I'm not the least bit interested in that slut." I'm practically in his face now.

His eyes narrow and he shoves me. "Then what the hell is your problem?"

"My problem?" I step forward again, getting back in his face. My hand reaches up to grab him by the collar and I push him as hard as I can into the lockers behind us. I hear the sickening crack his head makes against the metal but it doesn't faze me. He's taller than me and I have to stand on my toes to look him in the eye. "Your my problem, you self absorbed asshole."

I can see I've caught him off guard. And then his eyes flare and I see him open his mouth to say something.

And that's when it happened. I made probably the biggest mistake of my life that moment.

Whatever he was going to say to me, it didn't come. Because suddenly my lips are covering his. My tongue snakes out and rubs against his bottom lip forcefully, demanding entrance.

I can feel his sharp intake of breath as he gasps. It seems I've caught him off guard again. But as soon as his mouth opens, my tongue is inside and he tastes so good. I hear him moan softly and I press my body harder against his. A certain sensation sparks in my groin as he presses back against me. My head is spinning and it doesn't occur to me that we are still in the school hallway. And even though school is over and everyone should have left for the day, that doesn't guarantee that someone won't pop up.

And then I'm on the floor and I don't remember how I got there but my jaw hurts. I look up and see Riku standing above me, his eyes wide. My eyes flit quickly down the hallway in all direction, but the two of us are the only ones here. I swallow as I glance back up at him.

A look of utter disgust tugs at his face. He wipes his mouth off on the back of his hand as he glares. "Fucking faggot." He hisses and turns down the hallway.

I sit there on the cold, hard tilted floor in shock. My eyes are glued to Riku's form. And even after he's vanished out the doors on the opposite end of the hallway, I'm still sitting there.

Why the hell did I kiss him? What could have possessed me at that moment to think that that was a good idea!? To kiss a guy! And not just any guy, but my once best friend Riku, Captain of the Blitz Ball team, and most popular guy in school who a few minutes before was accusing me of liking a girl. Why? I just don't understand why I did it. But it did feel nice. And he did respond. And no one saw us; at least I'm pretty sure no one did.

I'm running. And my eyes are blurry. And I'm tired. And I'm pretty sure I've left my books on the floor in the middle of the hallway. But I don't slow until I reach my front porch and it's only long enough for me to open the door. I hear the door slam behind me but I'm halfway up the stairs by then. And then my bedroom door is slamming but I've just collapsed onto my bed.

Tears are pouring freely and I curl up into a ball, just wanting to die.

I can't watch him fade away. It was the only line I had written for my poetry assignment due on Monday. And it pops into my head at that moment. Again and again the words spin around in my head.

I suck back the tears and rub at my eyes. More words begin to swim around in my head, words to a poem I couldn't write all week.

I don't know why I had such a hard time writing it before. Because I just sat there crying and the words spilled out. It probably wasn't any good and it would probably get a bad mark, but I liked it.

My tears stop flowing and my head's now hurting. I'm sitting at the computer desk in my room, staring at the words I typed on the screen. I sigh deeply as I hit the print button and listen as the printer starts humming.

It spits out the finished assignment and I stare at it. And suddenly I'm angry. At Kairi for nagging me. At my poetry teacher for assigning the damned thing. At my mother for treating me like a baby and not being home now. At Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie for not leaving me alone about Riku. And mostly, I'm angry at Riku. For looking like he does. For acting like he does. For making me love him. For letting me kiss him and then pushing me for it. For not being there for me anymore. For not being here with me. I'm mad at everyone and everything.

Shaking, I stand and move towards the nightstand beside my bed. My cell phone starts to vibrate against my outer thigh. I stop in front of my bed and reach into my pocket get my phone. I set it on vibrate every class period so it won't ring.

Without looking at the display to see who's calling, I drop it on my bed and reach down to open my dresser drawer.

And the next thing I know, I'm once again curled in a ball on my bed and I've lost my clothes, though I can't remember taking them off. My head hurts and I'm dizzy and I'm vaguely aware of the sharp pain in my thigh and the warm flow of liquid that's dripping down my leg. It tickles slightly. The same pain strikes my calf and my arm, and then my bare chest. And the same warm, tickling wet liquid flows down my skin. After a while, the cuts don't hurt anymore and I can't feel anything. I'm numb.

And the switchblade that's held against my wrist presses harder. And then I can't see anything.

Oh! That shirt, by the way, is still hanging in my closet. And it still smells like him. And I don't think I'll ever tell him it's there. Not as long as I live...

We are even now crying out...